I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

“Hey Gerard,” Frank says, sometime on hour two of their Batman marathon. Gerard doesn’t joke around when it comes to raunchy superheroes from the 60’s.

“Yeah?”

“Well I was just thinking,” Frank says, “that I don’t want anything to change between us two. Like, I still want you to be my best friend. I don’t want that to change. I just want you to be my best friend who lets me kiss him.”

“I thank that sounds good,” Gerard nods, “but are you sure that all you want to do is kiss?”

“What are you suggesting, Gerard?”

“Nothing at all. It’s getting kind of late though.”

“Oh you are cavalier as hell,” Frank says, “You’re not even fucking trying are you? God I hate you.”

Gerard smiles at him, “I know you do.”

“But you’re right, it is late,” Frank says.

“I’m tired of Batman,” Gerard replies.

“Are you okay?” Frank asks after hearing that, “You feeling okay? Got a fever or something? Are you sure you mean that?”

Gerard grins, “There are a few things more important than Batman.”

Frank snickers at him, “You’re such a dork, I can’t believe I like you.”

“It’s because of my winning personality and charming smile,” Gerard says flashing his teeth at Frank stupidly.

“You’re an idiot,” Frank says pulling himself up from the couch. Gerard watches him for a moment until Frank grabs a hold of his hand and lifts Gerard up behind him. Frank doesn’t really know where to go or anything, so he just turns to look at Gerard and steps closer to kiss him again.

“Name a few things more important than Batman then,” Frank asks, and Gerard shrugs.

“Air,” Gerard says and he looks up at the ceiling to think, “Um, what else? Pizza is pretty important. Pizza is very important actually. What else is more important than Batman? Music maybe. Depends on what kind of music though. Short guys with lots of tattoos are more important than Batman.”

“Oddly specific.”

“Well you know,” Gerard shrugs, “I like short guys. Batman is tall, I don’t like that about him. As far as I know he’s boringly unmarked too.”

“I like boringly unmarked,” Frank says.

“Do you?” Gerard asks, “Then you might like Batman.”

“Batman is fictional,” Frank says.

“I take offense at that,” Gerard scoffs.

“Sorry,” Frank says, but he doesn’t look in the least bit apologetic. He’s smiling up at Gerard, and he gets on his tiptoes to kiss him again. Gerard leans down to meet Frank halfway, and Frank is pretty sure that he’s never going to get used to kissing Gerard.

He’s literally dreamed about kissing Gerard for five whole years, and it’s never going to quite sink in that he gets to actually do that. He gets to really kiss Gerard for real, and Gerard is kissing him back also for real. Fuck Aaron, who needs him when Gerard is here?

One thing Frank doesn’t regret is that he turned down Gerard last night, because he’d have really regretted that if he had. Frank may not like Aaron the same way he likes Gerard, but he sure as hell doesn’t want to be a cheater. Frank’s decided, considering Gerard initiated it, that it doesn’t really count as cheating. It’s all in the mind really, but Frank’s glad that right now, this is Frank without an anchor. He doesn’t have any ties to Aaron so he can be with Gerard without feeling bad about it.

“You’re more important than Batman,” Gerard says with his hand tangled in Frank’s hair.

“I love you too,” Frank says, because if Frank means more to Gerard than Batman does, then it’s a statement synonymous with ‘I love you’.

“You’re more important than any comic book,” Gerard says.

“You don’t mean that,” Frank whispers. Gerard’s nose is pressed against his so that they’re looking directly into each other’s eyes.

“You significantly underestimate the way I feel about you,” Gerard says, with a smile in his voice. “How about you let me show you?”

“Or,” Frank says, “You could let me show you.”

Gerard doesn’t have any room to say anything before Frank is grabbing his hand and leading him out of the living room. Frank leads them into Gerard’s room, because it’s kind of a lifelong dream of his to sleep in Gerard’s bed.

