Feed the Fire

As Tre walked back to the bus that he and Mike shared, the bus where Jill was sound asleep; he thought about his life and where it was at that moment in time. He couldn't believe what he had done in the other bus. Sabrina was like heroin and he was a junkie who couldn't get enough. It was like part of him was completed when they were together. His body always turned on auto pilot around her. She always made him feel good and he wanted that feeling all the time.

He paused before he opened the bus door. With a sigh, he let go of the handle and pulled out his phone. He quickly dialed and left a message that he was talking a walk around and to call him when it was time to leave the venue. He looked around and with another sigh, maneuvered around the buses until it was clear sailing.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and began to let his thoughts wander. He still loved Sabrina that much he knew, but something was stopping him for turning back to her totally. That something was Jill. He thought about the failed marriages and relationships in his past. The he couldn't remember that last stable relationship he had. A name floated into his head, but he pushed it back thinking that it wasn't really stable since that relationship had also broken up.

No matter what he did, her name kept coming into his thoughts. "Heroin, she's like fuckin' heroin," he muttered out loud. He stopped walking and made his mind wrap around another. He smiled as he pictured Jill in his mind; he thought about her face and her jade eyes. How her face wrinkled when she smiled at him. Before he realized it, an older face replaced the younger one; blue eyes replaced green.

He shook his head trying to rid it of her. He stamped his foot in frustration. Jill deserved better from him. He needed to make it right with her. An almost obsessive need to 'do it right this time' swept through him. A steely resolve filled his brain. "I will do right by her," he muttered to nobody, "She deserves it!" He turned and started back towards the bus, "Jill deserves it."

When he boarded his bus he walked past Mike playing some nameless video game and to the bunk where Jill was sound asleep. He stood beside the bunk and watched her breath in and out. He waited for the protective feeling to wash over him, but it never did. Tre once again steeled himself and muttered, "She deserves it," before climbing in beside the young woman and shutting the drapes to close out the world.

Mike watched Tre come in looking preoccupied by didn't think a thing about it. He had his own thoughts swirling through his mind. He felt the bus lurch into forward motion as they began their trip to New York City. It was decided that they would stay at Sabrina's penthouse until the Madison Square Garden dates were finished. A quick helicopter ride would take them to their gigs in New Jersey and Philly. It was nice to be able to stay in one place even if it was only for less than a week.

Sabrina ignored the sound of her phone ringing as she traveled the distance between Washington DC and Secane, PA. The closer she got to her hometown, the calmer she began to feel. As she turned onto the Blue Route to travel the few miles to the Media exit she felt that calm descend upon to her surround her like a blanket. When she exited and turned up Baltimore Pike she took in the sights. Though she had been visiting down 'home' a couple times over the years, she was unprepared for some of the major changes she saw. "Who says you can't go home," she sang quietly out loud as some of the familiar landmarks were gone.

"The Blue Church isn't even blue anymore... " she said as she passed the landmark on The Pike. She did smile as the car dealerships and Burger King were right where they always had been. A few more hills and valleys and soon she was driving past 'Ye Olde Inn' and 'The Stanley Cup' bars which were staple landmarks that she remembered growing up. Within a minute or two she was turning at the corner of Bishop Avenue and driving down the hill that soon went uphill just as quickly. At the top of the hill she turned left onto the road that would turn into Ashurst Avenue. She passed the Montessori school where she went to pre-school. A smile played on her face as she remembered a time in her life that was pleasant.

As she traveled down the hill towards the sharp bend where Ashurst Avenue began, she caught the first glimpse of her childhood home. A ranch type house which was situated just behind the Primos Elementary School gym was where Sabrina spent from ages 16 months until she was about 10. Sabrina gave a silent thanks to Toby who had contacted the housekeeper to come in and have some lights on for when Sabrina arrived. She pulled the rental car into the two car driveway and killed the motor. She sat there and gazed upon the house where she grew up and old memories came flooding into her head.

