I'll Tell You My Sins so You Can Sharpen Your Knife

Sarah threw her things in the trunk of her car before getting behind the wheel. It had been a long and silent walk back through the forest. She didn’t look as Dean got into the passenger seat and Sam slid into the back.

Sam nervously watched Dean and Sarah as she started the car. He didn’t really understand what happened, other than Sarah’s kiss had saved Dean’s life. Sam knew that there was at least one spell that worked like that. He had read about it in a book Sarah had lent him. But the spell only worked if the victim would respond to the caster’s touch.

Music flowed through the speakers as Sarah pulled out of the parking spot.

“Sarah?” Dean asked.

She turned up the music volume. Now Rise Against was howling through the car.

“Sarah!” Dean shouted, reaching for the volume. “Come on!”

Sarah slammed on the brakes and glared at Dean. She turned down the volume, but kept her hand on the knob.

“Yes, I saved your fucking life.” She spat. “Twice. So let’s go the fuck home, because believe it or not I need a shower and a nap. And if you want to thank me, you’ll let me fucking drive!”

Dean raised his hands in surrender. She turned the music back up to a more reasonable volume.

“And no.” she added. “We won’t talk about it.”

If the walk through the forest was long, the car ride was eternity. When they finally reached the motel, Dean was out of the car before Sarah could even turn it off. Sam leaned forward as Sarah turned the key.

“Hey.” Sam said. “That glowing thing you were doing – “

“It happens when I tap into my power.” She said with a sigh. “Only when I need a lot of it. Not when I slam your brother into walls, like I want to do now.” She yawned. “It does make me exhausted though.”

They both got out of the car.

“I know what that spell does.” Sam said. “How it works.”

“Good for you.” She leaned against the car. “God. How the hell did I drive us back here?”

“When did you know how he felt?”

“How he felt?”

“Sarah.” Sam said impatiently. “The spell only works if he’ll respond to your touch.”

She laughed shakily. “There’s a lot of interpretations for that, Sam. It was the only thing I knew that might work, short of ringing the waker in a sound proof room, which we didn’t have time for.”

“Well, why did you save him, Sarah?” Sam sighed. “You could have left him there, in a deathly sleep. He’s such an ass to you.”

She smiled thinly. “Come on, Sam. I think you know the answer to that.” She tried to push herself off the car, and wobbled. “Oh, Jesus.”

“You sure you’re alright?” Sam asked.

“Adrenalin wore off.” She said, taking a few slow steps. “I just need to sleep.”

Sarah’s eyes rolled back in her head as her legs crumpled under her. Before Sam could even react, Dean was there, grabbing Sarah’s torso. He easily swung her up into his arms.

“Grab her keys.” He called over his shoulder to his brother, heading for the stairs to the second level of rooms.

Sam shook his head and stooped to pick up Sarah’s fallen keys. Cupid really did a half-assed job with that one.

~*~

Sarah slept for the rest of the day, and all night. When she woke up the next morning, she was tucked into her own bed, clothes on but shoes off. She sat up and rubbed her forehead.

She was lucky she didn’t faint in the forest. She was very lucky she didn’t faint in the car. Though she was probably holding herself together by just self-hated and distaste for the man next to her. Prayer that he wouldn’t ask questions and fear as to what the answers were.

She swung her legs out of the bed and headed for the shower. The spell worked like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White. There had to be love for it to work.

On both sides.

She shuddered and turned the hot water on all the way, planning to scald the feeling right out of her.

~*~

Sarah threw her duffle into her trunk, then sighed and picked up the items she had put there the day before. She put the knife and bells in her duffle.

“Heading out?”

She looked up and smiled at Sam. “Yeah. Figured I should get out of here. I wanted to see Castiel before heading home.”

“And you weren’t going to say goodbye?”

“Ah. Figured I’d just disappear.” She lightly punched him in the shoulder. “Come on, Sammy. I’m just following you and your brother’s fine example.”

“Oh, haha. Very funny, Sarah.” He held his arms out for a hug, which she accepted. “Stay out of trouble.”

“That’s my line.”

He released her. “I’ll text you the address for the asylum. See you later.”

Sarah smiled and slammed the trunk closed, then got into the front seat. She opened the glove compartment and placed the gun there, and pulled out her diary. She weighed the gold locket in her hand. It was definitely heavier than before. She opened the diary to a fresh page and put the locket’s chain there for temporary safe keeping.

She jumped and looked up when she heard a knock on the window. Dean peered through the glass at her. She sighed and rolled down the window.

“Heading out?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, uhm…” He looked away for a moment, then back at her. “Here.”

She took the white envelope he offered through the window. The corner was stamped with the motel’s logo.

“Read it sometime.” He said. “Just…if you have a chance.”

“Sure.” She said uncertainly. “Yeah.”

He knocked the top of the car twice. “Be safe.”

“Yeah, you too.”

He turned away and headed towards his brother. Sarah watched him for a moment and then sighed and rolled the window back up. She stuffed the envelope between random pages in her diary and turned on the car. The music snapped on and she hummed along as she buckled her seat belt and put the car into gear.

As she pulled out of the parking lot, she looked over to see Dean watching her as Sam turned away and clapped his brother on the shoulder. He slowly pulled a hand out of his pocket and held it up. She smiled at him.

That would be the last time she would see him for over a year.

~*~

Sarah smiled and pulled her chair closer to Castiel’s bed. “Hey, Cass.” She said. “How are you?”

Castiel smiled bandily at her. “Hello, Sarah. I’m sorry I haven’t visited.”

“It’s okay. From what I hear, you need some time to think.”

He nodded. “I have been thinking. Have you ever wondered why humans ski, Sarah? I just don’t think God wanted you to strap wood to your feet and throw yourself down a mountain.”

“I’m told it’s exhilarating. But I agree with you. I prefer to sit in the chalet and drink.”

There was the sound of running feet and a girl with dark hair and a round face slid into the room. “Back away from my patient!” she said.

“She’s a demon.” Castiel whispered to Sarah, nodding.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “I’ve heard. Meg, back off. If you want Cassie to put a ring on it, you have to get through me first.”

Meg glowered and crossed her arms. “Who said anything about that?”

“Please. I’d have to live under a rock to not hear about your little twisted affair.”

“Isn’t that what you’ve been doing?”

“Get out of here before I banish you.”

Meg rolled her eyes and left. Sarah forced a smile at her guardian angel. “She’s great.”

He nodded.

Sarah reached over and took his hand with a sigh. “How bad is it?”

He shook his head. “I believe I am experiencing guilt.”

She sighed. “I tried to tell Dean. You are larger than life and so are your problems.”

Castiel looked up. “Dean. You kissed him.”

Sarah blushed. “How do you know about that?”

“I can always see you.”

“I was saving his life.”

“I know how that spell works, Sarah.”

Sarah groaned and let her head fall into his lap. Castiel patiently patted her head.

“Come back, Cass.” She whispered. “I need you.”