Dear You

The boys have been gone for a month and a half, after the successful release of their newest album, From Under the Cork Tree. The tour has been going great, meaning Pete and the boys have been exhausted. Aubrey's graduation went off without a hitch, to no one's surprise. Aubrey devotes most of her time now to finding a full time job, although still enjoying her paid internship at an accounting firm. She usually hears from Pete or Patrick throughout the day, although usually not until the late afternoon or really late at night. She's grown accustom to their tour schedule for the most part. But Aubrey is surprised to hear her phone ringing at just after eight o'clock in the morning one Sunday, as the boys would usually still be asleep. She smiles when she sees Patrick's name on the screen.

"Hey 'Trick, what's up? How are you?" Aubrey asks happily, sitting down on the couch. She rests her feet on the coffee table.

"Hey, Aubrey, I'm good. I need to talk to you about something. I don't have much time before the other guys wake up." Patrick's voice is quiet and rushed.

"Sure, 'Trick. What's up?"

"I just. It's Pete. He's been...he's been drinking a lot and sleeping around with other girls. He was never really clear what your guys' relationship was like, but I have a feeling he means something to you and you mean something to him. I just thought you had a right to know, you know?"

Aubrey can't breathe. She can't believe Patrick's words. She tries to act like it doesn't bother her. Because like Pete said, they weren't labeling this. They'd see how they felt at the end of the summer. "I... I don't know what to say Patrick," she breathes finally. "Thank you for telling me, I appreciate it."

Patrick must hear the sadness in her voice because he sighs. "Look, Aubrey. I...I'm sorry. I've known Pete for a while, and this is how he is. I'm just being honest with you. And I know you guys have gotten really close over the past few months but I've know him, and these behaviors don't just go away. Like I said, I don't know what your relationship is like, but I understand Pete. He loves you, but he's destructive. I just want you to understand that there's a high risk of getting hurt."

Aubrey's voice is caught in her throat, coming out choked as she speaks. "I...I know Patrick. I love him too and we weren't going to label it or anything and we were waiting until he came home. But if he wants to do what he's doing that's fine. I just feel stupid for thinking that he'd be true to his word. I just wish he could say this to me himself. Maybe if he cared about me he would."

"He does care about you, Aubrey. He still loves you. He's just...there's something not quite right with him. He has a lot of mental health problems, and he just gets into these habits. They're nothing new. And I know when he's with you he knows how to sweep you off your feet and you fall right for him. But when he's away he'll destroy you. He just...he just doesn't really know how to control what he's doing. I'm really sorry, Aubrey."

"It's...it's okay. I can't control him. He's just my best friend and I worry about him. And I don't ask him about other girls and stuff because I don't want to be clingy. But I wish he would at least tell me if that's what he's doing. I don't...I mean I do care. But we weren't anything, so it's not like I should care."

"I think you should care, and I think he should talk to you. I'll talk to him, okay? I'll keep you updated. And if you ever need to talk you can call me okay? I want to help you. You're really great and I like you a lot, I don't want to see you get hurt because Pete's too big of an idiot to realize what he's got. You know?"

This makes Aubrey smile. She likes Patrick too, and she's happy to have him looking out for her even when his best friend is tearing her apart. "Yeah, Patrick. I really appreciate that. Thank you for calling me, I don't know what else to say. Just thank you so much. I'll talk to you really soon, okay?"

"Yeah, Aubrey. I'll call you later. Call me if you need anything." They hang up, and as soon as Aubrey's phone is in her lap she bursts into tears. She wants to believe everything she said to Patrick, but she just can't. She can't help but think Pete doesn't want her anymore, that she was never good enough for him, and that he doesn't care about her like he did when he was home. Pete sends her a text a half hour later. A simple good morning beautiful :) She doesn't respond, though.

She doesn't know what to do with herself knowing that Pete's been with other girls since he's been gone. It makes her feel invaluable, especially knowing he was the first person she'd ever slept with. She decides to blog, but only writes one line.

best friends. better off as lovers but not the other way around.

