Lie In The Grass, Next To The Mausoleum

I didn't speak to Peter Wentz again for a long, long while.

He transferred out of New Trier for his senior year. I hope it was because of me.

I never forgave him really. He was the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to me, somehow at the same time.

I had some problems when I was nineteen. I got addicted to heroine when my dad died. My mom died right after him, and I just couldn't deal with everything that had been left undone. My father never went to prison, my mother never cleaned up.

Siobhan and Casey got married.
I was the maid of honor. It was that day that I cleaned up for good.
I saw the beauty of their love, and I realized that's what I wanted. I didn't need this perverse love of a substance, I wanted what they had.What Peter and I had...

When I was 24, I got a job working for AP.

It was Monday, July 21st, when I got my assignment. I was going to Warped Tour to interview Fall Out Boy.

At first, I was scared. How could I ever face him?
But then I realized. Pete was the one that should be scared. I ended us on my terms. He blew it. Not me.
That thought was what kept me from rejecting the assignment.

I walked into Fall Out Boy's bus on July 25th with my head held high. I smiled at Joe when he opened the door, introducing myself politely. He shook my hand and directed me to a seat while he went to get the guys.
I took my tape recorder out of my purse and sat patiently, drumming my fingernails on the table in front of me.

When I heard his voice, it was like something out of a dream. Of course, I had heard him interviewed before, but it's not the same as hearing it in person.

Pete swaggered through the door shirtless, covered in those tattoos. Too many tattoos.

Not like before.... They were perfect before...

He didn't look at me for a few seconds. He was laughing obnoxiously with the singer, at some inside joke I guess.
When he did look up, it was like time froze. Our eyes locked, and the smile slowly fell from his face. I knew the other guys were staring at us curiously, but I didn't care.
I just waited.
Finally, with shame in his eyes, Peter looked away from me.
I forced a smile onto my face and began the interview, asking all the obvious questions.
I tried to ignore Pete's unusual silence, and the obvious curious discomfort of his bandmates, but finally, I got to my last question. I looked right at Pete.

"So, Pete. Who are all the songs about?"
A slight smile graced his lips. I remembered that smile. He always smiled like that when I made some smart-ass comment.

"They're about a girl I was head-over-heels in love with. When I was 17." He replied, without flinching.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even. "What happened to that?"
Pete blinked a few times before speaking slowly.

"I cheated on her. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made. I regret it every day."

His eyes were shiny, and I forgot everyone else. I just stared at Pete.

"Why did you do it?" I whispered, my voice full of pain.
Pete dropped his head into his hands.

"I don't know. Jesus Fuck, Evie, I don't know."
His muffled voice cracked with emotion, and I saw the guys exchange wide-eyed looks.

"I never got over you." I said softly, forgetting that the tape recorder was still running. Pete froze, his fingers tangled in his hair.
Finally, he looked up. His eyes were red, and he stared at me disbelievingly.

"You didn't?"

I shook my head.

"Well I never got over you either." He whispered, and I felt my heart clench.
What was I getting myself into?

"Evangeline, I love you. I will always love you. I've been with a lot of girls, but none of them ever made me feel the way you did."
I looked down at the tape recorder, but I didn't stop it. I had a feeling I'd be listening to this later.
When I didn't respond, Pete spoke again.

"Please, Eve. Please. Give me one more chance. I know I fucked up, and I swear to God, I will never, ever hurt you again."
It was so raw. So bare. I felt a tear drip off of my lash and hit my cheek, And I knew.
I would regret it forever if I said no.
I knew I would live the rest of my life, and maybe I'd be happy, but in the back of my mind I would always be wondering.
What if I got everything I ever wanted?

"Yes."
The sound of my voice surprised even me.

"What?"
Pete's head snapped up, and he stared at me disbelievingly.
I smiled.

"Yes. I love you."
Pete's face broke into a grin, and my heart swelled up.

"You mean it?" He asked, almost laughing.

"Yeah." I said, looking into his eyes and struggling to keep my voice even. "I do."