Feed the Fire

The flame is not out, but it is flickering - Ken Burns

The lone woman walked into the Staples Arena in Los Angeles via the back entrance. She wore a zipped up Adeline Skully hoodie and had the hood pulled over her hair along with a pair of sunglasses. She showed her credential to the security person at the barricade and was let in without another glance. The woman smiled to herself as she wasn't let in because of WHO she was but because her laminated pass allowed such access.

As she walked through the maze of corridors that made up the bowels of the venue, she thought back on the last couple of weeks leading up tow this mild October day. The small venue tour her band did was a rousing success. The further along it went, the quicker shows sold out. It kept her busy and kept her mind off of losing Henry back in August and seeing Tre with another woman in September. Once again the irony of her professional life being at the top and her personal life at it's lowest wasn't lost on Sabrina as she moved through the hallways toward the stage.

Instead of going to the stage itself, she went to the arena floor to watch the headliner's sound check. She hadn't talked to anyone for the last week or so since going their separate ways for a week long break before starting the new tour. Green Day had dropped their new CD; 'You Think You Know' during the middle of September to strong reviews. As was discussed months ago; Sabrina was the opening act for the tour, which suited her fine. She got an unusual one and half hours to perform before Green Day came out to do their two hour set. It was talked about calling it a co-headliner tour, but Sabrina wanted none of that. She was happy not being responsible for anything; just to show up and play. She stopped as she heard the strains of 'Longview' and she smiled as she knew she was getting closer to the floor. No one, not even Toby knew where she was or knew when she'd show up, and that's how she wanted it.

She stood in the back of the floor behind the sound board and watched Green Day run through their sound check. The pyro people were testing the fire and effects that were to be used during their set. Sabrina smiled as she remembered a phone meeting with them and herself about using pyro for her set. She chuckled at the gasps from the team when she said she doesn't use those effects, just plain old lights. The fact that she never used a set list also fired up Green Day's crew. To say that they were not happy campers would have been an understatement.

She saw that her band and their families along with Green Day's families were watching in a large group near the center of the floor. There were many people that she didn't recognize, but she spied a few of her friends in the group since everyone she knew lived in LA. Movement off to the side caught her eye as the large group of children played tag on the large open floor plan. Frankito and Ramona were in middle of the action and Sabrina was glad to se them. It had been almost a month since she last was able to visit with the children.

She watched Green Day finish playing and begin to move toward the group of people. The kids scattered and went running towards their fathers who in turn welcomed them with open arms. It was touching to see the men enjoying the last calm moment with their kids before tour started. She was still smiling as she started walking toward the group herself. No one took notice of her; she looked like any other roadie.

She started to walk through the unfamiliar people who were actually brothers, sisters, cousins of Green Day's but was stopped dead at the sight of the young women who raced up to Tre and jumped into the air to wrap her legs around the man's waist. He laughed and pretended to stagger a bit before claiming her mouth in a kiss. Sabrina blinked at the sight and the now familiar feeling of her heart dropping to the floor surged through her body.

As the drummer moved toward the large group of people with the girl still wrapped around his waist; the kids noticed Sabrina through her disguise ran towards her. "MOMBEE!" Ramona cried out as she sprinted towards her. Sabrina smiled at the sound and swept off her sunglasses and hood. Her newly darkened hair tumbled out and the fuchsia colored streaks gleamed in the light. The people around her gasped at not knowing who the lean woman was at first, but then quickly recovering themselves and smiling at her new choice in hair color.

Beth stood near Mike and watched the reunion of Sabrina and the two most important people in her life play out in front of the room full of people. She didn't notice that the young women dropped down to her feet from Tre's waist until she whispered something in the man's ear and he cleared his throat and spoke out, "Kids we had this talk; it's Aunt Beena now; NOT MomBee."

Sabrina jerked her head at the tone in Tre's voice; it was cold and it sent a shiver of foreboding down her spine. She turned toward Lisea and Claudia who always supported her relationship with the kids before this and her mouth went dry as the two women couldn't hold her glance and looked down to the floor. In fact, no one from Green Day would look her in the eyes; even Mike had his gaze focused on his feet.