She doubts Pete will look at it. He's too busy, anyway. The thing that bothers her most about all of this is that Pete still makes time to talk to her every day, still telling her he loves her and can't wait to see her. She almost would rather not talk to Pete if he's going to continue this behavior. She hopes Patrick talking to him will allow her to breach the subject more easily. She doesn't even want to visit him on tour anymore. She refreshes her blog and her heart leaps. One comment from Peter Lewis.

aubs, i don't know what to say besides i love you and i'm sorry.

peter lewis

Aubrey's heart breaks all over again, her tears blurring out her vision. Why did Pete have to make everything so hard? She tries her best to go about her day, trying not to let this news ruin her day off. She goes to the grocery store and to the mall, but when she sees Fall Out Boy shirts hanging in the window of Hot Topic and she hears Sugar We're Going Down on the radio on the drive home she knows this is probably the worst day ever.

Pete calls Aubrey approximately ten thousand times before their show, getting her voice mail each time. "Fuck, Patrick," Pete groans. "Why did you have to do this to me? She fucking hates me!"

"You deserve it, you dick," Patrick glares at him. "She's perfect, and she's fucking in love with you, and you're messing around with other girls. Fuck not labeling it, Pete. This is more than whether or not you're boyfriend and girlfriend. She thinks you don't even care about her anymore."

"Patrick, I. I can't help it, okay?"

"You can't help it? Okay, like I haven't heard that before. It's the same shit every time Pete. You need to change. I bailed you out with Aubrey, but I know you're destroying her. You're destructive, you hear me? You need to smarten up or you're going to lose her to someone who deserves her."

Pete rubs his eyes, his mind still hazy from his hangover. "Fuck, Patrick. I'm trying but she won't answer the fucking phone!"

Patrick tosses Pete his phone. "She'll answer if she thinks it's me," he mutters before walking out of the dressing room. Pete has a twenty four minutes to get a hold of Aubrey before they have to play. Luckily, calling from Patrick's phone, she answers on the second ring.

"Hey, Patrick! What's up?" Her voice sounds cheerful, but Pete can hear the underlying sadness.

"Um, hey, Aubs. It's, uh. It's me. Pete."

"What do you want?" Her tone is hard.

"I just...I just wanted to apologize to you," Pete murmurs. "I should've been honest with you, and I wasn't. But I didn't go on tour wanting to be with anyone but you, okay? It's just, I'm just...there's something wrong with me, Aubrey. I'm not okay. I'm going to get better for you, if it's the last thing I do. I'll have Patrick help me. I'm just a mess. And I want you to know I could never even dream of hurting you. And I know I did and I'm sorry. I'll understand if you hate me."

"Peter Lewis," she sighs. "I could never hate you. And I know I told you in the beginning I'd never let you hurt me, but here we are. I just wish you would have told me. Or I wish we would have waited until you came home to start any kind of relationship that was more than us being friends. It's hard enough being away from you as my best friend, but being away from you as someone I'm romantically involved with is ten times worse, Peter. I just want you to get better. And, I don't know. Maybe we should just call everything off until you come home if that makes it easier. And when you get back it'll be a blank slate. I don't even have to come visit."

"No, baby, I don't wanna do that," Pete says. "Look, how about you come out a little earlier than we planned and you stay for the rest of the tour. Is that okay? Joe and I share a bus, so it's not like it's all of us cramped together or anything. I just really want you here and I think I'd be a lot better with you here."

"I don't know, Pete," Aubrey sighs. "I'll need to think about it. You just really...you really fucked up okay? What you did wasn't okay, even if we weren't labeled. You should have at least told me. I wouldn't have been mad if you told me that you wanted to put things on pause until you came home. I think we just made this a bigger mess for ourselves, Pete."

"Aubrey, I'm sorry and I love you. God, I love you more than anything else. I don't know how I can make this up to you, if I can make this up to you. I just feel like a dick."

"You are a dick," she mutters. "But I'm not giving up on you yet. Just have Patrick keep an eye on you, and I'll think about what you said, all right? I just need you to at least try for me, Pete. Okay?"

"Of course, Aubs," Pete assures her. "I'm gonna try. I promise you. I gotta get going though, we're about to go on. I'll call you afterwards, okay?"

"Yeah, Pete. Okay."

"I love you Aubs. Talk to you soon."

"Talk to you soon, Peter Lewis." They hang up, and even though Aubrey wants to feel content and happy, she feels empty and unsure of whether or not Pete will hold true to his word. To be honest she doesn't want to go on tour with the band anymore, preferring to stay at home and let Pete be Pete. But if Pete thinks having her there will be best, then Aubrey will suck it up to make Peter Lewis happy.