It's Real

“And what did Marco say?”
 
Kate was happy to entertain Kaylee and Levi as they told her how their day at school went. She was only teaching part time, since Levi still wasn’t at school every day, but the benefits of being a teacher meant that they were all in the one place once Tyler and Kate decided to enrol them where she worked. She looked back at them both in the rear view mirror, Kaylee happily staring out the window as Levi carried on about some war story game he’d played with his “bestest of friends”. It made her smile, his animated face the exact same as his Dad’s, and his eyes lit up as he saw their street.
 
“We home Mama, we home!”
 
“Nearly babe,” She replied, pressing the switch on the dashboard to open up the garage. She frowned when she saw Tyler’s car still in the driveway, she could’ve sworn he told her he was going out with Jamie to celebrate a new deal with the Stars. They had become Texas’ version of the Toews/Kane show, matching deals with no-trade clauses. Jamie couldn’t begin to explain just how happy he was to be a Star for life. Tyler had promised him a night of debauchery and begged Kate with his puppy dog eyes if he called her completely out of his mind at 2am that she wouldn't hate him or put him in the dog house. She just laughed on her way out the door, kissing him and telling him ‘never’.
 
Her phone beeped from where it sat in the drink consol, and she glanced at it as she opened her door. Kaylee was already out of her seat, reaching over to help her brother out of his. ‘Don’t bring the kids in the kitchen. I need to talk to you.’ She frowned, looking at the door in the garage that would lead them into the laundry room of the house.
 
“Okay you two, how about we do our homework in the living room tonight, huh?” She asked. The kids were still young enough that they couldn’t decipher the fake enthusiasm in her voice, and they cheered as she took Levi out, setting him down on the ground. She grabbed their backpacks out of the trunk, closing the garage behind her as she turned through the house, Kaylee already settled on the couch with the cartoon network on and Marshall resting on her lap, Levi playing with Cash. Once she knew they were okay, she made her way back to the kitchen, stopping at the door at the sight of her husband.

He was leaning against the far counter, his arms crossed against his chest, his cheeks red like he'd just finished a hard shift. Which made her frown, because he finished up training over an hour ago. He was staring at his feet until he heard her quiet ‘baby?’ and his head snapped up. He had been crying, obviously, and his face crumpled as he saw her, his arms reaching out for her immediately. “What happened?” Tyler just shook his head, going forward that last step since she obviously wasn't moving fast enough; and he pulled her tightly to him, burying his face in her neck.
 
“Ty, you’re scaring me.”
 
“I know, I'm sorry,” his voice was muffled, “Just, stay here for a minute.” His breath hitched and she wound her fingers through his hair, stepping up onto her toes so he could hide away in her neck deeper. She could feel his shoulders shaking as he gasped, the wet breath drawing from his lips after a moment and all she could think to do was run one hand soothingly over his shoulders. "It's Dad."

Paul. She blanched, instantly thinking the worst, her heart beat speeding up. "What's happened?" She repeated, murmuring softly against his ear. Please, please, please, let him be okay.

He sniffled, pulling back slowly, Kate moving to wipe the tears away from his eyes. Tyler wasn't kidding when he said that he wore his heart on his sleeve, Kate could see every single emotion he was feeling right in front of her, playing out like a movie. "He's, uh." He cleared his throat roughly, his voice wavering. "Mom called me to say that I needed to go home, he's." He took a deep breath, staring at the necklace he'd given her last week as it rested against her neck. "He's got cancer."

She swallowed, eyes widening. Moving a hand to his cheek, running her thumb along the cheekbones she loved so much. "Will he be alright?"

Ty shook his head, his bottom lip quivering. "I don't think so," He whimpered, reaching for her again, looking up at the ceiling in a vain attempt to get himself to stop crying. He was warm against her cheek, and she moved her arms to around his torso, holding on tightly. "It's... Mom said it's stage four. They only found it last week. That. That I should get on the next flight." Kate nodded against his chest, her nails digging into his muscles. "I leave at 6."

She could see the microwave showed it was only half past three and straight away her mind was working a million miles an hour. "Okay. I'll get Lyndsey to watch the kids, I'll help you pack and take you tonight, you can let me know more when you get to Toronto. Have you called Jackie and let her know your flight details?" When she looked up, her heart broke even more than she thought possible. He was looking down at her, hit bottom lip between his teeth, chin still shaking. "Tyler."

"I can't lose him, Kate. He's my Dad, I need him. I, I won't-"

She sighed, kissing him briefly. "I know you do baby, I know." He drew her back in, holding her face in his hands, pressing him lips against hers fiercely, like he might fall apart if he couldn't. Kate held his wrists tightly, letting him, trying to show how much she knew he was hurting, how she could he was scared, how no matter what she was there for him from her side of the kiss. A quiet cough came from the doorway and they pulled apart, Tyler looking up and instantly turning around to place his hands on the counter, his head hanging between his shoulders. Kate wiped her lip, and her cheek from where a tear had fallen and saw Jamie standing in the kitchen, a worried look across his face. "Hey, Jame."

"Everything okay?" He asked, adjusting Levi in his arms as he looked between the both of them. Kate rested a hand on Tyler's back and shook her head slightly, trying not to worry her son. "Ty..."

"Mama! Uncle Jamie said that pizza was a great idea for dinner!" Kaylee came running in a moment later, a big grin across her face. "Can we?" Kate looked at her mini me and tried to smile. "Mama?"

"Ye-yeah honey, what toppings do you want?" She moved over to Jamie and took Levi as he reached for her, kissing his blonde hair. Kaylee had stopped, was wringing her hands in the nervous way Kate knew she'd picked up from her father, frown on her features.

"Daddy, what's wrong?"

"Kaylee, no. Let's leave Daddy for a- Kaylee."

She pulled away from Kate's hand and ran to her father's legs, wrapping her arms around his knee. "Daddy?" Kate watched, Tyler turned his head away and the muscles flexed in his back as he tried to ignore his daughter for the first time in his life.

Jamie spoke up. "Hey, Kayls. I need to talk to your Dad for a second okay? Can you go with your Mama to order dinner?" He had his Captain voice on, the one he knew scared Kaylee a little bit even though she knew he was a big teddy bear and she nodded sadly, walking back to the living room, glancing over her shoulder once to see her father still turned away from her. Kate opened her mouth but no words came to her, Jamie shaking his head and motioning for her to leave. Knowing her husband was in safe hands, she sat down on the couch, Kaylee's homework already out and on the coffee table.

"Why is Daddy sad?" She asked straight away, Levi sitting up a little.

"Daddy in trouble?"

"No, no." She smiled, kissing both of their cheeks. "Daddy's not in trouble, he's just a bit upset. And you guys know that's okay, right? Daddy's allowed to be sad sometimes."

Kaylee nodded, sitting in front of Kate's legs, her book in her lap. "Everyone can be sad."

"That's right," Kate agreed. She couldn't hear what was going on in the kitchen, wasn't sure she wanted to know what was being said. Levi left her lap and went to start building his Lego and Kate busied herself with Kaylee, helping her read the 'Hairy McLairy' book she'd chosen to get out at the library. She grabbed her phone from her purse, sending a quick text to Lyndsey asking if she could take the kids for the night. Even though it was short notice, Kate knew her best friend would drop everything if she asked.
 
Kate would do the same for her.
 
“Mama, help?”
 
She looked up and saw Levi, holding out his piece of Lego that he obviously couldn’t get to stick together. She smiled and helped him build his toy, joining her kids on the floor as Kaylee kept reading. She only knew some of the words, so she kind of made up the story as she went along, but it was adorable to listen to none the less. Hairy was now friends with Marshall and Cash, and they liked to spend their afternoons playing at the dog park.
 
“Hey,” Kate looked up to see Tyler and Jamie standing there; Ty with his arms crossed, Jamie’s hands in his pockets. She smiled at her husband and he tried to return one, sitting down next to her on the ground, resting a hand on her thigh.
 
“What are you building, Levi?”
 
“Untle Jame!” He held up his toys and the two of them busied themselves with the blocks, Kate and Tyler sitting in silence until Kaylee got up from her cushion and sat in her Dad’s lap.
 
“I love you Daddy,” She said quietly, wrapping her arms around his neck and he let out a watery sigh, hugging her tightly to his chest. Kate and Jamie shared a glance. Her phone buzzed, an ‘of course! Bring em over whenever’ on the screen from her best friend and she showed Tyler, who nodded, closing his eyes against Kaylee’s hair. “Why are you sad?”
 
“Because I got some bad news,” He answered after a few moments, Kaylee leaning back to look up. She put her hands on his face, rubbing his beard like she’d seen her Mom do whenever Tyler needed some help calming down and he smiled. He took a deep breath. “Daddy’s gotta to Canada for a few days.”
 
“To play?” Levi piped up, oblivious to the adults. Jamie poked him in the stomach, causing a squeal of giggles to burst out through the living room, as he growled ‘Not without me!’ Levi squirmed as best he could to get his Uncle’s hands away from him, dropping his Lego and it shattered everywhere. “Oh no Untle Jamie, you broked it!’
 
“I did not!” He replied indignantly, tickling him still.
 
“Me Uncle Jamie, me!” Kaylee got up and ran over, wanting to play the game, hitting Jamie with full force and toppling him over on the ground. It was the distraction Kate and Tyler needed it and she pressed into his torso, nosing into his neck as his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Don’t tell them yet. Not until you know more,” She whispered, feeling him nod. He pulled her tighter.
 

 
“Hey, you guys!” Lyndsey held back the door to let them all in, Kate thanking her with a smile as she took the overnight bag from her. “You ready for a sleep over?”
 
“Hi Aunt Lyndsey, hi baby!” He cooed, standing on his tip toes to rub a hand on her growing stomach. She smiled.
 
“Maybe you’ll feel the baby kick tonight.”
 
Kaylee’s eyes lit up with promise, Evan and Emily running to the door only moments later, dragging the kids outside to the backyard to play.
 
“Don’t get all gross before dinner!” Kate called out, rolling her eyes as the back door slammed shut, their offspring clearly not paying attention. Lyndsey stopped her in the hallway, and stared  her best friend in the eye for a minute before she wrapped Kate up in a tight hug she didn’t know she needed. They stood like that long enough that Kate didn’t know until she let out a sob that she was crying in the first place.

“Jesus, what’s wrong?” The alarm was in Lyndsey’s voice but she didn’t move back. Kate gripped her shirt.
 
“Ty’s Dad. He’s, he’s sick, they don’t know how long he’s got.” She tried to take a deep breath to calm herself. Lyndsey muttered a ‘shit’ before she pulled back, wiping under her best friends’ eyes and taking her hand to lead her into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of vodka from the cabinet and filling up a shot.
 
“I’ll take care of them, as long as you two need.”
 
There was an unspoken beauty to their friendship, Kate thought as she threw the shot down her throat. She joked one day that she was only going to get married when that person knew how she liked her coffee (she didn’t), her tea (white with two) and her alcohol (depending on what’s on offer at the time). And when to serve her which. Lyndsey just rolled her eyes and made a fairly true statement that the both of them should just give up on waiting and go to the court house with her to make it legal. She paused as Lyndsey raised the bottle again and eventually nodded, needing more to settle her nerves.
 
