Burn

After a disastrous and awkward dinner, we made our way back to The Maine's recording studio. Kennedy and Garrett had decided to ride back with the girls after hitting it off seamlessly, so that left John and I alone on the way back. He was being oddly quiet and so was I, but only because I couldn't think of a way to explain about Caleb and I without it being, well...I don't know what I wanted it to be like. After minutes of quiet contemplation, I finally blurted something out.

"So, listen John--" I started, and immediately lost my confidence in bringing it up.

"Viola, you don't have to explain." he said quietly. I shook my head, hitting the steering wheel with my fist lightly. "No. I need to. I don't want you to let anything Caleb says or does get to you, okay? He doesn't like my job. He doesn't like that I'm here--being around six guys all day long and I'm enjoying it. He's an asshole. But he's my friend."

He looked over at me, smiling a crooked smile and replying, "Okay, Viola Grey. I get it."

"And you're also my friend." I continued. "But believe me, saying something to Caleb in his mindset right now would do neither of us any good. "And I know that probably makes me sound like a bad friend but--"

"Hey," he said softly, stopping me before I could rant any longer. "It's okay, Viola. I'm a big boy. I think I can handle a few sarcastic remarks from another guy."

We were quiet for another few moments as we pulled into the driveway of the house behind Callie and Alex.

"Are you guys like..." he trailed off, looking at me. He didn't even have to finish his sentence for me to understand what he was asking.

"It's complicated." I said quietly, avoiding his eyes. He got out of the car then, shutting the door and walking around to open mine. He held out his hand and I grabbed it, hoisting myself out of the car and onto the sidewalk in the chilly night air.

"I'm ready to drink." was all he said as we followed the group into the house. Everyone seemed as in awe as I was the first time as we entered in through the foyer and coats and shoes were shed.

"John, hook up your iPod." Kennedy said as he went into the living room to turn the TV on. "Does anyone want a beer? They're in the fridge."

"Oooo, why don't we play a drinking game?" Rose said excitedly, running to the refrigerator and pulling out a variety case of Smirnoff. I watched with a smile as she made herself at home, opening one with the end of her shirt and taking a swig quickly. Garrett followed her, pulling out one for himself. "What are we playing?" he asked.

"We need a deck of cards, first." Rose said. Pat disappeared into his room for a moment and emerged with a deck in hand. Jared gave him a questioning look and he shrugged. "What? I get bored sometimes."

The rest of the crew joined us in the kitchen, pulling up chairs and bar stools around the big kitchen table. "You're supposed to do this with a big cup and a bunch of straws but there's way too many of us. So we'll just do it with individual drinks."

She began to pass them out, handing me a Screwdriver. "Your fave." she grinned. Callie and Alex politely declined, as they were the ones who had to drive everyone back home tonight.

Once everyone had their own drink, she began to explain the rules of Circle of Death to Kennedy and Garrett, who had never played it before. When they understood the basic rules, we began playing. Rose was the first to go, and she carefully plucked the first card from the circle, grinning evilly.

"It's an ace!" she exclaimed, throwing it down on the table. "Perfect way to start off the game."

"Wait, what's the ace mean again?" Kennedy asked.

"It's the "waterfall card." So I start drinking, then Joel starts drinking, then Pat starts and so on. Then Joel can't stop until I do, Pat can't until he does, etc." Rose explained to him.

"Basically the last person is fucked." Joel laughed, pointing at me. I looked around at my position in the table and it dawned on my I was gonna be the last one to go. "Shit!" I exclaimed, slapping my hand on the table.

"Oh this is gonna be so good." John said, grinning down at me. Of course he was standing beside me, which meant I couldn't stop drinking until he did.

"Go easy on me, O'Callaghan." I whispered as Rose put her bottle to her lips.

"No way."

Everyone tipped back their drinks in a row around the table, with me being last. Everyone slowly started lowering their bottles after a few seconds until it was just Garrett, John and I still chugging. Garrett stopped after a few more, but John didn't and my bottle was slowly emptying. Callie and Rose began whooping and hollering, and Caleb even cracked a smile as he watched me punch John in the shoulder to make him stop. I was two gulps away from emptying my bottle when John decided to quit, bursting into laughter at me.

"I hate you." I said, shoving him away from me.

"How else was I supposed to get you drunk?" he lowered his tone as Joel took his time choosing his card from the pile. I rolled my eyes, downing the rest of my drink and running to the fridge to get another before Joel could start the round without me.

"It's a jack." he said. "So I make up a rule right?"

"Yeah." Rose nodded.

"Hmmmm, let me think of a good one." he pondered for a few moments before a giant grin spread across his face. "Okay, I've got it."

"Oh god." Alex murmured.

"Every time you think a dirty thought in your head, you have to bark like a dog and drink."

