Hope Is a Waking Dream
Chapter11
Chapter 11
They left the house around what Daryl said was mid-morning, maybe nine o’clock. Maggie drove, but Glenn had shotgun this time, so that left Daryl and Melissa in the backseat together. Neither had mentioned the kiss; her first and the only one he ever wanted to remember. They really didn’t say anything to each other, making Glenn and Maggie a little suspicious but they didn’t bring it up either. The ride was quiet and they only saw a couple of stray walkers on the way. They would steal glances at each other while the other wasn’t looking. Sometimes they would just stare out their respective windows. Neither one knew what was supposed to happen now; neither wanted to go backward, but they didn’t know how to move forward either. So, they just sat in silence, stewing on their newfound revelation, whatever that was.
When they arrived at the cabin, everyone came out to greet them and see if they were okay. Glenn and Maggie relayed the story of the herd and their stay at the house. Daryl and Melissa quietly unloaded the supplies and went about their business. When everything had been moved inside, Carol, Lori, and Beth sorted all the new things into piles and put them away where they belonged. Melissa had gone outside and was standing at the tree line behind the cabin. She could see Rick and Daryl standing by the vehicles talking. Daryl looked at her, watched her as Rick kept talking to him. Every now and then, he would agree with something Rick said, but had stopped listening to him the second he saw her walk outside. Rick waved his hands in front of Daryl’s face. “Are you okay? Daryl? Are you listening to me?”
“What? Yeah, I’m listening. I’m gonna go hunting. Wanna come with me?”
“Ya’ll just brought in enough food to last a few weeks. You should stay here and rest, maybe sleep for a while.”
Daryl shook his head. He just needed to think. He really didn’t want to talk about what had happened with Melissa, but he thought that Rick could help him, maybe give him some advice. “Naw, I’m fine. That baby’s gonna need some protein, and your wife needs to eat. I’m surprised she don’t fall forward from the weight of the baby. Let’s go kill us a deer.”
“Alright, if you’re gonna be okay. I’ll go get my gun and knife and tell Lori and Carl we’re going out for a few hours. You gonna tell Melissa we’re going?”
“Why would I do that? She’ll know what we’re doing. Don’t see why it matters anyway. Hurry up, let’s get outta here.”
When Rick walked away, Melissa stood at the tree line and looked back at Daryl. She saw nothing in his expression. She wanted to say something to him, but couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t just be a poor excuse to hear his voice. Soon, Rick came back outside and he and Daryl walked into the woods together. She was sad to see him leaving, but knew what he was doing. He was confused and needed to think about things. She had stuff to think about too. She thought about the kiss, his touch, his voice. She was so lost in thought she didn’t hear Lori and Carol calling her name. “Melissa, honey, are you okay? Got something on your mind?” Carol asked sweetly.
“A lot actually, but I wouldn’t know where to start.” She replied and took a seat on the ground as the women were organizing laundry. None of them said a word at first, the older women waiting to see if the younger would trust them with her worries. “How long has your group been together?”
“Since this whole thing started,” Lori began. “Carl and I was with Shane, Rick’s partner, when everything went to hell. He got us out of town and on the highway to Atlanta. That’s where we met Carol and her family.” Just saying his name made her breath hitch. “From there we found an abandoned rock quarry and set up camp. Our group was bigger then, but we still have Glenn and Daryl.”
“We met Herschel, Beth, and Maggie on their farm when Carl was injured and taken there,” Carol added. “We were safe until a massive herd came through. We lost a lot of people that night.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that. I’ve been alone since this whole thing started. I don’t really know what it’s like to lose people to those things. I don’t know if being alone was any better than that though.”
Changing the subject, Lori spoke up. “How did the run go? We know about the herd, but other than that, what happened Melissa? I know something did.” She said as she gathered the clothes from one of the piles. “Come with us. Help us wash the clothes and we can talk. Whatever happened, we’ll try to help.”
Carol and Melissa each took a pile in their arms and went inside to get baskets. As they walked toward the brook, Melissa told them about the time she spent with Daryl while on the run. “We spent a lot of time alone once we found that house. We did perimeter checks together and had watch together. We . . . fell asleep together. Maggie and Glenn caught us. I think I scared him, but it felt nice. I’ve never been close to anyone and I’m not sure how to talk to him. We’re doing okay, getting along. He seems like a good man. He cares about all ya’ll. He keeps telling me that ya’ll are good people and that when it’s time to move on I should go with ya. He said he wants me to go with ya, and I want that too. We talked a lot and . . . I don’t know. He said some things, I said some things.”
“What things honey? Did he say something bad? Did he yell at you?” Carol asked.
“No, he didn’t yell. He told me something and I still don’t know how I feel about it.” She wasn’t sure if she should reveal his confession to these women. They knew him better than she did, but she needed to know more about him and his motives. “When we were on watch, he told me that he’d seen me bathing at the brook that day we went hunting with Carl. He saved my life then. If he hadn’t been paying attention, I’d be dead. He told me that I was pretty. He saw my body, he watched me from behind the bushes on the other side of the brook. He said he didn’t tell me ‘cause I’d think he was a pervert or something. I don’t know what to think. Why would he have done that?”
Lori and Carol just looked at one another. They didn’t know what to say to her. Carol cleared her throat and said, “I don’t know honey. I know he’d never hurt you or take advantage of you. He’s not that kind of man. Daryl has honor, he has a code he lives by. None of us knows anything about him from before, the things he did, but his brother was a bad influence. We do know that. Since Merle’s been gone, I think he’s starting to realize he can be whoever he wants to be and he’s trying to be the kind of man that can be trusted and relied on. I don’t think he set out to spy on you or watch you. I don’t think he’s had a lot of experience with women and seeing you like that may have scared him a little.”