“Thanks,” She croaked, wiping her mouth against the back of her hand. If she was driving Tyler to the airport, she didn’t want to have more than two. Maybe that night, where she could finish a bottle of wine in the bath.
 
“When’s he leaving?”
 
“6.” They both glanced at the clock on the wall. She had enough time to say goodnight to the kids and then get home to help Tyler with the last of his packing. “I’ll call you in the morning once I know more.” Lyndsey nodded and moved around the counter to hug her again. “Thank you,” She said earnestly, realising that the next few days would be impossible to get through if she didn’t have Lyndsey there.
 
“Always.”
 
She kept her goodbye’s brief, kissing Levi who ran off to chase Evan before she could tell him she loved him, Kaylee more quiet than usual but still promising to be good with a nod when Kate asked. Their daughter was intuitive and at only four had a knack for reading people like an open book, so she wasn’t going to stand there and pretend like everything was okay with Daddy when she could clearly see it wasn’t.
 
“They’ll be fine,” Lyndsey noted. Kate sighed with a nod.
 

 
“Hey,” She pressed a finger into his chest. “Don’t be all macho and tough guy okay? Your family needs you but you need them too, remember that.”
 
“I know,” He told her quietly, kissing her lips slowly. “I’ll call you once I land.”
 
“Call me when you know more,” She countered against his lips, her hand scratching through the hair poking out from underneath his backwards cap. She felt him nod but only concentrated on his mouth. Even upset he could kiss her senseless. She only just realised they were in public at the very last minute, but his kiss felt as desperate as she did and she knew that it was his way of telling her that he needed her, more than ever.
 
“I love you baby.”
 
She smiled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders in the tightest hug she could muster. “I love you.”
 


 

Tyler didn’t know what he expected when he walked into the hospital room with Candace (who begged her Mom to let her pick him up on her own, flying into him when he came out of the gate, Tyler barely having a chance to see her face before she was crying into his neck), but it wasn’t what he saw in front of him. He barely noticed his Mom and Cassidy sitting by the bedside, Jeff behind his wife, his grandparents on the other side. He stopped in the doorway and looked at the man who was supposed to be his father, pale and skinny against the pillows of the hospital bed.
 
“What the fuck?!” came flying out of his mouth before he could stop it.
 
“Tyler, sweetie.” Jackie stood up, Cassidy beating her to it as she wrapped her arms around her brother’s stomach, sniffling into his T-shirt in a way that normally make him feel gross. Automatically his hands went around her. “Ty-”
 
“Why didn’t you call me last week?” He demanded, Candace rubbing down his back, hiccuping softly as the tears picked up again. He could barely understand how his Mom couldn't have let him know, surely his Dad didn't wake up feeling like crap yesterday and be in the state he was in now.
 
“Because I told her not to.” Jackie turned around from her son to look at Paul, who still had his eyes closed but was obviously not sleeping like Tyler had thought. He moved gingerly in the bed, opening his eyes too see his lookalike staring back at him. "Come here."

Tyler gulped down the rising panic in his throat, his Pop squeezing his shoulder gently as he moved to the side of the bed where they were standing, reaching out to take his Dad's hand when Paul reached for him. "Dad, what’s-” He swallowed. "What's going on?"

He didn't get an answer, Paul uncontrollably coughing instead.  Jackie murmured something about going to get a doctor, Candace standing to the side in a hug with her baby sister, Jeff excusing himself so that the Seguins' could have the family time they desperately needed. A cup of water appeared from... somewhere and Tyler handed it over. He looked his father over, taking in the sight before him. He still had a full head of hair, and he wasn't as thin as Tyler originally thought. He certainly looked pale though (which was weird, because his Dad was always strangely tanned for a Canadian) and his eyes were a vacant shade of blue. Kind of like they knew what they were looking at, but couldn't be bothered to put any effort into making sense of what was in front of them.

Tyler swallowed again.

"We'll be back." He nodded to his Gran, who kissed his cheek and they walked out so that just the kids were left. Tyler's sisters eventually made their way over the bed.

"Mom," He started, clearing his throat. "Mom said it was stage four."

Paul nodded, using his energy to open his eyes, taking in his kids. "It is. They don't know how long I've had it, but I felt fine up until two weeks ago," He groaned, Candace reaching up to move the pillows around. "I'm sorry, Tyler. You just had so much going on with the contact-"

"Fuck the contract, Dad,” He spat, shaking his head. "You think hockey's more important than you? I could have signed that deal anytime, why didn't you tell me sooner?” It was taking all of his control not to lose it, and Cassidy's quiet 'Tyler' caused him to snap his eyes to hers. "What?"

"Okay, okay," Paul chimed in, holding up a hand. "Don't get angry with anyone Tyler, it was my decision."

Tyler gaped at nothing. His decision? His decision to what? "Hang on, what?"

He watched Paul swallow. "I'm not..."

"Dad."

Paul sighed. "Tyler, listen to me okay? The doctors will explain more to you when they get here but I wanted to tell you myself." He looked at his daughters and Tyler suddenly realised his Dad was telling him something he really, really, didn't want to hear. Candace and Cassidy wouldn't look at him. 

"I'm not continuing treatment."



Tyler barely registered what the doctor in front of him was saying. He caught something about ‘pancreatic’ and ‘aggressive’ and decided to tune out for the rest. He knew it was ignorant of him, but his mind was still reeling from the news about how his father had given up already, the man who had taught him his whole life to fight; fight for hockey, fight for recognition, fight for what he wanted out of life because he deserved it.

And now one of the few people he fought for all this time didn’t have a chance. Or at least, that’s what he picked up on from the doctor still rambling to his left.

“So that’s it?” he felt Jackie squeeze his shoulders, but he couldn’t find it in him to let go of where both of his hands where wrapped around Paul’s left wrist. “I- I’ll pay for, like, the best treatment available. It’s not an issue.”

“Tyler,” He immediately hated the way his Dad said his name now, like he was too tired to argue and just wanted his son to shut up and listen for once, okay? The adults are talking. “I’ve already tried-”

“For approximately, like, two seconds Dad.”

“This cancer is, unfortunately- it’s not a type that responds well to treatment.” His white coat had Stevens stitched into it, but that’s as far as an introduction as Tyler wanted. “There are very few cases where chemotherapy and radiation have worked with-”

“So why aren’t you trying them now?”

“Honey, it’s too late to try.” He looked back at his Mom, who’s mouth was turned down into a grim frown, her chin quivering as she tried to not cry again. “Paul started radiation the day after he got diagnosed but he just got worse, sweetie.”

“But…” He looked around at all the faces in the room; the doctor with his hands casually in his pockets, his Dad leaning back into the bed with closed eyes, Candace biting her lip and staring at the floor. Tyler’s eyes settled on Cassidy and just like that, the reality of the situation hit him like a tonne of bricks. He was going to be the one walking his sisters down the aisle when they got married, he was the one who was going to pay off their student loans (not that he wasn’t going to anyway, but Paul had protested and said he and Jackie had worked hard to be able to send their kids to school, they could take care of it). He was going to be the one who’d have to figure out what to do with his Dad’s landscaping business. He was going to be the one to tell Kaylee and Levi all the trouble Daddy used to get up to when he was a kid, instead of Paul bouncing them on his knee at Christmas time, dressed up as Santa.

He didn’t want any of it.

“This isn’t fair,” He settled on, whispering the words into the bleak hospital room.

“Sometimes life isn’t fair,” Paul cleared his throat and took a breath, finding the energy to open his eyes to see his son stare back at him. It didn’t take long to see his eyes fill with tears, and Tyler’s breath hitched before he could stop it, squeezing Paul’s hand in a ‘I don’t need your bullshit sarcasm right now’ way. “It’s okay Tyler.”

“No it’s not,” He shuddered, staring at the bed.

“Yes it is.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because,” Paul laughed, a little bit light but as best he could. He looked around at his family- yeah, he and Jackie didn’t make it but she was still his family- and motioned for his daughters to come closer. “Look at this. I have lived a full life. I’ve got three beautiful children, who I’ve watched grow up into such kind spirited, loving, gifted adults. The most perfect daughter in law and grandchildren anyone could ever imagine.” Tyler had looked up at this point, biting his lip but not holding back what he was feeling. The emotions tracked down his face. “The most wonderful wife a man could ever imagine having, even if we got a little off track there.” Jackie huffed out a laugh and put her hand over Tyler’s. “Doctor Stevens has done what he could but it just wasn’t in the cards for me. And that’s okay,” He pressed when Tyler made to speak up, dodging a glance at his sisters. This so wasn’t what he wanted to hear right now.

“Daddy.” Candace reached for his hand. “Please don’t say this stuff.”

“In a couple of days, I might not get to,” Paul pointed out. That sentence was enough for Tyler, who stood up abruptly, the chair he was sitting on screeching across the floor.

“Tyler…” Jackie trailed off as he shrugged her hand away, wiping furiously at his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I can’t be in here right now.”

He left.



“Hi,” He heard her answer, Kate’s voice a welcome relief to his ears as he sat outside in one of the gardens, hidden away a little behind rose bushes. He opened his mouth to say something back but nothing came, his father’s words running circles around his head, his brain not being able to process anything else. He must’ve let out a breath of something though, because the “oh baby, it’ll be okay” was enough for him to realise there was no way he was going to be able to keep it together.

“He’s dying,” He choked out, so so glad that he was away from the main pathway leading into the entrance of the hospital. “He’s- He’s nothing, they won’t do anything, I can’t-” Tyler broke down, pressing the phone against the side of his face as hard as he could so he couldn’t drop it onto the bricks beneath his feet, his other hand coming up to cover his eyes, not even bothering to wipe away tears. Kate stayed quiet, listening to him as he let the sobs rack through him and he wished for nothing else but that she was there, and that his Dad would wake up tomorrow and be better.

65. Who the hell says goodbye to their Dad when he’s sixty five.

“I need you up here,” He said, his voice warbling like he couldn’t help it. “Don’t bring the kids.” He hated that he’d said it, Kaylee and Levi made everything better but they wouldn’t understand. And he didn’t want them seeing Pop Pop the way he was. Their last memory of him will always be the day they said goodbye to him at the lake, where the rest of the family stayed on for a few extra days while Tyler and Kate took them home to Dallas to start the pre-season. He was happy then. He was healthy.

“I love you.”

He heard her sigh and a snap of a twig behind him made Tyler jerk around, Cassidy standing back a little, surprised that she’d been caught but not really because she needed her big brother and she didn’t care if he was pissed as all hell right now at the world and everyone in it. He watched her shrug and held a hand out instantly so that she’d know it was okay, he didn’t really want to be alone, pulling her into his chest as she began to cry, too. “I love you too, Tyler. How… how much time does he have?” It had been a long time since he’d heard any kind of tentativeness in her voice when he spoke to him, that it took him a little by surprise. It was also not what he needed; Kate had to be the strong one here, everything would go to shit if she lost it too because he wasn’t strong enough for his family right now. She’d been his rock for the past 7 years and that whole time he thought he’d always been the strong one. But now that he was away from her in the worst situation he’d ever been in in his life, he realised just how wrong he’d been and he thanked God and everyone else that she was in his life.

