Paper Cranes

“Ms. Harris! Ms Harris! How’s Jared? Is he okay? Is he gonna die?”

“Ms. Harris! Are you Jared’s latest love interest?!”

I ignored the shouts and questions as I limped towards the hospital. My head lowered. I was wearing my favourite pair of sunglasses and a navy French cap. I continued my way towards the entrance as the paparazzi yelled and repeated their questions, camera flashed. It had been two weeks since I left the hospital and by the end of the first week, more and more press were waiting by the entrance, asking the same questions and some even tried to get through the nurses and visit Jared to snap some photographs. I couldn’t believe the commotion didn’t die down even after so many days instead it seemed to have accumulated.

As I was about to reach the entrance, my bag fell. I groaned at my luck and tried to lower myself to reach for it. It was more difficult than I thought it would be as I struggled with grabbing hold onto my bag.

“Let me help you,” a voice said. I turned and saw Shannon beside me, picking up the bag. Without any word said, he led me into the hospital, leaving the crowd of paparazzi behind. “Thanks,” I said, taking the bag from him as we waited for the elevator.

“No problem,” he replied with a smile. His dark brown hair was styled nicely today but he still hadn’t shaved for the past few days. I met up with Shannon basically everyday when I come to the hospital after work. He was wearing a nice white t-shirt and a black jacket on top of it accompanied by a pair of black jeans.

“So, how’s your day?” I asked, entering the elevator and fixing my bag onto a better position.

“It’s okay. Met up with the record company managers again to talk about our current situation,” he sighed. I nodded. “How about you?” he asked.

“The same thing. Just filing and typing and emailing and meeting,” I said all in one breath. Shannon smiled and silence clouded over us. I didn’t know why but every time, Shannon and I tried to start a conversation, it tends to end quickly and we just let the silence surround us.

“Here we are,” he said as the elevator door opened. The tenth floor was quiet like usual. We went through the same corridor and into Jared’s room. There he was, still laying on the bed as lifeless as the day before. Even though his complexion had improved since the first day and he no longer needed a machine to help him breathe, but he was still unconscious. I set aside my crutches and kissed his forehead, brushing his hair away from it. The beeping sound of his heartbeat from the machine was still the same as the day before. I turned to Shannon who was studying the new pile of cards and letters by the table. I was still surprised by the oncoming cards, letters and gifts from various friends and fans. I had to admit it was nice to know that people still hadn’t given up the hope of Jared waking up.

I sat down on the same chair and held Jared’s hand and said the same prayer that I had said for the past month. I was so absorbed into the prayer that the sudden ringtone of Shannon’s mobile phone made me jumped. I turned to him and he was already on the phone, mumbling into it as he gave me an apologetic look. I shook my head to say it was fine. He pointed towards the door, I nodded and he left the room. I was staring at the closed door for a while before turning back to Jared. I straightened the blanket and sat back down.

“Hey Ro,” Shannon came back into the room, slightly flustered. “I’m sorry. I have to go. Something just came up and I have to go,” he said, adjusting his jacket.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

“Yeah… yeah…” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry I can’t stay with you today.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay. I’m fine here all by myself,” I said. He sighed loudly, came over and took a long glance at his brother. It was at that moment when it seemed like Shannon was praying for Jared as well. After a moment of silence, he turned his attention back to me and gave me a smile before bending down to give me a hug. “I’m so sorry, Ro.”

“It’s alright, Shannon,” I said, hugging him in return before letting him go. He sent me an apologetic smile and left. I sighed and turned to Jared. “Your brother is a very nice guy. Just like you said.” I unzipped my bag and took out a big plastic jar. It was half-filled with small paper cranes which I had started to fold a few days ago. Then, I took out a packet of origami paper and started to fold a crane. I had already folded about five hundred and forty of them and I needed another four hundred and sixty. You may think I was crazy to believe in such a thing but there was no harm in trying. You see, I was surfing the World Wide Web on coma stories and came across one miracle story where this guy folded a thousand paper cranes and hung it around the hospital room. A few hours later, his wife who was in a coma suddenly woke up. The doctors couldn’t obtain a reasonable explanation for the sudden awakening. So, here I was trying to fold a thousand paper cranes, hoping for the best that it would work. But what I did was for every crane I folded, I would say a short prayer whilst folding it. I did a bit more research on the topic and found out it was an Asian belief.

