Tangled Heartstrings

"What about you, do you like me back?" James boldly asks from across the table seething with confidence. His voice projects throughout the room echoing back to the two of them who are sitting in silence. Ayla picks a spot on the wall to stare at while she contemplates her answer. The question caught her off guard. He realizes this and continues to eat his meal letting her frame together a response.

She knows that she can't avoid the question for too much longer, so what's she waiting for? Ayla lifts her head up. In front of her is an attractive, young man who is sweet and funny; it doesn't get much better than that. Inside she acknowledges this and encourages herself to scream out 'yes.'

Her lips open and she prepares herself sitting on the edge of the cushioned chair. No words come out. As much as she wants to admit her emotions to him her fear is prioritized and jumps in front of her like a barrier. Love it desirable and frightening at the same time.

"Of course I do, you're a nice guy." Ayla releases pretending to misinterpret what he meant twisting it into a friendly perspective. She can't help it. Deep down she regrets not confessing how the feeling between them is mutual, it would have made things a lot simpler. None the less it didn't happen like that. She had to protect herself. Getting involved in relationships is scary, it can either mean happily ever after or heartbreak and it's chancy. Her last partner and her didn't end off on good terms.

"Are you up for cards or something after we finish eating?" James changes the subject and in his tone she can infer that he's disappointed. His eyes don't meet hers. Instead he chooses to stare down at the cuff on the left sleeve of his shirt. A thin thread dangles from it. He wraps it around his index finger right underneath of the nail, squeezes it, and pulls. Without much of a fight the string gets cut off and falls into his lap.

"Yeah I'd love that, I didn't bring any so I'm assuming that you have some." She assumes wondering what card/board games he owns. The last time that she played one was with her little brothers. Once she assumed that they were old enough to learn their mother was set and determined to teach them how to play uchker. As much as they tried they were no match for Ayla who, surprisingly, is a card shark who has a hidden horseshoe or something. Luck's always been on her side.

"It depends what you would like to play. I have Skip-bo, Uno, and Scrabble. Oh, and I also have a regular card deck if you want to play war."

"Scrabble sounds perfect; I can't even remember the last time that I played." Ayla confesses becoming excited. The sooner that she can finish her meal and that they can have their game the better. Despite hurrying to get done she ensures that she still has manners taking caution with each bite. She keeps her mouth closed, takes a break while swallowing each fork-full, and refrains from resting her elbows on the table. It's James's home after all.

"I must warn you, as much as I'll try to keep this game PG, I'm a very competitive person." James laughs having flashbacks to how serious he is whenever he plays card or board games. He blames it on running in the family. One good thing about being competitive is that it really shows during the hockey season when he refuses to give up a chance. It drives him!

"I'll keep that in mind. I must warn you as well, I've always been lucky with things like this and have quite the winning streak going."

"Oh it's on girl!" He announces hilariously with sass in his tone as he emerges from the table with empty dishes in his hands. Ayla assists him in clearing the surface so that it's free of crumbs and dirty plates when she sits back down. She's left by herself while James searches his bedroom closet for Scrabble which is hidden at the very back on the top shelf. Shortly he returns with it.

They flip all of the tiles so that they're facing downward and unfold the board in the middle of the table. Each of them take their first seven chips and play rock paper scissors to determine who goes first. James wins the match and places his first word in the middle of the board. It's simple word to get started.

The game's fairly back and forth all the way through until the end when the board's almost full and it becomes difficult to place anything else down. At this point they're tied. Ayla leads by five points and it's the penguin's turn to go. Studying his world carefully he finally decides upon the three letter word "Sex" to play. It's a good move. X is an eight point letter and in total it adds up to ten putting him ahead of the female he's playing against.

"I can't believe that out of all the words you could play against me, you won the game with 'sex.'" She dwells dumbfounded helping him clean up the board on the table. Together they package it into the box that it came in and set it to the side on the edge of the table lining up with the window.

"I tried to warn you of what you were up against, you just wouldn't listen." He jokes intentionally sounding cocky.

