Save Me From Myself

Mike ~

“Vic,” I shouted, pounding on his bedroom door. “Go away Mike. I’m busy,” he said back. “Do I give a fuck?” I shouted back and pushed his door open.
“Hey!” he said loudly, with Alexa on his lap. She was straddling him, Vic’s pants unbuttoned. “Get out,” I said to her, my voice icily cold.
“What? No,” Vic was glaring at me as I glared at her, both of us pissed now. “Get out, now,” I seethed. She finally got the hint and crawled off of him, picking her bra up off the floor. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Vic asked and redid his jeans.
“I’m screaming at you because lately you’ve been a pretentious dick and I’ve had enough,” I said. “Fuck you,” Vic stood up and glared at me, less intimidating than I was. “What even gives you the right to come in here and start yelling at me?” he asked angrily.
I pushed him back onto the bed, glowering at him. “Remember what you said to me yesterday morning?” I asked. Vic nodded in confusion, the anger slipping a bit.
“So does Kellin,” Realization washed over his face, melting into a frown. “So he heard? So what?” he said.
“So he tried to kill himself you asshole, and nearly did.” Vic flinched, his eyes resembling the Vic I knew. “You should have heard him Vic, hell you should have seen him. I went to his house after he started crying when he left. And he was covered in blood. I was surprised there was even any left in his body, there was so fucking much. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life,” I said, staring down at him.
“And then of course at the hospital, he was a mess. Remember how many cuts you had when you were at your worst? Well triple it. He has them from his wrists to his shoulders, and then knees to hips. You’d think he was going to major in paper cuts.”
Vic looked down at his hands as I spoke. “And that’s not even the worst. You broke his heart Vic. He fucking worships you because you were the only person who was nice to him. And even worse; we were at the hospital and he told me that I shouldn’t even try. He said that I should have let him die. And it was horrible how bad he wanted it Vic. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted me to let him die,”
I heard Vic sniffle as I finished. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, sounding like my Vic. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” I said, my voice 10 times softer than before. “Kellin's pretty fucked up Vic, and so are the things that you said. I want you to fix it. And I want my brother back. You’ve been so different ever since you started dating Alexa, and I miss you. Every time I see now, you’re either her ornament or her fucktoy. I miss you Vic,”
His shoulders shook as he whimpered. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. I sat down beside him, putting my arm around his shoulders. “You need to go apologize,” I said quietly. “Am I really that different?” he choked and looked up at me with tears in his eyes.
“Kind of. And I think it’s probably Alexa’s fault. Vic you were just as messed up as Kellin is now, and I know she helped you, but you don’t need to worship her. She’s not good for you Vic. I can’t figure it out, but she’s just—creepy. I don’t trust her,”
Vic looked down at his hands as he spoke. “I don’t know how to function without her,” he said shakily.
“You keep saying that you miss me, but I know who I am anymore,” I sighed and hugged him. “You know maybe Kellin could help you too. He’s in a really bad place, and you just got out of one. So maybe if you were friends you could learn how to live together,”
Vic sighed and nodded a little, rubbing at his eyes. “Thanks Mike. And I think you’re right about Alexa. I mean—she means a lot to me, but I don’t feel like its love. I don’t think she loves me either…. She always wants sex, and it seems like that’s all I’m good for,”
I shook my head and smiled at him. “You’re so much more than a pretty face,” I teased. Vic shoved me lightly and stood up. “Guess I should go find Kellin, then, huh?” I nodded and watched as he went to slide his shoes on.
“He lives on Tony’s street, right by that old lady with the cats. It’s blue,” Vic nodded and picked up his keys, leaving me in his room.
I sighed and fell back against the bed, tired of playing matchmaker. I hoped the two of them worked this out an dbecame friends, because they could both use someone who understands, and isn’t going to take advantage of them. I didn’t know why I was so determined to help Kellin, but I figured it was because I knew how dark that place could be.
I was the one that had taken Vic to the hospital the times that he had tried, and they were both just as horrifying. The first, he had taken a bunch of pills, and I found him passed out on the bathroom floor.
The other time had been worse though. He had found a new blade after I had trashed all of his. He had cut his wrists, deeper than he ever had, and I swear I had never seen something so terrifying in my life. He was covered in blood, and until yesterday, I had never seen so much blood in my life. Kellin literally had a puddle under him, and the doctors had said it was a miracle he had survived.
They told me that he was lucky, although I knew that wasn’t true. Anyone who’s been to that dark place isn’t lucky. He had had the initiative to take his own life, and if I had gotten there a minute later, he would be dead right now.
I sat up slowly, silently praying that they could actually help each other. ~

