I'll Tell You My Sins so You Can Sharpen Your Knife

Sarah dressed herself in Dean’s clothes, finding them hopelessly too large. She had to belt the shorts and then fold them over twice. She didn’t bother even looking at her undergarments. Now that she had cleaned up, she wasn’t going to put any of that stuff back on.

“She killed all those people?” Sam asked. “They were all witches?”

“That’s what she says.”

“And you believe her?”

Dean studied the ceiling. “I believe she did what she thought she had to.”

“Great.” Sam scowled at his brother. “Fantastic. What’s it been, three years? Four? All this time, accusing her of everything short of being Satan and now that she’s actually killing people you don’t give a damn.”

“A year is a long time to think, Sammy.”

The door opened and Sarah came out, gingerly holding her old clothes. “You have lighter fluid in the trunk, right?” she asked. “Matches?”

Dean nodded and tossed her his keys. Sarah cursed as catching the keys made her drop garments, and she pocketed the keys before picking up what she dropped and walking outside.

Sam shook his head and put his coat back on. “I’m going out.”

“What? No, Sammy – “

“You and Sarah are obviously not done talking. And I am not going to sit here and be in the way of whatever it is you two have to do to sort yourselves out. Just, keep it off my bed.”

“Sam, come on – “

Sam walked out the door. Not far away, Sarah was dousing a small bundle in a park-site grill with zippo fluid. Sam walked over and kissed the top of her wet hair.

“I missed you.” He said.

“Yeah, you too.” She glanced around him at his brother’s silhouette in the doorway to the motel. “Is he…should I be happy that he’s back?”

Sam smiled wryly. “He missed you too, Sarah.”

She rolled her eyes and elbowed him. “Shut up.”

“Keys?”

Sarah handed him the keys and watched him get into the Impala, then opened the book of matches she had found. The first match she tried broke under the pressure of her fingers, but the second lit. She took a deep breath, then tossed the match onto the pile. The clothes immediately caught and firelight bathed her face. Dean walked up next to her.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

She considered. “You know, when I was little, my mother thought I didn’t have any inherent power.” Sarah said softly as they watched the fire. “It didn’t stop her from teaching me. And there was one day…it was sigils. And I couldn’t remember the one for light. And she was screaming and pulling my hair.”

Sarah took a deep breath and patted her pockets. Knowing what she needed, Dean handed her the cigarettes he had found in her bag. She lit one off the fire and took a drag.

“And when my dad came to make her stop, she threw him against a wall and told me she’d hurt him until I learnt the sigil.” She took another drag. “He was only human. What did he expect to do? But then it happened. My breakthrough. She flew into the wall so fast she was unconscious for three days.” Sarah looked at the sky and smiled. “And so my dad took me on a little vacation that lasted about five weeks. Until, of course, my mother found us. But believe me, I hate to actually use the sigil for light, but I’ve never forgotten it.”

“What are you saying, Sarah?”

She took another drag, and the cherry lit up her eyes. “This is the first time since then that I’ve felt free.”

They both looked at the grill, which now was just burning embers.

“What will you do now?”

“I don’t know.” She said, sounding completely happy about it. “I’m definitely going back to Missouri. But maybe I’ll get a job, just to fill my time. I can have hobbies again. Maybe I’ll join the pool team at the bar. I’ll definitely start hanging out at the bar. Maybe I’ll track down that girl, Kate, and teach her like she wanted. The possibilities are endless, and it makes me feel so damn happy to be alive.”

“Sounds like you’ll be busy.”

“Hm.”

“I hope you’ll have time for me.”

She smiled vaguely. “That would be a nice fairy tale, wouldn’t it?”

She slipped her hand inside his and tossed her cigarette onto the grill. Ashes collapsed.

“What would you do?” she asked. “If you were free of everything?”

“I am.”

She smiled. “Don’t lie to me, Dean. I can always tell.”

He sighed. “I don’t know, Sarah. I’d give anything to go back to just hunting. No more Crowley or Cass. No more Gods. No more politics. But it hasn’t been that way since…probably not since my mom died, really. Because everything has always happened for a reason.”

“So? What would you do? If all the politics were gone?”

“I don’t know. I’d like to find out, some day.” He looked down at her. “Ever wonder if you and me were just part of some cosmic end game? Some trump card?”

“We were. Cass told me.” She sighed and looked at the stars. “Then the rules were thrown out. And it wasn’t important anymore. So they stopped doping us up, or whatever it is that they do.” She looked at him. “All the fighting and hatred and mistrust. That was who we actually are.”

“You weren’t telling me who you really were.”

“I know. But how far would it have gotten if I had told you? You wouldn’t know me, or agree to protect me, so I wouldn’t have known Bobby. We wouldn’t have helped Kate. The Slender Man would probably have made his way halfway across the country. You would have died, at least twice.”

“And you would have gone crazy from boardroom.” He smiled. “Or killed yourself to see how it felt.”

“Or more likely turned to black magic. There’s nothing like the thought of someone expecting you to be a monster to stop you from becoming one.”

They stood in silence. The fire had burnt itself out. Dean gently pulled her closer and she let herself rest against his rock hard chest.

“You always get these chick flick moments out of me.” he muttered.

She smirked into his shirt. “Maybe it’s just who you really are. Don’t blame this on me.” She reached up and softly bit his earlobe, then cheekily grinned and pulled away.

“What was that for?” he asked, holding his ear.

She grinned over her shoulder and walked towards the room. “Less chick, more kink, Dean.”

He shook his head and laughed.

“You coming or what?” she called. “Don’t turn four years of sexual tension into five.”

“Don’t let the neighbors hear.”

“Isn’t that the point?”

“For someone who’s been lying to me about your whole life, you are suddenly very honest.”

She took off her shirt and tossed it out the open door. “Limited time offer, Dean.”

“Jesus.” He muttered, picking up the shirt and following her inside.

~*~

The next morning, Sarah tossed her dirty backpack into the backseat of a cab.

“You sure you have the money for the ride to the airport?” Dean asked, concerned. “You’ve been homeless for a year.”

She smiled and picked up a couple of dried leaves off the ground. “Haven’t you ever wondered how I support myself off of reading tarot?” she asked, running her fingers over the leaves. As Dean watched, they transformed into a pile of crumpled bills.

“I see.” He smiled. “I’ll see you soon.”

“You don’t know where I live.”

“You aren’t going to tell me?”

She smirked. “Nope.” She got in the backseat of the cab and shut the door, then rolled down the window. “Say goodbye to Sammy for me.”

And just like any other time, she was gone. But this time, at least, she was smiling.