"Excuse me, you beat me by five points it's not like it was a landslide or anything." And with that she pauses classily extending her hand. "Congratulations sir you earned it." There it is! That feeling again that they shared the first time their hands made contact. Except this time it's awkward as they both realize what they're doing and let go simultaneously. James lets go because he doesn't want to force himself upon the female who, he still after confronting her, has no idea if she's interested. Ayla lets go not knowing what she wants.

"Sorry." He mumbles under his breath returning his hand to his side, his thumb catches in his jean pocket and as he begins to relax his good posture is jeopardized as his spine curls
.
"I better head out, I have class in the morning and it's getting late. Thank you for having me over and everything, it's nice getting to know some people here." Ayla reaches for her coat hanging on the back of James's living room chair. He folded it neatly for her. Sliding her arms through each slot she looks up and sees the look of confusion her friend’s eye. She can't say that she blames him.

They say their goodbyes and she departs showing herself to her vehicle parked straightly in his newly paved laneway. What just happened? The Whitby boy investigates this standing in the same spot that she left him with his white socks planted to the floor and his head titled. The door's partway open letting in a fresh, cool breeze that he enjoys.

Ayla drives away looking back down the road in her mirror with every chance that she gets. The further that she gets away from his house the sharper the guilty feeling pinching at her stomach gets. As much as it would help her to go back she can. There's only one thing and one thing only that she can do to fix her dispute: she has to talk to Cassidy. Her best friend is the only one who can help her and talk her through it. They don't call her the Love Nurse for nothing.

***

The professor for Ayla's photography class allows them to exit the establishment after their class is over. Many bolt straight for the door but she waits for the traffic to die down. Once she's one of the last people still seated in the lecture hall she floods out like everybody else leaving the room empty. Anxiously she crosses the campus leading herself to the all too familiar coffee shop that's the hot spot of the university. Cassidy should be waiting there.

It's nothing out of the girl's regular routine. They meet there after the photography class has concluded and before her best friend’s web design instruction starts each Wednesday. Except this doesn't seem like a normal day for Ayla. She's dying to spill everything that she's thinking to Cass in hopes that she'll guide her on the right track.

Feverishly she searches the cafe until she sees a recognizable face. Sure enough there she is sitting alone in a booth with two cups of tea steaming from their cups in their usual spot. It's at the very back left with a chalkboard nailed between their table and the next. The interior of the shop is modern and well designed. A lot of students enjoy coming here to catch up with friends, partners, or just to work on assignments since most are respectful and keep their volume to a minimum. Behind them a male with glasses looks down at his laptop typing up a project.

"Something’s on your mind." Cassidy assumes observing her friend after minutes of conversing between the two. Her vibes different and she can always tell when something's bugging her. The accurate prediction deepens. “It’s a boy!"

"How did you know that?" Ayla questions, her voice raising but not in a way where she's surprised. After all, they know each other better than they know themselves. Her arms cross in front of her chest.

"Because no one can read you better than I can. Now tell me all about him and don't leave out a single detail." She insists sipping her tea. Her blonde hair tied up in a high ponytail swings down beside the cup.

"His name's James, he's from Ontario and he's a hockey player." She explains getting into all of basics. This takes a little while but Cass listens patiently and picks up on the little things. It's what she adds next that's spicy. “He has beautiful blue eyes that you can't help but find yourself starring into as much as possible. They have a certain sparkle in them.

Smiling's common for him, he loves to laugh and joke around, he's as funny as a comedian. What else? He's really sweet and even gave me his sweater when I was cold. And I don't mean to put this all on looks but he's gorgeous. Even his voice is attractive; it has a certain rasp to it."
"If I didn't know any better I'd say you're really falling for him. James likes you too I can tell, a guy doesn't just give a girl his sweater, she has to be really special."

"Can you keep a secret? He told me last night that it's impossible not to be attracted to me because I'm gorgeous inside and out." Ayla recalls feeling mixed emotions. Her cheeks go red at her crush's compliment. On the other hand, she can't help but re-experience her guilt from crushing his heart with her answer that she threw out.

"Oh my god, so you have a boyfriend! Congratulations I'm happy for you, sis. Just promise me one thing: Sisters before misters?" Cassidy swears holding out her pinky finger.

"Not exactly, see that's what I meant when I said that I needed to talk to you. He asked me if I liked him, it was fast and sudden, and I didn't have much time so I told him of course I did since he's a nice guy."

