The Book of Me and You

“I’m not going, Kevin.” Hayley said it at least a hundred times this morning. Kevin was finally allowed to be home for a while, so his friends wanted to make a solid “Welcome home” party. He was still very weak and was high on medication most of the time but at least he wasn’t in the hospital anymore.

“Come on Sister! You were the life of the party like all the time. What happened with the fun Hayley?” She gave him a slightly annoyed look from the couch while he sat opposite of her.

“She died a long time ago.”

“Bullshit.”

“Kev, accept it. I’m not going with you and don’t you dare give me the puppy eyes ‘cause I’ll might punch you in the face.”

“It’s just a chill night with my friends. Plus you should be there to look after me.” He was getting her nerves but Kevin was right. She didn’t like the idea of her ill brother partying.

“Fuck it Kevin, all right.” She sighed dramatically. “Who’s going to be there?” She looked up from her phone while hoping for him to say that just a bunch of kids she doesn’t know. Unfortunately she knew who his friends were. One of Kevin’s best friends was Shane O’Callaghan. Fucking O’Callaghans. Let’s hope John doesn’t plan on coming.

“Mostly high school people. Oh and Shane invited Dan.” Daniel Johnson, a.k.a their older brother. The one who hated her. “Have you spoken to him since you came back?” She didn’t reply just gave a look that told him the answer.

“Maybe tonight you could sort that shit out.” She just gave another look before giving a decent reply.

“Kev, there’s nothing to sort out. He’s been mad at me for a long time; it started way before I left for good.”

“Well, you did hook up with his best friend.” Kevin said half jokingly.

“I did not hook up with his best friend. I was in love with him Kevin. You know that. Everybody knows that.” It was the truth. She never hid the fact that she was head over heels in love with John. Dan never liked that his friend and his sister were an item back in the days.

“I think he forgave you a long time ago. He just doesn’t know how to tell you that.”

“A phone call would have been nice.”

---

John felt like going crazy. He was drifting into madness because of her…again. After the quite short talk in Starbucks, Hayley was on his mind all the time. Seeing her and talking to her after 5 long years was upsetting.

He had so many questions and feelings at the same time. John wanted to know nothing and everything about her. What was she doing while staying in New York? Did she have a boyfriend? Did she think about him? Did she forgive him for not being there for her and letting her down? Why did he even care? She broke his heart. She’s a coldblooded bitch. Don’t fall for her again. She’ll just fuck you up.

It’s been almost three weeks since she came back and he only saw her twice. Hayley was pretty good at keeping a low profile. That’s why John agreed to go with Dan to the party tonight. John was a hundred percent sure she wouldn’t come even if it was Kevin’s get together. So he found himself sitting in Dan’s car feeling relieved, because he knew there’ll be alcohol once they arrive.

“I bet there will be a bunch of tipsy high school girls despite the fact that it’s only 10 pm.” Said Dan with a smirk. John looked at him and laughed a little.

“Aren’t you a bit old to hit on under aged girls?”

“You’re one to talk John. I know you too well.” Dan gave him a knowing smile. “You’re the one they’re having wet dreams about.”

“Yeah but that’s different, man. My girls are at least grownups. You’re the one who’s flirting with the youth.”

John and Daniel were always known as the pretty boys around town. They would tease you, maybe get what they want from you, and then leave you hanging like a crazy teenage girl. Although Dan had a couple of serious relationships; for John there was only one girl whom he loved. Apparently, Dan couldn’t accept the fact that this girl was his little sister, Hayley. He knew John was a tease, just like Hayley. Dan didn’t want to see them destroy each other. He was inclined to believe that when John O’Callaghan and Hayley Johnson fell in love was the beginning of the end.

---

This so called party at one of Kevin friend’s house was a disaster for Hayley. Everyone was at least four or five years younger, already wasted a bit, and boring. But Kevin had fun with his friends and it made her happy. Of course he couldn’t drink any alcohol because of his medication, and Hayley was glad that her brother was responsible enough to say ‘no’ without her watching him all the time. So she ended up sitting alone in the backyard smoking. She didn’t feel like drinking alcohol.

She heard as a car arrived and didn’t pay much attention. Being lost in her mind, Hayley didn’t notice the shadow towering over her. But when she heard his voice, she turned immediately back.

