Threat

I missed this.

I forgot how much I missed this.

Surrounded by happiness, laughter.
Family members and friends that I haven’t seen for a while.

“What are you doing out here, Tyler?”

Finally spending a good amount of time with Michael.

I smiled towards him as he sat next to me on the front porch.

“Just thinking.”
He frowned slightly.

“Don’t worry. I’m thinking good things.”
“Like?”

A small smile hinting curiosity.

“I didn’t realize it. I hadn’t realized it for a while now, but I really missed this place, and I’m really glad that I’m here right now. Mom isn’t mad at me. No one is mad at me, even though I was a total ass for not coming here for two years straight.”

A hand in my hair.

“I already told you that no one was going to be mad at you, Fucktard.”
“Fine. You were right, Micah.”

A moment of silence – we were both distracted by our breaths disappearing into the cold air.

“You still have to get a present for your mom, right?” He spoke up.
“Yeah…”

He stood up.

“Then let’s go.”
“Y-You mean now?”

He nodded with a huge grin, not hesitating to pull me away from my seat on the stairs.

Long rides in the car.
Blasting our favorite songs through the speakers while singing along to them.

Picking on each other constantly.
Cracking stupid jokes that are still funny years later.

Simply being ourselves with each other; no judgment; only acceptance.

I missed this the most.

| x | x | x |

“Out of all the Walmarts that exist nearby, we had to go to this exact one?”

On the way back home, we got a text – more like a grocery list – from Michael’s mom to pick up some – a lot – things for tonight’s party.

So here we are: the Infamous Walmart of Snellville.

“Brings back memories, huh?”
“All of the stupid shit that we did in here. And we almost got in trouble by the cops too!”

I laughed at the memory.

“The Bonnie and Clyde of the city.”

It felt comforting to say those words, despite its relation.

That was when I looked up to see a familiar devious smirk on Michael’s lips.

Fuck.

“No.”
“I didn’t even say anything!”

“I know you, Michael. Whenever you have that shit-eating grin on your face, trouble follows after it.”

The aforementioned grin grew even wider.

“Shopping-Cart racing.”
“No.”

“C’mon, Tyler!”
“No.”

“Come on! For old times’ sake.”
I bit down on my lip.

“If we get in trouble in any way, I will not give you your present or speak to you for a month.”
“Deal.”

I quickly grabbed another cart from the front.
We took our positions.

“First one to Electronics?”
“First one to Electronics.”

“Three…Two…One…GO!”

| x | x | x |

I was doing so well.

I was okay. I was happy.

Now, the party is over.
Now, I’m alone.

Now, I was sprawled out on the couch in the living room, staring numbly at the lit Christmas tree in the corner.
Two empty beer bottles rested on the table.

She’s the only thing I can think about.

She’s still in pain.
She’s all alone.

It’s all my fault.

“You’re not going to bed?”

I knew it was Michael, but I was still startled since I thought everyone was already asleep.
He stood next to the end of the couch, running his hands through my hair.

It calmed me down slightly, but it wasn’t enough to stop the thoughts that were going through my head.

“I can’t sleep.”
“Are you thinking about her again…?”

I nodded; a sigh followed after, hands leaving my hair.

“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…”

“I know it isn’t ‘nothing’, Michael.”
“You wouldn’t be happy with what I would have to say.”

“How would I know if you don’t tell me…?”

No response.

“Michael…?”
“What time is it?”

I looked at my phone.

“12:07 in the morning. Why?”

He walked towards the tree and pulled out a small box with a card attached to it.
I sat up so he could sit next to me on the couch – he did so.

“What are you—”
“It’s Christmas, and I want you to open this.”

“I—”
“No protests. Just do this…Please.”

He looked so worried; I started to worry too.

I tore open the present, pulling a small stuffed bunny from the box.

“I forgot to give it to you when I came over that night.”
I smiled slightly.

“That’s very sweet of you.”
“Thank Sarah. She suggested that I did so.”

I opened the envelop and pulled out the card – the same one he gave me when he came over.

“I guess it’s my fault that I never read this when you gave it to me.”
No response. He only bit down on his lip.

I opened the card and began to read.

“Tyler…

What I am writing now has been on my mind and in my heart for as long as I’ve known you.

Granted, I am aware of the consequences these words will have.
But it is important that you read this regardless. It is important that you know what I feel – what I’ve always felt.