“Frank,” Gerard starts, but Frank interrupts him by attacking his lips with his own. Frank might be a bit too eager, but he has been waiting for so long, and he doesn’t want to wait any longer.

“Gerard I’ve got to tell you something,” Frank says.

“If it’s bad news I don’t want to hear it right now,” Gerard tells him. The room is fairly dark because Gerard likes to lurk as if he lives in a cave. The only light that’s on is a flimsy bedside table lamp that’s probably older than Gerard is.

“No it’s not bad news,” Frank says. “I never slept with Aaron.”

Gerard pulls away from Frank a little confused by that statement, “you what?”

“I never did,” Frank admits again looking sheepish, “I tried, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Really?” Gerard asks, “But you told us-”

“Well I never told you anything, you just assumed.”

Gerard smiles and laughs airily, “You have no idea how happy that makes me, Frank.”

“Yeah?” Frank asks.

“Hell yeah,” Gerard replies, and Frank grins as he starts kissing Gerard again. Frank’s pretty glad too, because he’d only ever wanted to sleep with Aaron because of the fact that he wanted to get rid of the feelings for Gerard, but right now, he doesn’t have to get rid of those feelings. Those feelings are there, and they’re there to stay, which maybe isn’t so bad an idea.

Frank pinches himself one last time to make sure that this is real, and that it’s really happening, and when he decides that it is, he has a glimmer in his head as he realizes that he gets to control this fantasy. Frank’s had so many thousands of dreams, most of them wet, where he pictured scenarios almost exactly like this one, but this is completely real. The emotions are real, the feelings are really real. The sight, the sound, the sense. It’s all real.

Those had all been delusions of denial though, and right now this isn’t something that’s going on in his head. He can’t really control his fantasies, but he gets to control this one.

Frank opens his eyes in the kiss with Gerard, and looks at him for a moment just to remind himself how lucky he is. He’s never going to get used to this, but right now he wants to give himself a run-through of what he’s never going to get used to or forget.

Frank pushes Gerard back, gently at first, until he’s near the corner of the bed. When Frank is sure that he’s close enough, he pushes Gerard further back until they fall in unison onto the mattress. Frank supports himself on his elbows so that he doesn’t crush Gerard, but he doesn’t ease up the relentless kissing. Frank’s not going to yield kissing Gerard now that he gets to. He’s not an idiot.

Gerard doesn’t make any objections, he just puts one of his hands on the back of Frank’s neck, and the other he glides through Frank’s hair.

“Frank I have a small dilemma,” Gerard says, which is his weird way of saying that his belt is stuck in one of the loops. Frank snorts at him and buries his head in Gerard’s neck for a second before looking back up, and seeing Gerard frowning like he’s actually bothered.

“Don’t bother with it then,” Frank says, and he uses the more effective strategy of just pulling Gerard’s pants off, and around his side.

“Well see now, I have another problem,” Gerard says, because Frank’s body is in the way of him tugging his pants all the way down.

“You are literally so hopeless,” Frank says, “How do you even get yourself dressed in the morning.”

“Through much difficulty,” Gerard says, and Frank does the actual removing of pants for him, because Gerard can’t.

“I can imagine,” Frank says, and he figures that while he’s at it, he can be extra productive and discard his own pants. Gerard doesn’t complain. He does the opposite of complain. His eyes light up. He looks like a dog, but the shadow of the light in the dim room gives a tint to the side of his face, so he looks like a dog on acid.

“God, you’re a dork,” Frank says, and then his eyes flicker over to the corner of the room for a second where there’s a large stack of comic books. Apparently shelves are too expensive and they wouldn’t hold all of Gerard’s shit anyhow. Gerard doesn’t seem to mind making a mess, which is evident from the monstrosity of chaos in his closet.

