I'll Tell You My Sins so You Can Sharpen Your Knife
Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.
“What?” Sam asked. “Sarah’s here? Like here, here, in Buffalo.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “Yes. For the third time, yes.”
“What are you going to do?”
“She’s in the shower. I think she’s been homeless. I’m going to talk to her, I guess.”
“Homeless?”
“Like I said, I’m going to talk to her.”
“Alright, I’ll start heading – holy shit!”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“The apartment just burst into flames. I’ll call you back.”
Dean tossed his phone onto his bead and then crossed to the bathroom door. It had been ten minutes and the shower was still on. He knocked on the door. “Sarah?”
“Come in!”
Dean opened the door and closed his eyes against the rush of heavy steam.
“Sorry it’s taking so long.” She was saying. “This water pressure is shitty but it feels fucking fantastic. I might need another half an hour.”
“You mind if we talk while you shower?”
“Nah.” She poked her head out from the curtain and grinned. The sore on her mouth was gone. “No peaking.”
Dean left the bathroom door open and leaned against the sink. He didn’t even know what to ask her first. Her clothes on the floor caught his eye.
“What’s this?” he asked, bending down and picking up some kind of warrior-woman leather corset that had been branded with sigils.
Sarah peaked out from behind the curtain again and blushed. “Oh. It was a trash find. I figured it would be easier than scratching them all out every night.”
“How long have you been homeless?”
“Homeless is a loose term. I still have a home. I’m just not living in it.”
“Alright. Fine. Why are you living on the streets and how long have you been living on the streets?”
On her side of the curtain, Sarah closed her eyes tightly and tried to keep her voice even. “About a year. You know. When you and Cass…anyway…I’ve been going after the coven. Without Cass around I knew I’d have to get them before they could get me.”
“All those fires? It was you?”
“Yes.” She sat down under the stream of water and drew her knees to her chest, trying to keep it together. Trying to guess what he would do next. “They were all a part of the coven. Tonight was the very last. Rosslyn Tam and Raymond Frank.”
Dean was fighting his own battle. He had thought about her in purgatory. What he would say when he got back. But now the words were gone. Maybe they weren’t actually there in the first place.
“You’ve got a pile of bodies.”
“I know.” She whispered. “But this was the bare minimum. The absolute least number of witches to make sure the Coven stopped looking for me. With any luck, they won’t reform.”
He was silent. She studied the floor of the tub. She felt like there was still dirt coming out of her hair.
“You have to understand.” She said. “You and Cass were gone. I just…I didn’t really know what to do next. But I knew what had to be done.” She wiped water out of her face. “So I went off the grid. Went to the cities I knew they were in and tracked them down. Got hex bags into their apartments and houses. As I got further down the chain of command, it got easier and easier. Do you know how easy it was to find them once you found their meeting place and just one of them? They live in fucking pentagrams.”
“Sam noticed.”
There was a long silence.
“Cass isn’t back, is he?”
“No. He didn’t make it.” He exhaled. “I’m sorry.”
She poured shampoo into her hand for one last wash and choked in a sob. “I know you think I’m a monster.” She said quietly. Dean could barely hear her over the hiss of the shower. “But they were bigger monsters.” She lathered up her hair, trying to pull herself together, and then stood to rinse. “Look, I’m almost done. Could you shut the door as you leave?”
She heard nothing but the click of the door as it shut.
Sarah quickly finished and turned off the water. She did her best to wring her hair out before wrapping a towel around her body and stepping out into the bathroom. She kicked aside her old clothes in disgust. She’d end up burning everything except maybe the corset. There weren’t enough wash cycles in the world to clean those properly.
Sarah wasn’t sure if she felt sick or elated. Dean was back, and he hadn’t tried to kill her. Not even if she was standing on a pile of bodies. It was almost too good to be true.
Sarah tightened the towel around her and headed into the bedroom. She swallowed heavily as she found Dean sitting on the end of one of the beds, holding his forehead. She slowly walked towards him and he looked up at her and blinked.
“Sarah? Ah…clothes?”
Sarah cupped his face in her hands. They felt hot from the shower, and Dean was over taken by the smell of his own shampoo. His stubble scratched her palms. She was watching him steadily and keeping a firm but gentile hold of his jaw line.
“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “I just had to make sure you were real. I wasn’t sure.” She closed her eyes tightly. “I’ve seen a lot of crazy things lately.”
Dean reached up and took hold of her hands. “I’ll bet.”
A smile flitted across her face. "And yet again, the Winchester Reincarnation project surprises us all. You never really expect to see dead people up and walking around."
"I'm sorry?"
"Don't be."
The two of them stayed perfectly still, holding onto each other to just grasp at reality.
“I read your letter.” She finally said. “I thought I read it too late.”
“I don’t think you’re a monster.” He told her. “At least, not more of one than I am.”
She gave him a sad smile. “I’m not even sure if that’s true anymore.”
“It’s true.”
Sarah slowly leaned down and pressed her lips firmly against his. The door burst open and Sarah and Dean quickly parted. They looked anywhere but each other while Sam looked between the two of them.
“Hey, Sammy.” Sarah said hollowly. “Uhm, clothes?”
Dean handed her a t-shirt and a pair of kaki shorts he had purchased and never, ever worn. She took them and returned to the bathroom, shutting the door behind herself with a snap.