“The doctor said something about hospice people, and that it was only a matter of days or something. It could be tonight; I don’t know. Please get on a plane,” He begged, tightening his hold on Cass as she tucked herself away into him. “I got you,” He said to her; she just held on tighter.

“Okay, Ty, okay. I’m booking a flight now, I’ll be there at like, 11. Who’s with you?”

He sighed with relief, and checked his watch. 4pm. He only had to wait 7 more hours and she’d be with him and he’d be okay. “Cass is here.”

“Let me talk to her.”

He silently handed the phone over and used his free arm to wrap it around his little sister, who wasn’t really little anymore. He don’t know she went from being 12 years old and standing next to him on the ice when he first won the cup to being a college graduate with a life of her own, but part of him hated it. He’d missed all of it. It only happened once every couple of years but sometimes he regretted hockey. And all that he did to get this far but all the sacrifices everyone he knew made for him too. There was a few ‘yeah’s’ and ‘mmhmm’s but Cassidy was mostly silent, sniffling into Tyler’s shirt where she had before when he’d walked into the hospital room. He’d have to get a new one out of his bag in the back of his sisters’ car at some point.

“I wish you could. I could use a Levi hug,” He heard her whimper and Tyler dropped a kiss to her head. He could use a Levi hug right now, too. Except he’d probably hold on too tightly and break his ribs, that’s how much he needed his kids right now. “Okay. Love you too, sis.”

Tyler took his cell back. “Let me know your flight number, I’ll come get you.”

“No. I’ll catch a cab, you should stay with your family-”

“You are my family,” he pointed out and he heard the huff on the other end of the line. “I don’t want you getting a cab next to midnight.”

“Hey, I’m a big girl. If it’s as bad as what you say, then you are staying at that hospital Tyler. Remember what I said; your family needs you but you need them too.” He didn’t answer, just dropped his cheek against Cassidy’s head. “Go be with them, I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Okay,” He mumbled. She was right, as always. He hated that. “I love you.”

“You too baby. So much.”

He disconnected the call and put the cell down on the bench next to him. “I love you too,” He spoke up, mostly into Cassidy’s hair and definitely quieter than he usually said it. Something about the garden and the situation they were in made him want to whisper.

Cassidy didn’t answer him straight away, but her fingers were bunched up in his t-shirt so tight he was kind of surprised she hadn’t ripped through the fabric already. “I don’t want him to die.” And just like that, the flood gates opened. It was a jumbled mess of tears and jerky breaths as she explained what the last few days were like, and how much she had wanted to call him to beg him to come home, but Dad said no, you had too much going on with the contract and everything. “But that’s such a stupid reason, because you’re here now and Mom called you yesterday and you’re right, you could’ve signed that anytime and now he’s basically gone-”

“Hey,” he growled out, pushing her up so he could see her face. “He’s still very much alive, Cass.”

“He just said goodbye up there, Tyler,” She sobbed, sniffling and rubbing the palms of her hands against her eyes. “This is so fucking shit, I hate it. I don’t even want to be here and I fucking hate hospitals and it just reminds me of when you got that concussion and when Kaylee was born and they bring nothing but death and misery and the worst type of news and he’s- he’s. He’s dying,” She cried and there was nothing Tyler could do but bring her back to him, this time actually pulling her to sit on his lap like he used to when she was little and hurt herself.

He didn’t try to stop his tears either.



“Just sell it,” Paul sighed wearily, waving his hand at the lawyer. Tyler sat back in his chair, arms resting on the sides and his hands linked together for his chin to sit on, watching his Dad go through the final details of his will.

“Tyler?”

He focussed his eyes. “Sorry, what?”

Richard, who was probably one of Paul’s oldest friends and someone Tyler had grown up with, offered a small smile. “The business. It’s left in your name.”

Tyler looked at his Dad and took a breath. “I don’t want it. I know how hard you worked to build it Dad, but I… I can’t have it. I just…”

Paul nodded. “I know.”

And that was that.

It was tiring watching someone sleep in a hospital bed. Jackie had gone home with Jeff, leaving with a sad nod when Ty promised her the kids would be okay, they were just going to sit there and probably talk shit for a few hours anyway. He knew they were all gross; Candace and Cassidy had been at the hospital longer than he had and even now he could really do with a shower.

He wasn’t leaving though.

When Richard left an hour later, Tyler watched as two grown men shook each other’s hands and just nodded to each other, not saying a word as he left the room. For a brief moment, Tyler wondered if that’s how Jamie and he would say goodbye to each other, if they were ever in that situation. But then he thought that Jamie would probably stay in the room right next to Kate and Brownie, wedged somewhere with his sisters.

Wait. Why the fuck was he thinking of his own death?

“Tyler, remember when you totally missed the net and put that puck through the window of Dad’s work van?” Candace asked, the three of them sitting around the foot of the bed, talking quietly. Paul was drifting in and out of sleep and even though they didn’t want to disturb him, they didn’t want to leave him alone. Paul didn’t seem to mind.

“I totally thought I was going to die.”

“You should’ve seen their faces when they heard the smash,” Cassidy giggled, covering her mouth. “It was a mix of ‘why did you tell him he could practise in the driveway’ from Dad and a ‘he’s your son, you go yell at him’ from Mom. It was the best thing ever.’

“No, I was shitting myself,” Tyler protested, looking between his sisters with a laugh. “Seriously. I saw him come out the front door and wanted to run all the way to Toronto to hide.”

“What about when Candace brought home that motorbike guy?”

“Cassidy!”

“Wait, what?” Tyler didn’t know about this. “When?”

Candace shrugged nonchalantly. Tyler looked ready to kill someone. “Oh God, calm down brother bear. It was during the summer break my junior year - you were still partying it up with your bros in Cape Cod,” She scoffed and he rolled his eyes. Forgive him for wanting to get shitfaced after winning the Stanley Cup. “He was a total douche anyway, he didn’t come back.”

“How did I not know this?” Tyler wondered to himself, a little scared to find out any new information they were going to spring on him about guys they dated. Oh God, dated. Yes they were all in their twenty’s now and living in the real world but he still knew there was never going to be a guy out there that was good enough for the both of them.

His thoughts sobered a little when he realised that he was going to be the one approving of his sisters dating choices. And that one day, some guy was going to ask Tyler if it was okay that he married one of his sisters. Tyler glanced up at his Dad to see him still sleeping, a frown on his face, his fingers clutched on the blanket.

“Have you spoken to Tony lately?”

“Who’s Tony?” Cassidy just bit her lip and shrugged. “What the fuck, who are all these guys you’re both not telling me about?”

Cassidy rolled her eyes, and flicked his cheek. “He’s from school, he graduated with a post grad placement to Ole Miss.”

“Oh God,” Tyler groaned and Candace burst out laughing. “Not a football player.”

“You’re friends with NFL players!”

“Yeah, and they’re some of the biggest sluts I know,” He argued with a smile.

“Like you weren’t one.”

“Candace, you’re not helping.”

“Wasn’t trying to.”

“You want your baby sister messing around with a football player?”

“Oh, because it’s so much worse than messing around with a hockey player?”

Candace raised an eyebrow and Tyler snapped to look at Cass, who gave him a deadpanned look. “Don’t get into it with a hockey player.” They both stared at him like he was the biggest moron on the planet but he was adamant. “No. We’re the worst kind of people.”

“I wonder if Kate knows that.”

“She would’ve run by now.”

“Think we’d still get to see the kids?”

“Pfft, obviously. We’re the favourites.”

They carried on back and forth and Tyler just watched like it was a tennis match, totally ignoring the fact that they were both basically shitting on him but he loved it. That’s what his sisters were for, to remind him that he wasn’t always going to be Tyler Sequin, star of the Dallas Stars, dual Stanley Cup Champion and Olympic Gold Medallist.

He was still their moron brother who baby talked his dogs and listened to the worst music possible.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see a text him his wife, just handed, what hospital? x on the screen. He smiled, instantly feeling better than she was finally here and sent her the address. If traffic was okay, he’d go downstairs in fifteen minutes to meet her.

“Kate?”

“Yeah,” He sighed, hating the way that the mood had shifted suddenly in the room, all of them glancing at the man in front of them. “Hey,” Tyler spoke up, taking both their hands. “It’ll all be okay, yeah? Whatever we- we’ll figure it out.”

Candace nodded glumly and Cassidy didn’t say anything but Tyler didn’t care. It felt like something he had to say. “I thought we would’ve had more time, y’know?” Candace asked quietly, leaning forward to rest her head on her hand. “Like, he hasn’t even really done the full ‘scary Dad make the boys run away’ routine for Cass yet.”

It was funny, in retrospect. Except no one was laughing.

“I always wondered what song I’d dance to with him at my wedding,” Cass whispered, breaking off quickly as her throat got tighter and Tyler sighed with a ‘Cass, don’t do that to yourself’ before he kissed the back of her hand. They were over tired, in desperate need of showers and real food and it wasn’t the right time to start getting all melancholy.

She had quietened herself down by the time Tyler went downstairs, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as he leant against the wall outside, watching a couple of people smoking a little further away from the entrance. He scoffed and rolled his eyes, never understanding the appeal of smoking in the first place, pro athlete or not. Enough shit in the world could kill you, why add to it?

He saw the lights of the taxi pull into the valet style parking of the hospital and he moved forward quicker than he imagined, because Kate wasn’t even out the door properly before he pulled her into him and just held on for dear life. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here,” She soothed, rubbing her hands over his back as he breathed in the smell of her shampoo. Instantly, he was home. “I brought food.”

And that was further proof he’d married the best woman on the planet.

Tyler paid the cab driver and took the suitcase, juggling Kate’s bags with one hand and holding onto her with the other, leaving her one hand free to hold onto the massive brown paper bag that he could smell had some sort of garlic thing and what he might’ve been able to pick out as something Mexican. He wasn’t sure.

“Okay, so he looks kind of the same… just, really tired,” Tyler tried to warn her, stopping a few steps from the door of his Dad’s room. “And like, paler than me, which - stop laughing. How dare you.” He shrugged, squeezing her fingers in his hands a little. “But he’s still, y’know, talking and stuff.”

Kate offered a small smile and stood up on her toes to kiss him, brushing her lips against his cheek as she pulled away. “I love you.”

He nodded, kissing her again as deep as he could for what was acceptable in the hallway of a hospital before he nodded her forward, holding the door open for her to walk in. She was instantly taken into a joint hug by the girls and Tyler squeezed past behind them, dumping his wife’s belongings and standing back until they were done.

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I missed you.”

Kate smiled at both of them and took them into a hug again, looking at Tyler and handing him the bag of food so she could wrap her arms around them both properly. He loved how much his family loved her; like she’d been part of the family all along, and the wedding was just an excuse to have a massive party. He always knew he came from a tight family and he didn’t actually think he’d find a girl who could fit in as well as Kate did. But, as in most cases when it came to her, she proved him wrong.

“I brought Pizza Pizza,” She spoke up and all three Seguin kids broke into a grin. It was enough of a distraction and Kate stepped back to let them destroy the bag, her eyes moving to the bed- only to see her father in law was in fact awake and watching the whole scene in front of him.

“There she is,” He whispered, offering a tired smile and opening his arms for a hug that Kate gladly leant down into. “How is my favourite daughter in law?”

