Save Me From Myself

“What the fuck is he doing here?”
“I invited him over, don’t you remember? Or has getting your dick sucked completely brainwashed?”
“I meant why is he still here?” Vic asked. I pretended to still be asleep as they argued.
“He passed out,” Mike said flippantly. “Oh, and why is that? You and your pothead friends get him high?” Vic shot back.
“Oh fuck you. What right do you have to accuse me of having someone over when your bitch girlfriend is probably wondering what’s taking you so long,”
I tried not to look noticeable as their voices got louder. “Fuck off Mike. Alysha’s probably in your bed right now,” Vic said. “Actually, she left last night. I’m sure you can’t say the same,” Mike seethed.
“So what? You shouldn’t have invited him here,” I could almost hear Mike rolling his eyes. “Why?”
“Because he’s only going to cause you trouble. Besides, what if he thinks you’re actually his friend?”
I fought the urge to flinch at his harsh words. “I am his friend. And what gives you the right to say I’m not anyways. I mean, have you thought that maybe he needs a friend? People treat him like shit, and if you would get off your fucking high horse, you might see that he’s actually pretty cool,”
I heard Vic scoff. “I’m sure he is Mike, but I want nothing to do with him. Imagine how much shit you’re gonna get at school,” Vic said back.
“So what? Since when did you become such a pussy? Besides, it wasn’t that long that you needed a friend too,” Mike said.
“Don’t talk about that!” I cringed, hoping they wouldn’t notice. “Whatever,” I heard Vic stomp off and then up the steps. Mike’s door closed and then the basement went completely silent.
I sat up slowly and folded the blanket Mike had put over me last night.
I knew my parents would ground me for staying out all night and not calling, but I didn’t really care. I didn’t have anywhere to be anyways, and I was pretty sure I didn’t have any friends again.
“Hey,” Mike said, sounding kind of startled. I stood up and looked down at my feet. “Um, thanks for last night, but I should go. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble,”
I turned, running up the steps before he could see me cry. “Kellin, wait!” he called, even as I ran out of the house. I rubbed at my eyes as I slowed down on the pavement, not wanting to cry in public.
I didn’t know what I had done wrong, but I guessed I just wasn’t a likeable person. Still, I was grateful that Mike had at least given me a chance to try and be his friend.
I wasn’t good enough though. I was never going to be, and even though I knew Vic was never going to like me back, it still hurt to hear him say those things.
He had been so nice to me, and I didn’t know what I had done to make him hate me. I just wished that I could take it back. I also wished that I could have been Mike’s friend.
I didn’t want to be alone anymore. ~

I was grateful that no one was home and that I could cry in peace. I sat down on the floor in my bathroom in my underwear and cried for a minute before getting out my blade.
I twirled it around in my fingers a few times before touching it to my thigh. Very slowly, I dragged it across my thigh, sniffling as it cut into my skin.
I pressed it down harder for the next one, cutting deeper and deeper every time.
I moved to my arms then, cutting into them a bit lighter than before. I sighed as the pain welled up in little beads of red over my skin.
I rubbed some of the tears off of my cheeks before pressing the blade to my wrist and dragging it across harshly. I gasped, having cut deeper than intended.
I heard knocking faintly, and then someone shouting something that sounded like my name. They’re voice got quieter and quieter as my mind got hazier, and then everything went black. ~

“Kellin…Kellin, can you hear me?” someone asked their voice getting slowly clearer as I opened my eyes. “Kellin?” I groaned, my eyes finally focusing on whoever was in front of me.
I cringed at the bright lights above me and the sterile scent filling the air.
“Kellin?” the girl asked, staring at me. “Where--?” She frowned and moved to my side. “You’re at the hospital Kellin. What do you remember?” I frowned back at her in confusion. Shit.
“Do you remember? You tried to kill yourself,” she said. “What? N-no, no I didn’t,” I said back and shook my head. I sat up, looking at the IV in my arm.
“Your friend found you at home, he brought you here. You were given a transfusion,” I held onto the sheets as I thought back to…when was that? I must’ve cut too deep.
“Mike brought me here?” I asked. “Yes, he’s still here if you’d like to see him,” I nodded slightly.
The nurse left, Mike walking in minute later. Neither of us said anything as he came in and sat down beside me.
“What the hell Kellin?” I frowned down at my hands, seeing the bandages around my arm. I hadn’t gotten to the other arm before I passed out, so all of the previous cuts were visible.
“What were you thinking?” he asked quietly. “You don’t want to know…. I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” I said.
“Does it really matter? It’s not like you’ve just started,” I cringed slightly. “You didn’t have to leave,”
I sighed and shrugged. “But you heard him, didn’t you?” I nodded. “Well I’m sorry my brother’s an asshole, and I still want to be your friend. To be honest, I don’t know why you’d be hurt by anything Vic said. He was being a dick, and you barely know him right?”
I shrugged lightly. “He was nice to me,” I whispered. “What?” I sighed to myself, messing with the bandage on my hand.
“When I first switched schools, he was nice to me when no one else would even look at me…,” Mike frowned at me.
“You like him?” he asked. My silence was answer enough. “Well he is nice, but lately he’s been a complete prick,” I frowned, laughing humorlessly.
“I honestly think it’s his girlfriend’s fault. She helped him, and then suddenly he started worshiping her like she could do no wrong,” Mike said.
“It doesn’t matter. He hates me, and I don’t even know why you try. You should have just let me die,” I said.
“No. I don’t ever want to hear you say that, understand me?” I blinked at his tone and nodded. “Okay,” I whispered. “Good. I think your parents are here though, so I’m gonna go try and beat some sense into my fuckhead brother,” I smiled slightly as he left. I kind of hoped my parents weren’t actually here, because I didn’t want to explain to them that I cut myself on a regular basis. I didn’t want to see them at all. ~