Gerard smiles up at him with a grin that only confirms Frank’s dork statement further. Frank rolls his eyes and decides to start kissing at Gerard’s neck, while his hands ruck up the hem of his shirt. Gerard’s got a similar idea, only he’s trying to more or less pull Frank’s shirt off, but he’s having a hard time because Frank’s still attached to Gerard’s neck. He really doesn’t seem to understand the logistics of taking clothing off. Frank is almost at a point where he wants to laugh hysterically if it weren’t for the fact that he’s horny as fuck.

Ultimately though the laughter wins out and Frank makes an unflattering snorting noise.

“Don’t laugh at me! My brain is a little fuzzy, okay? It doesn’t help that my best fucking friend is giving me a hickey.”

“Well do you not want me to give you a hickey?” Frank asks looking down at Gerard, who’s pretty much helpless underneath him.

“No I do, but I also want to get your fucking shirt off,” Gerard says. He seizes his opportunity and tries to pull it over Frank’s head. For the most part Gerard makes it a success, but the shirt does nearly get caught on Frank’s shoulder.

“This is so much more talking than I had ever imagined there to be,” Frank says.

“I’m not used to having you kiss me!” Gerard says defensively.

“I’m not complaining,” Frank says, with a grin. “Lift yourself up a little bit, let’s see if I’m any better at taking shirts off.”

“Opposable thumbs are wasted on me,” Gerard grumbles, but he does as Frank asks so that Frank can finally press back down, and feel as much of Gerard’s skin as he can. Frank decides that he is starting to detest underwear, but he’ll attend to that later, because right now Gerard’s body is new to him and he wants to drink it all in.

“Wow, so you’re hot as fuck,” Frank states matter-of-factly.

“I was thinking the exact same thing about you,” Gerard notes, looking up at Frank. He takes his hand and traces a tattoo on Frank’s arm with his fingers.

“It’s settled then, we’re both hot,” Frank says resolutely and then leans down to attack Gerard’s mouth again.

It has been so long since Frank’s kissed someone who he actually wanted, with his whole heart, to kiss. Aaron was an okay kisser, but he’s not Gerard. Gerard’s better simply because he’s Gerard. Frank thinks that it’s been at least six or seven years. Far too long in any case.

Frank hadn’t exactly been expecting Gerard to lift his hips upward, so when he does, Frank whimpers gently. Not because he doesn’t appreciate it, because he definitely appreciates that.

“Oh god,” Frank says into Gerard’s mouth, and he grabs the sides of his head to kiss him harder. Really though, there’s not much room to make it any more heated without one of them accidentally biting off the others tongue, which would not be ideal. Frank needs Gerard’s tongue for other things, and vice versa.

There really isn’t any space between him and Frank anymore, which is making Gerard’s head spin. His body is pressing and molding to the shape of Frank’s so that he can feel almost every inch of him, but it’s still not enough. It’ll never be enough, and he knows that. He’s aware of sweat starting to stick to his body, but he doesn’t have room to care, and Frank doesn’t seem to either.

“Not enough, Frankie,” Gerard hisses, “not enough.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Frank nods and he pulls himself away ever so slightly, leaving a hand on Gerard’s hip. Frank angles the both of them to be a little more aligned with the shape of the bed, and he bites down Gerard’s collarbone again, and then a little further. He stops at Gerard’s chest where Frank’s tongue ghosts over a nipple before he moves further down.

Gerard becomes acutely aware of how quiet the room actually is. He hadn’t realized before, but there’s really no other sounds aside from him and Frank. Somehow that makes Gerard even antsier.

“We’re going to really do this, right, Gerard?” Frank asks, before he does anything more.

“God I hope so,” Gerard says. Frank giggles at him, and goes back up to kissing him.

Frank’s never been comfortable with first times. He doesn’t really like first kisses, or first dates, or first anything really. This is no different. The fact that it’s Gerard, doesn’t make him any less nervous. In fact, it makes him more nervous. The last thing in the world Frank wants is to not be good enough, or to leave Gerard dissatisfied, because this is Gerard. Frank’s not had a very long life, but he’s fairly sure that Gerard is the love of his life anyway. He always will be, because he’s Gerard, so if he disappoints someone so important, he’ll never be able to sleep again.

