I Will Keep Hold of You

We sit together on the murderer’s lawn for hours.

I see the police take him away in handcuffs. I see them wheel me out in a body bag. I see the neighbours gather around the crime scene tape, asking questions to each other and then slowly loose interest and disperse as the night goes on.

Alex doesn’t stop crying and he doesn’t let go of me for even a second.

The sun is beginning to come up. A new day will start and I will not be a part of it. That is when it finally hits me. I finally break down, the floodgates open and Alex only holds me tighter.

--
“Where are we even going to go?” I ask, my voice is scratchy and quiet.

“I don’t know, it doesn’t matter,” Alex tells me, leading me by the hand. “But we can’t stay here, not for a second longer. This is a toxic place,” he adds, glancing back at the house one more time.

I grip his hand tightly and let him lead us a few streets away. “I want to go home,” I say softly, a few stray tears falling down my cheek.

Alex stops walking and turns to face me. “I know you do,” he says, a mixture of sympathy and heartbreak on his face. “But you can’t. Remember when you wouldn’t let me go home when you first found me? Well, you were right. We can’t go back,” he tells me, deep sorrow in his eyes. “We can’t just haunt our loved ones forever. It’s not fair, to anyone.”

--
Alex and I wander the streets of the unfamiliar neighbourhood for hours. The world comes alive around us as people wake up and start their day. The sound of car engines become a constant background hum.

I’m not sure where we’re going, we’re just walking aimlessly. Completely invisible, dead to the world; literally.

--
The sun is shining brightly in the afternoon sky when we end up at a small diner on the outskirts of town.

“Do you remember what I told you earlier?” Alex asks, holding my hands tightly in his. “You just need to focus on wanting to be seen and you will be, it’s really easy I swear.”

I do just that and hope that it's actually working. There’s no way of knowing, we’re both ghosts so Alex can see me no matter what and I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just so drained. Is this how I’m always going to feel?

Alex leads the way, opening the door to the diner for me.

It’s a really small place but there are a few people in here, I’m guessing it’s what’s left of the lunch crowd but honestly I have no clue exactly what time it is.

Most of the people look up as we come in but quickly lose interest. Alex and I sit in the booth in the far corner.

A waitress comes over to take our order, Alex orders coffee. She looks over at me but I don’t say a word. It at least proves I can be seen.

When she leaves Alex leans over the table towards me. “Hanging in there?”

“Just barely,” I answer honestly. “Why are we even still here?”

“I don’t know,” Alex replies honestly.

“Do you think we’re going to be here forever?”

“I don’t know,” he says again.

I know he doesn’t have any answers, but I have so many big questions. I have no idea what we should do.

“If we are here forever, at least we get to be together,” Alex says.

I can tell his trying to cheer me up but I’m just not there yet. I was murdered yesterday, I’m not really ready to be cheered up. “What’s your plan, Alex? Do you have one? Because from where I’m standing we’re broke, dead and alone.” I don’t mean to snap at him and immediately feel bad about it.

Alex looks me straight in the eyes. “We don’t need a plan,” he states with complete sincerity. “We’ve got each other and even if things do go wrong what’s the worst that can happen we’re already ghosts?”

He does have a point there. “I guess,” I mumble.

“I remember you telling me that we would leave this town together, leave everything behind. Well, now nothing is stopping us from doing that.” He’s staring at me adoringly.

This is all I ever wanted from Alex, I can’t believe we both had to die just to get us here.

I see the waitress coming back with the coffee and we both stop talking. She puts the mug down in front of Alex.

Once she is back out of earshot I speak up again. “How are we going to pay for this?” I ask Alex.

“Do you have any money?”

“Alex, I’m a ghost.”

“Just give me your money,” he says, holding out his hand.

I do as he says and pull out my wallet giving him everything I’ve got, which is only a twenty and some loose change. He takes it from me and then drops in down onto the table. The change makes a soft jingle as they hit the wood.

For a second I am completely taken a back but then I remember, we figured this out before. “Like when you changed out of your clothes.”

“Exactly,” states Alex. “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve. This whole corporeal, non-corporeal thing is becoming a breeze,” he tells me as he counts out the money. “I’ll teach you how to do it too, I’m telling you we’ve got this, Jack.”

“Or maybe our luck will quickly run out again,” I mutter cynically.

Alex stops counting the change and looks back up at me. “Look, I don’t know what’s keeping us here or how long we’re going to be stuck hanging around for. We could disappear at literally any second. The only thing I do know is we are going to be okay, Jack,” he tells me. “I’m sure of it.”

I’m actually starting to believe him. We’re just going to have to stick it out for as long as it takes, even if that’s forever. I trust him. “You’re right,” I tell him.

Alex gives me a small smile. “All we need is each other,” he says as a final assurance. He stares at me for a few extra seconds before adding, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”