The last owners, who were the ones who bought it from Sabrina's family, had made some improvements to the home. The sliding glass doors in the living room finally emptied onto a porch rather than to second story nothingness. The yard now had a privacy fence rather then the plain wire fencing from days past. 'But the dogwoods trees', she thought... The dogwood trees were still there lining the front walk. Those dogwoods were her grandmother's favorite tree, the same tree that marked her place by the pond back on The Hopeful Farm.

Sabrina groaned as she grabbed her bag and got out of the car. She quickly walked the front walk and she opened the storm door where a keypad would unlock the front door via a code. After typing in the number combination she heard the slight 'click' as the front door unlocked itself so she could gain entry. She pushed open the door and came face to face with her childhood. She had her interior designer refurnish the house as close as possible to how it was when she was younger. Sabrina had supplied a number of photo albums for the designer to work from and the final result was well worth the wait.

The woman walked past the black piano and went down the hallway towards where she was going to sleep. She paused at her old bedroom for a minute before continuing down to the master suite which was where her mother and father slept when she was a child. A memory of her walking into the room as a 2 year old played in her mind. She saw her father, who was by that time very sick with cancer, propped up on the bed. She heard him ask her to go get him another blanket. Over the years the memory faded; she had forgotten the sound of his voice, and his face was blurry. It was the only memory she had of her father before he died when she was 2 and ½.

Her phone rang and the tones of 'Governator' filled the bedroom bringing her back to the present. She sighed as she flipped open the phone and placed it to her ear. "Hi Michael," she said.

"Sabrina... oh my god, we were worried about you. Billie said you left upset and then you didn't answer your phone... are you okay?" the bass player asked of her.

The sound of her sigh sounded loud in her ear, "Yea, I just got in to the house and I'm going to go to sleep. I need sleep... maybe sleep will ease my weary mind."

"Sabrina... what happened?"

"Nothing that can't wait until later Michael, I'm tired so I'll call you when I wake up." She shut the phone without waiting for his response and dropped her bag to the floor. Without even getting undressed she walked over to the bed pulling back the covers and quickly snuggled down and promptly fell asleep.

Upon arriving in New York City during the early morning hours, the weary Green Day travelers got off the bus and dragged themselves into the penthouse and within minutes everyone was asleep. All except Tre and Jill; the latter refused to stay at Sabrina's penthouse. So Tre had Bill their manager call and get a hotel suite for them to stay in during their time in New York City. Tre wasn't happy being separated from his band, but Jill insisted and so he gave in.

The next morning came and Beth was up with the birds chirping outside her window. Sabrina had attached a birdfeeder to the window of that which resulted in the local birdlife to perch themselves and coo and sing with the morning sunshine. Beth stretched and yawned as she became conscious. She sat up and glanced around the room and made a decision. When she left the room whistling a nameless tune she got an odd stare from Mike as he sat and waited for his coffee to brew. The man just shook his head as she left the penthouse for her day's adventure.

Later that day, the front door burst open and in Beth came struggling with a number of bags; one of which was so heavy that she almost had to drag it across the floor. As Toby and Billie stood up to help the young woman, Beth just waved them away; determined to do it on her own. Mike never once moved, for he knew just how stubborn Beth could really be. She soon succeeded in moving all the bags from the front door to inside her room. With a closing of the door Beth shut the others from herself as she began her work.

As the day progressed the others could hear the moving around of large pieces of furniture and soon smelled the odor of fresh paint. The paint smell and the odd banging shuffling around of items went into the night with Beth only coming out for a short time to grab food. When she came up for air she was a sight; wearing a ratty white sweatshirt with paints drips all over it, her hair in a dysfunctional bun with the hair in complete disarray, holey jeans, also with paint on them, barefoot in fluffy white slippers... .and wearing her glasses.