She didn’t have anything to say, still stunned into silence by the view of the man in front of her. He was still warm, but the arms around her shoulders had lost the bone crushing strength she’d gotten two weeks ago. And Tyler was right, for the probably the first time in his life, Paul was paler than his son. How could that happen so soon? “I’m your only daughter in law.”

“Still my favourite,” He said quietly, not missing the way his kids were watching him and devouring the food in their mouths, but he didn’t care. Paul knew that half the reason Tyler had been on edge was because Kate wasn’t there, didn’t know just how much he relied on her to get him through things. But it made Paul feel better, not quite so much that he was leaving them all behind, leaving Tyler to become the man of the family far earlier than he should be. He’d have her by his side, Paul knew Tyler could do anything. “Love you, kiddo.”

Kate nodded, biting back tears. “Love you too.”



When Tyler woke up the next morning, he could already feel the pain of his muscles seizing in his right shoulder from sleeping in the plastic chair of the room. He had Kate pressed up in front of him, spooned as best they could with an arm rest in the way, Cassidy much the same on the other side of the bed. Candace seemed to be the only one with brains, who’d moved closer to her Dad during the night and held onto his hand, resting herself against the mattress, her arms under her like a pillow.

He looked at his Dad, and for a fleeting second thought that at some point during the night, Paul had passed away. He was basically transparent and his head lolled to the side, his mouth falling open a little. If it wasn’t for the heart rate monitor bleeping obnoxiously, he wouldn’t have believed he was alive.

Kate felt him move in his moment of panic, opening her eyes against the bright lights of the room, instantly rolling her neck around to work out the kinks. Tyler’s trainers were going to kill him, since he felt the same. “Hey,” She heard whispered in her ear and she turned, giving him a kiss. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s alright,” She whispered back, moving her arms above her head to stretch her back out. Tyler’s hand fell from her shoulder and ran down her spine, curling around her waist when she slumped back down against, crossing her legs the other way to face him. She reached for his left arm and checked his watch, yawning when she noticed it was still early. “You should try and sleep a little more.”

He hummed noncommittal, pulling her back into his chest but not taking his eyes off the bed. If he looked closely, he could see the rise and fall of Paul’s chest and even though that was comfort enough, Tyler couldn’t get back to sleep. There was a very real possibility that today might be the last day he has with his father, and even though Paul was sleeping, Ty didn’t plan on wasting a minute of it.

Well, that’s what he thought. Instead he found himself being woken up a couple of hours later to the sound of coughing. And not the ‘clear your throat’ coughing either. He opened his eyes and saw two things at once: Candace running out of the room and his Dad doubled over in bed, hacking up his lungs. He could see blood on the blanket under his torso and Tyler was up and out of his chair before he knew it.

“Shit, Dad? We got you,” He rushed, wondering briefly for a second where Kate was, putting all his weight behind getting Paul to sit up properly since Cassidy was struggling. “You’re okay- here, Cassidy got some water.”

“No,” He croaked, pushing his daughter’s hand away, the cup falling to the floor with a clatter. “Get off.”

“Dad,” Tyler tried again, moving a pillow down further and pushing his fathers shoulders down. “Just relax, Candace is getting someone.”

“I don’t need anyone. Just let me die already.” Well, Tyler was pretty sure that’s what he said. Paul was half mumbling, half moaning, like he couldn’t get his mouth to work properly.

Tyler stopped and Cassidy froze, her face crumpling like she couldn’t help it, biting her lip. “Cass, he didn’t mean it.” But she ran out of the room anyway, nearly knocking Kate over who stepped back quick enough so that the tray of coffees she was holding didn’t spill. “Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” He probably could’ve eased his Dad back into a comfortable position a little nicer, but he was pissed.

Paul ignored him, grimacing for some reason, his hands clutched to his chest. A nurse was walking by and Kate stopped him, Tyler could hear them talking at the door. “I’ll just go get a doctor and a new bed blanket,” He murmured and by now Tyler was pacing against the window, trying to calm himself down. He didn’t want to fight with his Dad, there was no reason to. It was just… it just sucked. That’s all.

“Here.” Kate tapped his arm with a coffee cup and he took it gratefully, eyes flicking to the bed then back out the window. He wished his Mom was here already. “What happened?”

“He snapped at Cassidy. I don’t know,” He sighed, turning around to speak quietly, Kate looking at him with sympathetic eyes. “He was coughing; it woke me up.”

Paul had seemed to fall back to sleep.

Cassidy didn’t come back. The nurse had come back with a fresh blanket only a few minutes later but Paul was back to sleep. Tyler figured that’s how it was going to be from now on, considering the nurse just moved his Dad around like it was normal, his Dad not making any notion that his sleep was being disturbed as he was moved around like a doll.
 
He’d had a few texts from his team mates – most of them from Jamie, the Captain knew how strained Tyler and Paul’s relationship had been for years – and a call from Brownie, who had spoken to his AHL team and said he was free to fly up whenever he needed him. Tyler only had to say the word.
 
Derek, the rest of the guys from Toronto, Marchy and Patrice had all reached out too since it was reported that Tyler was missing the beginning of training camp due to “personal reasons” on the Stars website.
 
He forgot sometimes how much he loved his friends.
 
The morning dragged on, Candace coming into the room with Jackie only to leave again to find her sister (although Tyler suspected it was because Paul’s condition had changed so much over night that she couldn’t handle it. He didn’t even know how he was handling it.)
 
“You okay, honey?” Jackie murmured, brushing her hands through his hair as she bent down to kiss Kate on the cheek. He took a deep breath and sat back from the bed, stretching his arms and leaning back into his Mom’s torso. He gave her a sleepy nod which she took at face value, scratching her nails on his scalp like she used to when he was tired as a kid.
 
Tyler had thought more about his life in the last 48 hours than he probably had in the last 10 years. Sitting in that bland hospital room while his father basically passed away in front of him made him realise just how short life was. He’d left when he as 15, because he wanted to play hockey more than he wanted anything in the whole world, and it had stayed that way until he saw Pevs collapse during that game on the bench in 2013. Not only did his whole world shift, but he realised just how much good fortune he’d taken for granted; his family, his friends, his career. Tyler knew how good he had it at Boston, and while he will never forgot the feeling of winning the Cup with them, he never fully appreciated it.
 
He remembered how proud his parents looked as they joined him on the ice. How Candace lapped up the atmosphere, how big Cassidy’s eyes got as Tyler put the cup down in front of her so she could see it up close.
 
He remembered getting angry on the phone to his Mom when the trade was announced and Jackie took it in stride; acting angry for her son instead of trying to make him shift his focus to a new beginning. He wasn’t going to ever mention the fact that he’d shed a few tears when Cassidy asked him through tears of her own because going to Texas meant she was going to see him even less (“Tyler, Dallas is a whole other world away and I miss you enough already!”). He was glad that the move to Dallas had been easier than what he anticipated and he thanked whatever was watching over him that he’d met Jamie Benn, because Tyler was convinced his career would’ve been just another flash in the pan if the both of them weren’t playing together. Jamie credited him to getting him the Olympic Gold; Tyler credited Jamie to being able to lift the Cup for a second time two years ago.
 
And all of that seemed to diminish as he sat next to his dying father in the middle of a hospital room in Toronto.
 
“Tyler.”
 
Kate’s voice in his ear broke his train of thought, her chin resting on his shoulder. “Sorry, what?”
 
“I said, maybe you and Kate should head to the house and get a few hours’ sleep,” Jackie suggested, sitting in the chair that Candace had occupied for half the night before. Tyler looked between his Mom and Kate, before settling his gaze on his Dad. He was a realist – no amount of wishing was going to wake his Dad up long enough to have a conversation about how he maybe hadn’t been the best son the last couple of years.
 
“Yeah, okay.” He resigned with a nod of his head, reaching for Kate’s hand to link their fingers together while he rubbed his eyes with the other. Kate took the keys that Jackie handed over, pulling her eldest into a hug.
 
“I’ll call you if anything changes.”
 
 


 
“I should call the guys.” He didn’t specify which guys; his friends here, Brownie, Jamie and everyone else back home in Dallas. He didn’t even know who he meant. It felt like the right thing to say. Tyler hid his yawn behind a hand, blinking his eyes open wide to keep himself awake enough to drive home. He almost wanted Kate to, but realised he was probably going to fall asleep in the passenger seat and she’d end up lost, winding the streets of Toronto so that he could get some rest, because that’s the kind of woman he married.
 
“Can we facetime the kids first?” She suggested, her hand squeezing where it rested on his thigh.

The kids.
 
Fuck. He’d forgotten he’d have to tell them.
 
“What are we going to say?”
 
Kate shrugged. “Kaylee knows something’s up, she didn’t believe me when I said that you were okay.”
 
“Yeah, because she can read me like an open book. She’s her Mom.”

He raised his eyebrows at the scoff he heard. “Uh, no. She wears her heart on her sleeve, exactly like her father.”
 
He rolled his eyes. They constantly argued (in the best way) about which of their kids was more like what parent. Kaylee was inquisitive and always happy to held- that was Kate. Then sometimes she was quiet and just needed cuddles – no matter how many times he protested, Tyler totally knew that was his trait. He couldn’t deny that if Kaylee was still awake after a bad game he drew her in for a hug on the sofa, holding her until she fell asleep on him, just like she did when she was a baby.
 
Levi was more 25% a equal mix of Kate and Tyler, then 75% a mix of the entire Dallas Stars roster. Some of the things he would come out and say would be demanding yet endearing (Jamie. Or Jordie, depending on the topic), goofy and make no sense (… okay, anyone but mostly Val or Cody or Antoine) or completely left field and philosophical (Tyler blamed both Ruffles and Demers for that).
 
“Okay, okay. Let’s not get into it.” He turned left into the driveway of the home he’d bought for his Mom and Jeff (and the girls, when they were home from school), only two blocks down from the street he grew up on before his talent caught scouts eyes in middle school and forcing the move to Brampton.
 
The house sounded empty once Tyler got the door open, stepping back to let Kate walk in first. Jeff was a realtor so he usually worked on Saturday’s and as much as Tyler was happy that someone like him was married to his mother, he didn’t want to be around a father figure right now.
 
“You want some food?” She was already making her way to the kitchen before Tyler had a chance to take his shoes off at the door but he reached out and grabbed her wrist, watching as she turned back in surprise. She waited for him to say something, he could read it in her expression but all of a sudden his mouth was dry and he couldn’t form words.
 
His Dad was dying.
 
“Oh, Ty.” He felt her reach for him, pulling him into a hug and he realised he was taking gasping breaths, biting his lip to stop his chin from quivering. Tyler buried his face in her neck, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist, breathing her in. He tried to hold it together for his family in the hospital but he knew he couldn’t keep up appearances around her.
 
So he took from her what he needed the most; love and strength and just pulled her closer in the foyer of his mother’s house, wishing there was something he could to make everything wrong disappear.

“What if he doesn’t wake up again and I don’t get to say I’m sorry?”
 
She shushed him, pressing up higher on her toes so he could hide away beneath her hair. That was his biggest fear out of all it; he’d sat down and actually listened to the doctor when he’d explained one on one what exactly was going to happen to his Dad, that his type of cancer usually progressed pretty quickly and that his status could change hourly. The doctor had predicted he’d be in and out of sleep for the last few days and then he would just… stop. For someone who had grown up watching Paul be so full of life, it was a lot to take in and just accept that even though he was still breathing it was all but basically over.
 