"You friend-zoned him?" She exclaims evidently shocked with her mouth hanging wide open, it was sounding like a perfect fairy-tale story and that they were going to become a happy couple. You know, the kind that everyone envies.

"Essentially." Ayla pauses panicking. Her friend rises from the table apologizing for interrupting and assures her that she'll be right back. It's no problem. While she's waiting for her to clean up the garbage she reflects. Now James assumes that she's not interested all because she gave him the impression that she thinks of him primarily as a friend. That's not at all reality.

When they first met she was certain that he may be the cutest and sweetest guy on the planet. What changed? Certainly not him, he can't erase his looks or personality in a matter of days. She didn't change either. And maybe that's the problem, she hasn't learned from her past to be brave and leave her fear behind. It's like that old saying: There's nothing wrong with testing the water but at a certain point you have to gain the courage to jump in.

"So where were we?" Cassidy returns with empty hands and a curious face.

"We left off at how I friend-zoned the boy that I'm falling for. I can't help it, the question came so suddenly and I wasn't expecting it. With the split second I had to respond I went with my immediate instincts and twisted it around. Now I'm thinking my gut was wrong. Familiarly I chose the safe choice and protected myself."

"Not all guys are jerks like Evan. With every mistake you make you learn a lesson and from what you've told me so far he doesn't seem at all like your past boyfriend. They're not all bad, evil villans. Some can be quite nice like your crush. You know what I think." She weighs in raising her eyebrows.

"Too bad I didn't already screw things up." Ayla declares wondering if it's safe to say that she's defeated.

"Okay it's true that I've warned you that guys don't like mixed signals, but you can stop sending them. You either like him or you don't. Between the two of us I think it's fairly obvious that you do. All you have to do is reveal your true intentions to him and everything will fall into place."
Cassidy swings her book bag around her shoulder and winces at it's intense weight. At this point she misses home where her mother would phone a masseuse to come and give them massages every other weekend. She really needs one!

It's true that she was never really materialistic but the one thing she enjoyed about her parents dawning extra cash was the pampering. As for the expensive meals and occasional five star restaurant visits, she enjoyed grabbing a burrito from taco bell with Ayla more. Or buying a whole box of frosted strawberry Poptarts. They used to have girl nights and would eat tons of them.

"Tell you what." She takes a break continuing to support her heavy textbooks through the white straps of her satchel as she stands up. Her coat is put on in one fluent motion. "I'm going to head off to my class and while I'm doing that you're going to give that boy of yours a call. Just do me a favour and send me an invitation to the wedding."

Before Ayla can respond her best friend is long gone already at the front door and leaving the shop to make her one thirty class. Her common dramatic exit doesn't over shadow her message. She has to call James to make things right, to have what she wants. Not all guys are disgusting and rude like her ex-boyfriend. It's nice to have romance re-introducing itself into her life yet again and unexpectedly.

Storming out of the coffee joint she runs as fast as her legs will carry her. She's aware that people around watching her zip past them will put together judgments but that's the least of her concerns. It won't get better until she calls James. Ayla questions to herself how she almost considered avoiding the down to earth, charming, good-looking hockey player.

Her heart's beating out of her chest as it begins to burn from sprinting to her vehicle all the way on the other side of the University. Hitting the ground are her winter boots that are poorly lined at the bottom. She can detect her feet slamming against the pavement with each stride. Her breath speeds up uncontrollably sending her the intense cuing that it's time to stop. The female doesn't. Pain makes her feel alive and she's never felt that more.

Ayla finally leads herself to her car and jumps in smoothly like a spy from the R.E.D movies. She speeds all the way to her apartment praying that a policeman won't be passing by and waiting to fine her. Thankfully her path's clear. Fate's on her side it would seem as she arrives home without a single speeding ticket or second glance from a passing driver.

"This is it." She braces herself racing in and picking up her house phone. Without an opportunity to doubt herself she dials James's number which she reads off of the sticky note that she has copied down on her fridge. Three rings sound and for a moment she hears a fuzzy, static on the other end of the phone call. She hears James greet her in his normal voice making her bite her tongue to try and hold back her beam. Instantly she trusts that she made the right decision.