Vic ~

I knocked on the door to Kellin's house, waiting for someone to answer. No one did, although Mike wouldn’t have sent me here if he wasn’t home, right?
I knocked again, sighing as Kellin said ‘go away’ through the door. “No, open up,” I shouted back. The door opened a moment later, Kellin standing there looking confused. “Vic?” he asked. I smiled a tiny bit and he crossed his arms over himself. He had sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt on, hiding the cuts Mike had told me about. His eyes were a little puffy too, and he had obviously been crying.
“Um…I wanted to apologize,” I started, Kellin frowning at me. “You don’t have to do that. I know Mike made you,” I shook my head quickly.
“No, no, that’s not why. I just…I was so out of line when I said those things, and it wasn’t fair or right of me to. I’m really sorry Kellin, and I have actually been a dick lately. I’m so sorry I hurt you, and I didn’t really mean any of it. I just—I was trying to keep Mike away from you, because I didn’t want him to end up just as depressed as I was. And I know that that’s ridiculous, and I’m so sorry.”
Kellin started at me in confusion afterwards. “Why are you doing this?” he asked quietly. “I want to help, and Mike thought that we could help each other,”
He looked even more confused, but finally moved to let me in. His house was huge, and pristine, and completely empty. Kellin went into the kitchen, and I quickly followed after.
“What do you mean?” Kellin asked. “I um…I know what you, um…did, and…and I’ve tried too…twice,”
Kellin's eyes widened, his mouth falling open slightly. “And I used to cut myself a lot. Um…almost every day, but Alexa got me to stop.”
Kellin cringed a little as I mentioned her. “Sorry, I don’t mean to talk about her, it’s just—she helped me, and I didn’t even realize that she was trying to change me. She’s been using me,” he said.
“What does that have to do with me? You can’t fix me Vic,” I sighed and slid my hands into my pockets. “I don’t know. I don’t really get it either, but I still want to try. “Why?” he asked. “I thought you hated me,”
I shook my head and walked a little closer. “No, I don’t. I’m just fucked up…wait.”
I shuffled out of my jacket and then held out one of my arms to Kellin. He gasped, wrapping his cold fingers around my wrist. I guessed that he hadn’t believed me, but there was no getting around the easily visible scars on my skin. They were all healed, but most of them were still very visible.
Kellin brushed his thumb over the one on the very end of my wrist, the thickest, deepest one. I had another to match, the lines, thick and white from being stitched shut.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered and let go of my arm. “Can I?” I asked softly and reached for his hand. Kellin didn’t stop me as I gently pushed his sleeve up.
I gasped in horror as I saw the hundreds of cuts on his arm. They overlapped each other more than once, and most of them were deeper than I had ever cut (minus the suicide attempt).
“Kellin,” I whispered. A lot of them were fresh, and the ones that weren’t still weren’t old enough to have healed. “I forgot to apologize to Mike,” he said softly.
I frowned, knowing why. Mike had seen a lot of horrible things that no sixteen year old should. “He knows. He’ll be alright. Mike’s always been the strong one,”
Kellin nodded a little and let me pull him into my arms. He seemed a little scared at first, but relaxed and hugged me back tightly.
I heard him sniffle a little as he tucked his face into my neck and held me back tighter. I sighed and closed my eyes. It was nice to just have someone to hold. We pulled back slowly, Kellin rubbing at his eyes a little.
“So, can we be friends?” I asked. Kellin smiled a little and nodded. “Okay…” I smiled back and pulled my hoodie back on. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“Mhm, for now. What about you?” I smiled and nodded. “I’m fine,” Kellin nodded a little and hugged me again. I blushed, surprised that he wanted to.
“Ah, I’m sorry,” he said and went to let go,” I shook my head, holding onto him tighter. “I don’t mind,” I said. Kellin held me again, melting into my touch. “I just—I haven’t been hugged in a while,” he whispered, breaking my heart.
“I’ll hug you anytime you want,” I whispered back. “Okay,” ~