“He knows you’re sorry babe. He knows. You said he explained everything.”
 
He pulled back, Kate’s hands instantly going to his face to wipe under his eyes. “He told me about being sick; we didn’t bring up Thanksgiving or the Dad’s trip or the fucking car or any of it.” Tyler stopped himself before he went too far, letting go of his hands around her waist to begin pacing the living room floor.
 
“Baby-”
 
“And he couldn’t even fucking tell me he was sick as soon as he found out! The day that we were all supposed to go over to his for a barbeque but he postponed?” Kate nodded. “Yeah, that’s when he got the results. We were fucking right here and he didn’t have the guts to tell us. How is that fair? I know we’re all adults but Cand & Cass should have him around- they’ve been here, he actually had a chance to raise them, not ship them off to some boarding school because some guy in a minor’s polo said I had a good slap shot.”
 
“Tyler.”

“How did this happen? He’s 65 years old; he’s been perfectly healthy his whole life and then he becomes a vegetable in two and a half weeks? This is bullshit!” He’d burn holes into the carpet if he kept pacing as fast as he was. Kate just stood by the door, biting her lip with her arms by her sides, watching him break down in what could be the beginning of a panic attack. “I need him! He doesn’t just get to check out like this, he’s just given up-”
 
“Okay, enough.” She was using her ‘Mom’ voice. He turned around from where he was glaring daggers at the 8x12 Jackie had put on the mantel piece of his last cup win, all of them standing around the cup that had a baby Levi sleeping in the top of it, in the middle of the American Airlines Center. He was too wrapped up in anger towards his father that the joy that usually came through when he saw that image didn’t even register. “Paul is not ‘checking out’.” He didn’t have to turn around to know she was making the quotation marks with her fingers. “No one choses to have cancer, Tyler.”
 
“He should’ve told us sooner. He should’ve told us while we were still here.”
 
“Maybe he was scared.”
 
He turned around with enough speed to scare Kate a few steps back. “He’s scared? He’s lying in that fucking bed and we’re all just waiting for the time to pass. We’re the ones that have to live with it! You of all people know what that’s like-” He stopped when Kate’s jaw dropped and she recoiled from his hand when he made to reach for her. Fuck, why did he have to bring up her parents? He had no right to say that, he never actually got a chance to meet them; the accident was years before he and Kate met at that stupid dress up party- “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
 
Kate just shook her head once, muttering “I’ll go make breakfast” before he was left alone.
 
No one ever said he wasn’t a complete idiot.



He stood next to the mantel piece and stared at the photo again, flinching a little when he heard what could only be a pan hit the tiled floor of the kitchen. It had been five minutes; she had to have calmed down enough to not throw a knife at him by now, so he took a deep breath and turned around to make his way to the kitchen.
 
He watched as Kate threw some oil into the pan, and fire starter clicking against the silence of the room. “Kate,” He tried, taking a precautionary step towards the island.
 
She carried on ignoring him, whipping the eggs a little more and moving the oil around the pan at the same time. He said her name quietly again, resting his hands against the marble bench as she turned to glance at him.
 
“What?”
 
He winced. After everything that she had done to make sure that she was here for him, in a time he didn’t think he’d actually have to imagine until long after he retired, he’d gone and ruined it.
 
“I’m sorry-”
 
“You shouldn’t have said that,” She cut in, turning her attention to the eggs as she poured them into the pan, hitting the ‘down’ button on the toaster.
 
“I know. I didn’t mean it.”
 
“Yes you did.” The bite in her tone was enough to get his feet moving, suddenly at her side as he moved the pan off the heat, holding her shoulders. “Tyler, I’m trying to make you-”
 
“Fuck breakfast,” He rushed. “I appreciate everything you’ve done over the last few days, and I’m sorry that I snapped at you.” He watched as his wife bit her lip and then turned her attention to their feet. “It was a horrible thing to say, I’m over tired and I said it without thinking but it’s not how I feel baby.”
 
Kate paused, staring at a spot on the bench. With a bite of her lip she blinked and looked up at him. “Please don’t say anything like that to me ever again.”
 
“I won’t, I won’t,” Tyler promised, drawing her into his arms. He pressed tiny kisses against her neck where her sweater met the skin and he heard her sniffle against his chest. “Babe…”
 
“It’s not just you who’s losing him, Ty,” She gasped, and he used every bit of strength he had left to hold her tighter. “He’s the only father figure I’ve had in nearly 15 years.”
 
For whatever reason Tyler and Paul didn’t always get along over the course of their relationship, Kate and his father had always bonded. It used to piss him off, especially when he wanted someone on his side when they fought, but he let it go the day she asked him if it would be okay that Paul walked her down the aisle at their wedding. She never really talked about what happened to her parents (“It was a long time ago, and everything sucked after but I’m okay now. Especially since I have you.”) and Tyler wasn’t one to push it. He was beyond happy that she fit in so well with his family, he knew it could’ve been worse.
 
“I know,” He murmured, pressing a kiss into her hair.
 
They stood like that for a few more minutes, the chime from the grandfather clock in the hallway bringing their attention back to the now. Kate pulled back with a small smile, brushing away the tear under her eye as she turned back to the stove, putting the pan back over the heat. The toaster had popped just at that moment and wordlessly Tyler moved to get plates, setting everything onto the counter as he collected the ketchup from the refrigerator for himself.



“I’m gonna Facetime Lyndsey.” Kate waved her iPad in the air as Tyler walked out of the bathroom. He nodded, crawling onto the bed before he face planted his pillow. It was only once he’d taken a long shower and brushed his teeth that he realised how exhausted he actually was – he hadn’t slept in a bed since Tuesday night – the mattress swallowed him in a sea of blankets.

He forced his eyes open at the sound of giggling, shoving himself up onto his side as Kate greeted their kids with a smile and enthusiastic “Hi babies!”

“Mama! Mama, look what I learned!”

Tyler watched the screen, a smile creeping on his face as he watched Levi attempt to do what could only be a headstand. Kaylee ran forward and held onto his legs before he fell all the way over, the both of them giggling uncontrollably. It struck him hard how much he missed them, and he’d only been gone 3 days.

“You’re so clever baby boy. Has Aunt Lyndsey been showing you her yoga?”

Lyndsey’s face appeared with a glare. “How dare you accuse me of exercising. Who are you?”

“Oh, okay.” He could feel Kate roll her eyes. “You’re pregnant! You should be doing something to keep yourself moving.”

“Yeah, I move from the kitchen to the couch. I only have 4 months left of spoiling myself with food, stop ruining it.”

Tyler smiled a little more as he watched the two of them banter, Levi and Kaylee drawing his attention to the background as they began a roley poley competition on the living room floor with the twins. He was only drawn back into the conversation when Kate sighed, sliding her hand into his to link their fingers. Lyndsey was looking at the two of them solemnly, moving away from the living room.

“I told you, I’ll have them as long as you need. They’re no trouble,” Lyndsey promised. “Which is surprising, considering they’re you’re offspring.”

Even though he wanted to, Tyler couldn’t find it in himself to laugh. “Weird, right?”

“I was talking about Kate but I guess it applies to you, too.”

Maturely, they both poked their tongues out at each other before Kate cleared her throat, looking at Tyler through their image on the screen. “What d’you want to do?”

“About what?”

“The kids,” The girls chimed in together and he realised he’d missed part of the conversation.

“I don’t know,” He sighed, adjusting himself a little better on the pillows, looking at the iPad then Kate. “I want them here more than anything but I don’t want them to see Dad. Not with how he is.”

“How bad is it?” Lyndsey asked and from the look on her face it was before she could even think to stop herself. “Sorry. That was heartless.”

Tyler shook his head. “It’s okay. It’s… he’s got cancer. When is it even pretty?”

“Lyndsey offered to fly the kids up here. For…” His head moved as Kate shrugged. ‘For the funeral’ is where he knew that sentence was going, but he was as glad as ever that Kate couldn’t seem to say it either.

“Thanks,” He nodded at the screen, Lyndsey smiling sadly back.

“Anything for you two. Okay, I’ll get the kids, hang on.” While Lyndsey walked back through her house, Tyler cuddled into Kate’s shoulder more, closing his eyes while he took a deep breath against her skin.

“Daddy sleepin?” He nodded, still keeping his eyes closed, but he couldn’t stop the smile at Kaylee’s laugh. “Daddy I can see you! Mama you gotta poke him!”

“Do I?” He gripped the hand joined with his tighter, laughing as Kate struggled to move free. “I can’t! Dad’s trapped me! What am I going to do!”

“No Daddy! No! Mama good!”

“Okay, okay,” He resigned, opening his eyes to see Levi’s face frowning at him. “It’s okay buddy, we were just pretending.”

“Das my Mama.”

“Yes I am baby. It’s okay.” It only took 0.2 seconds before Levi’s eyes filled with tears and he cried out about how much he wanted his Mama and when was she coming home?

“I wanna go to Tonto with Mama!” He sobbed, Lyndsey appearing from the side to give him a hug. It broke both their hearts.

“I’ll be home soon baby, I promise. Daddy just needs me up here for a few days-“

“Mama no!”

“Hey, Levi.” Tyler sat up, taking the iPad. “Hey buddy, it’s okay. It’ll only be a couple more days, I promise Mama will be home soon.”

“What bout you Daddy?”

Kate’s face looked about as heartbroken as he felt. “I… I think I need to stay here for a bit longer than Mom, okay?”

Kaylee frowned at the screen, taking what must’ve been Lyndsey’s phone and crawling up onto the couch. She was used to Facetiming Tyler, had actually figured out how to call him when he was on the road since she was two; their one on one chats kept him going half the time on long roadies. He took a deep breath and tried to pretend it was just something like that. “Is you ever gonna come home?”

He nodded. “Yeah baby girl. I just – I have to be here right now, okay? Poppy and Nanna need me.”

“But you was just there!”

“I know,” He sighed. He looked at Kate. “I can’t do this,” He whispered, handing the iPad back to her.

“Hey baby, I need you to listen to Mama, okay?” Kate watched as Tyler got off the bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly. “I need you and Levi to be extra good for Aunt Lyndsey and I’ll see you in a couple of days okay? I don’t know if I’m coming back to Dallas or if you two are going to come up here to Toronto, but I’ll see you soon.”

That perked Levi up from Lyndsey’s lap, who had walked over to the couch to join the kids, her twins sitting either side of her and Kaylee. “I come to Tonto?” Levi sniffled.

“Yeah honey, I think Nanna is going to need to see you.”

“On a big boy plane!”

“And girl!”

She smiled. “Yes. On a big girl and boy plane. One like Daddy goes on all the time.”

“Like the New York plane!”

“No,” That actually making her laugh. “One with a bunch of other people.”

“What New York plane?” Lyndsey asked, taking the phone when Kaylee handed it back.

“Oh God, that time he got the jet to take us to New York for that week he had a bunch of NHL press?”

“It was cool!”

Lyndsey and Kate both smiled. “Your husband.”