The group of people sitting around eating take out food were in complete shock on the young woman's appearance, they had never seen her look anything but completely pulled together. Mike on the other hand was smitten. The drops of paint that graced her clothes and even parts of her face just made her all the more fuckable than she had ever been. The fact that she wore glasses along with her messy bun with hair escaping everywhere turned the lean man on. He did his best to ignore the woman as she went about grabbing food and soon he was able to think again for she disappeared in her room to continue whatever it was she was doing. Beth wasn't seen again that night but within a few hours after coming out for food, the banging and what not ceased and quiet descended the penthouse.

The next morning found Mike in his normal place in the kitchen watching and waiting for the coffee to brew. He heard a noise of a door opening and soon the padding of small feet came down the hallway and towards the kitchen. He wasn't expecting her to acknowledge him so when she spoke it didn't register in his brain.

"Earth to Mike, Good morning," she said a little louder.

"Huhhh... wh... " the man's voice seemed to get stuck in his throat when he turned towards the sound of her voice. His jaw slacked a little as he drank in the sight of her. Her hair was down and bed tousled with her glasses perched on her nose. It was the t-shirt that she wore which really elicited the response from the man. The oversized shirt which hung down mid-thigh was all she had on. To make matters worse was the logo on said shirt; 'Mike's Hard' lemonade logo was over the left breast and over the whole back of the shirt. The shirt spoke the truth as his morning wood decided to make an encore appearance.

She was smiling as she gathered her items to make her morning cup of tea. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she moved around the kitchen while waiting for the water in the kettle to boil. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, the kettle whistled and she was pouring her mug full. She smiled at him one more time before she left to go back to her room.

Beth was smiling because she was happy on how she redecorated her living space. As she entered the newly changed room, a lyric was painted over the door. 'I am just one small part of forever' was painted in white paint against the now crimson colored wood around the door. She pushed open the door to reveal matching crimson walls all around the room. Her eclectic style was showcased through the room.

Beth had draped the windows with some nicely textured gold fabric that she had found at a fabric store. Her bed and the mattress were on the floor, covered with eclectic pillows, throws and red sheets. Beth took everything off any tables and dressers and shoved the stuff away in the closet. She did keep in the one corner the record/CD player that was already there.

The young woman converted a TV tray into an 'altar' of sorts; she placed a gold statuette of Buddha with an incense holder attached to his back in the center of the tray and little red votives with holders around him. The smell of strawberries wafted through the room by way of a stick of incense.

She was shocked out of her visual enjoyment of her room by a deep voice coming from the doorway "I didn't know you were a Buddhist."

She glanced up to see Mike leaning against the doorframe with a mug of coffee in his hand. "I'm not," she replied.

"Then why..."

"I like Buddha. Everyone should have a little, fat man made of gold that smells nice." The sounds of Mike's laughter reverberated through the penthouse as he walked away from her room.

The day of the 10th came around and everyone was in East Rutherford except Sabrina. Green Day was finishing up their sound check but was stalling to give her time to show up. Both bands were mingling on stage when she did finally blow in. Billie caught a look at her t-shirt and knew it was hunting season and the prey was fresh Tre.

Sabrina strode onstage with a defiant look and blew by Mike and Billie. She grabbed her mic and without missing a beat called out a song. Her band scrambled to their instruments while Green Day left the stage. Sabrina took a stance center stage and waited for the musicians to catch up to where she was. Her baseball t-shirt had the infamous saying 'Who the FUCK is Tre Cool' on it and it was sending a message loud and clear to the drummer.

Finally the band was ready and the country twang of the JoDee Messina song began. Sabrina almost spit the words out like bullets and they were directed to Tre since she stared him right down as she sang.

