I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank is practically a zombie on the couch. It wasn’t just a cold as Frank had said. It’s nothing serious, but he can’t really leave the building, because it’s too cold. It’s not even that cold, but Frank goes into a fit when he leaves the apartment. He keeps sneezing, and coughing. He’s also pretty sure that he’ll lose his voice soon because he has too much phlegm in his throat.

“You know if you’d have gone to the doctor when you started sneezing you might be better off now,” Gerard says, looking down at Frank sadly.

“Don’t patronize me, I’m sick,” Frank mopes, voice sounding stuffy and nasal.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard says honestly, “I didn’t mean to be mean. Do you need anything?”

Frank keens dejectedly, and wraps himself tighter in a pile of blankets. He’s trying to remember when he bought a Spiderman blanket, but he decides that it’s probably Gerard’s. It wouldn’t surprise him.

“Do you want anything?”

“I don’t know,” Frank says.

“I mean, I could get you food. Soup? Like, I’ll get you nice soup from a restaurant or something instead of the stuff that comes in a can, because you’re sick. You deserve nice soup when you feel shitty,” Gerard says.

Frank sighs, because he always feel shitty. He’s in love with his roommate, so of course he always feels shitty. He should always have soup.

“I’m not sure I want soup,” he replies. Frank has trouble finding good soup. He’s a vegetarian, which kind of minimizes the soup spectrum. Basically there’s different varieties of soggy vegetables, and that’s about it.

Gerard frowns sympathetically, “I’m sorry you don’t feel good, Frankie.”

Frank tries to hide himself in the layers, smiling at how adorable Gerard is. He’s always adorable, but he loves the way Gerard is considerate.

Frank is always getting sick. Gerard’s acutely aware of his dysfunctional immune system, which has a habit of torturing the man at least every month or two. He’ll be huddled up on the couch with a box of tissues and a paper grocery bag for discard, but it’s become something he’s greatly used to.

Gerard kind of likes being the nurse though. He likes getting to take care of Frank, so flimsy and helpless. This is the only time when he sees Frank so weak and in need, and though Frank is nothing more than his best friend, it quite entices and calms him. He likes making Frank soup, and watching him go through hour after hour of Sci-fi movie marathons, because apparently horror is too much when he’s sick.

Frank is always very thankful and warm when he’s ill. He respects that Gerard need not take care of him as he does, and the fact that Gerard is so willing makes him so appreciative. Gerard could just as easily avoid him or sleep elsewhere for a week, afraid of catching whatever virus Frank’s acquired this time, but he doesn’t. He takes care of Frank, and he’s happy to do so.

Gerard always realizes how much he does truly value Frank’s company in moments like these. It’s more days than it is moments, because Frank never seems to get the 24 hour virus, but he still likes knowing Frank’s around. He likes knowing that Frank is his best friend, and likes knowing that he’s always just a room away, were he to ever need him.

He used to need Frank a little more, during the time he spent sobering up. Through it all, it was Frank that got him through that, and maybe he feels a bit like he owes Frank in that respect. Gerard knows completely, that Frank would never expect him to be there when he’s sick, because Frank is far too good a person. He only really wanted to help Gerard during detox, but the fact that he helped is what makes Gerard so fond of the guy. He didn’t have to, in the same respect that Gerard doesn’t have to help Frank, but he did, and that’s what counts.

Those had been some days he likes to banish from his mind. Thinking back to who he had been, it all seems very cringe worthy, but he can’t change the past. Gerard had woken Frank up in the middle of the night on countless occasions with nothing more than just a need to cry into a shoulder, and Frank let him. It would be three in the morning, Frank would have work tomorrow morning, and he’d let Gerard just sob it out, and he’d be there for him.

Frank is the most important person in the world to Gerard, in every sense. While he loves his brother almost as much, it’s Frank who’s never been required to be there for him. When you’re a little kid you don’t pick your family, but you usually end up loving them anyway, so he was stuck with Mikey. He loves the guy, but still it wasn’t by choice that they grew up together, and Frank is different.

Frank is just his roommate, he never had to bond with or hang out with the guy, but he did, and he’ll never regret how close they’ve become. Gerard knows that Frank is excruciatingly important to him, and in a lot of ways he cannot fathom ever living without him. In every comedy or sitcom he’s ever seen, there would be roommates who would eventually move on with their lives after living together, and that would be it. They remain friends, but they don’t live together.

Gerard is at a place in his life where he doesn’t need a roommate anymore. He’s got enough money that he could survive on his own, but he would never want to be without Frank. Some part of him is attached to the guy. He’s always there for him, and Gerard wouldn’t have it any other way.

So he really loves getting to take care of Frank, as weird as it might sound. He doesn’t like that Frank gets sick, but he likes that Frank trusts him to be there.

“I’ll get you whatever you want,” Gerard says walking over to the counter and resting his head on his hands. Frank takes up most of the couch, but he doesn’t mind.

“Well you never got me that million dollars,” Frank shrugs.

“Or the dinosaur,” Gerard jokes.

“I was going to name the dinosaur Winston.”

“Why Winston?” Gerard asks giggling.

Frank blinks a few times, because he’s pretty sure he had this conversation the other day. He’s had a lot of cold medicine though, so he might be dreaming or making things up.

“I just think any dinosaur would be lucky to have a name like Winston.”

