Male Order

"So, what do you remember about Kuroko's penis?"

There was a pause in gate, and the click-clack of heels, as the 26-year-old blonde twisted to meet Idechi's gaze. Light blue eyes shimmered in incredulity.

"What?" The usual softness of her accented tone sounded confused and crass.

"I need to know some things about his 'thing'." He muttered, lowering his voice. It was a lot more embarrassing asking a second time.

"Okay, Idechi, I know I'm your only friend-who's-a-girl, but that is my ex, you know?" Her stance relaxed and one of her hands ran through her hair before dropping to her hip. She glanced up at one of her closest friends in exasperation and sighed.

"What do ya wanna know then, ya dumbass?" She saw a stupid smile break out on his idiot face and instantly felt like this wasn't such a terrible idea.

"Thanks, Tera," Idechi quickly added a few more watts in his smile before starting. "Okay, so firstly," he lowered his voice another octave, his secrecy making Tera embarrassed by influence.

"How big is he?" She looked up a moment and considered this. Well, it's not like she brought out a tape-measure and got the exact measurements, but she did take a certain pride in her ability to measure with her eyes.

"7.6 inches. Almost exactly, maybe more." Idechi's eyebrows rose and he felt a sense of appreciation. Thank god friends exist or he would've only been left with his imagination.

"Okay," he said, mentally writing this all down. "Has he got anything special down there? Any small stuff that makes it different from other dicks?" He flushed red, how embarrassing! But Tera continued on, not half as embarrassed as her friend. God, he was so in love. She could see it.

This was the first time Idechi'd said or asked anything even remotely sexual about her ex, and to be honest, she was kinda glad to help with his love life.

"I'm pretty sure he had this adorable little mole on the head," her face scrunched a little as she tried to remember exact details. Kuroko was a pretty freckly guy. Everywhere. From what she remembered, he even had a few cute moles on his ass. ", and I think he had one or two lighter ones near the base."

He really was cute, she almost wished she still had a tight grip on that fine piece, but she guessed she could let Idechi have him. He practically asked for Kuroko's hand whenever she broke up with him.

Tera had guessed Idechi was gay before that, but no real proof. It didn't really matter to her, it was a part of Idechi, and ergo, a part of her. She was only irritated he didn't tell her sooner, so she could talk mad-shit with him. But, whatever.

"Well, that's about it..." Mind-Idechi lightly clicked his pen and twirled it in his fingers, humming happily at this information.

"What's it for though?" Real-Idechi snapped his head at Tera, looking embarrassed and confused.

"Um... for things." Tera raised her eyebrow and waited patiently for a response. She brought her fingernails to her face and examined them. "I was gonna... um." She flicked her eyes back to Idechi and blinked slowly. He squished his eyes tight and felt the blood rise in his cheeks. "I was gonna make a special order for things!!"

Tera felt frustrated at the fact that he still wasn't telling her specifically what he was gonna do with Kuroko's dick size and- oh. Special order. She paused and it all made sense. She smirked at Idechi, eyes alight with amusement.

"Oh, Idechi, you peeerv..." He got even redder, if that was possible. "So, you're getting a custom... From what company?" He scratched the scruff on his chin, the noise calming in a weird way.

"I think it was Dr. Aphrodite, or something." Tera's eyebrows raised the slightest bit in remembrance. That was the same company Kuro got his stuff. Interesting.

"When's it coming in?" Idechi gave her a look that would have made anyone feel stupid if they weren't Tera.

"Well, considering I haven't even made the order yet, I'd say a while."

"Don't be a smartass, dumbass." She pouted at him, before deciding that they need to get this (fake) dick on the road, for the sake of these idiots' presently-non-existent relationship.

She gestured with her head towards the sidewalk, in the direction of Idechi's place. "Let's get on it, then."

~x~7-14 BUSINESS DAYS LATER~x~

Tera had been going to Idechi's house almost everyday since.

She open the mailbox again, for what seemed like the hundredth time in a row. Difference was, there was a box this time.

She felt a sinister laughter curl up in her stomach, and, in her mind, she cackled.

Hm. It'd be a shame if Kuro saw this...