“I thought you wouldn’t come.” Was all what John said clearly surprised. He just wanted smoke a cigarette without the drunken fangilrs inside.

“Didn’t want to.” She said, while looking everywhere but him. John lit his cigarette and took the seat next to her on the steps. He was staring into nothing when Hayley was finally brave enough to look at him.

“Staring is rude, Johnson.” Said John with that infamous smirk of his. Hayley felt her cheek blushing and cleared her throat.

“Why are you speaking to me?” She asked honestly. Their previous encounter was many days ago and it wasn’t a nice friendly chat. She knew he hated her. At least she thought he did.

“That’s what humans do when they meet.” John gave her another smile. What am I doing? Stop smiling you fuckup.

“John. You and I both know that there’s nothing to talk about.” She said in a sad tone, so John looked her in the eyes.

“Hayley. You and I both know that there’s lot of things to talk about.”

“You’re supposed to hate me. Like everyone else. That was the deal when I left.” At this point Hayley let out a tiny laugh in sync with John.

“Believe me I want to hate you so bad.” He said and stared into nothing again. “Some days I do. Some days I don’t.”

“What do you feel when you don’t?”

“I feel that I miss you.” John was just as surprised at his words as Hayley. Too much emotion was in the air at once. She wanted to slap him for saying it and making her heart beat like a drum again, but then she wanted to throw herself into his arms and kissing him until they’re both out of oxygen.

“You can’t say that, John.”

“I know. Sorry.” He stood up and made his way back inside but stopped for a minute and looked back at her. She was already standing still, looking at him with teary eyes. “I don’t know why I said that, I thought I was ready to forgive you and to forget, but thank God you reminded me what I can’t say or do.”

“John…” She couldn’t finish the sentence because John ran to her annoyed.

“No! Just no. I don’t know why I’m talking to you. I don’t fucking know anything at all. I just feel like going crazy because ever since you showed up I’m being this fucking mess and I can’t stop thinking about you.”

She was speechless. She felt his teary eyes scanning her but she just couldn’t look at him. John took a step closer so now their shoes were touching.

“I thought I was fine. I moved on. And…and then you came back three weeks ago and I hated you so much!” She was still avoiding his eyes. “Look at me! At least fucking look at me Hayley!” So she did. Now she couldn’t stop the tears storming down her face.

“I’m sorry.” Was all she could manage to say.

“Why? No. How are you doing this to me?”

“Doing what?” She asked with confused look. What the hell is going on?

“I…I want to hate you and kiss you at the same time.”

And that was it. Hayley was so drunk on her emotions that she couldn’t stop herself so she leaned in and closed the tiny distance between them. John kissed back immediately without hesitation. This kiss was long, and very passionate. They both felt alive again. John put his hands on her hips pulling her closer while Hayley ran her fingers through his longish hair. The moment ended when they heard someone clearing their throat. Hayley and John quickly let go of each other and stood in front of a very annoyed Dan.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON?” He shouted while pointing his finger at the couple opposite him.

“Listen, man, it’s not what it looks like.” Said John as a very weak attempt to save the situation.

“Then what the fuck is it?? I spent 30 minutes with Kevin persuading me to go and talk to my sister, because she changed and would never make the same mistakes again, so I go outside and find that same fucking mistake being attached to her fucking mouth!” That was it. She saw red.

“Oh it’s nice to see you too, brother! Good to know that you still that big fucking prick you used to be!” She took a step away from John and one closer to Dan. “And here I was thinking for a brief second that we can talk about what happened five years ago, and why you decided to hate your only sister just because you were jealous and afraid of losing your friend!”

Everyone was silent. John stood there with a confused and desperate kind of silence whereas Dan was just ashamed. Hayley was too mad to think so she did what she did best and ran.

“You know what? I don’t fucking care! I’m done! I was so fucking done five years ago! Here,” She pointed a John. “You can have him all to yourself, what happened was a fucking mistake and I’m sure he already regrets it, and I’m sorry for letting you down! But I’m fucking done with you, Dan, with John and with this whole fucking mess!” She gave the two of them one more look before storming inside.

Once she found Kevin she told him to be careful and gave him the car keys. Without any further words Hayley ran out of the house and started to walk home. She needed time, she needed to be alone. I need him.