Coffee Cup Horror Story

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon and I wrote everything while sober.

It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, there were rainbows in the sky and Eevees were frolicking in the meadow, marshmallows in their mouths. N had been playing with the Eevees but now they were more interested in frolicking with marshmallows, so he decided to go indoors and see what Cyrus was doing.

N found Cyrus sitting at the computer, with two tabs open. The program he was operating at that moment was WordPad; he was typing swiftly, a look on concentration on his face. N tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to start and look round.

"Hey Cyrus!" N said. "What are you writing?"

"It's a horror story", Cyrus replied.

"Oh cool!" N exclaimed. "Can I read it?"

"If you want".

N leaned over the computer desk and began reading.

"The man was strapped down to the operating table, unable to move. The mad scientist was approaching him with a syringe containing oxytocin, with which he was going to nasally administrate".

N blinked, confused.

"Wait, so the scientist guy is gonna put oxytocin up the other guy's nose, huh?"

"Yes", replied Cyrus. "Terrifying, isn't it".

"Uh, no", N finally said.

"N", Cyrus said. "Do you even know what oxytocin is?"

"Yes, of course. Oxytocin is a neurohypophysial hormone, which is found in mammalian Pokemon and humans. It is produced by the hypothalamus and..."...

"Yes, I know all that but do you know what it does to you?"

N screwed up his nose, deep in thought. The door opened and Lysandre entered the room.

"Lysandre, what effects does oxytocin have on you?"

"Hm, let me think...it helps when you are giving birth".

"Huh? If you're a guy?"

Lysandre winced.

"No, of course not! Men don't have babies. With men, it helps to reduce anxiety and fallicates bonding. It's, a type of bonding hormone, I think you could say.

Cyrus twitched slightly in his seat.

"You find the idea of that...unpleasant?" Lysandre asked.

"I find it abhorrent. All those emotions and feelings...how reprehensible!"

"I still don't understand it properly though", N insisted.

"I'll give you an example", said Lysandre. "Were I to hug Cyrus, it would make him release oxytocin".

Cyrus swallowed and his pupils dilated.

Lysandre's lip curled; he held out his arms and took a step towards Cyrus. Cyrus fell off the computer chair, onto the floor.

"Be careful Cyrus, you'll scuff the carpet", said N.

"Anyway, oxytocin a very good thing to have, unless you're Cyrus. Why did you want to know about it, N?"

"Cos Cyrus is writing a horror story about it", N said and waved his hand towards the computer.

"Oh, let's see". Lysandre looked at the monitor and frowned.

"Cyrus, why is it a mad scientist? Why can't it be a mad rock star? Or a mad checkout cashier?"

Cyrus scrambled back onto his chair. "You would like me to change it?"

"Yes!"

"Alright then". Cyrus retyped part of his story to read The mad checkout cashier..."...

"That doesn't sound right now", said N. "Where is a checkout cashier going to get synthetic oxytocin from?"

Cyrus raised his eyebrow about a millimetre.

"If you two have finished being literary critics for the moment", he said. "I would appreciate it if I could continue with my story".

"Ok", said N. "I'm going back outside to play".

"And I am going back to work", said Lysandre. "Enjoy writing the rest of your story".

"I don't feel the emotion of enjoyment", Cyrus called after the lads but they didn't listen.

********************************

Half an hour later, N needed a rest from playing, as he was hot and thirsty. Fanning himself with his baseball cap, he went back indoors to find Cyrus.

"Cyrus, where are you?" he called out.

"In the computer room still".

N entered the computer room, where he found Cyrus gazing at an open tab. The search bar contained the word Lists of scientific articles that support the hypothesis that oxytocin is a dangerous and terrifying hormone. Beneath this was a list of search results, most of them linking to porn websites.

Cyrus shook his head. "If I experienced emotions, at this moment I would be feeling frustrated at the inadequacy of this search engine".

"Cyrus, I am hot! Can you make me a coffee please?" N asked.

"Very well", said Cyrus, getting up out of the chair. "How would you like it made?"

"With the coffee beans from the jar with the yellow lid".

Cyrus walked into the kitchen and N followed him. "Isn't that caffeinated?"

"Yes, I like caffeine".

"I'm not sure it's safe to give you caffeine", Cyrus said. He went over to the cupboard where the coffee was kept. "Anything else?"

"Yes, can I have the milk with the gold top, the brown sugar and can I have some cream and chocolate sprinkles on top please?"

"Yes, of course", said Cyrus. He opened the cupboard. He shook his head.

"N, there aren't any coffee beans left".

"There aren't?" N said, worried. He peeped into the cupboard, where he saw the jar with a yellow lid, completely empty.

"Hm, you'll have to have instant coffee instead", said Cyrus.

N pouted. "I don't like instant coffee!"

"Alright then, how about orange juice?" Cyrus indicated towards the fridge.

"No, I don't want that today".

"Well, how about a glass of milk on its own?"

"No!" said N, staring down at the floor and hunching his shoulders. "I want coffee beans from the jar with the yellow lid, milk with the gold top and..."...

Cyrus could see that N was seconds away from having a major meltdown. It all came of course from having inconvenient emotions. Even though Cyrus prided himself on not having any, he didn't particularly want N to have a full blown tantrum on the kitchen floor. Then an idea came into his head.

"N! We can goto Lysandre's cafe; he will have the exact kind of coffee that you desire".

N blinked and looked up. His shoulders relaxed and he began to smile.

"Yeah, let's do that", he said.

************************************

Taking N to Lysandre's café had worked out very well; N was happy again and was grinning as they walked in through the door.

"This is so cool", he said. "It's more exciting than staying indoors and I can have the exact kind of coffee that I want!"

"Yes, you can", said Cyrus.

"Yeah", said N eagerly. "And maybe we'll even see Lysandre again too!"

"If I had a heart, it would be going into overdrive with excitement at the thought", said Cyrus.

"Really?" N asked.

"No", said Cyrus, ushering him to a table. "Sit down now and behave yourself".

N and Cyrus sat down opposite each other. N played with the end of the tablecloth and Cyrus picked up the menu and studied it.

Lysandre was standing behind the counter, just out of view of Cyrus and N. Reaching below the counter, he pulled out a canister. The chemical formula on it read C43H66N12O12S2. Lysandre grinned evilly as he stared at Cyrus.

"Oh Cyrus, you're really going to get it now!" he said.

The End