If I Stay

"Nina, I don't know about this." I stared at myself in the mirror, unsure of whether I wanted to leave. I was wearing too much eyeliner. The jeans I had on were practically suffocating me, and the booties that adorned my feet definitely weren't my normal style. I was showing way more midriff than I was comfortable with, but Nina had been trying to convince me that I looked amazing for the last fifteen minutes.

"What are you so nervous about?" She swiped on her last coat of mascara and grabbed her leather jacket off of the counter.

"I've never been to a uni party before." I shrugged my shoulders. It hadn't been a big deal to me, but with the way Nina was staring at me like I had two heads, it was clearly more important than I'd considered.

"What did you do last year?" She started pushing me out of the door. The house we were going to wasn't very far, so we planned to walk. Not the smartest idea, in my opinion, since we were wearing heels, but I knew better than to argue with Nina.

"I stayed in the dorms, and my roommate was hardly ever there. So most of the time I just studied." I'd always been quiet and reserved. Getting pissed every weekend wasn't my idea of a good time. I preferred reading and watching reruns of Friends to spending hours around a bunch of drunk people groping each other. However, this specific night, I wasn't getting out of anything. Nina was seeing a new guy named Niall, and she seemed to really like him. He was the one throwing the party, and she insisted that I tag along. I'd met Niall once when he came to pick up Nina for a date. It was brief, but he seemed like a decent guy.

"That's boring. You need to get out more. Meet some new people. You need more friends." I'd met Nina on a fluke. I refused to stay in the dorms another year, and I was looking for a flatmate. It was by the grace of God that Nina walked up to me saying that I didn't look like a serial killer and asked me to move in. I was hesitant, but she quickly became a friend. We were exact opposites in the personality department, but we balanced each other out.

The closer we got to the party, the more nervous I became. My palms started to sweat, and I rubbed them against my jeans. Social gatherings weren't my thing. I tended to have word vomit and say whatever popped into my head. It was a trait I wish I didn't have, but you can't pick and choose which genes you get. I followed closely behind Nina, hoping she didn't get lost in the crowd. I was pretty sure I didn't know anyone else here, and I was almost guaranteed to walk somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. Thankfully, we ended up in the kitchen, where it was a lot quieter. It would probably be my safe haven for the night. I watched Niall kiss Nina on the forehead, a gesture I wasn't sure he would do in front of his friends. I stood in the back awkwardly. The small group that was in here seemed to know each other well, and as usual, I was the oddball out. Yet another reason I didn't go anywhere.

"Who's your friend?" A boy with brown hair, brown eyes, and way too much muscle was staring in my direction, a mischievous smile on his face. My eyes widened a little, and my teeth clamped down on my bottom lip.

"Down, boy. This is Logan, and she's not interested." I thanked Nina for coming to my rescue. I had little to no experience with boys, and I was sure to say something stupid and embarrass myself. Not something I wanted to do at my first, and probably my last, party.

"I think she can speak for herself. I'm Rhys." He attempted to give me a charming smile, but I knew better than to fall for it. A pretty face means absolutely nothing if your personality is shit.

"Nice to meet you," I mumbled, giving him a small smile.

"So is your friend right? Or can we go somewhere and talk." I'd seen enough movies to know what "talk" really meant, and there was no way I was going to let that happen. Especially not with someone I'd known for less than five minutes. Most boys seemed to be the same. They were all looking for a hook up, never anything serious. I wasn't looking to get married by any means, but random shags weren't appealing to me either.

"I'm not interested." A chorus of laughs filled the room. I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't like to sugar coat things. That's when mix ups come into play, and people become confused about what's really going on. I'd rather get straight to the point.

"What are you lot in here laughing about?" I looked over Rhys' shoulder, trying to see who walked into the kitchen. He stepped around everyone, going straight for the punch bowl that I failed to notice until now. I was temporarily distracted by the boy sipping from a red cup. He looked like someone your parents would tell you to stay away from; covered in tattoos with a blatant disregard for other people's feelings.

"Rhys got rejected." I watched his eyebrows raise as he looked at me and then looked at Rhys, a smirk spreading across his face.

"Someone finally has some sense and told you no?" Another chorus of laughter. Rhys walked off, mumbling something to himself. I stood there, gnawing on my bottom lip nervously while the boy who just walked in stared at me. My cheeks flamed in embarrassment, and I averted my gaze to wall, which wasn't all that interesting.

"You don't look like you're having fun." I jumped at the sound of his voice. I hadn't noticed that he moved, but I did notice that he was nearly a foot taller than me, and his eyes were the kind of green most people dream about. Not the common bright green that tended to shock people, but a deep green with gold flecks, and then I cursed myself for staring like an idiot, my cheeks flaming once again.

