Can't Live My Life in Yesterday

“I’m pregnant.” Her words caused the man to freeze. His hazel eyes were too full of shock to be angry.

“Wha’ did you say?” he asked Scarlett slowly, standing to look into her frightened blue eyes. He looked around to make sure there was no one in the room, then walked over and slammed the door.

“I… I’m pregnant,” she almost whispered, eyes now fixed on the floor. There was absolute silence before there was a loud thud, and her gaze jumped up to see Ezra’s fist planted against the wall. She covered her mouth as he turned away, blood smeared across his knuckles and the wooden wall. Scarlett took a step backward, wrapping her shawl tightly around her torso.

“No…” Ezra muttered, stumbling forward and slamming his uninjured hand down on the table. Scarlett jumped, afraid to say anything else. “How could I be so stupid?” Ezra mumbled, falling into a chair, head in his hands. Scarlett waited a moment before stepping forward and gently laying a hand on Ezra’s shoulder.

“My love,” she whispered, kneeling so that she could look at his face. He looked down at her with distress in his eyes. She leaned her head on his knee, trying to comfort him. A smile twitched at the corner of his lips, but did not linger.

“What are we gonna do?” His voice was so quiet even she barely heard it. She took a deep breath and forced a smile.

“There’s not really much we can do.” Ezra reached down and stroked Scarlett’s soft cheek. She closed her eyes, savoring the rare moment of affection. Ezra stood, pushing his lover away and walking toward the door. He turned to look at her as he yanked it open.

“Tell no one.” With that, he was gone. Scarlett sighed, looking after him as he walked away. In the many months she had been on the ship, Scarlett had grown to love her captor, but she knew that she could never be truly happy this way. She had always thought the sea represented freedom, but she was just as trapped here as she had been in her father’s home. She grabbed a rag and unsuccessfully tried to scrub the blood off of the wall. She sighed angrily, throwing the rag on the floor and walking to the door. She gazed at her lover as he stood leaning against the ships banister, looking out to the horizon, and laid a hand on her belly. Was this the kind of life she wanted for her child?

***

Emeline and Ben stumbled down the street hours later, after many rounds of rum and ale. They were both drunk, laughing as they made their way back to the boat under the setting sun. Benjamin felt free for the first time in his life, doing what he wanted and getting drunk with no responsibilities or father to answer to. They boarded the ship, leaning on the bannister and looking out at the lively town. Emeline looked at Ben, who had been a little too quiet for the past few minutes.

“You okay?” she asked, nudging him with her shoulder. He looked over at her, his eyes misted over with emotion she couldn’t quite place in her drunken state.

“Was just thinkin’ about my dad,” he murmured, looking out into the darkening sky. “He was always pretty hard on me, but now… I don’t even know if he’s alive. If he survived… You know?” Emeline felt a pang of guilt she’d never felt before. Pirating was all she’d known, and she had never really given any thought to the repercussions on the other end. She bit her lip, trying to push back the foreign emotions.

“I’m... I’m sorry,” she whispered. He shook his head, coming back to reality and shooting her a smile, but she could see the worry in his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it. He was a pretty shit person anyways.” Emeline looked away but still felt guilty. She held out the half empty bottle of rum that they’d taken with them from the pub. The rum was making her head swim and her vision blur a little. She blinked, trying to clear her vision as Ben took a long gulp from the bottle. “So sleep sounds fantastic right now,” Ben said with a drunken smile. Emeline couldn’t help but laugh at his crooked smile and glazed eyes.

“Is this really the first time you’ve gotten drunk? You’ve gotta be way older than me,” she laughed, nudging him. He stuck his tongue out at her and nudged back in reply.

“I’m only 18.” Emeline raised her eyebrow at him.

“Shouldn’t you be married and shit by now?” she asked, her manners thrown out the window by the rum. He shot her a sly look.

“Shouldn’t you?” Emeline laughed at him.

“I’m a pirate. That’s not exactly our forte, settling down and getting married. Besides, the only person I really know who’s even close to my age is Jasper. And that would never happen anyways.” Ben laughed again, confusing Emeline. “What?”

“You can’t that blind,” he shot back at her. She only frowned in response, taking back the bottle and taking a swig of the rum. “He looks at you like a starved man staring at a piece of meat.” Emeline choked and spit out what was in her mouth, looking at Ben like he was crazy. He shrugged in response. “Well if you don’t believe me, think of it this way. You’re the only woman who’s really around for months at a time.” Emeline frowned, resisting Ben’s logic. “Besides, you’re really pretty.” Emeline blushed, too flustered to say anything and praying that Ben didn’t notice. She took another long swig of rum before inspecting the bottle and finding it nearly empty. Ben snatched the rum and drained the bottle, smirking at her.

