Music and Passion

A week. It`s already been a whole week into this tour. Everything has been going good though. I try and split my time between my band, Dir En Grey and Buck-Tick. I never thought I`d be making new friends on this tour but it seems that I have with both bands. I`m still trying to get used to Atsushi though. That man is a pure flirt when he knows it won`t bother you. But he makes up for all the pointless flirting with how sweet he is. He really is a nice guy. Though I have yet to get Kyo to talk to me. I`m still getting just nods and shrugs. Shinya says he needs a little more time to get used to me but I`m not so sure. I don`t know, maybe he`s just really shy around girls? I hope he`ll give me a chance soon. It would suck if I was friends with everyone but him. And awkward. It definitely has the potential to be very awkward. And I really don`t want that. I doubt anyone does actually.

I let out a sigh as I slipped my cell phone into my back pocket. I just got off the phone with my boyfriend James and he isn`t very fond of me right now. Come to think of it, he hasn`t been happy with me since I agreed to do this tour. Though I can understand why. Hopefully he can forgive me and relax when I get home after tour. I`d rather not fight about this.

"Hey, Sam!"

I spun around just in time to see Nikki jogging up to me with Atsushi not too far behind him. From what I could see of their faces they both looked a bit worried. Perhaps it wasn`t a very good idea to come hide behind the building to talk an hour before the show. My band is up first after all.

"Hey guys. Sorry I vanished," I apologized when they got closer. "I had to talk to James."

Atsushi grimaced and nodded as he asked, "How is he doing?"

"He`s okay," I murmured, tucking my hair behind my ears.

Nikki placed a hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "Is everything okay?"

I gave a little nod as my answer before looking up at Atsushi. He looked very worried. I did my best to give him a smile as reassurance but the look on his face and the slightly raised eyebrow I got in return told me it did nothing to help. I frowned and walked up to him and gave him a hug. "I`ll be fine," I whispered to him before pulling away.

"Alright," Atsushi murmured as he gently took my hand. "We need to go inside."

"It`s almost time for the show," Nikki added.

I nodded and let Atsushi lead me back into the building while Nikki followed behind, all the while holding my other hand. I admit, holding hands with guys has already become a habit during this tour. I mean I normally hold hands with Nikki and sometimes Keith or Jeff, but lately Iv`e been doing it with Atsushi, though he normally does it to lead me somewhere, Yutaka, Toshiya, Shinya, Toll, Die, Kaoru on occasion and even Hidehiko. And if I was closer to Imai I`d probably hold his hand as well. It`s nice to do though. Perhaps it`s one of those comfort things for me.

"Everything alright?" Jeff asked as we walked into my band`s dressing room.

"Yeah," I answered. "I just had to talk to James."

And just like Atsushi, Jeff grimaced as he asked, "How`s he doing?"

"He`s good," I murmured as I slowly let go of Nikki and Atsushi`s hands to go over to a mirror to make sure my makeup was still good. After fixing my eyeliner and lipstick one of the stage hands came into our room to let us know we`re going on stage in ten minutes.

We quickly rushed down the halls to make it on time. And after the guys grabbed their guitars and bass we went on stage. I swear, nothing is like the rush you get when you walk out on that stage and see so many people in the crowd. It`s like a mix of excitement and nervousness with maybe even some fear. But I honestly love that rush. And I love it even more when we start to play our music. I don`t want to trade it for anything. But who knows, some day I might have to. At least for a little while anyway.

After performing five songs we left the stage and Dir En Grey went on. While the rest of my band went to our dressing room to show and change clothes, I sat side stage with some water to cool down. Randy tried to stay with me but I talked him into going with the others. Though Imai came and sat and talked with me through three of the five songs. It was a nice little bonding moment between us.

I sat there until they finished their set and the second I was standing I was pulled into a hug by Shinya and then hugged and spun around by Toshiya who got a smack to the back of the head by Kyo. They left for their dressing room and Buck-Tick went on stage. Randy and Keith then joined me to watch their set and as soon as they were done performing I went to my band`s dressing room to shower and change.

After everyone showered and changed we left the arena and went to our seperate buses and met back up at a Japanese restaurant that thankfully stayed open late. The guys seemed to take great pleasure and even perhaps pride in ordering and talking in Japanese for my band and myself. It was nice to see them so pleased with themselves.

"What are you doing after tour?" Atsushi asked after we ordered.

"Try and record a new album," Jeff answered.

"Going anywhere special for that?" Toshiya inquired, propping his chin up on his hand.

"We aren`t sure," Nikki confessed.

"It`ll probably depend on how Sam is feeling," Keith snickered.

"What do you mean?" Atsushi questioned.

"Well uh....you see...its..uh...."

I winced as I watched Keith stumble over himself in an attempt to explain while Kyo and Toshiya suddenly perked up. Well that`s an interesting development...

"He means...if Sam feels up to trying to write a whole album without any help from the rest of us," Nikki quickly covered. A little too quickly.

"That`s not suspicious," I hissed under my breath to him making him wince.

"Do you not write on tour?" Hidehiko asked gently.

"Sometimes," I murmured. "It can be hard to concentrate though."

"You can always use our bedroom," Die chuckled. "I told you that."

"You want peace at any time, let use know and you can use it," Shinya agreed.

"And you can take refuge on our bus," Imai commented between sips of his drink.

"Atsushi would not mind," Toll snickered.

"Sam, you are always welcome," Atsushi murmured, not looking at all bothered by his friend`s teasing.

I nodded, "Thank you. All of you."

"Should we discus sleeping arrangements then?" Nikki teased.

Jeff smacked the back of his head and hissed, "Shut up!"

Everyone roared with laughter at that. Even Kyo was snickering. I found myself sitting back and watching everyone with a grin. I`m starting to think this tour is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Maybe I`ll find the courage to tell them all my secret soon. I mean, they will find out eventually. I hope none of them will be too judgemental. I`d hate to lose a friend over this.