Well you filled up my head
With so many lies,
Twisted my heart
'Til something snapped inside
I'd like to give it one more try
But my give a damn's busted

You can crawl back home
Say you were wrong
Stand out in the yard
And cry all night long
Go ahead and water the lawn
My give a damn's busted

I really wanna care
I wanna feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper
No, sorry...nothing

You can say you've got issues
You can say you're a victim
It's all your parents fault, I mean
After all, you didn't pick 'em
Maybe somebody else has got time to listen
My give a damn's busted

Well you're therapist says
It was all a mistake
A product of the Prozac
And your codependent ways
So, who's your enabler these days
My give a damn's busted

I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
No, still nothing

It's a desperate situation
No tellin' what you'll do
If I don't forgive you
You say your life is through
C'mon, give me something I can use
My give a damn's busted
Well...

I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
No, man...sorry

Just nothing.......no

You've really done it this time... ha ha

My give a damn's busted

Sabrina was breathing heavily and her eyes were a little wild as she called out the next song. She started out quietly as the song began to play.

I want you to know I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both

Suddenly the song grew in volume as she changed the words slightly to suit her.

A younger version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theater
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive

The chorus came and Sabrina was literally screaming as she sang the words that struck a chord in her like a knife in her belly. Her vein was popping out on her neck and it looked as though it was about to burst.

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
And now you're thinking of me when you fuck her

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes
And you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

"Doll Parts by Hole," she screamed out to the band. They were starting to have a hard time keeping up with the woman who by now had a savage look about her. Toby began to move toward the stage because he knew it was only a matter of time before Sabrina crashed and burned at the rate she was going.

I am doll eyes
Doll mouth, doll legs
I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too
I want to be the girl with the most cake
I love him so much it just turns to hate
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday, you will ache like I ache

I am doll parts
Bad skin, doll heart
It stands for knife
For the rest of my life
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do, too
I want to be the girl with the most cake
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday you will ache like I ache

The sing ended with the woman calling out another song. Toby called out to the woman in order to give the band a breather. "Sab, why don't you play drums or something? Burn off some energy or something... "

The woman nodded as she gestured for Emmett to step down and she quickly took his place at the drums. With a quick adjustment of the seat she was ready and waiting for those around her to have a breather. "Platypus when you all are ready," she said to those around her. "Someone grab me a mic, I'm singing this bastard."

Emmett's drum tech and Her tech Spyder scattered to fulfill her request and soon a mic headset was handed to her and within minutes a quick level check was done and everything was ready to go. The band looked at her so she gave a quick count off and did the 2 beats before the rest of the band came in.

You rise and fall
Back up against the wall
What goes around is coming back and haunting you
It's time to quit
Cause you ain't worth the shit
Under my shoes or the piss on the ground

No one loves you and you know it
Don't pretend that you enjoy it or you don't care
Cause now I wouldn't lie or tell you all the things you want
to hear.
CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOUUUUUU

I heard your sick
Sucked on that cancer stick
A throbbing tumor and a radiation high
Shit out of luck
And now your time is up
It brings me pleasure just to know your gonna to die

No one loves you and you know it
Don't pretend that you enjoy it or you don't care
Cause now I wouldn't lie or tell you all the things you want
to hear.
CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOUUUUUU

When the bridge came around, the woman again stared straight at Tre so there was no mistaking that she was singing about him.

Dickhead, Fuckface, cock-smoking, mother-fucking, asshole, dirty twat, waste of semen, I hope you die, HEY!

Red eye, code blue
I'd like to strangle you
And watch your eyes bulge right out of your skull
When you go down
Head first into the ground
I'll stand above you just to piss on your grave

No one loves you and you know it
Don't pretend that you enjoy it or you don't care
Cause now I wouldn't lie or tell you all the things you want
to hear.
CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOU, CUZ I HATE YOUUUUUU

The song ended with a few quick cymbal crashes and Sabrina stood up and pushed over the whole drum kit. The band was in shock at her antics and she just ignored her drummer's protests to the treatment of his kit. The woman walked to the front of the stage and jumped down and walked toward the object of her hatred.

Tre backed up as he saw Sabrina making a bee line toward him. When he looked around to see who could help him, he was caught unawares by the drum stick that the mad woman hurled at him. The stick caught him square in the stomach.