Beth seethed at the man's words and the fact that no one would look at Sabrina in the eye or even to come to her aid which pissed her off even more. "Don't correct them. They clearly want to call Sab 'MomBee'," she said not bothering to keep a civil tone with the offending man.

Sabrina finally found her voice at the younger woman's comment, "Tre?" she began hesitantly.

In that same cold voice Tre totally tore apart the only remaining good thing that Sabrina had left in her life. "We think it's time for the kids to move on... that means you can't visit them whenever; and Ramona will not be continuing to learn the horse business." When Sabrina thought it couldn't get worse, the man put the final nail in her coffin with his last words "And you need to remove MY children from YOUR will."

Sabrina felt as though the only stable ground she had under her feet crumble into nothingness at her ex husband's cruel words. She found that her voice wasn't working and as she glanced around, not one person other than Beth would help her let alone look at her. Her shoulders slumped as she finally accepted the words at face value. "Can I at least get a chance to say goodbye?" she asked in a voice that was barely heard above the sound of her own pounding heart.

Tre glanced toward Jill and when she nodded her head; Tre shrugged his shoulders and waved his kids toward Sabrina. The woman dropped down to her knees and opened her arms to the crying children. "Its okay," she said as they cried on her shoulder. "No matter what your dad and moms say; it doesn't change how I feel about both of you. You will always be the children of my heart. I will always love you. When you are older and can make your own decisions; I'll be right here waiting for you both," she murmured, trying to calm them down.

"Promise us MomBee; promise..." Ramona cried.

"I learned from someone that to pinky swear is the strongest bond of all... " the woman replied as she raised her pinky fingers to both kids. "I will NEVER stop loving you and NEVER forget you both."

Jill nudged Tre as she said, "That's enough, and Sabrina has to sound check..." as Tre went and literally had to pull his children away from Sabrina.

"Bite it Princess," Beth muttered darkly, not liking one bit how things were playing out. She watched as Sabrina made her way back to her feet.

"I need a few minutes, I forget to ... umm... I forgot something..." Sabrina muttered as she turned to walk toward the backstage area. "I'll meet you guys on stage in five," she called without looking back over her shoulder.

Once Sabrina was out of earshot Beth couldn't hold back anymore and let loose with a string of venom towards the offending people. "That was cold, Tre. You have no fucking right to tell Sabrina who she can and cannot have in her mother fucking will, you arrogant prick. If she wanted to leave her entire fortune to fuckin' Charles Manson, that's her choice. If she wanted to leave your dipshit ass something, that's her choice," she crossed her arms over her chest, "It's hers, not yours."

Mike had moved to where Beth was standing screaming at Tre and started to try to propel the angry young women towards the stage, "Oh by the way asshole... that was such a nice opening night gift to give Sab," Beth shouted to Tre as she was being pulled away. "Fucking dumb shit drummer!"

Beth wrenched her arm from Mike's grip and turned; the sound of her hand connecting with Mike's cheek rang out through the empty arena. "And that's for being friends with this rude asshole and for avoiding eye contact with the woman who considers you her best friend; you limp dick," she screamed as she stomped off toward the stage area with the rest of Sabrina's band.

When Sabrina rejoined with her band on stage, Beth was still seething and angry that Sabrina stayed so quiet. "Why aren't you fighting for the kids? Dammit, where are the balls that everyone says you have?"

The woman in question looked at her, "To fight would cause more chaos, I will NOT put Mona and Kito through that," she said simply and sounding very tired.

"But why aren't you..."

Sabrina interrupted the younger woman by holding her hand up, "She is trying to erase me from Tre's life. I have a theory on it; 20 years of my own therapy tells me this. She is unsure of her own self worth and feels that the only way she can compete with me, is to have me gone."

'Oh therapy can you please fill the void' sang the woman.

"Well, if she's gonna be on tour with all of us, I can find ways of making her time miserable," Beth grinned evilly. "I wasn't the culprit behind my senior class prank in high school for nothing."

