A Song of Change

Chapter 51
Pictures:
The field of grass and wild flowers reached up to the edge of the house, a small path of rocks formed a trail that skirted around the house. It looked like the path used to be more clear, but grasses had taken it over in the years Julian's family had been gone. "Sorry, no one has been here since… well you know," Julian said, trailing off at the end, "I don't even remember much of the inside, its exciting don't you think?" I nodded my head as we walked down the path of rocks hand in hand. Every house that I had ever been in had always been the same, save for a few personal items. That was just the way the Society had wanted it, how could we want for something more if everyone had the same things, we wouldn't even know what to want for.
We rounded the house now, coming to the front. There was a large porch that ran the length of the front of the house. The porch was made of a dark wood with a white railing. A yellow porch swing sat facing out to the front yard, it was blowing gently in the afternoon breeze, the chains holding it in place jingling in time with a copper colored wind chime. Julian's grip on my hand tightened as we climbed the few steps up to the front door. "I can't promise you that everything is still here, but if it is, I can start teaching you right away," Julian said as he hesitantly reached for the door knob. He kept mumbling something under his breath as he turned the handle, he seemed to be preparing himself for the worse.
Julian opened the door to a small, square room with a linoleum floor, a pattern of tiny blue and yellow stars in diagonal lines covered it. There were two doors in the room, he opened the one on the right to reveal a small closet with shoes neatly lined up and jackets and coats hung up on color coded hangers. The red hangers held women's jackets, the yellow held a man's coats, the green held jackets for a teenage boy, and the orange held jackets for a young boy. Julian reached forward as he brushed the tips of his fingers along the coats. He cleared his throat before turning back to me, shutting the door as he shook his head, "Sorry, I just…," Julian started but was unable to finish his sentence. He had a blank expression but his eyes gave away his sadness towards the memories, "Its alright if you want to take a break?" I said as I placed my hand on his cheek.
I couldn't imagine what he was going through right now. Being torn from your home as a child and then forced to learn to live differently, not to mention loosing your brother in the process. Now he had to go through all the memories again, some of which he had probably never wanted to relive. "No," Julian said as he shook his head. When he looked back down at me he had a smile in place, and to anyone else he may have seemed normal, but under that facade of happiness was a tinge of worry. "Let's go look at the rest of the house," Julian offered as he headed for the second door. "Okay," I said, deciding to drop the issue.
Julian opened the second door to a spacious and open room, it had light, hard wood floors and cream colored walls. Pictures lined the walls, as well as words of encouragement such as "live, laugh, love" and another proclaiming to "dance like no one is watching, love like you've never been hurt, sing like nobody's listening, and live like its heaven on Earth". I had no idea what dancing was, so I added it to my mental list of things to do. A green couch sat in front of a clean, white fireplace, and two white arm chairs with little green throw pillows to match sat on either side of the couch.
I walked up to the fireplace to look at the pictures that sat atop the mantel. There were four pictures total. One was of Mr. and Mrs. Rosenfeld smiling happily as Mr. Rosenfeld held his wife around her waist, peering over her shoulder. Mrs. Rosenfeld had on an elegant, stark white dress that hugged her body at the top before belling out in gentle waves of tulle. Another picture was of Mrs. Rosenfeld sitting in a hospital bed with a little baby in her hands. She had tears in her eyes and a proud smile. The baby had rosy cheeks and a thumb in their mouth as they slept peacefully, little tufts of dark blonde curled on the top of his head. The next picture I looked at was another baby picture. This time Mr. Rosenfeld was in the picture as well, he was knelt down next to his wife and child. This baby was a little smaller, with lighter skin and a light blonde curl hanging down in his face. This baby was wide awake, his toothless grin reaching to his bright grey eyes.
The last picture was of two boys, one looking to be about four years old and the other in his early teens, fourteen or fifteen maybe. The younger boy was clearly Julian. He was tall and scrawny, bruises on his forearms and grass stains on both knees of his pants and a wide smile. He was missing a few teeth in this picture and I could see his tongue sticking out through the gaps. The older boy had straight dark blonde hair that he had been brushing back with his left hand when the picture was taken. He had honey brown eyes and high, elegant cheek bones. He was an oddly beautiful child, and one that appeared to be much older than he really was when looking into his eyes.
"That's Andy and me," Julian said as he walked up behind me to look at the picture. Julian wrapped his arms around me, resting his hands against my stomach as we looked at the pictures together. "I'm sorry, Julian," I said as I rested the back of my head against his chest, "I wish I knew how to help… but I don't and I'm sorry for that." I didn't know if he had realised it or not, but Julian had started rubbing his hand in small circles on my stomach.
"Even if you did know what to say, it wouldn't make much of a difference. Andrew is gone, and nothing anyone says or does can ever bring him back," Julian rested his chin on the top of my head as he let out a breath, "I've only just realised this now, but in a way… I've moved on. It still hurts, don't get me wrong. I know without a doubt that I will still cry and that there will be days when I'll feel so guilty that I won't be able to do anything, but I'm done with being angry at them. For so long, all I did was hate and hate, and then I met you. You saved me, you know that?" Julian asked as he pulled me closer.
"But, I didn't" I started to say before he cut me off. "Oh but you did. Do you know why I was in that house?" Julian asked. I had wondered this so many times when I had first met Julian, but I had forgotten to ask until now. "No," I said with a shake of my head. "I was trying to get caught. I would sneak out after curfew, break into houses like that, misbehave in class, anything I could think of," Julian answered in a sad voice, "I had wanted them to take me, just like they did with Andy. I had been so eaten up with guilt that I was breaking down. I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't walked through that door that night."
Julian placed a kiss on the top of my head before pulling me by my hand to travel farther into our new home. There were so many things that I had discovered over the short time I had been with Julian, and yet he wasn't even close to being done. I was prepared for anything and everything that lay before us, and I knew that the two of us would get through it. Well scratch that… the three of us would make it together, because we are free.