Paralysis

"Melody!" Cara giggled into the phone. I could tell she's high from her giggles. I sighed in jealousy. "Hey. Hey. What're you doing tonight?"

A chance to get high was exactly what I needed after fighting with my mom and dad all day.

"Whatever you're doing!"

"You wanna get fucked up tonight?"

I scoffed. "You're already fucked up. But sure."

"I never said I wasn't fucked up!" Cara blabbed. "I'm always fucked up. What do you expect?"

Cara was worse on drugs than I was. I mean, hell, lately I was bad. But she was worse. She always was. The difference between her and I was that I had a four year break. She didn't.

Within the past two months, I had jumped right into drugs.

I could make excuses why. But I like drugs. Drugs like me.

It had nothing to do with my parents new found divorce. Nothing.

"I expect nothing more from you, Cara." I chuckled. "What're we doing tonight?"

I heard her take a breath in. Not a good sign. "Well, an old friend has decided to throw a party and invited me."

I scrunched my face. "Just you?"

"Well, invited me and told me to beg you to come..."

Oh boy.

---

"This is a mistake." I whined as I sip Cara's mystery alcohol mix from her pink flask while I drive my moms car to our destination.

"Baby girl, it's not a mistake. You look hot in that red dress, your hair looks perfect and you're totally more filled out than you were four years ago. Totally bangable."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't care about being bangable Cara. I'm not coming to get laid. Fuck, I don't know why I'm even coming. Two months ago I would not have agreed."

I looked at Cara and watched her pop a few unknown pills into her mouth. "That's why I like you so much more now. You do bad things with me again. Plus, he was so attractive now. Imagine him now. It might be good just to say hi. You guys always had chemistry."

I laughed at that while I got further to the house party where we were invited. " Chemistry from the drugs. I'm not even sure if we were like a real thing. It was too long ago for me to remember."

"You guys were fucking perfect. I was always jealous."

"You can have him then" I offered. I wasn't sure if I was open to letting him again. Hell, why were we going again? "Maybe I should just drop you off and go home."

"Come one, Melon. Get high with me just once. I want to get shit faced with you and we haven't been to a party in so long."

She's right. It was my first party in four years. While that be a good or bad thing I didn't know. i just wanted drugs. I wanted to be numb. Life was too hard for me to face sober. Four years long enough.

"To start you could give me some of those pills you popped." I suggested.

Without a hesitation she handed a few over to me. I didn't care what they were. I knew I should say no, but I forgot all of the self control I built up.

I finally pulled into the familiar drive way and started to shake a bit. Sure, I was nervous to see the guy that helped wreck my life. My reason for loving being high and numb. My reason for further regrets in my life. My reason for even more shame than I should have had.

Somewhere inside me, I wanted to see that guy. He pretended to love me so much it hurt. But he gave me an exit from emotions. Secrets I had he pushed so far from my mind.

Tri.

A tall, dark haired, blue eyed god.

He was only two years older than me, but managed to look so good at sixteen I wondered how good he looked now.

God, My feelings were all over the place.

I got out of the car and locked it up stuffing the keys in my shoulder bag.

"Oh my god." Cara screeched. "My brother will not stop texting me. It's so annoying."

"What's he saying?"

"Nothing." She said sadly.

I knew it wasn't nothing. Luke, he brother thought I was a bad influence on her. Little did he know.

As we walked to the front door, I sucked in a breath.

There he was, greeting all of his guests.

And hell, gorgeous as ever.

Envy filled my eyes as I saw him talk to a girl who looked much prettier than I. Blonde hair and blue eyes, stick skinny with legs to kill.

I was just brown hair, brown eyed, curvy figured, stubby legged girl.

What did he ever see in me.

"It's okay, boo. Just pretend like you don't even care to see him."

"I came here. That means I want to see him." I fought as we approached the house.

"Hey now, you said that. Not me. You could have said no."

I scoffed. "You wouldn't let me. Plus I needed to get out of the house."

"And Tri throws good parties."

"That I do." A smooth voice said from next to me. "Cara." He nodded to her. "Melody. You're even more beautiful than the last time I saw you. Thank you for coming."

I just forced a smile while trying not to puke.

"You don't have to say anything, I know you missed me, sweetie." He whispered in my ear.