"Beth no; we will NOT stoop down to her level... no matter HOW good it will make us feel."

The younger woman began to protest she was cut off again "But," Sabrina said with a slight smile, "I have a hundred dollar bill that says the next thing in her attempt to erase me will be having Tre tell me to cover up the tattoos," Sabrina turned toward the band, "Anyone care to take that bet?"

Dan yelled "You're on; I give it a week."

"10 days," Emmett shouted.

"How long do you think it will take her to convince Tre to do that?" Beth asked.

"Dunno," Sabrina replied, "I've never had to make Tre do anything before, but I'm down for 4 days."

"You in Beth?" Gary asked.

"He can do whatever he wants to his body, but the second he tells you what to do with yours, I'll personally rip his last ball off with my very Snow White hands," Beth grumbled.

"Don't worry about it, Beth. I wouldn't do that. I MIGHT just however add a new tat when we pull into Las vegas. Maybe something like; 'Tre was here' tattooed on my inner thighs," Sabrina said with a glimpse of the old spunk.

A couple days later after a stop in San Diego the tour rolled into Sin City. Sabrina was not a happy camper to be in Las Vegas so soon after the opening day incident, but she had no choice. The tour had already started off on the wrong foot and hadn't gotten any better. It was too the point Sabrina was ready to quit as opening act, but after sitting down with Billie, Mike, and the managers; they had talked her out of it.

They were staying and performing at the Hard Rock hotel and casino. Mike decided that he was going to ride with Sabrina and Beth in their bus in case Sabrina needed a shoulder. When the caravan of buses arrived at the hotel Sabrina was frantic, "I so don't want to be here," she said to the lean bassist sitting next to her. "Can't we skip Vegas, Mike?"

"Its okay Sab; I'm right here. You can make it through this."

"I should call Carey, since we are in town. Maybe a night out is just what the doctor ordered... " she mused as she pulled open her phone and scrolled through numbers. Finding the one she wanted, she dialed and after ringing through it was kicked to voice mail. "Hey Carey, its Sabrina Sanders. We're on tour with Green Day and playing at the Hard Rock tomorrow night. Just calling to see if you wanted to get together, I need a night out tonight and maybe some more ink. Call me."

"More ink?" Mike asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Yea, I was thinking of getting some more work on my back, I dunno. I feel the need to get inked." Mike gave her a look and Sabrina snorted, "And no, I'm not getting ANY cover ups."

Mike smiled as some of her spunk was showing and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "That's my girl," he said.

After getting settled in their respective suites, everyone headed downstairs to sound check to tomorrow so they could enjoy the time in Sin City. As Sabrina waited for the elevator, Tre and Jill came up behind her to wait. Sabrina knew who was behind her as she could smell his cologne. She closed her eyes to the rush of memories flooding her head and brought a hand to rub her eyes as if she could rub out the thoughts.

The doors dinged open and the three walked into the car and Tre hit the button for the floor they needed. He without turning around he asked, "Have any plans while you're in town Sabrina?"

"No, but I called Carey to let him know I was here; I more than likely might just get some new ink."

"New ink?" Jill said with her nose upturned, "I hope you're covering up Frank's name on your body," she sniffed.

Sabrina smiled as she pulled out her phone to call Toby, "I win... my tattoos were mentioned, except by her instead of him. That makes it," Sabrina glanced at her watch, "4 days; so I win. I'll collect my money from Bill downstairs. See you in a few, bye."

"What was that all about?" Tre asked with a confused look on his face.

"Oh nothing, we had a bet going that's all."

"A bet about what exactly?" he inquired.

"When I was asked to cover up my tattoos; I said four days which was the closest guess."

"Oh... " he replied quietly.

"You are such a heathen, Frank I am so glad you have nothing to do with her; she is so much lower class than you," Jill sniffed again.

Sabrina just shook her head and ignored the younger woman hanging on to Tre. When Tre glanced back to look at her, she just pursed her lips and make a kissing sound and chuckled. When he eyes bugged out, she decided to make it worth her while and ran her tongue across her lips and gave her ex husband a suggestive look. Tre swallowed and turned around ignoring his body's familiar reaction to Sabrina's motions.