“Frank you’re shaking,” Gerard notes when Frank makes a move to take off Gerard’s boxers.

“Just nervous,” Frank says.

“Do you want-”

“No I wanna do this, I’m just nervous. You’re Gerard, I don’t want to be bad or... or,” Frank stutters.

“Well it doesn’t matter how good you are, Frank. The fact that you’re you is what matters. Like I don’t want to be with anyone else besides you,” Gerard says.

“It’s been a really long time,” Frank says.

“I don’t care,” Gerard responds, “I’m still high on the fact that you let me kiss you. Besides Frank, there’s no way you’re not going to be fantastic.”

“But-”

Gerard cuts him off by kissing Frank, and holding the back of his neck so he can’t pull away. Gerard’s decided that if Frank is going to be nervous, then someone’s got to be confident or else they’ll just be a quivering mess of limbs, and that’s not going to do any good.

Frank is very definitely aware of Gerard’s boner pressing into his leg, and he’ll admit that he wants the underwear to go away, but he’s also anxious about the fact that that makes this real. He wants it to be real, but he doesn’t want to screw it up.

“Okay?” Gerard asks. Frank feels the tips of Gerard’s fingers at the hem of his own boxers, but he’s not really focused on that right now. He’s focused on not panicking.

“Alright,” Frank says, as some sort of answer. Gerard nods but looks at Frank with his eyes dead serious to make sure that Frank doesn’t change his mind. Eventually though, Frank does feel his last garment slide down his thighs to a point that allows him to kick them off altogether.

“Still good?” Gerard questions.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Frank says, but he’s trying to assure himself more than he is Gerard. He looks at Gerard and notices the staggering inequality of himself being naked while Gerard still hasn’t taken off his own underwear.

“But I have a dilemma of my own,” Frank says.

Gerard smiles at the mischievous little glimmer in Frank’s eyes at those words, “and what’s that I might ask?”

“You have more clothes than I do,” Frank says.

“Well we’ll have to fix that won’t we?”

“Yes we will,” Frank says.

Frank’s feeling a little better about himself after he gets them both on equal grounds. Also, it doesn’t hurt that Gerard is grinding himself up against Frank, which is probably a crime because legality can’t feel so good.

“Hey Frank,” Gerard says animatedly.

“What?”

“You’re hot.”

“I know,” Frank shrugs, and Gerard giggles innocently before his hands do something not very innocent at all.

“Fuck,” Frank screeches because he’s caught off guard, and Gerard gets a cheeky smile on his face like he’d been hoping he’d get a reaction to that affect.

“Little fucker,” Frank gasps, and he takes a hold of Gerard’s cock which wipes the grin off of his face.

“Oh,” is all Gerard has to say, and suddenly, Frank sees his pupils go dark and engulf the light in his irises. Frank wonders if his had done the same thing, but he doesn’t have time to think about it because Gerard’s jacking him off pretty fast, and his brain is having a hard time keeping up.

“Whoa, oh god,” Frank tries to scramble for the words he needs. “Lube, I need... you need...”

Gerard doesn’t respond immediately, instead to taking to envelop Frank’s earlobe which causes him to moan into the quiet room.

“God,” Frank’s words tremble with his voice and he clamps his eyes shut, so that he doesn’t have to look at Gerard smirking at his effect on him. He’s not sure if Gerard would do that, but he’s embarrassed by the sound he just made.

“Drawer,” Gerard says gruffly into Frank’s ear, “Top one.”

Frank makes an attempt to nod, and he lifts his head far enough to see which drawer of which table he’s referring to. Frank reaches over, with his free hand, not giving up on Gerard’s length because if Gerard is allowed to make Frank feel like he’s coming undone, then Frank can do the same to him.

Frank’s hands are weak, and his grip is like a claw machine because he barely finds the strength in his finger tips to pick the bottle up from the inside of the drawer. He finally grabs it and slips it onto the bed when his hands, slippery with sweat, drop it.

Frank looks offhandedly at the lube for no particular reason and decides that he needs to fucking do this now, or his brain is going to explode.

“I don’t wanna wait anymore, Gerard,” Frank says frantically, uncapping the bottle. Gerard lets go of him when Frank brings the lube into his plane of vision. Gerard nods at him, and he spreads his legs out underneath Frank to allow him some access.

“You ready?” Frank questions.

“Yes! Yes please, Frankie,” Gerard says with a hint of desperation gracing his voice which is slightly croaky.

Frank nods, thinking to himself that he’s starting to get over his initial anxiety, as it’s being replaced with excitement.

Frank makes quick work of preparing Gerard. He does just enough so as to make sure that he doesn’t hurt Gerard, but he’s probably a tad bit too rough. If so, Gerard doesn’t say, but mainly because he’s just as impatient as Frank.

Five years of waiting. Five years of dreaming. Five years of jerking off in the bathroom, and blushing to himself about it the next day. Five years of staring at Gerard across the room with the utmost longing. Five years of watching Batman with him, and watching Gerard smile at how shitty the jokes were. Five years has led up to this moment for Frank. Frank is finally here, and he would never have predicted it.

He’s wanted Gerard for so long, and at long last, Frank has got him.

When Frank pushes in, past a sensitive ring of muscles, it’s with a contented groan from Gerard. There’s pain, obviously there is, but mostly there’s a little voice inside his head saying ‘this is Frank.’ Frank, the guy who he’s in love with, but mostly Frank, his best friend in the entire world. Really that’s what Gerard cares most about. This is Frank, his best friend who he’s in love with.

Frank tries to keep in his moan when he enters Gerard, but he can’t keep it all back. Some of the noise leaks through and he closes his eyes to try to concentrate on making this last, but most importantly, making sure Gerard gets the bulk of the pleasure. If Frank could show him what Gerard means to him, he would, but he can’t. Not in the way he wants, so he’s going to try his damndest to translate the emotions in a way that Gerard will be able to understand. Also, Frank wants to make him fucking scream.

“Frank,” Gerard mewls, with his eyes fluttering up to meet Frank’s gaze. Frank’s got his hand on one of Gerard’s shoulders with the other on his waist. Gerard’s got both of his wrapped into Frank’s hair, losing sight of his fingers in the jet black hair.

“Good?” Frank asks, breathlessly.

“Yeah,” Gerard says hurriedly, and Frank nods to himself. It has been a while for both of them, but Gerard does not remember the burn being this good or the drag being that much better. He’s never felt so insatiably full or wanted in his whole life. Frank’s just trying not to melt or something, because he was not ready for how good Gerard’s body was going to feel around him.

Frank lets himself pull back a little bit and then back in, but it’s more instinct than anything else. He doesn’t really need to think about it, but he knows to be slow so that he doesn’t hurt Gerard.

Gerard’s not overly talkative, nor is he all that intelligible. There’s really no other way of describing it other than the sound of being fucked. His voice is a little higher than it usually is, with a somewhat feminine pitch coating the moans, but it’s turning Frank on all the more.

“Frankie,” is one of the only words Frank manages to hear before he hears, what he’s decided is his new favorite word, “faster.”

Frank, of course, complies. His pace quickens, and it adds to the quietness in the room. There’s no silence anymore as that was taken away by Frank’s heavy breathing, Gerard’s almost endless series of moans, and the slip-slide of skin against skin.

Frank doesn’t think he’s ever going to hear anything as glorious as the sound Gerard makes when he finds Gerard’s prostate. It’s the sound of perfection, no other words can describe it. Frank decides that he’s never going to stop wanting to hear that again.

At this revelation, his thrusts become more orientated on finding that spot again and again, and not giving Gerard a break from the feeling of Frank fucking him madly. And he is, oh he is. He’s lost any shadow of nerves, having been replaced by the spotlessness of euphoria.

Along his string of inarticulate sounds, comes the very distinct noise of Gerard saying “yes” over and over.

It’s only a matter of time, because no good thing can last forever. Frank knows that Gerard is getting close when he reaches a hand between the two of them and starts to touch himself, about as furiously fast as Frank pounds into him. Frank brushes Gerard’s hand away, because there is no way he’s going to let Gerard cum by any hand that is not his own.

With the lack of a place for his hands, they return to Frank’s hair, and Gerard begins tugging on it brainlessly. Under different circumstances, Frank would find it unwelcome, but right now, the way Gerard’s tugging him closer and closer to his body is one of the best sensations in the world. He’s pulling Frank closer to a point where Gerard’s moaning into Frank’s mouth against his. Frank is trying furiously to kiss Gerard, but his brain is finding it too hard to multitask, so he just rests the bridge of his nose against Gerard’s.

He looks at Gerard’s eyes, open, but fluttering closed every second or two whenever Frank’s thrust hits his prostate dead on.

Frank’s imagined Gerard cumming a million times before, but he never set himself up for what it would actually be like. Honestly, Frank thought that Gerard would be kind of loud, or kind of restless, but he’s not. He gets really quiet, and his body stills almost completely. There’s just this calm that washes over him and all of a sudden, Gerard’s grip on Frank’s hair mellows out little bit. Frank looks up to look at Gerard whose eyes are closed and mouth open only barely.

Frank almost feels like he’s intruding on a really private moment, but he’s too entranced to look away, because Gerard looks gorgeous. If Frank thought Gerard was attractive before, than he feels his stomach lurch at how wrong he was, because this isn’t done justice by a word so measly as ‘attractive’.

“God, fuck. I can’t,” Frank whimpers shaking his head, and his climax comes a moment later with more noise than Gerard’s, as he lets out a long gasp and a semblance of Gerard’s name. Frank’s forehead falls down to rest on Gerard’s neck as he cums, still inside Gerard, and he gasps, as if scrambling for air that isn’t filling his lungs properly.

Frank isn’t exactly aware of his surrounding at this point in time, but he does feel Gerard’s hand by the back of his head, next to his ear. He’s just sort of keeping Frank there, keeping him calm. It’s such a small gesture, but Frank is really relieved by it even though he doesn’t know why.

“Frankie?” Gerard says softly, and Frank shudders a few times before looking up at Gerard. He’s feeling exhausted all of a sudden, but when he looks up he feels a million times better. He sees the sweat matted hair stuck to the top of Gerard’s forehead, and the look in his eyes that really shouldn’t look so innocent all things considering. He does look innocent though, hazel eyes sparkling almost worriedly.

Frank smiles at him feeling unbelievably content. Gerard looks back at him, biting his lip like he’s thinking deeply about something.

“C’mere Frankie.”

Frank nods slightly and pulls his face to meet Gerard’s. Their noses brush ever so slightly until their lips meet but only barely. They barely touch before Frank is rolling off of Gerard and onto his side so that he can look directly at him. Gerard turns to look back and he smiles again, that goofy one with all his teeth showing.

“I’m sorry that I made you wait for so long,” Gerard says, “but I’m going to make sure you know that it was my fault.”

“Nah, s’okay. I didn’t mind the wait that much, because this, what I get here, this is worth it. I’d say that it’s been worth waiting for this end, but this isn’t really an end at all, is it?” Frank says. “I could’ve waited forever, but I’m glad I don’t have to.”

Gerard smiles at him, and Frank’s finding it hard to imagine Gerard as anything but as this beautiful angel, for lack of a better word. He can’t find anything that sounds as accurate as that. Gerard is everything Frank wants in life, everything Frank wants ever, and he’s waited so long to finally be able to say he’s got him. Finally.