I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank’s palms are sweating quickly, and he’s trying to furiously wipe them off on his pants, but to no avail. Pete is looking at him like he’s some sort of entertainment, and he’s trying not to laugh.

“What are you staring at?” Frank asks Pete accusatorily.

“What crawled up your ass?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Frank replies, “I’m nervous, don’t laugh at me. It’s been five years since I went on a proper date, Pete. Five and a half actually.”

“Oh that’s so sad,” Pete answers.

“Shut up. I haven’t kissed anyone in five years, Pete. Oh fuck, what if I have to kiss him, and I’m awful. What if I’m no good? I have no practice. Oh god, this is not a good idea, I should not have agreed to this.”

“Calm yourself. If you don’t want to kiss him, don’t kiss him, and if he tries to kiss you when you don’t want to kiss him back then punch him in the fucking face.”

“He has such a pretty face,” Frank says wistfully.

“Then kick him in the crotch, I don’t care. You’ll do fine, Frank. Just act like yourself, and try not to bring up the fact that you’re in love with-”

“Shut up!” Frank interrupts him warningly with a hiss, before Gerard hears. Gerard is too busy doing something in the kitchen to notice them talking though, and Frank bounces in his place. He’s unable to keep still at the best of times, but right now the nervous energy is pulsing through him like electricity. The feeling is making him worry that he’ll electrocute himself if he isn’t careful.

“Gerard, tell Frank he’s being an idiot, and that he’ll do fine,” Pete calls.

“Frank, you’re being an idiot, and you’ll do fine. Good?” Gerard says.

“Ugh, fine. Should I do something with my hair?” Frank asks. Pete rolls his eyes so widely that Frank’s worried he might need to be exorcised for a second.

“You’re a catch, Frank,” Gerard tells him, “just be yourself.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? Who else am I going to be? Did you expect me to go out on a date and act like John Cleese?”

The front door opens then, and Frank expects to see Gerard opening it up for Aaron, but it’s just Patrick.

“Someone told me that Frank has a date, and there was no way in hell that I was going to miss this,” Patrick says, smiling widely.

“How on earth did you know that?” Frank asks, as Patrick walks over and leans over the back of the couch to grin at him mockingly with Pete.

“I have a phone you know,” Patrick says like it’s obvious.

“And I have thumbs,” Pete says, “I texted him. Told him that he didn’t want to miss the show.”

“Oh god, you guys had better not ambush him. I want him to think I’m normal, or at least I don’t want him to know that my friends are insane on my first date! Seriously, just act normal, okay. If you embarrass me, I will have your head on a pike.”

“Well that’s nice. Jeez, Frank. We weren’t going to show him your baby photos,” Pete says.

“No of course not. You can only do that on the third date or after,” Patrick chimes in.

“Oh god, we don’t even know if I’ll get to a third date. Try not to embarrass me please. I will never forgive you,” Frank says.

“Don’t worry, Frankie. I won’t let them humiliate you. I can’t say anything about yourself though, Frank. You do have a tendency to be really awkward.”

There’s a knock at the door and Frank really freezes up now. Gerard glances over at him, and tries not to laugh at how mortified his friend looks. He turns to get the door, and while Gerard’s back is turned, Frank runs back into his room.

“I’ll get him,” Patrick sighs, walking around the couch.

Gerard goes over to the doorknob, and gives Pete a look before he pulls the door open. Patrick has gone into Frank’s room and is trying to pry him away from the bed post. He’s stuck his head into his pillow, with a death grip on the headboard, while Patrick just stares at him, and starts pulling on his feet.

“Patrick, I’m fine here thank you. If you’d stop treating me like a child, I’d very much like to die on this pillow.”

“You’re such a pansy, get up,” Patrick tells him.

“Frank, you’re date is here!” Gerard calls from the living room. Frank hadn’t noticed that Patrick closed the door but he knows that now, because of the way that the voice is muffled.

“Give me a minute!” Patrick yells back, “Frank lost his, uh... phone.”

“No!” Frank shouts.

“Yeah, his phone has got to be somewhere in here,” Patrick says again. It’s best not to let his date know that he’s trying to avoid going on the date.

Pete, still sitting on the couch, and gawking at the man who just stepped into the apartment, tries to stop himself from laughing. He notices Frank’s phone on the coffee table, and grabs it so that the guy doesn’t realize that they’re lying to him.

“So what’s your name again?” Gerard asks. He opens the door, and stands back for him to walk in.

“Aaron,” he says, looking timidly from Gerard to Pete. Pete’s got this weird grin on his face that he’s trying to hide.

“I’m Gerard. Frank’s roommate. That’s Pete,” Gerard points to Pete who waves at him halfheartedly, “Pete lives next door and eats all our food.”

“I don’t eat all your food,” Pete says, “I leave the gross stuff alone.”

“Fine,” Gerard shakes his head then corrects, “That’s Pete. He eats most of our food.”

Pete nods and makes a face that says voicelessly ‘pretty much.’

“Can I invite you in, Frank’s not quite ready yet,” Gerard asks, and Aaron still looks nervous as hell, but he steps forward slightly. Aaron doesn’t want to be seen as stiff, but he’s rather uncomfortable, because he’s in a near-strangers apartment with two complete strangers looking at him.

“Patrick!” Pete calls at the closed door.

“Yeah, Frank can’t function properly without his phone,” Patrick says. Frank’s still protesting to leave his bed, and Patrick has decided to stop tugging on him. Instead, he sits on the duvet next to him and tries to talk him into getting up.

“I can come back later,” Aaron says.

