No Such Thing as Too Young

Save me from myself,
Don’t let me drown.
“Drown” – Bring me the Horizon

It snowed that night; the first snow of winter. It was beautiful, especially at night in Vic’s garden, but it was hard to appreciate it after the evening I’d had. I’d learned that my best friend, the one I’d come to love so much, was struggling with something life-threatening and had barely managed to make it this far. It was a lot to stomach.

We were still sitting outside in the tree, huddled together for warmth as the snow started to dampen our clothes and collect in our hair.

“Kellin?” Vic murmured, breaking the silence. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” I said softly. Truthfully, I was pretty far from okay. But this wasn’t about me; I just had to stay strong for Vic. I’d be okay when I knew Vic was safe. I wished there was more I could do for him, but I knew this was his battle. As helpless as I felt, I didn’t have a choice.

“Vic…” I said, a sudden thought occurring to me. “Have you considered rehab? Maybe it’d help.”

“The doctor who treated me after my overdose tried really hard to convince my parents to send me to a rehab home, but they refused to pay for it.”

“If my mum and I offered to pay for it, would you go?” I said slowly.

“God, Kellin, you can’t offer something like that!” Vic exclaimed, looking shocked.

“I’d do it for you, Vic. If it would help then I would, and I know my mum would too.”

“I don’t know…” he hesitated, looking scared. “If I go to rehab, then everyone will find out. I won’t be able to go to school and you’d have to tell your mum…”

“Hey, no one will know. If you just go for a month, we can tell everyone that you’re just going on a family holiday or something. We’d probably have to tell the school the truth when we organise for you to go on leave but none of the students will know. And yeah, my mum will have to know, but she won’t tell anyone and she won’t think any differently of you. If you let me explain everything to her, she’ll understand. She’ll want to help.”

Vic sighed. “Would it make you happy if I went?”

“It would. I don’t want to force you into this, it’s your decision, but I want nothing more than for you to break this addiction. Vic, I…” I took a deep breath. “I love you, Vic.”

He looked up at me, his chocolate eyes staring straight into mine. “Kellin…”

“I do, Vic. I mean it. I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. You’re so important to me.”

“I love you too, Kellin. More than anything.” he whispered.

I leaned over and kissed his ice cold lips, leaning my hands on his shoulders. He grabbed the branch above us to steady us both and wrapped his other arm around me, holding me close and kissing me back. I ran my hand through his soft hair, brushing the snow out of it and holding his head as I continued to kiss him.

I pulled back after a few minutes, but with an arm still around his waist. “So, will you consider it?”

Vic sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll think about it. You can talk to you mum if you like.”

“Do you want to be there when I talk to her?” I asked.

“No, that’s alright. I don’t want to pressure her by being there.”

“Fair enough. But hey, um, you should probably talk to Mike. I know you’re mad at him, but he’s worried sick about you.”

Vic groaned. “I suppose.”

“Vic, don’t be too rough on him, okay? He cares about you a lot and he didn’t mean any harm.”

“I know,” Vic said softly. “I better go in and see him now. Besides, it’s fucking freezing out here.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I’m so cold I don’t even know if I can move.”

“Come on,” said Vic, sliding out of the branch and falling to the ground. I followed him a second later, but when I hit the ground my legs crumpled under me and I landed on my back in the snow.

“Oh my god, Kellin, are you okay?” Vic exclaimed, sounding worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I groaned.

“Here,” said Vic, holding out a hand and helping me onto my feet before he started to laugh.

“Hey, it’s not funny!” I said indignantly.

“It was a little funny,” Vic giggled. I just glared. “Oh, come on,” he said, smiling. “You know I’m just messing around.” He took both my hands in his, forcing me to uncross my arms, before leaning in and kissing me. I tried to keep my grumpy face on but I couldn’t when he kissed me like that, and it only took a few seconds before I was kissing him back. I liked the warm feeling I got whenever he kissed me, making me forget about the snow and the cold.

“We should go inside,” I whispered when he pulled back, still keeping his face close to mine. He nodded and started heading into the house, keeping a hold on one of my hands.

“Do you want me to be there when you talk to Mike?” I asked when we were inside.

Vic thought for a second before answering. “No, I think this is something the two of us need to work out ourselves. But thanks for the offer,” he said with a small smile. “Also, do you wanna stay here the night?”

“Yeah, sure.” I was glad he offered. I just wanted to be with him tonight, for both his sake and mine. I was a bit worried about letting him talk to Mike himself in case he got too angry again, or in case Mike got angry at Vic for doing drugs again. But I understood his decision and I knew I’d still be nearby in case anything went wrong.

“He must have gone to his room,” Vic said after we saw that Mike wasn’t in the lounge room anymore. “I’ll go and talk to him up there; you can wait in here or in my room, just wherever you like.” I opted for Vic’s room so I could hear if things got too dangerous. I might be acting paranoid but I just wanted to make sure that Vic was safe and that he didn’t hurt his brother either.

Vic came back into his room a little while later where I was lying on his bed and texting my mum to say that I was staying at Vic’s. “Vic, what’s wrong?” I asked when I realised his eyes were red as if he’d been crying.

“Nothing, it’s fine,” he said, sitting down next to me on the bed. “I’ve worked things out with Mike. He… he also wants me to go to rehab. He was angry at me for still using heroin after my overdose, but he’s happy that I’m thinking about rehab to really get better. And I forgave him for telling you about it all, so we’re all good.”

“But…?” I pushed.

“But… I just feel so bad,” he said, tears leaking from his eyes. “This isn’t fair on him. Mike and I didn’t even become close until the incident, I think because it scared him and so he started caring about me a lot more and spending more time with me. And after all that I just keep putting myself at risk, not even thinking about how it could affect my little brother. If I die then he’s got no one.”

“Vic, it isn’t your fault,” I said softly, wiping his tears with my sleeve. “You couldn’t help it. And the fact that you’re willing to accept help now changes things; it shows how much you really care. Things can be turned around for you and Mike, they can get better.”

“But what about you? It’s not fair on you either,” he continued. “My parents don’t have the money to get help for me so it’s all been dumped on you and your mum, and it’s all my fault. And now that I’ve told you about all this I’ve upset you and just made things difficult.”

“No no no, Vic,” I said. “I want to know these things. I’m not upset about knowing; I’d rather know and help in any way I can rather than not know at all. Trust me. It’s not your fault and I’m not mad or upset with you.”

Vic leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder, so I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. “Things will get better,” I said softly. “I promise.”