Oh, Calamity

An hour later I’m sitting at the kitchen table eating a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and sipping a glass of aspirin. I’ve unpacked the small amount of stuff I brought with me into my old room and I’ve showered, shaved and changed my clothes, which did make me feel better.
My dad arrived home just as I came downstairs after cleaning myself up, and so I had to sit and recount everything that had happened in the past week in extra detail to both my parents. I also told them about how I’d started therapy again and they were really pleased with that, especially when I told them I liked it.
“Darling, have you told Rian and Zack about any of this?” asked Mum.
“Uh… no. They don’t even know I’m seeing a shrink again.”
Mum looked concerned. “Sweetheart, I think they need to know. Your worries about the band concern them too, so I think you should talk to them about it.”
I hesitated. “Mum…”
“I know it’s a hard topic, but they have a right to know. And you’re supposed to be going on tour again soon, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “In a week.”
“See, so you really should tell them, especially if you’re thinking about calling off the tour. They deserve to know why. And if you don’t call it off and you haven’t made things up with Jack by then, they’re going to figure it out anyway.”
“I agree with your mother, Alexander. It’s the right thing to do,” added Dad.
I know they’re right, but I still don’t feel comfortable with the idea of telling Rian and Zack about it. They know about my sexuality but they don’t know about my feelings for Jack and I don’t know how they’ll react.
“Did you want me to talk to them? Or talk to their parents? Or maybe you could ask Dr Way to do it for you,” suggested Mum.
“No, no way! I-I’ll tell them myself, thanks.” The thought of me having to have my mum or my shrink tell my second best friends about something like this is even worse than the thought of me telling them myself.

Ten minutes later I’ve finished my meal and I’ve thought everything over a bit more thoroughly, and I decide on my plan of action.
I head upstairs and pull out my phone to text Rian and Zack.
“Hey, could you meet me at Starbucks? I’ve gotta tell you something.”
I send the same message to both of them and they both reply saying they’ll be there in twenty. I tell my parents that I’m going out for a bit and they both nod at me sympathetically. I know they’ve been discussing me while I’ve been upstairs and I wish they wouldn’t do that. I also wish they’d stop looking at me like I’m 12 and having trouble coping with Tom’s death again. They grieved too when it happened, especially my dad, but I just had a lot more trouble with it and they just seemed to feel so sorry for me all the time. I hated it.

Twenty minutes later the three of us are sitting at a table in Starbucks with mugs of coffee in front of us.
“Jack’s not coming?” asks Rian, sounding confused.
“No, I didn’t invite him. I just wanted to tell you two something.”
“What is it? Is everything okay?” ask Zack concernedly.
“Well, not exactly.” From there I launch into the story again, the one I’m getting really sick of telling. The more times I say it, the dumber it sounds and the more it makes me sound like a sappy, weak loser.
When I’m finished my recount, Zack and Rian just looked surprised and unsure about what to say. I don’t really blame them, it’s a tricky thing to stomach.
“Alex, I’m so sorry,” say Zack. I mumble a thanks, but at this stage I’m not looking for sympathy. They look a bit uncomfortable, and I start to panic. What if this is too awkward for them, what if they want to kick me out of the band? What if they’re on Jack’s side and would have just walked out like he did?
“Well, first of all,” Rian begins. “We’re totally okay with your feelings for Jack. We aren’t weirded out by it or anything.” I breathe a small sigh of relief. It’s like he read my mind.
“Also,” he continues. “You’re probably thinking about calling off this tour with Pierce the Veil, aren’t you?”
“Well, I don’t know. A little,” I say.
“Well, I don’t think we should call it off. I think we should continue on with it, and I’m sure things will go smoothly and end up fine.”
“Yeah, I agree. I think going on tour together might be best for you and Jack. It’ll give you a chance to sort things out,” adds Zack.
“I don’t know, guys,” I say, fiddling with my empty mug. “I just don’t see how the band can run smoothly with all this going on with me and Jack. The fans are gonna know that something’s up when they see how awkward we are on stage with each other, and I don’t think Jack wants to be around me at all right now. He might even call off the tour himself. Did you know he’s got a girlfriend?”
Zack and Rian look a bit taken aback at that. “Really?” says Zack. “But he’s never been the dating type.”
“I know,” I say somewhat haughtily.
“Look,” says Rian. “I don’t think Jack will call off the tour, and unless he does I think we should continue on with it. Please, Alex?”
I sigh. “Fine. I’ll give it a shot.”
Zack and Rian both smile and clap me on the back. I’m fucking terrified, though.