Paper Cranes

“Hey, how are you today Jared?” I asked as I limped towards the chairs and sat on one of them, setting my crutches aside. I stared at the still unconscious body laid on the hospital bed. It was still that scary scene. It was two days already since the accident. I had some progress with my cuts and bruises and all that. I no longer require the IV drops and I could check out from the hospital tomorrow. Jared on the other hand was still the same except for his healing cuts on his faces and arms. He was still unconscious and the oxygen pump attached to him was still busily working whilst the machine was still detecting his heartbeats.

I stood up, making sure I wasn’t applying much weight on my right foot and leaned in to give Jared a peck on the cheek. ‘How much I wish you could wake up now,’ I thought and sat back down on the chair. The room was filled with baskets of fruits and millions of ‘get-well-soon’ cards from his family, friends and even fans.

The day after the accident, photographs of Jared being admitted to the hospital, inside the ICU were printed on various magazines and newspapers. One of them had a photograph of me, unconscious on my bed as I was being wheeled out of the emergency room. Shannon and Tomo were also caught on camera; both have a distraught expression on their faces as they waited outside the emergency room. I didn’t know how I feel about all these commotions, whether I should be angry at the press or whether I should be grateful because fans are sending in more and more ‘get-well-soon’ wishes to Jared which may help. I glanced around the room and saw there was another bouquet of red roses on the corner of the room and a few more cards on the bedside table. I took one of them. This one had a picture of a cartoon pig which held a sign that said ‘Get Well Soon’ and inside the card was a message which was written neatly. It was from a girl called Meg and she wished Jared would get well soon and that she would be praying for him everyday. I couldn’t help but let the tear slipped out of my eye as I read the card again and placed it back on the table.

I wiped away the tears furiously with the sleeves of my white hospital gown. I closed my eyes and put my hands together. ‘Please God, are you there? Are you listening to this? Please. Please help Jared. He needs it. He doesn’t deserve this. Not even one little bit. He’s a very hardworking, passionate and good man. Please help him get through this. Look at all this stuff around the room. The whole world wanted him to get better. Please, oh please help him,’ I prayed and opened my eyes. I looked at Jared and he was still the same. I sighed and took his hand with mine. “Squeeze my hand Jared if you hear me,” I said and waited. There was nothing. The tears streamed down my face as I felt hopeless but I still held onto his hand.

“Ro?” The door opened and shut. I knew it was Shannon and as quick as I could, I wiped away the tears and put on a smile before turning to Shannon. He stood behind me, a sympathetic smile on his face. His brown hair was combed neatly today. He seemed to have cleaned himself up. I guessed someday people just had to return to their normal daily routine. Shannon had accompanied Jared for the past two days. From his appearance, you could tell he didn’t really sleep for those two days. The bags and dark circle under his eyes were growing more and more evident.

It was these two days that I learned more about him and Jared as he learned more about me. Both of us were always at Jared’s room, waiting for him to wake up from this nightmare. But today Shannon looked slightly better than usual. You could tell he slept for a while longer than usual as his face looked fresher than the previous few days.

He put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze before letting it go and sitting down beside me. “How are you today?” he asked, the pair of warm brown eyes penetrating into mine.

“Better,” I said. “You?” I asked, letting go of Jared’s hand.

“Same as you. I went back to shower and get some sleep. There’s a meeting with Virgin today at one,” he said. I nodded and turned back to Jared. There was a long silence between the two of us, it wasn’t an awkward one… it was more like an understanding one.

“So, you can get out of here tomorrow, huh?” he asked suddenly.

I turned back to him. “Yeah… but I’m coming back in the evening to see Jared,” I said. Shannon sighed. “Ro, you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for all this,” he gestured around the room. “You got a life to live. You can’t just abandon it and come here everyday,” he said.

“I know, Shannon. It’s just… I have to come and see Jared, you know?” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I mean… he can wake up any moment and I don’t want him to wake up and find no one in this horrid room,” I said. “I just can’t…” my voice trailed off as I turned to Jared again.

Shannon kept quiet. I guessed he understood what I was trying to say. He stood up and went over to the kettle of water and poured a glass. “Here, drink this,” he handed me the glass. I took it gratefully and took a sip of the cool water before gulping down the rest of it. Somehow over these few days, he had learned that my throat was constantly dry and that I would never leave Jared alone in this room for long, though he would always try to convince me to not worry so much and return to my own life.

“Thanks, Shannon,” I said as I handed him back the glass which he set back where it came from.

“Hey,” Tomo appeared from the door. “How’s everyone,” he asked, glancing at Shannon, then me, then Jared.

“The same,” Shannon replied. Tomo nodded and came closer to the bed. He smiled weakly at Jared and sat on one of the chairs. Shannon was by the window which overlooked the view of a lake and a park. He leaned against the wall, staring blankly at the view, hands in his pockets.

“When are you getting out, Ro?” Tomo asked.

