The Book of Me and You

Don’t freak out. It’s not a date. It’s not a date. Don’t fucking freak out. Shit. That was all Hayley could think about as she stood in front of her full length mirror. She was ready to go out with John. He said he would pick her up at 8 pm. It was around 7:50 and Hayley was about to hyperventilate. What is wrong with me? Stop acting like a teenage girl on her first date. Shit. My first date was John. Thanks brain for reminding me.

“You look great, sis.” Kevin said while peeking into her room. He was good at sneaking up on people.

“I look like a hipster.” She answered looking down on her floral dress causing Kevin to laugh.

“You do a bit…So…who’s the lucky guy?” Kevin smirked entering her room fully. “A hipster writer wannabe who sits in Starbucks all day writing a shitty script about a hipster dude’s life?”

“Wow…first of all I am a writer wannabe too, thank you very much, and second of all why would I date a guy like that? He seems like an asshole.” She smiled at his brother while she checked her phone and saw a message from John telling her that he’s parked outside, not far from her house. “And no one’s getting lucky tonight, by the way. It’s not a date.”

“Keep telling yourself that. Anyway he’s lucky you even agreed to go out with him…whoever he is.” With that Kevin kissed Hayley’s cheek and made his way towards his own room. It’s not a date.

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Once in John’s car Hayley felt a bit relieved thanks to Talking Bird by Death Cab for Cutie. She loved that band ever since she was little. On her eighteenth birthday John surprised her with two tickets for their show in Phoenix. That was her all time favorite birthday.

“So what did Kevin say to us hanging out tonight?” John asked hesitantly, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Nothing, I didn’t tell him about you.” Hayley answered still focusing on the music.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t want to upset him…especially now that he’s sick and all…” After a glimpse at John, she stared out of the window just enjoying the view of Arizona. She loved living in New York but she fucking missed this place.

“Why would you hanging out with me upset your brother?” John gave her a confused look as he waited for the lights to turn green.

“He’s not your biggest fan.”

“He never told me that.”

“Kevin’s too nice to say it to your face…But he kind of thinks you’re just playing the victim and act like a coward.”

“Wow…thanks.” The light’s turned green and John started driving with a slightly annoyed look on his face.

“Sorry.” Hayley didn’t know what to say. She was actually glad that there was at least one person in her life who was on her side. Kevin was the only one who never blamed her. The only one who loved her unconditionally.

“It’s okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just didn’t know he hated me.”

“He doesn’t hate you. I think he’s just angry with you.” She gave John a small smile.

“And you find it funny?” He asked as he pulled the car to the restaurant’s parking lot.

“No. But to be honest it makes me feel better.” Her smile grew into a smirk as she opened the door and started walking into the restaurant. John laughed lightly and followed Hayley.

In the restaurant they spent hours of talking. They talked about everything what happened in the last five years expect for that night five years ago when Hayley left town. John learnt that Hayley studied journalism in Paris, France for a semester due to NYU offering her a scholarship. He talked about the band from how they got signed to how they become independent from the record labels. Hayley shared with John how deeply in love she fell with Charles Bukowski’s poems from the 80’s. John asked her if she was still collecting vinyls and the answer was of course yes. Their conversation was fluent, without any kind of awkward silences until John decided to man up and ask the one thing he wanted to ask the whole night.

“So…what about guys? I bet you have some funny stories about dates.” He tried to act cool as if weren’t afraid from the answer. Hayley looked surprised at the sudden question, but she wasn’t the type of girl who got embarrassed easily.

“Well…yeah. Guys in New York are either douche bags or gays.” She looked at John laughing and he did the same.

“Did you…did you have someone…serious?” John asked hesitantly, not sure how far he could go with this question.

“I wouldn’t say so…I mean there was a boy who I liked but it just didn’t work. Other than that, just meaningless dates.” Hayley smirked at John as she drank a bit of her wine. “What about you? Any special lady?”

“Just meaningless dates.” He answered a bit sadly. They both knew that ‘Just meaningless dates’ was a phrase they both used for cheap dinner followed by raw sex and a morning with full of regrets. “Never found a girl who would amaze me for longer than a couple weeks.”

“Except for Courtney…” She said it barely audible but it was enough for John to hear it. He immediately felt ashamed when he saw Hayley averting her sad eyes.

“Hales…”

“It’s fine John. I’m over it.” She looked at him with a small fake smile.

“Can I…can I ask you a… kind of personal question?” John asked slowly, not sure if he wanted to even ask this.

“You’re going to ask it anyways so go ahead.” She answered confidently.

“How many guys…you know…how many of them…did you…” He was shyer than ever.

“How many men have I slept with since you?” She acted confidently like always.

“Yes.”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know. I was in college, John. Things happened.” He gave her an unsatisfied look. She sighed. “Why, what’s your number?”

“What do you mean things happened?” He decided to ignore her question. He knew he was selfish for thinking of Hayley as his while he was messing around with other girls as well.

“I won’t tell you anything until you answer.” The truth was that Hayley felt exactly the same way John did.

“I won’t tell you anything until you answer properly.” He struck back with smug smirk.

“This is ridiculous, John.” She said with a light snort. But he just gave her a challenging look. “Okay. You really want to know? I had sex with a lot of boys and some girls as well.”

“G…g-girls?” He asked shocked.

“Yes, John, girls.”

“So you’re…?”

“I’m not gay if that’s what you want to know. I’m just open-minded and I was curious.”

“That’s so hot.” He said it without thinking and shocked himself even more when he realized he said it out loud, but Hayley just smiled.

“Now, answer my fucking question O’Callaghan.”

“I-I…don’t know the exact number. I don’t even remember some of the girls because I was wasted.” He said shamefully. “And I regret most of them.”

“I know that feeling.”

There was an indescribable change between the two of them as they looked into each other’s eyes. Both of them seemed to find some sort of peace after these years. They were able to speak like friends. They were grownups now. Finally there was a tiny spark to save their friendship after many years of solitude. One of the two of them thought that maybe one day they will be able to be friends again, and the other hoped they could be even more.

After a long but not awkward silence John put his hand on top of hers on the table and drew circles with his thumb against her soft skin. Hayley stared at their hands and smiled gracefully. Just when John was about to say something the ringtone of Hayley’s phone filled the room and she let go of his hands to answer it.

“Hello?” She asked quietly.

“Hayley! Kevin…he..he..” Her mom cried into the phone making Hayley jump up from the table and rushing outside to hear her better. John quickly paid for their meal and ran outside to see Hayley shaking from crying still talking to her mom.

“Mom calm down! I’ll be there as soon as I can!” She said as she tried to put herself back together. She hung up the phone and looked at John with complete loss of hope.

“Hales! What happened?” Instead of giving an answer she threw herself into his arms “Shh…Bub…what happened to Kevin?”

“He…he started t-throwing up…and…and t-then blacked out so mom called the ambulance…John I need to go to the hospital…I need to be there!” She cried into his chest and he tightened his arms around her, pulling her closer.

“Okay. I take you there…shh…it’ll be all right, Darling. It’ll be all right.”

No. It won’t.