“Ostentatious as ever, yes I know.” She sighed, quickly glancing at the door of the bathroom, still shut. “Okay guys, Mama has to go.”

“I want Daddy!”

“I…” Kate sighed. “Yeah, hang on, I’ll get him.” Once she had figured out how to mute the phone call, she got off the bed and wrapped her knuckles against the wood. There was a quiet shuffling and the door clicked open, Tyler talking on his cell.

“…Yeah, I’ll finalise it all and send it to you.” He mouthed ‘Jamie’ when Kate raised an eyebrow, nodding at the iPad when she waved it. “No man, don’t be stupid. This is for me. I’ll talk to you in a few hours… Yeah. Alright, peace.”

Kate snorted. “You’re still such a bro.”

“Hey. That’s my captain you’re talking about.”

“Moving right along, the kids want to say bye.” She un-muted the call, the screen flashing back to the images of all four kids plus Lyndsey on the couch, smiling slightly. “Hey again.”

“Dad!”

“I’m here,” He called out, shuffling behind his wife to lean on her shoulder. “Sorry about that.”

“Okay, what do you say?”

“We love you Daddy!” They chimed, Lyndsey’s kids jumping in with an ‘Uncle TyTy’ instead, a laugh escaping him quicker than he expected.

“I love you, too. Be good for Aunt Lyndsey okay?”

“Hey Dad?” Levi reached for the phone.

“Yeah bud.”

“Can Untle Jamie come play?”

“Yeah, I’ll call him and let him know.”

“And Dad?”

Kate laughed. “Yeah bud,” Tyler answered, leaning into her more.

“What bout Marshy and Cash?”

Tyler hadn’t thought about that. The kids must’ve been missing the dogs like crazy, considering they hadn’t actually been away from the dogs for any real length of time much in their life. “Maybe Uncle Jamie can take you over to see them. He’s been feeding them.”

“Go to the park?”

Tyler nodded. “Yeah. Go take them for a big walk.”

“Okay,” Levi was satisfied, giggling again as Kaylee practically sat on him to look at the phone.

“Daddy?”

He sighed, but it was happy. “Yeah baby girl?”

Kaylee giggled. His favourite sound. “You’re the best Daddy in the whole wide world.” It made him frown, looking away from the screen for a second, his fingers tightening against Kate’s hips where they were resting. Growing up, he always though he had the best Dad in the world, and now he guessed it was time for him to be the same for the next generation of Seguin kids.

“You’re the best Kaylee in the whole wide world.” He didn’t try to hide the catch in his throat or the way he was biting his lip. He couldn’t try to hide it from them if he tried.

“Mama?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell Aunt Lyndsey that we can have chocolate for dinner?”

“Oh my God, no Kaylee.” But the four year old was already giggling her pretty little head off, sliding off the couch with Levi as he copied her. Which, of course, turned into a competition of who of the four of them could giggle the loudest. Tyler was glad they really were the best of friends.

“On that note…”

“Thanks,” Tyler spoke, smiling at the screen. “Not just for today, but… y’know. Everything.”

Lyndsey smiled. “Wow Kate, you’ve sure got an eloquent one there.”

‘Bitch’ he mouthed, chuckling as Lyndsey threw her head back and laughed. Kate rolled her eyes. “Oh, you have no idea.”

They all said their goodbyes, the kids blowing one final kiss to the screen before the call disconnected, leaving just their reflections staring back at them. Kate put the iPad down on the vanity counter, linking her fingers through the backs of Tyler’s as he wrapped his arms around her waist. They stood there like that for a minute, the only sound filling the room was their breathing.

“You okay?”

He didn’t want to answer that question. He didn’t know how. So he just buried face into the side of Kate’s neck, hiding in her hair. He took a breath to steady himself. “I don’t know.”

“Okay,” he heard her whisper, tightening her fingers on his. “Want to go to bed?”

“I don’t know.” He was beyond exhausted that even running on autopilot seemed like a stretch at his point. There was so much going through his head; he wanted to power nap so he could get back to the hospital (but at the same time, he never wanted to step foot in there again), he had to call Jamie to get him to pick up the kids before he went over to check on the dogs, he had to book Jamie’s flight after he offered to bring the kids up (because he actually had the best liney in the league, hands down no contest), he had to call Brownie back and tell him to get up here too because he had no idea how the hell he was going to get through the weekend, he had to call Amber and get her ready to make a statement on his website about his Dad once the inevitable happened, plus get her to talk to the front office of the Stars so that all the beat reporters didn’t come near him once he got back to practise. Then make sure he somehow remained human at the end of it and didn’t spiral into a shallow pit of despair for all his family to see.

“C’mon babe.” Kate turned around, leaning up to kiss him softly, pressing harder when he pulled her close. “Give your head a rest and get some sleep.” It was only just now he noticed she’d taken off her makeup, looking more tired than he’d seen in years. Not since Levi had colic during the playoffs (talk about hell, God he never wanted to feel that helpless again in his life). He followed her lead, sliding under the covers and turning to face her, closing his eyes against the pillow case as Kate ran her nails up and down his bare back, dancing across his skin. “I love you, y’know.”

He nodded, pouting a little bit for a kiss, sighing once she gave in. “I love you more.”

“Not possible.”

He didn’t remember much after that.



When Kate woke up, Tyler’s side of the bed was empty. Running her hand over the vacated sheets, she could feel that they were still warm and when she stretched her neck to wake herself up, she could hear the toilet flush from behind the closed bathroom door. The room was still bright from where they had forgotten to close the curtains before going to sleep, so she could tell that it wasn’t actually all that late in the day. A quick check of her phone showed they had only been asleep for a few hours. 
 
“Hey,” She whispered, Tyler’s head snapping up from where he was trying to close the door as quietly as possible. He frowned. 
 
“Did I wake you?” 
 
Kate shook her head with a smile, holding her arms out invitingly and Tyler fell forward, catching himself by his forearms before he wedged a leg between hers and tucked himself into her neck with a sigh. She tightened her arms around his shoulders, turning into her husbands’ hair to talk. “You should try and get some more sleep.” 
 
“I know… I can’t,” He mumbled, voice muffled by the skin of her collarbone.  “I keep waking up thinking I’ve slept through an alarm or a phone call and I panic.” 
 
“Ssh baby, it’s okay.” Tyler took a deep breath to calm down and Kate scratched her nails through his hair, moving the comforter to cover his back a little more. “No one’s called, we would’ve heard it. Both our phones are charged and Jackie said she’d call if anything changes. Your dad is sleeping so you should, too.” She felt him take another deep breath, his arms tightening against her sides, his long fingers digging into her skin. She felt the hitch in his breath more than she heard it and she bit her lip to stop it trembling, doing what she could to keep the tears out of her eyes. She stared hard at the ceiling. “It’s just me, Ty. You don’t have to hold it together for me.” 
 
“I know I don’t,” He sniffled. “But if I lose it now, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” 
 
Kate had known from the very beginning that there was far more to Tyler Seguin than met the eye. She liked the confident, exuberantly happy, always up for a good time man that took all the ribbing from his team mates when she shot him down in flames the first time he asked her out, praising him for having the guts to ask her out again two days later when they happened to be at the park. He claimed it was destiny that he ran into her again, while ‘fate’ seemed to be playing on her mind. But she still said yes. It was the best decision she’d made. 
 
But she loved the Tyler that no one else but her got to see. The worrisome, determined family man who took in all the love he was given and gave it back tenfold, as best he could, as often as he could. He worried over the kids when they fell down in the backyard after playing with the dogs, brought home flowers for her just because, actually considered it when she joked around that he should take a cooking class so she didn’t have to put dinner on the table every night. 
 
She couldn’t have asked for anyone better as a husband. Hockey was a part of their lives but she didn’t resent the way it took him away from them, she loved how much it made him want to make both hockey and his family work. So it broke her heart to see him so helpless, not like he didn’t have the answers to everything, but more because he obviously didn’t even know where to start. She had lost her parents so long ago that she was used to the new normal, considered Tyler’s parents her own and blended into their family as if she had been there all along. 
 
“When I…” She cleared her throat when the croaky sound reached her eyes. “When my Mom and Dad got killed, I had no idea what I was going to do.” Kate continued to stare at the ceiling, even when Tyler pushed himself up on his elbows to look at her, eyes widened in concern. She never talked about her parents. “I was fifteen, I thought I’d have to leave Phoenix – my grandma lived in Utah and I just couldn’t imagine living there.” The joke fell flat as she took a deep breath, looking her husband in the eyes. “Everything I knew was gone. They were my whole life and in an instant they were taken away from me. I still remember the last words they said to me: Dad told me to be careful with a friend of mine who was driving us to school; Mom said she was making pot roast for dinner. I just remember running out the door because I didn’t want to be late. No hugs, no kisses or anything. Just me yelling ‘okay’ over my shoulder before I slammed the door-” She broke off with a gasp as she covered her face with her hands, wiping tears away. 
 
“Kate, you don’t need to tell-” 
 
“Yes I do,” She insisted, dropping her hands to look him in the eye, brushing her thumb against his cheekbones. He still had a crease against his cheek from the pillow, his hair sticking up in weird places from where he’d obviously run his fingers through it. “Tyler, I know you don’t want to be here right now, going through all of this – but you have a chance to fix everything, to tell Paul how much you love him. I know it seems useless,” She rushed, cutting him off before he could even start. “And he might not wake up to say anything back but you need to say it. You get a chance to say goodbye, baby. Not everyone gets that, and trust me when I say this: it’ll haunt you forever if you don’t make this right between you and him. So, we’re going to get a few more hours sleep, then head back to the hospital so your Mom and the girls can come back here if they want and I want you to know I’ll be right there with you, okay? Right there.” 
 
Tyler bent down and kissed her, rolling onto his back and wrapping his arms around her, pulling back to hold her close. “I’m so fucking lucky I have you.” The force in his tone sounded harsh but he couldn’t think of saying anything else. 
 
“We’re both lucky. Get some sleep, Ty. We’ll fix what we can when we wake up.” 
 

 
“We should take some food,” Kate suggested, sliding into the passenger seat of Jackie’s car, pulling up the internet on her phone. “What’s good?” 
 
“I feel like Yaya’s.” 
 
“What the hell is Yaya’s?” Kate could feel her tired skin pull when she smiled, but she certainly didn’t feel as exhausted as when she had woken up earlier in the day. The both of them had managed to sleep for another three hours, enough to feel as energised as a person could when they were going to a hospital to see a dying man. Just the thought of sitting there in that room drained her but Kate knew it was something she had to do; if not for Tyler, then for herself. She didn’t get to say goodbye to her parents the first time around, she was going to make sure she did this time. 
 
“It’s possible the best Chinese in the planet.” Tyler reversed out the driveway, smiling sheepishly. “It’s better than Lins – I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about, I wasn’t keeping it a secret! We just don’t usually eat it here.” He laughed as he brought an arm up to block her slap, knowing just how seriously his wife took her love of Chinese food. 
 
“How many times have I been here and you don’t share this vital information with me? You’re in the doghouse, Seguin.” 
 
The mood in the car was light the whole ride to the restaurant, Kate calling ahead to put in their order only to laugh when the man on the other end of the phone yelled ‘Tyler! Tyler back in town’ as she supplied her last name.  
 
