Tomorrow's Money

I was released the next morning and my mom picked me up. Not a word was spoken. She never asked why I got beaten up, she never asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. She just silently drove me home, constantly looking around to make sure no one she knew would see me. I felt ashamed to look this way, ashamed to be in the situation I was in. I felt lost. I started to think Gerard leaving was for the better.

I waited until I got home and up to my room to call him. It was about 4 so I figured he'd be home.

"Hey." He answered.

"Hi." I said, quietly. "What's up?" I wanted to keep the conversation as happy as possible but I was already failing.

"I just got home. How are you doing?" He asked. I couldn't tell if he was concerned or if he was just trying to make small talk.

"I'm fine now." I said, shrugging off the lingering headache. "We really should talk about.. You know." I didn't want to talk about it at all, but this situation was quickly growing bigger and bigger and slipping from our control. Marley somehow knew. She was waiting for proof, and when she got it, that was it. We'd be done. Our lives would be ruined by a stain on our permanent records.

"I know. I decided I'm going to go away for a while, you know, until things calm down." He said, sounding disappointed.

"Gerard, you don't have to skip town, I'll just go back to private school and everything will be fine." I started worrying more about him leaving. I didn't want to know what it was like to not have him around.

"That's not good enough, because you know we can't be this close and not make contact." He sounded pained, but I didn't think it was because of what he was saying. I thought it was because he knew how he was making me feel.

"Wait, we can't even talk anymore?" I asked, starting to get teary eyed.

"No. What if someone catches you talking to me? They'll know we've been doing this the whole time. If we keep talking, my leaving will mean nothing. I don't want this just as much as I know you don't, but it has to. Our futures depend on it. If you want to get into a good college and have a good career, and if I want to stay out of prison, this is what we have to do. Even if we did risk it all and keep doing this, we would eventually get caught, and we wouldn't be together anyway." He explained. I knew what he was saying was true, but I wasn't ready to think that logically yet, I was letting my emotions get the best of me.

"So this is a break up call, right?" I asked, getting emotional. "What the hell happened to what you said, just the other day about us when we were in the bathroom? What happened to you not caring about the consequences? When did I become so unimportant to you?" I was getting hysterical, blaming him for things that wasn't his fault, trying to make him feel as bad as he made me feel. Little did I know, he already felt as bad as I did, and me saying these things made it worse.

"I know, you're hurt, I am too. But you have to think straight here. What is going to happen if this gets out?" He tried reasoning with me, but I wasn't having it.

"You're worried about what people will think of you, just like everyone else around me." I accused.

"No, I'm worried about being convicted of committing a fucking felony!" He said, getting a bit angry, which only made me angry.

"Fine. Go then. I don't need you anymore, and I sure as hell won't miss you. You're a lying asshole Gerard, you know that? Fuck you." I said, being quickly cut off by him.

"You know what? Fine." he calmed down and suddenly seemed more sad than angry. "You can hate me as much as you want, it'll only make this easier for you. But I won't hate you, and I'll miss you. But it's for the better Lily. Maybe I'll see you again one day and you can punch me or throw something at me as hard as you can, but until then.."

"Fuck you Gerard." I spat into the phone and hung up. I felt hurt and betrayed. I never wanted to see or talk to him again. I was done. I was ready to get over it all, go back to private school and live my life the way I was meant to. I hoped the worst for Gerard, I hoped he'd drop out of college, leave town, be broke, become nothing, be loved by no one. It might have been wrong, but at the tie, I would have laughed if I had found out it was true.

Fuck Gerard.