“Tomorrow,” I answered monotonously.

“Well, that’s great,” he said, trying to sound optimistic. I nodded. “Oh come on, Ro. Cheer up,” he said, attempting to make me smile. I did and he smiled in return. The thing was I had slowly learned how to put on a smile even though my face didn’t want to. I had learned to put on this mask everyday, this mask which was used more and more often with the people around me. I knew they worry, not just about Jared but me also. I knew this seem wrong and illogical. I had only met Jared for only a short period of time and we weren’t even going out officially or anything like that, but it just felt like I had an obligation to look after him, to make sure he would be better. It was as if I had known him for a lifetime and I didn’t know how or when it happened but I admit I did feel some sort of affection towards him. I even wished the person on the bed now was me and not him. I rather switched with him than watching him suffer. Never had I felt so attached to someone I had just met for a short while.

***

I unlocked the door of my apartment. Everything was just the way it was. Then, why did it seem like it wasn’t? I limped across the room towards Sparkie. Winona had helped me to look after it when I was in the hospital. The goldfish swam around the fishbowl, waiting for me to feed it. I sprinkled some fish food for it and watched how Sparkie gulped its food, one after another. “I miss you,” I whispered before moving towards my hi-fi system. It was time for some music. I picked out My Chemical Romance’s ‘Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge’ and popped the CD into the player.

Helena was the first track on the disc and I turned up the volume before moving into my bedroom. I grabbed my robe and went into the bathroom. It was the time where I needed a good, long bath. The cast on my right leg was off but I still need the crutches to move around. The doctor said I couldn’t apply too much pressure on my right foot for about a month or two.

For that whole hour, I was soaked in my own bathtub, the smell of lavender wafted over the bathroom. A glass of red wine in one hand as I took sips from it. The loud rock music was audible even in the bathroom. It had been a while since I did this and it felt good. I set the empty glass by the side and sang along to the words of ‘Ghost of You,’ head banging away as I hit the water. I sang and sang and sang. It felt like the songs were written for me. It just felt right.

Once my so called therapy was done, I got out of the bathroom with my robe around me and limped to the living room. I browsed through the collection of movies I owned and decided on The Bourne Identity. It was a good movie. I loved the plot. How one man constantly struggle to find out who he really was and at the same time being hunted down. I guessed I was just an action movie person. After I inserted the disc into the player, I went over to get some food to binge on. I grabbed the tub of chocolate ice-cream and a few packets of chips plus cookies. I settled down in front of the tv just as the movie began.

Just as I finished the ice-cream, I had given up to sleepiness and was out. When I woke up a few hours later, I realized what had happened. I slapped myself on the head and got up to change. I had to be back at the hospital. I had to see Jared. I struggled with my way down the stairs and fortunately, I didn’t fall and rolled off the stairs. I stopped a cab and got in.

The ride to the hospital seemed so to last forever. I was just staring out of the window, watching the skyscrapers flashed past in a blur. Endless crowd of people walking up and down the streets. Cars, busses and motorcycles zoomed past. Everyone seemed so ignorant on the outside but let’s face it. It wasn’t that simple. Everyone had their own problems. It was all a gimmick, an act so they didn’t have to reveal how they truly felt inside. No matter what their problems were, it was equally as heavy as the ones I had on now.

“Miss?”

I turned to the cab driver, disturbed from my own thoughts. “Oh…sorry. Here,” I handed him the money. I was about to get out when I was stopped by the driver. “I know it’s none of my business, miss and I may not know what’s going on in your life. But just hang in there, there’s always a silver lining behind the grey clouds.” I nodded and smiled weakly at him before leaving the car.

The entrance of the hospital was bustling with people, nurses, paramedics and doctors. I made my way through the crowd and went into the elevator. Tenth floor. The scary adverts were still hung on the metallic walls. I held my breath as the door slid opened. This atmosphere was different than the first time I was here. It was quiet and empty. I went through the familiar route and got into the room.

Jared was still laying on the bed. Still the same as before. “Hi, Jared,” I said, setting my crutches aside. I bent down to kiss his cheek. There were more flowers and cards today. It was nice of the nurses to bring the gifts into the room and even took care of the flowers. There was a fuzzy teddy bear beside Jared. The bear was holding a red heart-shaped sign that said ‘Get Well Soon.’ I smiled at the sight of it. I turned to Jared again. His ocean blue eyes still nowhere in sight. I missed those blue eyes. It was the first thing I spotted when I met him and it was his most striking feature. His head was already unwrapped; his hair was still in a mess. I stroke it, trying my best to make it neat. I glanced at him again and gave him another peck but this time on his forehead.

I sat down on the same chair that I had sat on for the past few days. “I was released from the hospital today,” I began. “I went home and had a nice bubble bath and watched a movie,” I said. I took his hand with mine. “Can you hear me?” I asked. “I miss you so much,” I confessed. Again, already like a ritual, I said a silent prayer, his hand in mine.