“First name basis?” She asked him when she hung up and he shrugged again, leaning away just in case she wanted to him once more. When she didn’t answer he glanced over, poking his tongue out at her glare. “Dog. House.” 
 
The ride to the hospital was a little more sobering, the food kept in place by plastic bags between her feet. Tyler pulled into the parking space, staring at the building as he put his hands in his lap and Kate tentatively reached over, linking her fingers through his. Tyler instantly started to fiddle with her engagement ring, running his thumb over the square cut princess diamond he’d designed himself. After a couple of minutes he nodded, squeezing her hand gently before she pulled back, taking the food in one hand so he could latch onto her with the other, guiding them through the halls and into the elevator. 
 
They slowed down when they got to Paul’s room, Kate frowning as two people in blue uniforms stepped out, closing the door behind them gently. They smiled politely at the couple, and when Kate saw the word ‘hospice’ underneath a logo, she held on tightly to Tyler’s hand, stopping him from going anywhere. 
 
“What?” 
 
Kate looked at him for a minute, trying to find the right words. “They were hospice people. That’s not generally a good sign.” She tried to speak gently; she didn’t want to make him more upset than what he already was. She knew Tyler was pep talking himself into what he was going to say to his Dad. 
 
He sighed, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “I don’t think there’s going to be any more good signs, babe.” He smiled a little at her, before turning around to open the door. 
 
“Hi honey.” Jackie stood up, crossing the room to hug her son, leaning into his chest when he dropped Kate’s hand to wrap both arms around her. Kate kissed her cheek and side stepped the two, smiling at her sisters in law and Jeff as she lifted the bag of food onto the tray table normally for Paul to use.  
 
“Anyone want some Yaya’s?” 
 
“Yes!” Cassidy cheered, quietening down when Candace elbowed her with a pointed look to the man on the bed. 
 
He blinked at her. 
 
“Hey there sleeping beauty.” Paul gave her a small smile and held out his arms, Kate walking forward to give him a hug back. “We’ve got some food if you’re up to it.” 
 
“Sounds great.” Paul spoke as if those two words were too much and that he wanted to just go back to sleep, but Kate knew he’d make the effort to stay awake for his family, reaching up to hold a hand out for Tyler to shake. “Hey kid.” 
 
“How’re you feeling?” 
 
Kate moved away to let them talk, Tyler pulling up a chair to rest his elbows on the bed so he didn’t have to let go of Paul’s hand. She busied herself with the food, fighting Candace for a piece of the honey chicken, laughing as her plate nearly fell to the floor. “You two,” Jackie chastised but it just mad e them laugh. Tyler left his plate to the side, picking at it mostly but feeding some to Paul who seemed to light up at the sesame beef, eyes dancing around the room at his family, a smile on his face. 
 
“Is he okay?” Jackie murmured in her ear, Kate looking at her. Jackie’s eyes looked a little desperate, the strain of the last few weeks showing on her normally upbeat and shining face. Kate sighed, giving her a hug, letting Jackie hold onto her as tightly as she could. “I’m just so worried about them.” Tyler wasn’t kidding when he said he mom is a huge influence on who he is as a person, so Kate pulled her out of the room and away from the window in the door before she started to really cry, slumped against the wall. Kate stood beside her, an arm wrapped around her shoulders, ignoring the hospital personnel as they walked past.  
 
“He’s okay,” She started, thumb running back and forth on Jackie’s arm as the older woman tried to calm herself down. “I think he thought he wasn’t going to get a chance to fix things between them before he…” but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. “I think it’s helping that Paul’s awake right now. And don’t worry about him or the girls – you and Paul raised three strong willed, independent kids, Jackie. They’ll get through this because they know they’ve got you and Jeff and me. And right now, they’ve still got their Dad, too.” Jackie pulled back and looked up at her daughter, wiping the tears from her eyes from under her glasses. “We’ll all get through this.” Kate tried to be a reassuring as possible. 
 
“I’m glad he’s got you.” Jackie smiled, running her fingers through her hair. “He’d be a mess otherwise.” 
 
Kate smiled but couldn’t find it in herself to agree. Tyler would be upset, sure. But she knew he had more in him than he realised. “Want to get some fresh air?” 
 


 

Tyler looked at his sisters and step dad, smiling at little at the joke Jeff was telling the girls, before he turned back to his dad. Paul’s eyes were closed again but Tyler knew he was still awake, his hand still tightly grasped in Tyler’s own. Tyler cleared his throat and took a deep breath, looking at his siblings. “Could I get a few minutes with Dad, guys?” 
 
The desperation must’ve been written all over his face because they nodded wordlessly, standing up to move to the door. Candace waved her phone in the air and he nodded a silent promise to call her the minute he was done, squeezing Paul’s hand and quietly asking if he was still awake. 
 
“I’m here.” Paul took a deep breath and opened his eyes, squinting a little against the light of the room, even though it wasn’t all that bright. He looked over to focus on his son, frowning at the look on his face. “What’s that look for?” 
 
Tyler opened his mouth to talk before he snapped it shut again. He thought about earlier in the day, how broken Kate had looked when she talked about her own family and he knew he had to do it. “I need to talk to you. And I need you to just listen to me because otherwise I’m never going to get it out.” 
 
Paul gave him a smile that told him he knew it was coming, but with a nod he promised he’d keep his mouth shut. So Tyler squared his shoulders and reminded himself to keep his voice steady. “Firstly, I have no idea why you didn’t tell me about you having cancer while me and Kate and the kids were still here. Mom shouldn’t have had to tell me when it was already too late.” He could feel his hands shake a little, so he let Paul’s go, sitting back in his chair. “I just… there’s so much I want to say to you but I have no idea where to start.” 
 
“Help me up.” 
 
Tyler looked up. “What?” 
 
Paul motioned with his hands and Tyler jumped out of his chair, using all of his strength to lift his Dad up higher on the bed, bracing one knee against the mattress. Paul grimaced like he was in immense pain but he didn’t say anything, just pulled the blankets up higher on his chest, smiling gratefully as Tyler re-arranged the pillows. “Okay. Start from the beginning.” 
 
It was the exact thing Paul said whenever Tyler called him about a problem; all his issues from his first few years in Boston, the trade, the few weeks he and Jamie had a massive falling out and didn’t talk to each other apart from yelling at each other on the ice, his nervousness about marrying Kate, how sick and helpless he felt when Kaylee was born. 
 
Every time he’d called asking for advice, Paul had told him to start from the beginning. And suddenly Tyler realised that now was no different – Paul was still his dad, he was still there to impart some fatherly wisdom, warranted or not. It kind of made Tyler want to cry. 
 
“I never should’ve yelled at you for not coming down for Thanksgiving that year. I know I never actually apologised for it so I am now. I’m sorry. Kate wanted us to all be together as a family and it made me feel like you didn’t want to be a part of us anymore and it made me angry. I’m sorry for losing my shit over the car. I was more worried about it than you and me and it’s just a piece of metal at the end of the day and I handled it all wrong. I’m sorry. I know you’d never hurt me or the kids on purpose.” 
 
Tyler took a deep breath, crossing his arms as he sat back down in the chair. “I still don’t understand why the hell you didn’t want to be a part of the Cup parade in Dallas. Jesus, Dad. Even Derryck came down, I got ramps and shit installed at my house for just so that he could make it. Do you know how that made me feel?” He looked up; chin trembling as the rage and hurt and exhaustion boiled to the surface. “It felt different, winning it again in Dallas. It felt right, way more important than Boston. You knew that, I told you how much it meant to me and you still didn’t show. I didn’t know whether I should’ve been angry because you didn’t turn up or worried that I’d disappointed you for some unknown reason. I’ve got all this shit bouncing around in my head and it never seems to matter when I come home but as soon as I’m back in Dallas, and I look at my kids and I know what kind of father I want to be for them, I think of you. I catch myself saying shit to them you used to say to me and the girls but it’s bittersweet because I don’t know if I want to turn into you or not!” 
 
He was pacing at that point, surprising himself by how he hadn’t managed to yell yet, even if he had to clench his hands into fists. “I’m so mad at you. Did you actually turn down the father’s trip because you were busy or did you just not want to come?” 
 
Paul, to his credit, took it all in stride, waiting patiently for Tyler to finish. When he was sure he was done, he looked his son square in the eye. “Sit down, Tyler.” Tyler recognised that fatherly tone and didn’t fight it, putting his elbows on the arm rests. 3 or 30, it didn’t matter. He still felt like he was in trouble when his dad looked at him like that. 
 
“I’m sorry. I know it’s too late and it’s not enough but it’s all I have. I didn’t mean to keep it from you, I just… I didn’t know how to tell you.” Tyler looked up when Paul paused. “I didn’t know how to explain to my son that I was going to die.” 
 
“Dad…” 
 
“The doctors gave me a week. That’s it. They said for me to get my affairs in order, to meet with my lawyers and your mom and everyone else and that treatment was going to just prolong the inevitable and it almost wasn’t worth the risk. And I feel tired enough already and I’m in pain that treatment didn’t seem like it held any bit of hope anyway.” 
 
“You still could’ve tried.” Tyler could see he was testing his dad’s very limited patience, and that this conversation probably wasn’t what Kate meant about laying it all out on the table and finding a way to say goodbye. He sort of wished she was with him so she could steer their talk back on track, before they just started accusing each other of everything since the beginning of time and the conversation just going in circles. He tried to think of what she would do. “Sorry,” He added. “I… sorry. That wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t have said that.” 
 
“I’m scared Tyler. Scared of what will happen to my family when I’m not around. It’s too much pressure to put on you to be there for Jackie and the girls plus Kate, the kids. The team. I know how strong you are and how you always want to fix everything but this is just one thing you’ll have to let go of and not try to control, okay?” 
 
“Let go of? Dad,” He leant forward on the bed again, glaring. “You do realise that me ‘letting go’ of all of this is watching you die. Like, you get that, don’t you?” 
 
“Yes, Tyler.” Paul spoke so softly, Tyler almost didn’t hear him. “I get it. Do you?” 
 
All of a sudden, Tyler realised just what his dad had been trying to drill into his head since he stepped foot in the hospital room. Paul had accepted his fate, and he wanted to make sure that he could do everything possible while he was still alive to make sure that his kids understood it as well. It wasn’t his choice to leave, he didn’t want to be sick, there was plenty more of his kids’ lives that he wanted to be alive for. But it wasn’t going to be that way for him. He needed Tyler to step up, since he trusted his son to be able to do it in the first place. 
 
Tyler felt all of the fight leave him. He crossed his arms on the bed and rested his head on top of them, reaching to grab Paul’s hand when he felt it grip him around the years he had tattooed to represent his family. “I need you.” His voice shook but he didn’t look up. “I’m going to miss you. I don’t want to think about not having you here for me.” 
 
Paul’s other hand was in his hair, reminding Tyler of when he used to beat himself up about losing games as kid. It was how Jackie and Kate found them later, after Paul had once again drifted off to sleep. 



“What did the hospice people say?”

Jackie sighed behind her mug of coffee, taking off her glasses to rub tiredly at her eyes. “They spoke to me, mostly. Wanted to check Paul had his affairs in order, that sort of thing.” The weariness in her tone broke Kate’s heart and she leant across the table, squeezing Jackie’s forearm gently. “They think it’ll be tonight. Or early tomorrow.”