"I'm alright," I muttered, staring at the floor. I seriously lacked social skills. I either said too much or said too little. I was too blunt for most people, and eye contact tended to make me really nervous. I could feel his eyes on me, and I had no choice but to look at him. I felt like he was burning a hole in the side of my face. I began to fidget, gnawing on my bottom lip once again.

"Do you want to go outside?" He asked, motioning to the sliding glass door at the other end of the kitchen. I assumed it led out to a patio, and under normal circumstances, I would have said no. But being outside had some kind of comfort. It was much quieter, and there weren't as many people.

"Sure." He placed his hand on the small of my back, leading me towards the door. His hand was large and warm, and I felt my body heat up instantly, something I definitely wasn't used to. My family wasn't very affectionate, and as a result, neither was I. I didn't like to be touched, and I really didn't understand public displays of affection. I shied away from hugs most of the time, and I'd only been kissed once in my life, and it wasn't by choice. That's what happens in year 7 when everyone plays spin the bottle.

"No offense, but you don't look like you belong here." It was a blow to my ego, even though he was right.

"I know. My flatmate dragged me here. Her boyfriend is the one hosting this party."

"So you're Nina's flatmate. How'd she convince you to come here?" I shrugged, pulling at the bottom of my shirt, hoping it would magically reach the top of my jeans. I wondered why he was out here talking to me when all of his friends were inside. They seemed happy when he came around, so him choosing to spend time with me was confusing.

"It didn't really take much convincing. You don't argue with Nina. It's impossible. You will never win." He smiled, dimples settling in his cheeks. I raised my eyebrows, curious to know why he seemed so attractive to me. I wasn't the girl that was boy crazy in school. I'd been forced on one date, and I insulted the guy on accident. Needless to say, I wasn't good when it came to people of the opposite sex.

"I know. I've seen her and Liam go at it a few times. It's hilarious, actually." I didn't know who Liam was, and Nina hadn't bothered to introduce me to anyone, not that it mattered. I wasn't really looking to make friendships.

"Liam?"

"Yeah, he was in the kitchen. You didn't meet him?" I shook my head, tugging at the ends of my hair. It was time for trim, but I'd been busy during the week and wasn't able to get one. I had a bad habit of pulling apart my split ends, a habit I'd had since I was old enough to know what a split end was.

"Nina didn't introduce me." A small frown crossed his face, but it was gone as quick as it appeared.

"That's rather rude."

"Not really. I didn't come here to meet anyone." I had an English paper that was due in two days, and I was only halfway done with it. I'd rather be at home working on that rather than watching college students play beer pong and scream at each other about football matches that I had no interest in.

"So why did you come?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. The curious look he was giving me made me slightly uncomfortable. One thing I noticed was that he liked eye contact. Not once did he look away from me, and that freaked me out. I liked to be invisible. I was used to it, and it was convenient.

"It was the only way to get Nina off my back about being a hermit that does nothing but study and watch Friends reruns all day." He laughed, though I didn't find the least bit of anything I said entertaining. I pushed my hair out of my face and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. You just look like the type. I can tell you're uncomfortable in those clothes. You keep pulling your shirt down to cover your stomach." Why was he so observant? And why was I the object of his observation?

"I look like the type?" I didn't necessarily take offense to it. I knew I was a hermit, and I did enjoy watching Friends reruns. Chandler was the greatest character to ever grace TV. However, him confirming that I was the one that didn't belong sort of stung.

"Yeah. You look like the type to lounge around with your glasses on, those large jumpers that you all seem to be obsessed with, and your laptop glued to your legs." The worst part was that he was right. Contacts tended to annoy me after a while, but I didn't like wearing my glasses all day when I had to be anywhere other than the flat. The conversation was making me more uncomfortable than I already was.

"Why aren't you inside?"

"Trying to get rid of me?" He smirked, but unlike most girls, I didn't fall for it. He was trouble. I could feel it.

"Yes, actually, I am." He seemed surprised by my response, but then he smiled, his dimples appearing again.

"Well, unfortunately for you, I don't want to be inside either. So you're stuck with me." He shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders hunching slightly. I took the time to really look at him, much like he took time to look at me. His skin wasn't perfect, but it had a certain glow to it. His hair was long, but not to the point where it was unattractive. His eyes held a lot of secrets, and a part of me wanted to figure them out.

"You sound like you don't want to be here any more than I do," I said, averting my eyes away from his face.

"I don't."