As Sabrina was finishing up her portion of sound check, a familiar person showed up to the venue. Carey Hart, owner of Hunt N Huntington walked into the room along with an A&E camera crew trailing behind him. At the sight of her friend, Sabrina perked up a bit and waved as she was singing. The man settled in and started talking with Billie Joe, who had gotten his Adeline Street logo tat at the shop earlier in the year. When Sabrina finished the song that was playing Carey shouted out, "Hey Sanders, I hear you're looking for some new ink?"

"Yea," the woman replied through the mic. "I have no clue what I want, but I need to feel some pain and a tattoo will fit the bill."

"Feel pain? Hell we can just slap you a bit," Carey laughed.

"Ha, ha real funny; actually I was thinking a tattoo for Henry; you know a memorial one; though I have no idea what it should be."

"I saw that he died; wasn't he like you father or something?"

"My guardian; a step below adoption but a step above foster father. Whatever I get Chris is going to get the same thing, so it has to be good," she mused.

"So what's with the pain remark then?"

"Oh nothing you need to worry about my friend, I have enough people worrying about it as it stands now," Sabrina checked her watch, "I sill have a bit more of sound check than we can bail." Carey nodded his head and returned to talking with Billie. She turned toward the band to confer and when she turned around, she saw Tre and Mike along with Adie and Jill speaking to Carey. A grimace quickly made it's way to her face as her stomach threatened to boil over. She gritted her teeth and took several deep breaths before getting her mass of nerves in hand.

Beth saw the look on Sabrina's face and moved over to the older woman. "You okay?" she asked in concerned tone.

"Yea," Sabrina replied through her still clenched teeth. "I just need some Rolaids or something." She didn't realize that Beth had moved away until a moment later the young woman pushed something into her hand.

"Here, I had some in my gig bag," Beth said with a smile when Sabrina turned to look at her. "You never know... "

Sabrina smiled her thanks and wolfed down the chalky medicine. A few other people noticed the woman wolfing down the medicine, but no one said anything since they knew the reasons why her stomach was twisting in knots. No one wanted to confront the reason she was getting sick either. Everyone knew it was Jill and Tre flaunting themselves that stressed Sabrina to the point of getting sick. They just looked at her with pity in their eyes; as Jill flourished with the power she felt from the situation.

After Sabrina finished off her sound check she joined Carey along with Mike, Beth, and Toby in going over to The Shop to get some new ink. After a number of hours, Sabrina emerged from the Palms with a new memorial tattoo of her mentor and guardian Henry. A likeness of a black horse's head was on her back shoulder along with a ribbon underneath it with Henry's name and the words 'unspoken father'.

After a night of hard partying, Sabrina was able to somewhat forget where she was and what happened the last time she was in town. As the rented limo cruised around they past The Little White Wedding Chapel. Sabrina glanced out the window at the building and a single tear escaped, before she quickly brushed it away and locked down the feelings tight so they wouldn't escape.

Upon arriving back to the Hard Rock, Sabrina left the group to return to her own room to be alone and continue to drink till she couldn't remember her own name, much the less his and passed out a short time later.

Using a keycard, Toby softly clicked opened the door to Sabrina's suite and looked around at the carnage of dead solders scattered throughout the room. He walked into the room looking for Sabrina and finally found her on the balcony. She was passed out in one of the lounge chairs snoring softly with her hand still wrapped around a bottle of Jack Daniels and a picture of her and Tre on their wedding day so many nights ago in the other.

As he stood and gazed at his best friend for over 25 years and sighed. As the night breeze swayed the palm trees on the balcony as he thought back to a simpler time; a time when things were less complicated and not so painful. He wished that Sabrina could catch some sort of break before she destroyed herself.

He turned to go back into the suite and soon remerged with a light blanket in his hands. He walked over to the sleeping woman and gently pried the bottle from her grip. As he placed the blanket over her his clear voice carried through the night air.

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby