I Swear I'm Not a Hopeless Case

School always seemed to be an inconvenient task. Don't get me wrong, I loved learning. Each day I left school feeling a bit more informed and worthy of the future. I adored that feeling. Unfortunately, it was often overshadowed by the social construct that moved around the school halls like a thick, black, poisonous smoke that engulfed everything in its reach.
I wouldn't consider myself an outsider. Far from it, in fact. When given the appropriate opportunity, I was a social butterfly. But not here. Here, my wings were crumpled and torn and thrown across the linoleum tiles and stepped on by students making their way down the hall.
I couldn't help it- I found myself anxious between every class, awaiting painstakingly for the next time I have to pass HIS group of friends. Adam's group in particular struck a negative chord in me. Not only because he was a sick, twisted little hellion that tried to force himself on me, but also because he was Greg's friend. They all played football and basketball together. But that didn't matter that night. As soon as Greg announced he wasn't coming the party we were all attending, Adam jumped on the chance to get into my pants.
What made matters even worse was the fact that the group of friends Adam and Greg surrounded themselves with had also become my friends as well. Particularly Grace. She was a petite, short blonde bombshell with a mouth and disposition that made up for her lack of height. She was snarky, fun, and always honest. I had especially appreciated that. But unfortunately, when I realized that hanging out with her was also hanging around Adam, I begrudgingly cut the chords to my friendship with her. If she ever found out what had happened, I feared she would believe Adam's cries of innocence before mine. I was scared the whole circle of friends would see me as a liar, the whore who was rejected and then cried rape. I knew Greg would believe me, but the chance that his friends might alienate him for doing so, therefore eventually resenting me, was a risk I couldn't take. This was my issue, my problem.
"What're you thinking about?"
I snapped my head in the direction the voice was coming from, only to see my friend Liz looking at me thoughtfully with her big amber eyes. Her head was tilted and her eyes held genuine curiosity. I wondered how long she was staring at me.
I pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ears. "Uh, nothing. Just daydreaming."
She raised an eyebrow in my direction. "Clearly."
She turned her attention to the front of the classroom, where our History teacher was writing notes on the board. I watched Liz chew on the end of her pencil whilst reading the ever-growing amount of text on the board. Her strawberry blonde locks were styled in her typical two-buns updo. The only difference to her appearance everyday was the headband grasping the top of her head. Glued upon it was a blue and purple Beanie Baby, adding a good five inches to her height. Each day was a different stuffed animal. Many mocked her and called her odd, but I believed they were just threatened by her lack of interest in conforming to other people's standards. I adored her for that. Although we had only recently acquainted ourselves with each other, she was easily becoming my best friend. She's the only other person I told about what happened the night of the party. She immediately believed me and began to paint Adam as the villan he was.
So as soon as Adam entered the classroom, she sat up quickly and gave him the dirtiest look I had ever seen, as she did everyday. Unfortunately, Adam ignored it and fixed his eyes on me, smirking. My face flushed red and my heart began to beat erratically. He eventually sat down in his seat and began talking with his friends.
Liz looked at me with concern and leaned toward me expelling the words "He's such a dick," before beginning to finally take the notes.
The class went by slowly, the only conversation besides the teacher's lecture was Liz asking me to use my eraser because she chewed off her own. At the end, I rushed out as fast as I could, as per usual, hoping to avoid any eye contact with Adam. Liz quickly followed, understanding my urgency to walk down the hall quickly to my next class. When I arrived at my Pre-Calculus class, Liz bid me a farewell. "See you at lunch."
I hugged my backpack tightly. "See you then."
I entered the class with ease, knowing that a subject as advanced as this one was void of Adam. I sat in my seat, letting out the breath I had been holding all morning.

"Rough day?"
I furrowed my eyebrows and looked behind me to see a boy with an inquiring smile on his face. I had never seen him before. I looked around the room to see if I was the only one who didn't know who he was, but all I gathered were other female students staring at him. I looked back and understood why. He was handsome, which made this conversation even more difficult to engage in. "Uh, yeah, I guess."
He clasped his hands together and leaned forward, like he was about to tell me a secret. He lowered his voice, "Well, I guarantee mine is worse."
I quirked an eyebrow. Now I was interested. "Really? Do tell."
He smiled, revealing his perfect white teeth. My breath caught in my throat. I instantly regretted answering him. He was too good-looking to converse with. I watched his lips move with his answer, but I couldn't comprehend the words. I just watched his mouth move. I took the chance and looked into his brown eyes, which were shining with amusement. They matched his dark brown hair. He spoke again, which drew my attention back to his mouth, which was set perfectly away from his angular jaw.
A hand waved in front of my face. I blinked, snapping out of my daze. He was stilling smiling. "Hello? Are you there?"
My face turned as red a beet. I was acting like a petty, little school girl. Attractive men had never had this effect on me. Well, besides Greg. I sat up straighter. Greg. My dead boyfriend. Here I sat, checking out a new boy when the love of my life, my other half, was lying in the ground. I shook my head and grasped reality. I looked him in the eyes. "No, no I'm not."
I saw a look of confusion, and possibly interest, flash across his face before I quickly turned around. I was still flustered, but I held my ground. I would not turn to face him. I would listen to the teacher and try understand the problems I've been having such difficulty with. I would not let a boy distract me. I would never let a boy distract me ever again. I lost the only person I would ever love. A connection like that happens once in a lifetime. I already had mine.