“Where are you, Jared?” I asked, glancing at him for a short while and drop the folded crane into the jar, taking another new piece of paper. “The whole world is waiting for you, you know? Your brother, your mum, your family, your friends, your fans. You never let them down throughout all these years. You can’t let them down now,” I said, throwing the crane into the jar and starting with a new one. “Can you hear me?”

***
I slumped onto the couch once I reached home. It was almost ten o’clock and I was exhausted from the day. Sparkie was staring at me expectantly with its big black round eyes. Its mouth opening and closing as it breathe. “Sorry, Sparkie,” I said, forcing my worn out body to stand up and walked across the room to the fish bowl, feeding it before returning to the comfortable couch. I grabbed the remote control and started to channel surf. It seemed like there was nothing interesting on nowadays. Everything seemed so monotonous to me. I left the channel where it was showing endless infomercials, staring blankly at it.

My eyes began to droop as my muscles relaxed. The next thing, I was asleep on the couch, all the troubles in life pushed to the back of my mind. When I woke up to the ringing of the house phone, I was grateful that I didn’t have any nightmare this time. I rubbed my aching eyes before reaching out for the phone.

“Hello?” I grumbled into the receiver, massaging my aching neck.

“Hey, Ro. Did I wake you up?” Winona’s voice blasted from the other end.

“Nah… it’s okay. I had to get up anyway,” I said, yawning.

I heard her heaved a loud sigh before starting, “You look really tired today at work. Are you getting your sleep at all?”

“I am,” I lied. I was up most of the night, folding the cranes.

“Ro,” she paused. “I know you may not like to hear this. But…” She took another pause. “Don’t you think this is a bit overboard now?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, sitting up and turning down the volume of the tv.

“Em… well, I mean it’s already been a month, Ro. And I mean there’s nothing wrong with visiting Jared everyday. But you’re not sleeping well, you’re not eating properly, your work performance is falling apart, we barely see each other anymore and every time we do, all you can talk about is either Jared or nothing at all. I mean… you need to take things realistically. You only know the guy for like what? A week? Less than that? And now he’s in this condition and you’re throwing your life away for him. I’m sorry to say this but you guys aren’t even officially dating,” she took a long breath. “It’s just I don’t think this is fair on you at all. And I know you may be mad at me for saying all this things but I just can’t stand seeing you like that everyday. Suffering this pain.”

I didn’t know what to say as I processed the words which were said to me seconds ago, replaying the long speech in my head. I knew she had a point but I just couldn’t bring myself to let go of Jared. I just couldn’t leave him alone until he wakes up. I just couldn’t. I sat there in my living room, thinking hard on what was just said to me, evaluating all that had happened for the past few weeks.

“Ro?”

“Yeah. I’m still here,” I said, gripping onto the phone tighter.

“I’m sorry Ro that you have to hear that. It’s just…”

“Yeah. Yeah. I get it, Win. It’s okay,” I said, breathing raggedly.

“Well… just… think about what I said, okay, Ro?” she asked. I could hear the fear in her tone even from this end of the phone.

“Okay,” I replied.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then. Bye.”

“Bye.” I clicked on the button and replaced the phone back to its position. What should I do? I grabbed my bag, unzipped it and took out the jar of cranes. There were already six hundred of them in there. I placed it on the coffee table. ‘Is this worth it?’ I stared at the jar and saw the image of Jared in my head. What should I do? Should I give up on you? Or should I not? I lay down on the couch again, staring at the jar, waiting for my answer to come.