“Oh he’s French!” Pete says excitedly.

“Close enough,” Aaron shrugs.

“How come no one told me he was French?” Pete asks, “Really I feel like you guys never include me on anything.”

“That’s because no one likes you, Pete,” Gerard says.

“Patrick likes me,” Pete frowns.

“That’s because Patrick has an obligation to like you. He lives with you and sleeps with you and all that shit,” Gerard says.

“Everyone likes Patrick better than me,” Pete complains.

“Shut up, Pete!” Patrick calls from Frank’s room.

“Yeah, shut up, Pete,” Gerard agrees.

Aaron is trying to figure out whether they’ve forgotten about him or whether they just talk like this under any circumstances, and it doesn’t matter who listens in.

Patrick is getting somewhere with Frank at least, because he’s no longer clinging to the bedframe, but his head is still buried in a pillow.

“Frank, I know you’re in love with Gerard, but we both know that he doesn’t reciprocate that. You’ve got to accept that, you really do,” Patrick says.

Frank’s muffled response is unintelligible, but Patrick assumes it’s some sort of counterargument. Patrick just huffs and puts his hand on Frank’s shoulder.

“You’re going to have to get up, or you’re going to have to go face your date. Think of him standing right out there, waiting for you. He wants to see you, Frank. He wants to go have a good time with you, but here you are trying to pretend he doesn’t exist. Who are you helping? If you’re not going to go out with him, it’s your responsibility to go out there and tell him that. Face him and tell him that you’ve changed your mind, or face him and tell him you’re ready.”

Frank makes a whimpering noise and turns his head to look at Patrick.

“But it’s like I’m betraying Gerard.”

“He’s just your roommate, Frank. He’s nothing more than that. You may look at him like he’s the sun, but to him, you’re just Frank. I hate to say it to you, but that’s the truth. You’re going to have to accept it, and sooner is really so much better than later. You have been in love with a guy who isn’t going to love you back for so many years. Here you have the option to be with someone who can love you back, and you’re running away from him. So you really want to risk the chance that you’re only haven is going to walk out of your life? This is your time to try to get over it,” Patrick says, “to get over Gerard.”

“I don’t want to get over him,” Frank mumbles.

“I know you don’t. You want to get under him, but it’s not going to happen,” Patrick says.

Frank sighs, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah fine,” Frank says, and he pulls himself up carefully.

“Wait seriously?” Patrick asks.

“Yes, I’m serious,” Frank says, and he gets up into a sitting position, “I can do this. Don’t look at me like that.”

“What? Sorry. I just didn’t think that would work. The whole inspirational speech thing, that only ever works in the movies. I should be a life coach or something!”

“No you really shouldn’t,” Frank says. He pulls himself into a sitting position before he stands up drowsily.

“So you’re really going to do this?” Patrick asks.

“Yeah, I’m going to go out there and have a good time with him. Do I look fine? Do I look scared or terrified?”

Patrick evaluates him, “kind of on edge, but it’s not that noticeable. Go on then, Frank. Knock him dead.”

“Yeah, okay,” Frank says. He looks way more petrified than Patrick lets on, but hopefully he’ll ease up.

Gerard turns quickly when Frank’s door opens, and he sighs a little in relief.

“Did you find your phone?” Gerard asks.

“My phone?” Frank questions and then Pete discreetly holds it up to show him. “Oh, um, yeah. I found my phone. It was hiding!”

“Hi Frank,” Aaron says, looking at him in a way that Frank doesn’t understand. He looks way too excited to see him, and Frank doesn’t know why anyone would ever look at him like that. It’s a less extreme version of the way he looks at Gerard.

“Hi,” Frank replies.

“Hello!” Pete pitches in, because he likes annoying people, and also likes being included in things which he seldom is.

“Go away, Pete,” Patrick says, stepping around Frank to sit on the couch beside him.

“I told you no one likes me,” Pete says, raising his arms in exasperation.

“You ready to go?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah,” Frank says excitedly and walks past the couch, grabbing his phone from Pete as he does.

Gerard tries to keep the two of them there as long as he can, so that he can get to know the guy going out with his best friend a little more, but Frank practically drags Aaron out of there. He seems anxious to get away from the three of them, which confuses Gerard because only a moment ago he’d been terrified of leaving at all.

Frank has a problem with seeing Aaron and Gerard in the same room though. It feels wrong to him.

The minute the door closes behind Frank and Aaron, Patrick says, “That was one good looking dude.”

“That was a good looking dude.”

“I wanted to watch Batman,” Gerard mopes, completely ignoring them.

“You can still watch Batman. It’s not like you have a requirement to watch it with Frank,” Patrick says.

“I can’t watch it without him though! He wouldn’t be mad, but we have an unspoken thing,” Gerard says.

“Unspoken thing? He doesn’t control you, why on earth do you care so much?” Pete asks, looking over at Gerard enquiringly.

“He’s my best friend,” Gerard shrugs.

“Well thanks, I feel loved,” Pete answers.

“You know what I mean. Besides, I live with him, don’t I? Obviously I’m closer to him than to you two,” Gerard replies.

“Sounds like you’re jealous to me.”

“Jealous? Of what? What is there to be jealous of? It’s not like I own him or anything, he’s just my roommate and friend,” Gerard says, “I’m happy that he has a date, but I wanted to watch Batman, and I’m just bitter about that.”

“You care way too much about Batman,” Patrick rolls his eyes.

“Well excuse me, but are you cooler than Batman? Do you know anyone who is? No, I don’t think so,” Gerard says, “Batman is a bamf.”