Dean could feel Sam’s smirk from across the room. “Shut up.” He muttered.
Dean rolled his eyes. “Yes. For the third time, yes.”
“What are you going to do?”
“She’s in the shower. I think she’s been homeless. I’m going to talk to her, I guess.”
“Homeless?”
“Like I said, I’m going to talk to her.”
“Alright, I’ll start heading – holy shit!”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“The apartment just burst into flames. I’ll call you back.”
Dean tossed his phone onto his bead and then crossed to the bathroom door. It had been ten minutes and the shower was still on. He knocked on the door. “Sarah?”
“Come in!”
Dean opened the door and closed his eyes against the rush of heavy steam.
“Sorry it’s taking so long.” She was saying. “This water pressure is shitty but it feels fucking fantastic. I might need another half an hour.”
“You mind if we talk while you shower?”
“Nah.” She poked her head out from the curtain and grinned. The sore on her mouth was gone. “No peaking.”
Dean left the bathroom door open and leaned against the sink. He didn’t even know what to ask her first. Her clothes on the floor caught his eye.
“What’s this?” he asked, bending down and picking up some kind of warrior-woman leather corset that had been branded with sigils.
Sarah peaked out from behind the curtain again and blushed. “Oh. It was a trash find. I figured it would be easier than scratching them all out every night.”
“How long have you been homeless?”
“Homeless is a loose term. I still have a home. I’m just not living in it.”
“Alright. Fine. Why are you living on the streets and how long have you been living on the streets?”
On her side of the curtain, Sarah closed her eyes tightly and tried to keep her voice even. “About a year. You know. When you and Cass…anyway…I’ve been going after the coven. Without Cass around I knew I’d have to get them before they could get me.”
“All those fires? It was you?”
“Yes.” She sat down under the stream of water and drew her knees to her chest, trying to keep it together. Trying to guess what he would do next. “They were all a part of the coven. Tonight was the very last. Rosslyn Tam and Raymond Frank.”
Dean was fighting his own battle. He had thought about her in purgatory. What he would say when he got back. But now the words were gone. Maybe they weren’t actually there in the first place.
“You’ve got a pile of bodies.”
“I know.” She whispered. “But this was the bare minimum. The absolute least number of witches to make sure the Coven stopped looking for me. With any luck, they won’t reform.”
He was silent. She studied the floor of the tub. She felt like there was still dirt coming out of her hair.
“You have to understand.” She said. “You and Cass were gone. I just…I didn’t really know what to do next. But I knew what had to be done.” She wiped water out of her face. “So I went off the grid. Went to the cities I knew they were in and tracked them down. Got hex bags into their apartments and houses. As I got further down the chain of command, it got easier and easier. Do you know how easy it was to find them once you found their meeting place and just one of them? They live in fucking pentagrams.”
“Sam noticed.”
There was a long silence.
“Cass isn’t back, is he?”
“No. He didn’t make it.” He exhaled. “I’m sorry.”
She poured shampoo into her hand for one last wash and choked in a sob. “I know you think I’m a monster.” She said quietly. Dean could barely hear her over the hiss of the shower. “But they were bigger monsters.” She lathered up her hair, trying to pull herself together, and then stood to rinse. “Look, I’m almost done. Could you shut the door as you leave?”
She heard nothing but the click of the door as it shut.
Sarah quickly finished and turned off the water. She did her best to wring her hair out before wrapping a towel around her body and stepping out into the bathroom. She kicked aside her old clothes in disgust. She’d end up burning everything except maybe the corset. There weren’t enough wash cycles in the world to clean those properly.
Sarah wasn’t sure if she felt sick or elated. Dean was back, and he hadn’t tried to kill her. Not even if she was standing on a pile of bodies. It was almost too good to be true.
Sarah tightened the towel around her and headed into the bedroom. She swallowed heavily as she found Dean sitting on the end of one of the beds, holding his forehead. She slowly walked towards him and he looked up at her and blinked.
“Sarah? Ah…clothes?”
Sarah cupped his face in her hands. They felt hot from the shower, and Dean was over taken by the smell of his own shampoo. His stubble scratched her palms. She was watching him steadily and keeping a firm but gentile hold of his jaw line.
“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “I just had to make sure you were real. I wasn’t sure.” She closed her eyes tightly. “I’ve seen a lot of crazy things lately.”
Dean reached up and took hold of her hands. “I’ll bet.”
A smile flitted across her face. "And yet again, the Winchester Reincarnation project surprises us all. You never really expect to see dead people up and walking around."
"I'm sorry?"
"Don't be."
The two of them stayed perfectly still, holding onto each other to just grasp at reality.
“I read your letter.” She finally said. “I thought I read it too late.”
“I don’t think you’re a monster.” He told her. “At least, not more of one than I am.”
She gave him a sad smile. “I’m not even sure if that’s true anymore.”
“It’s true.”
Sarah slowly leaned down and pressed her lips firmly against his. The door burst open and Sarah and Dean quickly parted. They looked anywhere but each other while Sam looked between the two of them.
“Hey, Sammy.” Sarah said hollowly. “Uhm, clothes?”
Dean handed her a t-shirt and a pair of kaki shorts he had purchased and never, ever worn. She took them and returned to the bathroom, shutting the door behind herself with a snap.
Dean could feel Sam’s smirk from across the room. “Shut up.” He muttered.