Not Desperate

Chapter Eleven
“Being alone in the damn woods gives you too much time to think”

In the last week and a half, Daryl and Yvonne had called and text each other about a billion times, or so it seemed. Every morning when they woke up, every night before they went to sleep and during the day just to say ‘Hi’. They had seen each other only once. They met Kay and her fiancé Chris for dinner one night. Kay had given her approval and told Yvonne that if she didn’t lay him soon the poor boy looked like he would explode. Not if she didn’t explode first, Yvonne replied. They were still shy around each other, to a point. Both seemed unsure of themselves in certain situations. Neither assumed anything about the other. Yvonne was waiting for the other shoe to drop. This couldn’t possibly be real and surely would end soon. Daryl was also waiting for the end to come. He prayed every morning to have her in his life one more day. Both were afraid to talk about it, scared it would jinx them. He knew how he felt about her, he had come to terms with that, but he told no one. He’s pretty sure that Rick and T-Dog knew, but, gratefully they didn’t bring it up. They would ask about Her, not Them. Daryl appreciated that; he wouldn’t have known what to say. Merle suspected something, but didn’t know anything for a fact. He’d been talking to the boys about it too. Speculating on what he was doing on his phone all the time. Why he don’t seem to listen or pay attention as well as he used to. He was distracted by the thought of her, and he thought about her all the time. He saw her every time he closed his eyes.
He really regretted telling Sophia and Carl he would take them camping. When Daryl had asked Rick and Lori about it, they had nearly knocked him over with consent. They would get Lori’s mom to watch Judith and have a weekend to themselves. He wouldn’t back out of this for them, they really hadn’t had a lot of time together since little asskicker was born. But, he was thinking about what he could be doing instead. Maybe he would talk to her this weekend, but there was no way he would see her. Next weekend was a big one for her. She has family coming in from Tennessee for the weekend. Probably wouldn’t see her then either. He decided that after all this was over and they both had the time, he would take her camping.
He was supposed to pick up Carol and Sophia at three o’clock on Friday and then go to Rick’s to pick up Carl. The drive was about an hour and filled with noise. He and Carol tried to have a conversation, but the two in the back made that impossible. He just sucked it up and drove on. When they got to the campsite, the first thing he did was put the kids to work. He made them put the tents together. There was a moment when he thought that they had killed them dead, the tents that is. They looked twisted and broken, but with Daryl’s gentle guiding, they were put together properly. The whole time, Carol was trying to get valuable information out of him. She knew he was still seeing that girl he had brought into the diner that night, but he wouldn’t talk about it. Probably because he had been with Merle and the boys every time he had come in. Daryl liked to practice self-preservation.
“I know you’re dying to say something Daryl. You know way too much about me to not feel comfortable. Just spit it out. I could help you maybe?” she said, trying to take his attention away from the tents for the moment.
“Maybe you can. I don’t know where to go from here. Never dated anyone or had a girlfriend or anything like that. I think I’m kinda stuck. I’m afraid I’m gonna do the wrong thing. I’m trying to keep all this from Merle and his boys. I don’t want her anywhere near them. I don’t want anyone near her but me. Shit! I’m in so goddamn deep with this. I’m scared I’m moving too fast. I’m scared that she’s gonna see how worthless I am.”
“You are not worthless Daryl Dixon. You have more value than any man I’ve ever known. You saved mine and Sophia’s lives, remember? You got us away from Ed. I will owe you the rest of my life for that. And how do you know she doesn’t feel the same way? Has she told you much about herself? Anything about her past?”
“Not really. She has a son, he’s pretty cool. I know she hasn’t dated in a while. Told me she hadn’t been kissed in four years. I haven’t really thought about that kinda shit. I mean, I have, the kid’s dad, ya know? Where is he? What happened? I think she almost mentioned him the first time I was at her house. Should I ask her about it?”
“No. She’ll tell you when she’s ready. Have you told her anything about you?”
“Hell no! She don’t want to hear about that. That’d ruin everything,” he said, disgusted by the thought.
“You don’t know much about her Daryl. What if she told you something horrible had happened to her? What if she was like me?” Carol desperately tried to get him to understand what this woman may need from him. If he could understand that, if he could comprehend what that would mean for him, then maybe they could help each other. “Are you in love with her?”
He exhaled sharply, “I think so. Not sure what this is, but I cannot stop thinking about her. I think I could have a real life with her, a real family. I know this is happening pretty fast, but my head is full of this. If she’s like you, if she’s been through something like that, I wouldn’t care. I could help her. I could be there for her. I’d try like hell, but how do I get her to trust me? I know she’s not ready for something serious. She’s not ready to give herself to me, and truth be told, I’m still hesitant about that myself. I’m scared Carol; scared that I’m gonna get hurt, scared that I’m making bad decisions and scared I’m gonna hurt her. She makes me feel good about who I am. I feel comfortable around her. We laugh together. I forget who I am when I’m with her. What if she’s just using me Carol? I’d fucking die. How do I get her to love me like that?”
Carol patiently listened to Daryl’s concerns as she mulled it over in her head. She would help him with this. She owed him her life, the least she could do for this amazing, selfless man is help him find the love he so desperately wanted and needed. “I think I know how to help you Daryl. You should bring her to my house for dinner, her son too, he could meet Sophia. And bring Merle too if ya want. You’ll need moral support and even though you might not think it, your brother loves you. He may not know about all the things you’ve been through, but he knows you’ve suffered because of his dumbass. He wants to make up for that, let him. He’ll support you. Anyway, I’d like to get to know her. Any woman who can tie Daryl Dixon in a knot, is a special one. I can’t live the rest of my life without knowing that kind of girl.”
“I’ll ask her when we get back to the city. I’m sure she’ll say yes. She’s that kinda woman. She’s always trying to do things for me. She says she wants me to be happy,” he said and smiled.
“Well, she’s doing a good job at that, I think. And think about it Daryl, if she’s making that much of an effort, she feels something for you.”
Daryl didn’t say anything else. He’d been doing nothing but thinking about this. He’d come to so many conclusions about what was going on, he couldn’t keep anything straight. Now, he had a lot more to think about. He kept going from hopeful to doubtful and it was driving him crazy. Finally he just stood up and offered Carol his hand helping her stand. He announced that they had just enough time to maybe get some rabbit for dinner and told Carl and Sophia to get ready to head out, that he’d give them a quick tracking lesson. That night, as he laid in the tent he was sharing with Carl, he thought back to what Carol had said. If Yvonne had suffered, he knew what that was like. It hurt him so much to think that anyone had put their hands on her or her boy in anger. He was gonna find out the truth and help her heal, just like she was helping him.