Misplaced Words

I sit, propped up on my elbows, on the grassy plane in front of the outdoor stage. I am listening as the Pierce the Veil dudes rehearse their set for the last time before the show. They have some incredible talent that I never really paid mind to before. I can see why all the girls stop working to damn near swoon as they play. Expect for Dana that is, she is rolling her eyes with her usually discontentment for all things. She lights a cigarette and blows a puff towards the stage with a look of disdain on her face. I throw myself back and grip the grass in my hands. I have to fight the wave of irritation that threats to drown me. Dana is such an amazing girl but she stays shrouded in this bad girl act constantly. Especially lately, lately she seems almost desperate for no one to see through her.

I can’t let myself get into this again with her. I sigh and imagine all the tension being released in that puff of air from my lungs. This is my girlfriend of almost a year now. She makes me laugh, feel manly as hell and I love that her adventurous spirit. Okay, focusing on the positive. I loosen my grip and sit up to look at her. Her eyes flicker toward me and she gives me a sheepish grin before taking a long drag of her cigarette. The smoke curls into the air before stretching up to the sky, I watch it for a moment before looking back at her. I touch the edges of her curls and smile at her.

“Why do people even like these guys?” Dana said in a low voice, eyes dancing with mischief, “They are so emo and always whining about some ex or another in like all of their songs.”

“They are just singing what they know Dana.” I pull her into me after she tossed the cigarette, “I think it’s that their music is relatable. I mean we all have gone through that breakup, you know the one?”

She tosses her hair over her shoulder and sighs, “No, I don’t.”

I look at her through the corner of my eye, she seems so serene for a second. It was one of those moments that she forgot to put her guard back up. I see her smile as Vic screams into the microphone, her eyes were fixed on him with fierce concentration. I know she lied, we all know that break up. I wonder why she won't be honest with me. I slip my hands into hers’ and smile as I watch her profile. She looks down at my hand, and her guard snaps right back into place. I can feel her body stiffen and I wonder for the umpteenth time today, why she keeps doing that. Why does she feel this obsessive need to be guarded with everyone, even me? This has been all that she has being doing lately, I can’t help but wonder what I did wrong. I pull away from her and sigh. She doesn’t bother to take my hand again, she just lights another cigarette and moves away.

I lay my body back down and stare at the clear sky; bitter chill of this November day still managing to pierce the layer of my jacket and make me slightly shiver. I am so happy this breast cancer show will be over with today, I feel like we have been rehearsing for this show forever. Not that December being closer will make life any easier; that just means midterms, projects and the fall play will take the place of the stress from this show. In fact just auditioning for the play this year was stressful. I just barely beat Aiden out for the lead role, which I needed to get because this is my last year here and I want to end it well. Besides, I have been male lead these past five years, no way in hell I was letting him take that from me. Bad enough he lowered me to four on the top five.

There is just something that I don’t trust about that guy. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. Of course, Roxy says it’s he took my place as the alpha male in the drama department but that’s not it. I can’t be mad that the kid has tons of talent, he is a natural, almost as good as Liza. No, it’s something else, what could it be? I shake my head, I can’t let myself get lost in that train of thought again. Besides, how bad could he be? I mean, he has seemed to make Aaliyah a completely different person. She seems to be so level headed, calm and focused now. Not to mention she is practically beaming with joy. I look over at her as she twirls into Aiden’s arms laughing as he sings to her. I look at Dana, why can’t we be like that? I want to make her laugh and glow with joy, but these days she hardly lets me hold her hand. Has she found someone else?

“Can’t they do that gross stuff somewhere else?” She gives Aaliyah and Aiden a dirty look, “like seriously, no need to flaunt your apparent perfection all over campus.”

I shrug, “I think it’s cute.”

“Of course you would,” she mumbles.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask curiously, “Is it wrong that I like the idea of being so in love with someone that you don’t care who sees?”

“It’s just unrealistic,” she points in their direction, “that is a cover for some serious issues.” She laughed almost bitterly, “nothing is ever perfect Zac, you know that by now I am sure.”

I just nod without saying anything. I glance at my wrist watch and think of something that I can say so that I can leave. I don’t want to be around her when she is being cynical like this. Fortunately, it was my turn to rehearse, so I didn't have to make anything up. I dust off my pants as I get up and look at her.

“See you after rehearsal.” I give her a quick peck and hurry to the stage.

I walk up the stairs to the stage and I see Liza walking up from the other end. It’s good to see her on her feet in time for her directorial debut. Roxy pulls my hair from behind and laughs as she moves closer to Liza. A few other drama students climb onto the stage looking shy and unsure, I watch as they cluster around Liza for last minute direction. I turn and face where the audience will be sitting and warmth fills my chest. I love it up here, nothing makes me happier then to perform for people. To hear and see their reactions to what is being done. I should head to Broadway, forget the silver screen, give me the stage.

I catch a glimpse of Aiden pushing Aaliyah against a tree before making out with her. I sigh and look for Dana, she is staring at the couple with almost horror on her face. She must sense me looking because she meet my eye and for a moment I see her guard melt. She blows me a quick kiss before wishing me luck. My heart picks up the pace, damn it, this girl has got me. I can feel my anger at her from earlier melting away, this was the Dana I adored, what happened to her?

“Zac,” Liza shouts from behind me, “care to join us?”

I turn towards her and stick out my tongue before joining the huddle, my thoughts racing with tons of ideas as to why Dana made the sudden 180 with me. I peek over my shoulder and she is staring at Aaliyah and Aiden again and a knot forms in my stomach. Could Aiden be the reason why she has been so closed off lately? I scowl in his direction, I need to get to the bottom of this.