Everyone laughed loudly. Rose shook her head. "You're gonna be the only one barking!"

"Nuh-uh! Not if everyone is honest." he insisted, still grinning. "You'll see."

"This is gonna be hilarious." Garrett said, sitting back in his chair. "Who's next?"

Kennedy leaned forward in his chair to quickly pluck his card, which was a three."

"Three--me!" Jared said, motioning for him to take a drink as he picked another card from the pile. He quickly pointed his finger at the ceiling and the rest of us followed, leaving Rose the slowest and making her take a drink.

Caleb was next, picking a two off the table--this card was "You"--so he could choose someone else to drink. He motioned for Joel to drink up, which he did willingly. After a few more rounds around the table, I was on my fourth Smirnoff, and the buzz was starting to kick in a little. We paused the game so that Rose could collect empty bottles off the table and give out more.

She leaned forward in her chair, reaching across the table to grab Kennedy and Jared's, which showed off her very ample cleavage to the boys. Kennedy and Joel barked suddenly at the same time, looking at each other in surprise. We all paused at the realization of what just happened before bursting into laughter.

"Told you I wasn't gonna be the only one who barked!" Joel exclaimed, high-fiving Kennedy and taking a drink.

"It's Caleb's turn." Callie commented as Rose sat back down.

"Nine--that's rhyme right?" he asked. "Okay, um...see."

"Me."

"We."

"She."

"Flea."

"...Shit." Pat said, coming up blank and taking a swig of his drink.

Pour Some Sugar On Me came through the speakers in the living room then and I jumped out of my seat to run and turn it up. "Oh my god, this song is classic!"

I shimmied back into the kitchen then, dancing and singing along to the lyrics as Callie and Rose joined in. The boys turned around in their chairs, watching with amused expression as we all danced around the kitchen. I bent down and flipped my hair back, rocking and swaying to the song as Rose grabbed my hand, spinning me around in a circle. John, in his half-drunken stupor barked from his seat at the table, grinning playfully at me and clapping his hands.

The air seemed to get sucked out of the room.

Caleb whipped his head back around at him instantly. "What the fuck was that?"

This was not a side of John I had ever seen before. He seemed way too relaxed to have just had Caleb yell at him from not even three feet away--he wasn't even looking at him. Caleb threw his hands down on the table, standing up and leaning forward. Alex grabbed his arm before he could do anything. "Whoa, dude."

"No, fuck that!" Caleb said, snatching away from him. "I'm sick of this prick acting all sly around Viola like he doesn't want to just get in her pants."

"Caleb!" I exclaimed, reaching out a putting a hand on him but he snatched away from me too. Everyone was standing except for John, who was sitting calmly in his seat with a disgusted expression on his face.

"Get over yourself, dude." he snarled.

"She's not one of your fucking groupies! She might not see through you, but I do." he spit the words at John, who finally stood, leaning across the table also so that he and Caleb's face were very close. My heart was beating out of my chest, making me squeeze Rose's hand for dear life.

"Hey, that's enough." Jared warned, putting a hand on John's chest. But he didn't back down.

"I think you need to leave." John said quietly. "I wouldn't want Viola to see you get your ass whooped."

Caleb lunged at him then, knocked over bottles on the table in the process. Alex and Joel snatched him back, restraining him enough so that they could redirect him towards the side door in the kitchen. John left the table then, quietly trekking upstairs to his room.

I mumbled apologies to the band as I followed Alex, Joel and Caleb outside. Callie and Rose gave me sympathetic looks as I went, only making me feel more embarrassed about the situation. He was sitting down in a chair on the back porch, but I could tell he was still angry.

All scared feelings I had about the two fighting faded away as the chilly night air hit my face, clearing my mind and making me angry. "Caleb, what the fuck was that?"

He stood up, making me feel very small in comparison as he was about a head taller than me. I felt myself shrink down immediately. "I don't like him, Viola And you knew that, yet--you still wanted to bring me here tonight to watch him basically drool all over you."

"You are blowing this way out of proportion!" I exclaimed, stomping my foot. Alex and Joel watched awkwardly from their seats at the table, only making me angrier. Not only had Caleb just ruined my night, he'd also ruined our friends.

"What--so its okay for him to think about you like that?" he asked angrily.

"No!" I insisted. "But it's also not okay for you to threaten someone who you don't even know, Caleb!"

"I will not tolerate someone hanging all over my girl." he said seriously. My head almost exploded. "What? Are you serious?! We aren't even--"

I trailed off, throwing my hands in the air and about to turn around and walk away from him but he grabbed my wrist, puling me to him and pressing me against his body. "Don't you dare even say that. I know what the end of that sentence was gonna be, and that's complete bullshit Viola."

