My Heroine

Halloween. Its time for my favorite Holiday! A few months have passed since Oregon and we've been to many different places to spread the joy and love of music. Our stop in California was probably the most amazing thing I've ever seen. There were more people there than all of the other places we had visited. And it wasn't even so much that there were more people, but that the band just had a better reaction from the people there. It was electric. Between the warm breeze, the flashing lights, and the screaming, singing fans, it was all so amazing.
Finally though, its break time. Today is wednesday and I couldn't be happier with the timing. Friday would be Halloween and I was having a hard time controlling my excitement. I never had the opportunity to be really festive about Halloween. Dottie was never into decorating or celebrating unless it was for Christmas or 4th of July. I was ok with that, but I had yet to dress up and walk around a neighborhood and get candy. Dottie was always sure to get me some candy, but she was sure to keep me inside and safe considering our placement in the city for a while. But once we moved to South Carolina, the houses were all spread out so far that it was hard to get around. Even then, Dottie was still hesitant about letting me go out on my own. Although the thoughts of spooky music, candy, and costumes called my name, Veronica was most important to me in this moment.
“This is my little sister and I.” She said as she held up a picture. Ever since I had met her at the signing table, she had been carrying this back pack around with her. The guys and I all knew something was wrong but we didn't pester her much. What with the unfortunate event in the bathroom back in South Carolina, no one had really questioned her about who she was. Not that I wanted to interrogate her or anything, but I knew all of us were curious as to where she had come from and why she had allowed herself to leave.
So now Kellin and I were spread out on the floor of the bus with Veronica hanging over her pictures that she was laying down one at a time. I took the one of her and her sister from her hands and studied it. Such beautiful little girls. I thought back to a time when I had all but begged my mom to have another baby. I needed someone. Another friends, someone to play with, someone to hide with in my room when mom and dad were yelling, someone to hug because no one else would do it. I had no one else. Not even friends.
“Yea, she lives with my mom. She’s 10 now.” I looked at the picture just a few moments longer before looking to Kellin. His expression was soft as he looked down at the pictures, looking up to me when he felt my eyes on him and smiling.
“You guys are both beautiful.” And it was true. Looking through her pictures with her, in every single one where she was with a different family member, smiling this 100 watt smile that was so contagious.
“This is my mom. Her names Maria. The reason I left. She's a drug addict. No one knows but me. She doesn't know that I know either. I couldn't stand the lies anymore though. I had to get out. A friend of mine offered me to stay with her and so I did. Maybe it wasn't the best decision but I made it and Im ok with it. I want to live an honest life. I wasn't about to let myself be tortured with her inability to control herself. Maybe it was selfish of me to leave my little sister there but…I can’t save everyone. As much as I want to, I can’t save everyone. I just hope she makes the right decision when she gets older. I just want her to be able to realize that she can have a better life instead of living a lie.” Holding the picture of her mother in my hands, my heart clenched in my chest as she recited everything that was my life. No I never had siblings, except for Charlie of course, but I never had to worry about him, as his presence was never made when my mother was still alive. But I thought the same as Veronica.
I don't know how many times I wanted to run away for the same reason, but I stayed, for my dads sake. Even though, losing my mom still affected him negatively. I always wished I could have changed that. I still to this day wish that I had just run away. In a way I did. Looking for a new life that only came after the unfortunate turn that my father took. Those sleepless nights under that bridge for all those weeks made me realize that I should have gone to find Dottie a lot sooner.
But I stayed. I thought I could help. I looked up as I felt Kellin’s hand on my shoulder as he began to rub my back. I looked down at Veronica and she was smiling softly.
“I know you understand. It makes me happy that you do because for a while there I thought I was the only one.” I smiled back at her.
“And because I understand, I have a home for you to go to.” Her smile faded but she looked up at me with this glint of hope in her eyes.
“A…a home?” She said almost dropping her pictures on the ground.
“Yea. It was my home. Where I grew up.” I got up off of the floor and sat on the couch behind us and sat back. “When I was little, I…I lost my mom. She was addicted to drugs and…it was the death of her. My dad…well, he went crazy, basically. And he moved us to a different state where we couldn't afford to live. I ended up being homeless for my sixteenth birthday. Until one day I couldn't take it anymore. I went to a shelter that was being held in a local church. A woman was there. A black lady.” I laughed and shook my head just thinking about meeting her with her thick southern draw. Her kind heart.
“And she was just…she was my savior, my everything when I had absolutely nothing. She took me in. She gave me a home. A new start. And now I'm here and I wouldn't be if it hadn't been for her.”
“Whats her name?” She asked.
“Dottie. And she's amazing.” Kellin replied and she looked over at him as he smiled at her.
“Yup. We just went there for Thanksgiving. She told me to keep my eye out. She knows I wasn't the only little girl without a home and she's ready to be there when someone needs her. Its what she lives for.” I said and smiled at her when she looking back at me.
“Ive already called her. She lives in South Carolina. Its a really nice house in the country. Its beautiful. Its not far from the town. You can go to school if you want. Or you can home school. Dottie is more than qualified. You'll be able to make some new friends, you'll be able to meet Charlie. Anything and everything you want.” As I spoke, Veronicas eyes grew wider and glassier at my words. Everything that she had never had was suddenly being offered to her. I knew the very joy that was washing over her. I patted the spot next to me and she came, sitting and wrapping her arms around me and letting out a few silent sobs. Kellin stood and knelt down in front of me as I tried to comfort Veronica, and he kissed my forehead ever so gently before I jumped as my phone started ringing in my pocket. I pulled it out and put it to my ear, knowing Gabe’s face as it popped up on the screen.
“Hey buddy, whats up?” I said and helped Veronica and Kellin put all her pictures back into her bag.
“I believe we've got some shopping to do if we want this Halloween party to kick ass.” He said making me giggle.
“Yea sure. Meet me at the car in 10?” I asked and he agreed before hanging up. I stood and bent down, kissing Veronica on her head and softly pecking Kellins lips before walking out of the bus and getting in the car. Gabe was there soon and off we were.
“Im thinking about having it out at that pavilion in the field behind main stage.” I said and looked over at Gabe who was looking through his phone before I looked back up at the road.
“Thats a great idea. We can get some orange and purple lights and hang them around. Maybe some hanging bats or whatever. Witches or something. I made a Facebook event of it. Told everyone they have to bring a dish. That way we don't have to spend all of our money.” I nodded and soon we were pulling up to the local Party City. As we walked through the door, and explosion of orange purple and black erupted in front of us. The shelves the walls, the floor, the balloons. Everything. I giggled lightly to myself, jogging to the first isle with a basket. Boahs, streamers, colored tissue rolls, lights, dangling bats, Confetti. One by one I put them in my basket, amazed at how cheap everything was. I knew I had only put a dent in the budget I had set aside for this party.
Now was time for costumes. Everyone else had already gotten theirs and I was the last. Bringing Gabe, I thought I would get the most honest answer. Kellin would have agreed with them all, So would have Jesse and Justin. Jack would have just laughed at me. But Gabe was pretty straight up about most things. We looked along the wall at the pictures they had of costumes.
“Woah, get that, try that one.” Gabe said, pointing at the wall.
“Which one, this one?” I asked and pointed to the swat team girl costume. Pretty much it was a “bullet vest” corset top and a puffy black skirt that barely covered anything.
“Yea, Kellin will just die.” I laughed and asked someone for help as they got me a few sizes to try on. I carried them to the back and closed the curtain to the fitting room I was in, slipping on the costume before sliding it back open and walking out so Gabe could see.
“Holy sh…Cow.” He said crossing his arms over his chest, reaching up to set his chin in his hand, his fingers lightly covering his mouth and looking up at my eyes.
“Good Lord. I better not get this before every guy at the party explodes.”
He just looked at me for a few more moments before he nodded his head and laughed.
“Too much. I don't know what I was thinking.” We laughed again as I changed and went and exchanged my costume for a sexy native american one. Trying it on and agreeing, we bought it along with some feathers and a cute leather headband that I wore across my forehead and stuck my feathers into. I was so ready for this. Before too long we were back at the venue, carrying our bags to the pagoda where I could already see Kellin and Vic setting up the tables with orange and black plastic table cloths. I smiled to them both, kissing their cheeks as Gabe and I got to work. Him stringing up lights while I threw confetti everywhere and wrapped the colored tissue around the pillars intertwining the colors as I went. As I reached higher, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Here, ill finish up. Go get ready.” Jesse said and look the tissue from my hands. I smiled at him in thanks before hurrying back to the bus. Everything seemed so quiet right now, which was weird considering this was an outdoor event. Fans were gone now but that didn't usually make this place quiet. Usually all the bands were out and about, finally able to walk without being mobbed. The weather, thankfully, was still considerably warm for it being october and seeing how we were in Oregon still. It usually was pretty cold here around this time.
I didn't take long to get ready after I reached the bus. I fixed my makeup and lightly curled my chocolate waves and put my costume on. People would be getting there soon and I really water to be there to greet them so I grabbed my purse and ran out of the bus and down the gravel path that led to the pagoda.
“Woah there little indian girl, save some corn for the pilgrims.” I looked over and smiled knowing it was Andy Beirsack. He was standing a few feet from me holding a box with what looked to be party favors and some spare things to hang from the rafters. He must have been helping the guys. I smiled and walked to him.
“Hey Andy, you need some help?” I said motioning to the box in his heavily tattooed arms.
“Ah no I got it. Thanks though.” He smiled and nodded my head trying to not blush so much at his bright smile. What can I say, Im a sucker for smiles.
“You need some war paint.” He said and put his box down, his short slightly gelled hair trickling in front of his face as he bent to pull something out.
“Good thing my band and I kept our old make up.” He said standing straight again, a circular compact disk in his hands.
“Its just face paint from some local dinky Halloween store. It comes off pretty easy. May I?” He asked holding up two black coated fingers as he stepped closer. I nodded and blushed again. I knew he could see it but I was thankful for him not saying anything. How could you blame me? You can’t tell me he isn't gorgeous.
“Yeah sure.” I smiled. He tucked two clean fingers under my chin and and lifted it before gently smoothing his fingers across my cheek. I kept my eyes on his as he worked, putting a few dots under my eyes. While he did so, his eyes caught mine and he just stared at me as he put three more dots under my other eye, and I tried not to melt under his gaze.
“Hey guys, whats up?” I heard Kellin say, walking up to us with a smile on his face.
“Im giving your little indian lover here some war paint.” Andy said, turning me to face Kellin.
“Its awesome, right?” I said excitedly and took his hand in mine.
“Its totally awesome.” He smiled and kissed my cheek before turning to Andy. “I got these, go get ready alright bro? We’ll see you there.” He said and picked up the box, holding up his hand to high five Andy before we left.
“I think Gabe said something about giving you those drum lessons tomorrow. Make sure your up early ok?” He said, snaking his arm around my waist as we walked.
“Ill try, that is, if I can keep my hands off of you tonight.” I said pulling him to a stop, wrapping my arms around his neck. He growled leaned towards me, pushing my hair behind my ear and letting his other hand run down my back and over my butt, pulling me closer to him.
“Your just begging me to keep you up all night aren't you.” He whispered sexily, a grin forming on his lips before his teeth lightly nibbled my ear causing me to let out a small moan.
“Woah, hey, get a room you two.” I giggled hearing Kellin groan quietly and lifted up to see Jaime walking towards us, a ninja turtle costume on.
“Really dude?” Kellin said with slight annoyance but smiled at Jaime all the same.
“Sorry man.” He laughed. “But theres some others coming behind me, didn't want you to get ‘caught in the act’.” We laughed and walked with Jaime to the pagoda. It was finally starting to get dark out here so it made it all the better when the lights were twinkling brightly under the twilight sky. But suddenly I couldn't wait for this to be over, now that Kellin had teased me to the point of no return. I smiled and bit my lip as he winked back to me from a few tables over where he stood with Vic and Jaime. Damn it I loved how that man could effect me like that.
“You must be Heather.” I jumped, turning back in front of me and smiled at a musician I had been dying to meet. Besides myself, there weren't very many female musicians here on the tour. I was super happy to see the one standing in front of me. Taylor Jardine of We Are the In Crowd. Of the interviews I had seen with her and of all the lyrics I had listened to in her songs, I knew she was a super down to earth person. She was awesome and the word adorable was an understatement when it came to describing her. Unlike Brittany, Matty’s girl, Taylor had never struck me as one to worry about. But I was convinced that we were going to be best friends.
“That would be me!” I said and smiled at her. She looked amazing dressed as a shimmering Goddess.
“You look beautiful.” I said and reached out to hug her. “Its so nice to finally meet you.”
“Ditto gorgeous!” She said back and stepped back, looking me up and down. “And I mean Hella gorgeous. You look hot.” She said and laughed, I along with her.
“You can say that again.” Andy said from behind Taylor, dressed in a Batman costume. Of course. I smiled at him and then to Tay, shaking my head and giggling.
“Hey Andy.” She said as he passed, laughing at his comment. He winked at me and went over to CC and Ashley, his eyes flashing over to me every few seconds. I felt my cheeks getting hotter as I tried to listen to what Tay was saying to me.
“…and then we can go shopping. Sound good?” She finished. I blinked and looked back to her trying to clear my thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“Heather, you've got a man. I hope your not thinking of hurting Kellin.” She said and my eyes widened with shock.
“No! No no no of course not! I would never, it just…Im confused as to why NOW Andy is so interested in me. I mean, we've met once before. He didn't seem to be this way last time.” I admitted to her.
“Look, I think that you don’t need to worry about it. Just focus on you and Kellin. Im sure if Andy has something to say to you, he’ll say it. Plus he’s not the type to get in the middle of other people’s relationships. Now do you want to have lunch and go shopping with me at the next venue or not?”
“Yes! That sounds like fun. I cant wait.” I said, smiling to her.
“Good, then we can go Christmas shopping.” She said and smiled back.

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Oh shit. Christmas. I totally forgot! Thinking about it, this is going to be a pretty busy holiday break. I hadn't even thought about Kellin’s family. Kellin’s family… Just thinking about meeting his mother made my palms sweat. His step dad…his sisters and brothers.
I sighed as hot water cascaded around my shoulders and down my sides. I was just standing in the shower. I had already washed my hair and body, but my thoughts were the only things that needed to be washed away now.
We would need to go to Dottie’s too. I knew she would want to make dinner for the boys and I. Now that we had spent time there before, I hoped this time it would be easier. Not that It wasn't the first time but of course everyone still had that little bit of nervousness in them. I hope Charlie will be there…
I jumped a little, feeling arms wrap around my waist from behind me but I smiled knowing it was Kellin, and leaned into him, letting my head fall back onto his shoulder.
“Are you alright?” He said in a low tone, kissing the side of my head.
“Yea im fine. Just uh…just thinking.” He turned me around the, leaning against the shower wall and tucked a hair behind my ear that had escaped.
“About what?” He asked, his face twisted with a hint of worry. I smiled at him in reassurance.
“Just Christmas. Its going to be busy. I think we should go to Dottie’s a few days before that way we can have dinner and gifts with my family and so you and I can celebrate with the boys before they split to their families and then…”
“We can go to my moms.” He finished for me and smiled back at me. I nodded and some of my nervousness came flooding back knowing he could probably tell.
“Are you sure you want to? Not that I dont want you to meet my family I dont want to like…rush you into anything you know?” He said.
“No I do. I do want to meet them. Im just nervous.” I said and let out a small laugh more for him than myself.
“You dont have to be nervous. My mom is going to love you. I promise.” He said and laid a hand on my cheek, brushing softly with his thumb. I smiled and held up my fingers, crossing them for good measure. He moved to the water then, letting it run down his face, his black hair falling infront of his eyes. I gently laid my hands on his chest and trailed small kissed down his sternum. This was perfect. These times with he and I that connected us in ways that no one else could connect with him. Even if it was just complete silence like this, we were intone with each other.
“You know, the guys are out for the rest of the night.” He smiled and pushed his hair back, his blue eyes going dark with lust and piercing into my own green ones. My breath hitched in my throat as his hands hands fell from my shoulders, sliding delicately down my sides to rest on my hips, pulling me close.
“Your such a horn dog.” I laughed.
“Hey, your the one that begged earlier Miss I cant keep my hands off my boyfriend.” He said, a grin on his perfect lips. I giggled and wrapped my arms around him. He took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply. Deeper than he ever had before and squeezed him a little tighter to keep from collapsing. He always made me weak in my knees. But these times where we got to fully soak in each others love were overwhelming in the best way possible.
He pulled away from me and kissed my cheek and smiled.
“But I’m feeling like a movie and cuddles. Lets order out. What do you say?” He said and I nodded tip toeing up to kiss him and turned to leave.
“Hey.” He said grabbing my hand and I turned back to him.
“I love you.” He smiled, lifting my hand and kissing it.
“I love you too Kellin.” I smiled back and left him to finish his shower. I got dressed pretty quick in my favorite fuzzy pj pants and one of my Sleeping With Sirens shirts and sat on the couch, pulling my lap top with me. I checked my facebook and twitter looking through all the hate messages and tweets but responding to all of the love that I got, smiling reading some of the sweetest things ever. I might not have many fans but the ones I do are super loyal and I love them all.
I smiled as my Skype app started ringing and Charlies face popped up on my screen.
“Hey soldier man!” I said and smiled at him.
“Whats up sis? You holding up ok?”
“Yea! yea yea im great. Just got done showering after a Halloween party we just had.”
“You had a party and you didn't invite me?” He teased making me burst into a fit of giggles.
“Who is it babe?” Kellin said coming out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.
“Its Charlie. Come say hi.” I said and Kellin sat next to me, pulling me into him and throwing a blanket over us before looking into the camera and waving.