Kate ducked her head when Jackie looked up, swallowing harshly to combat the sting of tears in her eyes. The outcome was obvious but it still hurt to hear it. “Do the girls know?”

Jackie sniffled. “Yeah. They took it rather well, considering-” Her voice broke off tightly and her face crumpled, Kate moving her hand up to hold Jackie’s. “They’re really so good, those hospice people, they really are. Explained everything that would happen - medically, with all of Paul’s things. They said they were there to help with the … with the funeral.”

“I can help,” Kate murmured. “No, I can. Please let me.” Her mother in law didn’t argue, just took another shaking sip of coffee. “I actually had something I wanted to ask you. Lyndsey’s had the kids for a few days-”

“Oh!” Jackie gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. “Of course. I didn’t forget about them, I swear - it’s just been so crazy-”

“Jackie, it’s fine.” Kate stood up with a smile. “How about we head on back up to the room, I’ll call Lyndsey and we can figure out when to get the kids up here.”

Turns out, Lyndsey had already had a visit from Jamie - who had been sent there with instructions from none other than her husband on what the kids would need and how to get them to Toronto. Kate had fully intended to fly down, pick them up and come back but apparently the Captain being the Captain had stepped in. Everything was organised for him to bring the kids up once the funeral was planned because, no matter what his liney said, he was coming and so were half of the team - Tyler had been named an Alternate a few seasons back and the young guys wanted to be their for the guy who had been their mentor during the rookie seasons.

Jamie didn’t tell Kate who was able to come up when she got around to calling him. He also said that Tyler didn’t know and that if he did, he’d try to convince them all that he was okay and that they had training to get to. Lindy and Jim had already approved it; even if it was a 24 hour round trip.

“Jamie, that… that’s really going to mean so much to him. To all of us.”

“Hey, we’re family. It’s what we do.”

Paul was asleep again when they got back to the room. Tyler held his hand out tiredly and Kate made her way over, settling into his lap as he slid down on the chair more, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying into her shoulder.

“Did you talk?” He nodded but only tightened his grip on her waist so she didn’t bring it up again, eyes drifting to look at the man in the bed. The day before Doctors Stevens had ordered an increase in morphine, so she figured he wasn’t necessarily asleep, just numb to the pain and left with so little energy that being alert was more trouble than what it was worth. Every now and again his fingers would twitch or his mouth would form a smile like he’d heard a joke the girls were saying but for the most part, he was still.

Turns out, Tyler was the last person Paul ended up speaking to.

Doctor Stevens wasn’t on call that night. When Paul’s heart rate monitor made a weird noise, it was someone none of them recognised that came into the room. He took one look at Paul and then the machine next to his bed and murmured something under his breath, the nurse that had followed him in nodding, going over to the machine to hit a button to silence the sound. Everyone had shifted in their seats and were anxiously looking at each other, at Paul, at the doctor. But there was a resignation to their faces. They knew what was coming.

“It will most likely be he’ll fall asleep and then that will be it. He isn’t in pain, he isn’t on any medication that stops him from recognising that you’re all here with him. He knows who each of you are, don’t worry about that. He knows who’s here.”

Doctor Stevens had smiled gravely, already knowing that his words were heard but that no one was listening.

Cassidy broke first. She let out a broken “No, daddy” and pulled her chair closer to the bed, gripping his hand tightly after the nurse had removed the grey plastic monitor attached to his finger. Candace was standing at the foot of the bed and bit her lip tightly as she silently cried, Jackie running her hand through the ends of her pony tail, Jeff consoling both of them.

Kate held it in as long as she could. From her right, she saw Tyler sigh deeply and then hide his face in his hands, his shoulders starting to shake after a few moments. That was when she pulled her hand back from his hair and stood up, moving to the bed to lean down to kiss Paul’s cheek, brushing the hair that had fallen around his eyes back.

“Love you, Dad,” She whispered, tears falling down her cheeks and onto his hospital gown. “Thank you being the most wonderful father in law anyone could have.”

She knew that she’d said it quiet enough that only maybe Cassidy had heard her. Not that she was letting on. The nurse had left the room with a quiet “Take all the time you need,” before she shut the door softly behind her, leaving them to grieve.



“We are not having ‘Highway To Hell’ as the final song, Tyler.” Jackie proceeded to hit his arm with a brochure from the funeral company, one of the directors sitting across from them in the living room as they all chuckled.

“He loved AC/DC.”

“Oh my God, Ty. Why did I marry you?”

She smiled at Tyler’s cry of protest, standing up as the door bell rang through the house. Andrew, Paul’s lawyer, had been called the next morning so that he knew he could put all of Paul’s final affairs in order - everything that needed to be taken care of after his passing. He surprised everyone when he asked if Jackie wanted to call the funeral home or if he wanted to do it. Paul had apparently organised it all long before he even knew he was sick, in the event that he ever left suddenly. He didn’t want that burden to be put on his family.

“Taking care of us still,” Candace had sniffled, falling into Tyler’s hug after Jackie had told them they wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

Kate reached the door and pulled it open, her heart soaring and her face nearly breaking in two once she saw who was there. “Hi babies!”

“Mama!” Kaylee and Levi both screamed her name, Levi wriggling from Jamie’s arms to catch up to his sister as she wrapped her arms around Kate’s neck with a giggle. “Mama we came to Tonto!”

“Yeah, you did! Oh I’m so happy to see you.”

“Daddy!” Kaylee squealed right in her Mama’s ear and let go straight away, running into the house to latch onto to Tyler, waving at the rest of the family as they all came rushing into the hallway.

“Missed you Mama.” She pouted at Jamie as Levi kissed her cheek and petted her back with his little hand, Jamie’s smile in full dimple mode as he rolled a suitcase behind him. Kate sent Levi into the house to run at his Aunties and she stopped Jamie for a second, trying to tell him just how thankful she was for everything he did before he gave her a nod and enveloped her in a hug.

He turned to whisper in her ear. “How’s he doing?”

“We’re okay.” For the most part, it was true. Everyone was more exhausted than anything else.

“Hey, man.”

Kate left the boys to do their thing and she wandered back inside the house, following the very loud noises coming from the living room. Cassidy was holding Kaylee upside down while Candace tickled her stomach, the both of them narrowly avoiding getting kicked in the face as she screamed at them to stop. Jackie had Levi sitting in her lap as he explained something to her, carrying on talking since he didn’t notice the way his grandma was holding just that little bit tighter and breathing in the smell of his hair. Kate cleared her throat, feeling Tyler stand beside her.

“Hey kids, c’mere for a second. Mama and Daddy need to talk you.”

Levi jumped up straight away, Kaylee waiting to be set down upright again, still giggling. “About Pop pop?”

Kaylee’s question made everyone but Levi pause. Tyler’s jaw clenched as Kaylee reached for him, standing against his chest where he had one knee resting on the hardwood floor. “What about Pop pop?”

“Aunt Lyndsey cried,” Levi told them through a yawn. “She said ’t was bad time.”

“Yeah it kind of is,” Kate squeezed him into a hug. “You know how my Mama and Daddy are in heaven?” They both nodded. “Well, Pop pop was really sick this past week. That’s why Mama and Daddy came up here because… because Grandma Jackie and Grandpa Jeff and Aunt Cass & Candy needed us.”

“Did Pop Pop go to heaven?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw Jackie cover her face with her hands, Jeff leaning over to squeeze her knee. Tyler shifted, picking Kaylee up and walking over to the sofa. Levi was frowning, enough to make Kate smile a little and try to kiss the look off his face, sighing with relief when he fell into her to hug her again.

“Yeah baby,” Tyler said quietly. “Even though he went to the doctors and he was really good about taking his medicine, they couldn’t make him better.”

“Oh,” was all Kaylee said, looking down at her lap. Even the funeral director didn’t say anything, Jamie leaning against the wall. Tyler pulled her a little closer, swallowing hard as he leant back into the sofa.

“Does dat mean Pop Pop my angel?” Levi had turned his head to the side exactly the way Marshall did when Tyler was baby talking him, making the girls laugh.

“Yeah it does. He’s watching over you all the time now.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Kate parroted, smiling down at her son who just grinned with the same dimples his father had. “Okay then.”

Kaylee was a little quieter of the two, reaching out from her spot on Tyler’s knee for Candace’s hand, playing with the rings on her fingers. Cassidy brushed away a tear behind her sister’s shoulder.

“Grandma?”

Jackie sniffled, holding her arms open with a smile for Levi to run into, his little toddler feet carrying him as fast as he could. He waited while she picked him up, wiggling himself back on her lap until he was comfortable, her hands wrapped around him in a hug while she bent down to kiss his cheek.

“Aunt Lyndsey said that when she was said we had to make a blanket fort.”

“You made a blanket fort without me?!”

Kate and Jamie looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Neither one of them was sure who was more of a kid; Tyler, or his daughter. The two of them alone was a recipe for destruction, Kate wasn’t sure how she’d survived this long.

“Grandma,” Levi tried again, a little quiet.

“Yes my darling?”

He sat up a little, turning around to face her and putting her face between his hands, frown set on his forehead. “Will you miss Pop Pop?” Jackie nodded. Levi paused, hands still on her face. “And I will miss Pop Pop?”

“Yeah. That’s okay to miss him. I know he misses you.”

Levi nodded again, happy with that answer. “And Grandma?”

“Yes,” She laughed, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

“We came all da way to Tonto on a big boy plane.”

Jackie sniffled again, clearing her throat. “Yeah, you did. Were you a good boy for Uncle Jamie?”

Kate smiled between the three of them, winking as Cassidy mouthed ‘so cute!’ to her from across the room. Kaylee was talking quietly with her other aunt and her Dad, looking between the both of them with a sad look on her eyes. Kate knew that out of the two of them Kaylee would take it harder, especially when she saw how upset her Daddy was. But Kate had to give credit where credit was due, Tyler seemed to be holding it together just fine for them right now. Which was exactly what everyone needed.

“I’s very good. I’s have cookies?!”

“You want cookies?” Levi nodded. “But I don’t have any cookies!”

Levi gasped, looking at his mother, frantic. “Mama. Grandma ran out o’ cookies!”

She knew he was about two seconds from crying so Kate gasped comically as well, hands on her head. “We’re going to have to make some!”

“Yeah!”

“Well, come on then!”

“Yeah, c’mon everyone!” Levi yelled, jumping out of Jackie’s lap and across the room, not even bothering to slow down past his mother, uncle or the door frame, running in the direction of the kitchen, screaming for cookies over his shoulder.

“Do we even have stuff to make cookies?” Cassidy asked, smiling at Kaylee when she reached over for a hug. Tyler brushed his hands over her hair, leaning forward to kiss her cheek gently as she stuck her thumb in her mouth. Candace linked hers and Kate’s arms together.

Kate sighed, wiping her eyes with a smile, looking at everyone who made up her family. The whole week had potential to bring up every bad memory she had of her parents but she was surprised it hadn’t gotten to her as badly as she was imagine it to be. Tyler leant over slightly to kiss her forehead, laughing into her hair when Jamie pushed him off balance into both her and Candace. “I guess we’re about to find out.”