I truly hate the fact that you are with Marcia. She’s possessive. She’s abusive. She’s insane, yet all you do is defend her. And honestly, I’m sick of it!”

I kept reading without saying a word.
Mentions of my idiocy, more of Marcia’s characteristics and behavior.

All I could think was how I didn’t even think to listen or ask how Michael was feeling.

And then…

“Maybe you don’t care what happens to you, but I do. You’re my best friend. I fucking care about you so much it hurts! I knew if I didn’t follow you, if I didn’t look out for you after you left with her, you would have been dead by now! But damn it…! I was also afraid of losing you! Not once, but a second time because—

I’m in love with you, Tyler Carter.”

I didn’t continue reading.

The last line that I read played itself over and over in my head.

Over…and over…and over…

Michael didn’t say anything; he didn’t even dare to look at me.

“Michael…?”

No response.

“Michael. Do…Do you mean it…?”

A slight nod.

All of this time, he…

“I-I’m sorry—”
“‘But you don’t feel the same way’, am I right?”

“For being an idiot…! I’m sorry for being an idiot! This whole time you…and I didn’t even…”
I ran my hands through my hair.

“What the fuck is wrong with me? You’re my best friend, Michael…! And yet…!”

My lip quivered.

“I love Marcia, Michael. I really do. And I put up with everything she does to me because I’m afraid that I’ll lose her in the worst of ways if I do leave her. Yet…even with her always on my mind, you still managed to stay in my thoughts. It’s driving me insane because I can’t think of two people like that! I fear that I’ll fuck up big time by doing so and…and…!”

He quickly pulled me into his arms and shushed me.

“Tyler. It’s okay. Calm down. It’s okay. I’m not asking you to return what I feel. I just wanted you to know what I felt. I just wanted to be completely honest with you.”

That didn’t stop me from crying into his shoulder.

“I’m just sick of seeing you get hurt and used on a daily basis, because I love you. There is nothing more to that.”

He pulled away to wipe the tears away from my eyes.

“Anyone who loves you would be angry and upset to see what you’re going through just to keep your abuser alive. And anyone who loves you would value your life more than the insane, abusive woman you live with, no matter if she wants to kill herself or not.”

He bit down on his lip again as a tear fell.

“Damn it, Tyler. No matter what, I just want you to be okay again! I don’t want to see anymore scars, cuts, or bruises anywhere on your body. I want you to be the happy, shy, goofy, adorable fucktard of a best friend that I fell in love with again. I want you to leave Marcia so much! Whatever Marcia does to herself is her own damn fault. Not yours!”

He sighed again, messing with his hair.

“You care so much about me…”
“Of-fucking-course I do, Tyler…!”

I moved towards him, cheeks growing hotter with each inch closer.

“What are you…?”
“I don’t know…you can blame me…you can blame the alcohol…but…”

I grew confident and straddled him, pinning his back to the arm of the couch.
I gently took his face into my hands, making him look up at me.

“Tyler…”
“Don’t make me question it…”

And our lips were quickly connected.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want this.
I would be lying if I said that this didn’t feel good.

I would be lying if I said that my stomach wasn’t doing flips or that my heart wasn’t skipping beats.

It was supposed to be a simple kiss, but it went farther than I expected it to.

Multiple kisses. Soft moans.
Fingers in contact with skin. Lips in contact with skin.

He hovered over me, one hand propping himself up while the other rested under my shirt, gently rubbing the healing bruises.

“We can stop if you want. We don’t have to do this, Tyler.”
“I-I’m fine.”

“You’re tense. You’re not fine.”
“I’m just a little nervous, that’s all.”

“You’re not nervous. You’re scared. I swear on my life that I will never hurt you, Tyler. But I won’t do this if you’re not comfortable with it.”

I grew silent, remembering all of the times that Marcia forced me to…

“I’m sorry. I want to stop…”
He moved away instantly.

“No need to apologize whatsoever. I just want you to be okay.”
“Do…Do you think we could just cuddle instead…?”

He smiled and lied down next to me, pulling me into his arms before resting his head on my chest.

“Wait…!”
“What is it?”

“I still have to give you your gift…!”
“Do it in the morning.”
“Okay…”

A moment of silence.

“I love you, Tyler.”

My heart skipped a beat again.

“I-I…”
“I don’t expect you to say it back. I just wanted to tell you that again…It feels so much easier to do so now…”

I couldn’t help but smile.

“Merry Christmas, Michael. Thank you for being you.”