I refused to look at him, tears welling up in my eyes from the stress of yet another fight with Caleb. I wanted him to go home and leave me alone.

"We are something, Viola. You know that." he said lowly, pressing his lips to my forehead. His breath smelled like beer and I was absolutely disgusted with him, so I wiped it away angrily. "Go home, Caleb. You're drunk."

"You're kicking me out?"

"No." I replied, walking back to the sliding glass doors and opening them. "John told you to leave, and it's his studio. So leave."

I relished in the icy tone I was using with Caleb, and also at the way his face fell as Alex and Joel murmured their goodbyes and walked off the back porch. I went back inside, where Callie and Rose were helping the boys rid the table of empty Smirnoff bottles.

"Everything okay, Viola?" Pat asked shyly, tucking his hair behind his ears. I nodded and gave him a small smile, then directed my attention to Callie and Rose. "I think Alex is driving the boys' home. Caleb needs to get out of here."

Rose nodded. "Yeah, I think that's our cue to go also. You ready?" she asked Callie who nodded in agreement. They both hugged me tightly before walking towards the door, only making the tears well in my eyes once again.

"Call me." Rose whispered as she closed the door behind her. "I'll tell you how things go once we get back home."

I walked slowly up the stairs and into John's room, grabbing my pajamas out of the drawer and glancing over at the lump of covers that was John in bed. After changing, I padded back into the room, throwing my hair in a sloppy ponytail in the process and walking around to the side of John's bed that was facing the giant window seat. He was awake of course, staring out the window at the moon light rays coming in.

He watched me as I pulled back the covers and crawled under them, laying on my side so that we were face to face. I don't know if it was the alcohol giving me bravery to lay in his bed or not, but I went with it. "I'm sorry." I mumbled quietly, feeling my eyes sting with tears. One leaked out onto my nose, sliding over and dripping off onto the white pillow on John's bed.

"Hey, hey." he said reaching over, slowly cupping my face with his hand and using his thumb to wipe away the wetness. "None of that, Viola Grey."

I closed my eyes, savoring the way his touch made my whole body warm up nicely, filling me with a longing I didn't understand. He left his hand there, and I knew it was so wrong to do this right after Caleb left, but there was no other place I wanted to be at the moment. He scooted closer to me so that I felt the presence of his body heat without touching me, and used his fingertips to ever so lightly tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. My eyes were still closed, but I heard him sigh quietly.

"I wanted tonight to go so good." I said quietly, looking at him finally. It was much different being this close to John. I could see every part of his face--the sharpness of his nose, his freckles, the long, dark eyelashes that fanned on his cheeks when he closed his eyes--and I was mesmerized.

"What's that look for?"

"You're really pretty up close." I murmured, giggling slightly. He smiled brightly at me, making my stomach do an excited flip-flop. I barked softly, remembering Joel's stupid rule from the game and making him laugh.

"Are you still drunk, Viola Grey?" he asked, moving his hand from cupping my face to touch me lightly on the nose.

"Maybe a little."

"Can I tell you something?" he asked. He leaned closer to me slowly and my breath hitched in my throat. All I could think about was if he was going to kiss me, so I licked my lips anxiously, feeling my heartbeat pound in my ears. I waited on it, closing my eyes and sighing lightly. He was so close that I could feel his breath on my lips, making me die inside of anticipation.

John touched his forehead to mine, searching my eyes for something and mimicking me as he licked his own dry lips.

"I--," he said, and I leaned a little more towards him--so caught up in the moment I couldn't think about anything except his lips on mine. "Viola, I never once thought of you as a groupie. I want you to know that."

I opened my eyes, taking in his serious expression. I backed up, feeling extremely embarrassed and I couldn't form a proper thought.

"Viola." John said, reading my expression and immediately realized what he'd done. I went to get out of his bed and he grabbed me, pulling me close again and making my already pink face blaze red. "Wait, stay."

I slowed down, relaxing into his touch and laying back down in my spot. He released me, but didn't move away from my body. "I need to know that you understand that." he said, reaching out again to touch my face, but he slowly retracted his hand back as he thought about it. The action made me want to groan.

"I do. Those were all Caleb's words, John."

"Good." he mumbled, closing his eyes. "Goodnight, Viola Grey."

"Goodnight."

But I didn't close my eyes, nor did I go to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. John was going to kiss me. But he'd decided not to. Why? Why didn't he kiss me? Why did I lean into it?

Out of all the mixed emotions I was feeling, guilt topped all of them. I'd wanted him to kiss me. I was completely ready and willing to kiss him back. I couldn't understand the feeling he gave me, but it made me want to cry when I thought about what happened tonight with Caleb. I felt like a horrible person. I was a horrible person.

John was going to kiss me.

It was all I couldn't think about as I tried to go to sleep.