"So why are you here?" I felt it was only fair to ask him because he asked me. He didn't seem like an outcast with the way everyone inside treated him. I halfway expected him to be somewhere chatting up a blonde girl. That's all guys seemed to be interested in.

"You can't really avoid a party in your house." The information was surprising to me. Nina hadn't mentioned that Niall wasn't the only one living in the house, though it wasn't exactly my business.

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be here, but that was probably the only thing we had in common.

"You don't talk much, do you?"

"I don't really have a happy medium. Sometimes I say too much, and sometimes I don't say enough. It just depends on the day really, but I don't know you, and I'm pretty sure that we're not even close to being interested in the same things so there's not much for us to talk about, is there?" I cocked an eyebrow, wondering if he was going to walk back inside and tell everyone that I was a raging bitch. He just chuckled, shaking his head at me.

"You're something else." Every time I'd heard that before, it was being said in a negative way, so it no longer hurt my feelings, but I was curious.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not a bad thing, if that's what you're thinking. I'm used to girls that throw themselves at anyone who will pay attention. You're a breath of fresh air." I'd never heard that before. Most people thought I was annoying or rude. It wasn't intentional. I just didn't think before I spoke majority of the time.

"Thank you?"

"Do you want something to drink?" He turned halfway toward the door we came out of, waiting for my answer, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I could continue to seclude myself, which would result in a night of being bored, waiting for Nina so that we could go home. Or I could try to make the best of the situation I was put in.

"Uhm...I've never had alcohol before, but sure." I received another surprised look, but he grabbed my hand anyway and pulled me inside. I tugged my hand out of his grip, leaning against the counter while he put something that looked like punch in a cup for me.

"Don't drink it too fast. You don't want to get sick your first time." I nodded once, sniffing the concoction. It smelled sickly sweet, and I was sure I didn't want to drink it, but it was already in my hand. I tentatively took a sip, cringing a bit at the taste.

"What's in this?" I asked, taking another sip.

"I don't know. Niall likes to get creative. That's why I said don't drink it too fast."

"There you are!" Nina came rushing toward me like I was a lost child and threw her arms around my shoulders. I wasn't sure if she was drunk or just buzzed.

"I just went outside for a minute." I explained, awkwardly patting her back. I'd seen Nina drunk once, and she wasn't nearly as bad now, so I figured it was safe to assume that she was still coherent.

"Oh. I just wanted to tell you that I'm staying with Niall tonight. Will you be alright by yourself?" I preferred to be by myself, if I was being honest. I loved Nina, but I savored the moments where she was at work or out running errands. I enjoyed the silence.

"I'll be alright," I assured her before looking to Niall, "Take care of her, or I will kick your ass." He laughed with promises that nothing would happen to Nina. I reluctantly finished what was in my cup and set it on the counter. Nina and Niall disappeared, and I was stuck with the only person that had talked to me.

"I assume you're ready to go home?" He asked, pushing himself away from the counter.

"Yes."

"I'll walk you out. Where did you park?" Getting to the front door was harder than I thought it would be. The living area was filled with people drinking and dancing, not caring if they bumped into someone.

"We live down the street. We walked," I said once we were outside on the porch.

"Then I'll walk you home, if you don't mind." I hesitated before answering. I didn't like people knowing where I lived, but if he lived with Niall, I was sure he'd end up there at some point.

"Sure."

"I probably won't see you at another one of those, right?" He asked, nodding his head toward the house as we walked down the steps to the sidewalk.

"No, probably not." He chuckled, much like he'd been doing for most of the night. I didn't understand what was so funny.

"That's too bad. I enjoyed talking to you." It was extremely rare that someone actually enjoyed talking to me. Nina got annoyed with me half the time when I started rambling.

"We hardly had a conversation, but okay." Another chuckle. The walk to the flat was short, and I was grateful to finally be home, though I hadn't been out long. The comfort of my bed was calling my name.

"Maybe I'll see you around." He shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders hunching again. It looked uncomfortable to me, but everyone is a different person.

"It's not likely, but maybe." I'd rarely seen Nina around school. I was almost positive that I wasn't going to see him unless I went back to his house.

"I'll get you to crack one day." He smiled, turning to walk away. I realized I didn't know his name, and I had to make a split decision. Nina said I needed to make more friends. He wasn't exactly the type of guy I would befriend, but he was one other person that could tolerate my personality.

"Wait," I had a feeling I was going to regret my decision later, "I never got your name."

"Harry." It seemed like an odd name for him, something I wouldn't expect, but it suited him well.

"Goodnight, Harry."

"Goodnight, Logan."