“How goes it Charlie?” He said and smiled.
“Apparently my little sister thinks its ok to party without me.” Charlie teased again.
“Hey man, I tried to tell her to invite you. She just doest listen.” Kellin joked and I lightly elbowed him, reveling in the beautiful sound of his laughter. Charlie laughed too, shaking his head and saying hi to a few other soldiers coming into the room he was in.
“Im sure you guys had fun, she's always known how to throw a good party. Oh, hey! Martin, come here.”
“Whats up man?” The guy Martin said and knelt down in front of the camera.
“Hello there.” He said.
“Martin, this is my little sister Heather and her boyfriend Kellin.”
“Kellin? Sleeping with Sirens right?” Martin said causing us all to laugh.
“The one and only. You a fan?” Kellin asked.
“A new one, but yes, a fan. Hello Heather. Nice to finally meet you…kinda. Ive heard a lot about you.” He smiled through the screen and then over at Charlie.
“Were all heading to the gym in a few minutes, you coming?”
“Yea yea, just let me say goodbye.”
“Yea no problem. It was nice meeting you Heather, and you Kellin.”
“You to man.” Kellin said.
“Yea, nice to meet you too Martin.” I said and waved to the screen.
“Your right Charlie,” Martin said standing and patting Charlie on the back before walking away. “She is a looker!” he called back.
“Really Charlie?” I said giving him my best evil eyes.
“I may have put in a good word for you before I knew about Kellin.” He said putting this hands up in defense making me laugh.
“Alright. Well, go to the gym. Tell your buddies they can lay off now.” I said and laughed and so did he.
“Ok. Love you Heather.”
“Love you to Charlie. Be careful. I want to see you for Christmas got it?”
“You got it beautiful.” He said and help up and thumbs up.
“Later Kellin.”
“See ya dude.” Kellin said and waved.
“Love you bro.” I said.
“Love you to Heather.”
Then he was gone.
The rest of the night went as planned, filled with movies, Chinese food, and plenty of cuddles until we were both asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
“Babe. Please…shut that thing off.” Kellin mumbled sleepily with his arm wrapped around my torso and his face stuffed into my neck, a leg wrapped around my own. I giggled and thew my arm to the side, picking my phone up from the floor, lifting it to my face, squinting as the light came on and I turned it off.
“Sorry baby. Ugh…I don’t want to get up.” I whispered.
“Gabe will have a fit if you don’t.” He said and rolled over onto his back.
“No no!” I whined, quickly snuggling back to him, laying my head on his chest. He chuckled,wrapping his arms around me, kissing the top of my head.
“Go love, go get ready. Ill make you some coffee.” He said and got up, climbing over me. I groaned, really not wanting to get up. Last night had been its own kind of heaven. I don’t think I have ever been so relaxed. Though it didn't seem like much, thats exactly why it was so relaxing. We were always moving, always out and about, signing, singing, interviews, flying, driving. Always something.
“Come on babe. Your gonna have fun.” He said chuckling and taking my hands, pulling me up.
Reluctantly I got up and got ready, drinking the coffee Kellin had promised and left to go to main stage where Gabe was already waiting for me.
“Well, well. I didn't think you were actually going to show.” Gabe teased, a goofy grin plastered on his face. Justin and Jack were there too sitting at the edge of the stage just talking. They all had there ways of relaxing before a show.
“Yea yea stuff it drummer boy. Now are we going to get this show on the road or what?” I said and he laughed waving me over. He stood and let me sit in his seat, and moved over to the one next to it so he could be right there with me.
“Here. For you.” He said and handed me a pair of drumsticks. I rolled them in my fingers and gasped at the design in them, as well as my name engraved in the middle of them both.
“Gabe! Dude these are fucking awesome! Than you!” I leaned over and hugged him, my eyes tracing the burned in marks along the beautiful caramel wood.
“Only the best for you.” He said and smiled before turning to the set. “Ok, were going to start out with the basics alright?”
Thank you. Whatever God there is up there. Thank you. For family, for my boys, for Kellin, for Veronica, For Dottie and her never ending love. For this life that had somehow made me a better person. That ripped me out of the fingers of death and let me breathe in the sweet air of pure happiness. I don't know what I did to deserve it, and I cant even possibly know what to do to pay back.Maybe thats what Veronica is. The start of the evident effect that this heavenly life has done for me. And it seems like its only going to get better and better. I don't know how much more happiness I can contain.
I will cherish this. Always Cherish this happiness.
Heavenly, heavenly happiness.