"GOD DAMMIT," he screamed as he was hit with another missile. He ducked and tried to run but Sabrina had grabbed the entire stick bag and was aiming for Tre like he was a duck in a shooting gallery, and the worse part was she was a good shot. Her last stick she was able to throw before Mike wrapped his arms around her caught Tre right in his remaining ball and he dropped to his knees like a ton of bricks.

"FUCKNUT!" she shouted as Mike literally carried her away from the stage floor and to the dressing room. He dropped her unceremoniously on the floor. Toby was one step behind Mike and closed the door and locked it.

Sabrina hit the floor with a dull thud and tucked herself into a ball and assumed the fetal position. She began to shake uncontrollably and hyperventilate. The tears began to flow as she finally let the demon out of the proverbial bottle and allowed it to run amuck. She didn't feel a thing when the tall man plucked her from the floor and gently placed her on a couch that was in the room. When Mike sat down she stretched out somewhat, placed her head in his lap and continued to cry.

Mike absentmindedly stroked the woman's hair as she sobbed and let his mind wander. He thought about the relationship she and Tre had... or rather the fucking they did and realized that it was not unlike what he and Beth had except without the heartache. He furrowed his brow at the thought and the idea came to him that he might actually want more than just that from Beth, and that he might actually 'like' her; 'like' her as a relationship 'like'.

With an almost nap jerk like motion Mike came out of his musings and realized that Sabrina had fallen asleep. He gently picked up her head enough so that he could slide out from underneath her. As he stood up, Toby was there with a blanket he had found and paced it over the now calm woman. Quickly they removed themselves from the room and called a guard over to make sure no one disturbed the sleeping woman inside.

Toby and Mike walked back down the hallway towards Green Day's dressing room where everyone had taken refuge. Tre was in the corner of the room with an ice pack on his groin and Jill hovered over him making noise about pressing assault charges. Toby ignored her and went to where Billie was sitting with Adie talking quietly. With no fanfare the manager laid it out to the front man.

"She is in no condition to play tonight."

Billie nodded and soon a look of concentration came over his face. After a moment he spoke up in reply, "Okay, any ideas?" The two men looked at each other and it was as if the same thought went into both of their minds at the same time. In unison they both turned to look over where Beth was sitting talking with Sabrina's band. The two men glanced back at each other and nodded their agreement. Billie stood up and along with Toby walked over to where Beth sat and stood there awkwardly until she looked up at them.

Beth glanced up at the front man standing in front of her obviously waiting for her attention. When she cocked her head to the side to look at him funny was when he opened his mouth and threw her for a loop. "Ummm, I know, it's kinda short notice, y'know but Beth listen; could you open for us tonight?"

Immediately as the words left the front man's mouth and they registered in Beth's brain, her right arm erupted with bright angry red splotches. She just sat there and looked at Toby and Billie Joe with a shocked expression on her face. "Come again... " she asked hesitantly.

Toby sifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Sabrina is in no condition to play tonight and some one needs to open for Green Day. It's too late to get another band in here, so that leaves you or 'The Network' to play first."

"What the fuck is 'The Network'?" Beth asked getting confused. "I thought you just said there wasn't time for another band to get here."

Billie Joe sighed as he tried to explain to Beth their side project band. "We have another project that we recorded an album for. 'The Network' is a fictitious band from Europe and they play Devo like music and it's us in costumes and we don't have the shit here so we really can't get it around in time... so," Billie paused to take a deep breath, "Can you please open for us tonight?"

Beth looked from one man to the other, "So basically you are telling me that I'm opening for Green Day tonight." When both men nodded she nodded her head and thought for a minute. "Okay boys," she said as she turned toward the band. "We need to go practice some shit so we don't die out there in front of 'Teenie Town'." The young woman stood up and left the room to go back to the stage with the band and run through a set list for that night.