Gerard grins at the Frank shaped lump, with only the smallest bit of his hair poking up above the couch.

“You’re right. It’s very prestigious,” Gerard says, “after Churchill?”

“No of course not,” Frank replies, “Dinosaurs came way before Winston Churchill.”

Gerard snorts, “of course. I can’t believe I forgot!”

“Duh. Like, the Mesozoic era was about 65 million years before World War II, Gerard. Get with the times.”

“You’re an idiot, Frank,” Gerard shakes his head, still grinning.

“I’m sick!” Frank says, almost like a war cry or something. He’s a little loopy from the meds.

“Do you want to go to bed?”

Frank stares at the wall, tries to think of something, but he sneezes instead.

“Do you need more tissues?”

“Why? So I can build a fortress out of my snot?” Frank asks, “Javert ain’t getting past my barricade with all the mucus inside it.”

“Frank, gross. Why do you make so many literary references when you’re ill?”

Frank shrugs, “I kind of want a milkshake.”

Gerard rolls his eyes again, “do you want me to get you one?”

“I don’t know,” Frank replies, “no. Yes. I want a milkshake.”

“You must be a joy to be around when you’re stoned,” Gerard teases.

“I don’t know, Gerard. I have a lot of Dayquil in my system, I think I might be high as it is,” Frank says, but he’s just kind of tired. His inhibitions go down a little when he wants to be asleep.

“You are the strangest person I’ve ever met,” Gerard says, but he grabs his jacket.

“Where are you going?” Frank asks, turning his head.

“I’m going to get you your milkshake,” Gerard says.

“Oh,” He says, “but I want you to stay here.”

“I can’t get you a milkshake and stay here though,” he replies.

Frank frowns, “then stay here.”

“Frank,” Gerard groans, “are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Frank says, “I’m cold. Milkshake will make me colder. Stay here!”

Gerard sighs, and shrugs his jacket off, throwing it back on the hanger, but it slips and falls to the floor. Frank watches him pick it up dazedly, and tries to keep his eyes open, because he hadn’t noticed how sleepy he was.

“Frank, you can hardly keep yourself awake,” Gerard says when he walks up to stand behind the couch.

“No, I’m fine,” Frank says, through a yawn that does nothing to prove his point. It actually does quite the opposite, because Gerard gives him a look.

“C’mon, Frankie,” Gerard says walking around the couch, “you should go to bed.”

“Don’t wanna,” Frank says childishly. He doesn’t want to go to bed at two though. It’s barely afternoon, he would feel like a kid. He’s behaving like one, but he doesn’t care enough to try to change it right now.

“Frank, you’ll be more comfortable,” Gerard says with a lecturing sort of voice that reminds Frank of his mother. It’s cuter when Gerard says it though.

“Get up, Frank,” Gerard says, grabbing onto Frank’s hand which resurfaced from the wave of cascading blankets. Frank looks quite comfortable actually, but the number of layers seem like they’d be stiflingly hot. Gerard can’t help but picture Frank boiling up under there, but he looks content so he doesn’t say anything.

Frank doesn’t relent to Gerard’s gentle tug on his arm, he just collapses further into the corners of the couch. He’s quite stubborn when he wants to be, which is most of the time. He mewls and tries to take his hand back.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to your own bed?” Gerard asks, letting his grip loosen.

“No! It’s too far,” Frank says willfully.

Gerard sighs, and tries to take his hand back, but Frank pulls him onto the couch next to him. He doesn’t seem to even consciously remember doing it, he just huddles back into his cocoon.

“God, you are so obstinate when you’re sick,” Gerard tells him, and Frank smiles at him tiredly. Gerard smiles back at him, because he’s kind of adorable.

“Alright, Frank. You win,” Gerard says, looking at the man sitting next to him, who’s nearly dozing off.

“I win!” Frank says halfheartedly, raising a fist in victory. “You lose.”

“Does that make me a loser?”

Frank thinks for a moment than shakes his head, “no I like you, you’re not a loser.”

“Well I’m glad.”

“Mhm,” Frank responds, but he drifts off less than a few seconds later. Gerard’s almost impressed by how quickly he crashed, but he doesn’t mind.

Frank rustles around in his sleep a minute later, trying to adjust himself in the creases of the sofa and Gerard watches him. The blankets fell down below his chin, and his nose is looking pretty red. He looks way colder than he really should be under so many layers. He shivers slightly, and his head droops onto his shoulder awkwardly.

Gerard questions whether he should try to find another blanket, but he doubts it would really do much of anything to help. He’s kind of restless though, moving around, and kicking his feet, which pushes his blankets onto the ground. Gerard leans down and tries to recover Frank, but Frank doesn’t look very comfortable.

He doesn’t look comfortable that is, until his head falls onto Gerard’s shoulder. The bone of Gerard’s shoulder squishes Frank’s face a bit, but he looks happy about it.

Considering Frank is quite literally dead-asleep, it’s a pretty sly move for an unconscious guy to make. Gerard suppresses a laugh at the way Frank looks so satisfied. He’s not exactly going to move and make Frank fall flat, so Gerard just sighs, and shuffles through channels with the TV remote. He doesn’t want to wake up Frank, so he tries to keep himself as still as he can.

Frank would kick himself if he found out that the only opportunities he ever gets to cuddle with Gerard are handed to him when he’s got a fever of one hundred.