“I’ve taught you well,” she laughed. Ben snorted as he tossed the bottle backwards. Within seconds, it was hurled back, smashing just inches from the pair. Emeline whipped around, dagger in hand as she scanned the dark deck wildly; Ben was frozen with surprise written all over his face.

“Watch where you throw shit,” growled a voice from the dark. Emeline narrowed her eyes, sheathing her dagger and rolling her eyes.

“Fuck off, Jasper.” As Emeline turned back to face Ben, Jasper’s calloused hand closed around her upper arm, whipping her around to face him. She was surprised by the blue fury in his eyes. Emeline flinched as Jasper’s grip on her arm tightened painfully. As he opened his mouth to speak, Ben stepped between them.

“Let go.” His voice was pure steel. The shock on Jasper’s face quickly faded to anger.

“Or else what?” He spat in Ben’s face. Without a second’s hesitation, Ben’s fist smashed into Jasper’s jaw, and Jasper’s grip was ripped from Emeline’s arm as he fell to the deck with a loud crash.

“Or else that. And I don’t think the captain would appreciate the way you’re touching his daughter.” His accent was sharp, no trace of any drunken slur. The shock was plain on Emeline’s face. Before Jasper could even gather himself and stand, a loud voice broke the heavy silence.

“What’s the meanin’ o’ this?” Ezra’s voice boomed from the gangplank. He frowned as he eyed Jasper sprawled on the deck and Ben standing so close to Emeline. His boots clicked loudly as he approached the scene, but before he could ask again Emeline stepped forward.

“Father, it’s not what it looks like,” she said in a diplomatic tone, struggling against the heavy sway of the rum she’d been drinking all day. Ezra cocked an eyebrow at her, but his expression was not amused.

“This prisoner is in yer charge. I won’t have him attackin’ members o’ my crew.” His voice was as hard as the expression on his face. Emeline sighed in frustration.

“Fath – Captain, you don’t understand. Firth was hurting me.” Ezra’s eyes snapped to Emeline’s face, momentarily betraying his stony expression as they shone with worry. But she blinked, and Ezra’s eyes were again as icy as his expression. His gaze passed between the two men, and settled on his daughters face. By this time, a few of the crewmembers who had remained on or had already returned to the ship had gathered on the deck. Ezra walked up and pulled Jasper roughly to his feet. Jasper glared daggers at Benjamin as he stepped toward him, but Ezra stopped him.

“Nobody,” Ezra growled in a tone that sent shivers down Emeline’s spine. “Touches my daughter.” Jasper was still so drunk he couldn’t seem to wrap his head around what Ezra was saying. He pushed Jasper backwards, and two crewmembers caught him. “He can stay in Mr. Hoopers quarters tonight.” The men grabbed Jasper’s arms, and that’s when it seemed to click. He roared angrily, lurching toward Ezra and Benjamin, but the crewmen restrained him. Ezra walked toward his quarters, waving at his men to take Jasper below. Emeline stepped out from behind Ben as they dragged him away, but the look in Jasper’s eyes as the men took him away left an unhappy knot in her stomach.

Emeline didn’t have to see to her father to know he wanted to talk. She grabbed Ben by the arm and pulled him towards the Ezra’s quarters. She knocked twice before opening the door slowly. Ezra was standing looking out the back windows of the ship at the darkening sky. As Ben closed the door, he turned. His expression was tough, but softer than when he had been a few minutes before.

“My love,” he whispered, a weary look in his eyes as he opened his arms and embraced his only child. Emeline inhaled deeply as she hugged him tightly, smiling at the mixing of smells that was one of her first memories: salt, alcohol, and dirt. As they broke apart, Ezra’s hazel eyes searched her face. “Did he hurt you?” Emeline gave him a small smile as she shook her head.

“Not too badly, but he was going to.” She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt and showed him the purple bruise forming in the shape of Jaspers hand. She saw his jaw tighten, and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m lucky that Ben was there.” Ezra’s gaze jumped to Ben, who was standing silently by the door. He walked around his daughter, straight up to Ben and scanned him with wary eyes.

“Perhaps I was wrong about you,” he murmured, extending his hand. Ben shook it firmly, a hint of a crooked smile pulling at the corner of his lips. “You are free to sleep anywhere on the ship.” Ezra turned, walking back toward the windows. Emeline squeezed Ezra’s hand as he passed, and turned to leave. “But I can’t let you go.” Ben’s green eyes were clouded, but he turned and opened the door. He followed Emeline below.

“There’s a spare bunk in Lee’s quarters, right next to mine. You can sleep there tonight.” Emeline bid him goodnight before returning to her own room. She practically collapsed on the bed, exhausted from the long day. Her vision started to swim, and she closed her eyes thankfully. But as she drifted off to sleep, she couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling that took hold of her.