Lori continued that thought. “He is a good man. He’s been taking better care of me than my own husband has. Daryl makes sure the baby and me get enough food and stay warm. I don’t think he’s ever had the chance to take care of anybody or had people care about him. Think he had a hard time growing up and feels the need to prove himself all the time. He carries a weight on his shoulders and probably feels that he has to do all these things to keep from being thrown out of the group. We would never do that, he means too much to us. We’ve never known Daryl to lie or be manipulative. He wouldn’t know how to do those things. Whatever he said to you, I’d believe it to be true.”
“He doesn’t give himself enough credit,” Melissa said. “He thinks he’s this horrible human being that doesn’t deserve anything nice. I’ve always thought of myself that way, but I don’t know anymore. I’ve never been kissed before and I don’t want to think it’s more than it is. I don’t want to think it meant something when it didn’t.”
“Daryl kissed you?” Lori asked. “Daryl Dixon? Squirrel hunting, crossbow carrying Daryl Dixon kissed you?”
“Yes,” Melissa said shyly, now embarrassed.
“If Daryl kissed you, he meant it,” Carol said and Lori agreed. “That man doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to. He’s stubborn and pig-headed, but he has compassion and love in his heart. He almost died looking for my little girl when she got lost in the woods. He was the only one who went out every day. He was the only one who never lost hope that we’d find her and she’d be alive. He’s been a comfort to me since I lost her, and he’s stayed and taken care of all of us when he could’ve left to be on his own. I know he would be more comfortable on his own, but he stayed because he didn’t want to be alone any more. He needed to have people, and he got us.”
“I think he sees a lot of himself in you. He knows what it is to be on the outside and want to be let in,” Lori said. “His brother kept him down, kept him separated from people. He’s finally been accepted and wants to pay it forward. He wants to help people and I think he’s found a perfect subject in you. If he kissed you, it meant something to him. Don’t expect too much though. He’s still Daryl Dixon, and he will run and hide from things he doesn’t understand. Give him time to work through this. It’s a big thing that happened and I’m sure he’s freaking out a little. That’s why he went hunting with Rick. It gives him time to think and clear his mind. Don’t let it bother you and don’t think he doesn’t care. He’s just not good with feelings, most men aren’t. Daryl’s a little more ‘emotionally retarded’ than most men though.”
“I don’t know how I feel about it either. It was great. I’ve never been kissed before, and I didn’t expect it. I just don’t want to expect too much. I don’t know why he did it, but I’m not gonna do anything about it. I’m not gonna bring it up. If he ever wants to talk about it, that’s fine. But I’m not ready for that either.” She tried to convince herself that everything she said was true, but she knew it wasn’t. She desperately wanted to see him, talk to him, and kiss him. She knew she was fucked. Thoughts of him would never leave her mind. None of the women said another word on the subject, just washed their clothes in silence. Melissa noticed that most of the clothes in her pile belonged to Daryl.
They left the house around what Daryl said was mid-morning, maybe nine o’clock. Maggie drove, but Glenn had shotgun this time, so that left Daryl and Melissa in the backseat together. Neither had mentioned the kiss; her first and the only one he ever wanted to remember. They really didn’t say anything to each other, making Glenn and Maggie a little suspicious but they didn’t bring it up either. The ride was quiet and they only saw a couple of stray walkers on the way. They would steal glances at each other while the other wasn’t looking. Sometimes they would just stare out their respective windows. Neither one knew what was supposed to happen now; neither wanted to go backward, but they didn’t know how to move forward either. So, they just sat in silence, stewing on their newfound revelation, whatever that was.
When they arrived at the cabin, everyone came out to greet them and see if they were okay. Glenn and Maggie relayed the story of the herd and their stay at the house. Daryl and Melissa quietly unloaded the supplies and went about their business. When everything had been moved inside, Carol, Lori, and Beth sorted all the new things into piles and put them away where they belonged. Melissa had gone outside and was standing at the tree line behind the cabin. She could see Rick and Daryl standing by the vehicles talking. Daryl looked at her, watched her as Rick kept talking to him. Every now and then, he would agree with something Rick said, but had stopped listening to him the second he saw her walk outside. Rick waved his hands in front of Daryl’s face. “Are you okay? Daryl? Are you listening to me?”
“What? Yeah, I’m listening. I’m gonna go hunting. Wanna come with me?”
“Ya’ll just brought in enough food to last a few weeks. You should stay here and rest, maybe sleep for a while.”
Daryl shook his head. He just needed to think. He really didn’t want to talk about what had happened with Melissa, but he thought that Rick could help him, maybe give him some advice. “Naw, I’m fine. That baby’s gonna need some protein, and your wife needs to eat. I’m surprised she don’t fall forward from the weight of the baby. Let’s go kill us a deer.”
“Alright, if you’re gonna be okay. I’ll go get my gun and knife and tell Lori and Carl we’re going out for a few hours. You gonna tell Melissa we’re going?”
“Why would I do that? She’ll know what we’re doing. Don’t see why it matters anyway. Hurry up, let’s get outta here.”
When Rick walked away, Melissa stood at the tree line and looked back at Daryl. She saw nothing in his expression. She wanted to say something to him, but couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t just be a poor excuse to hear his voice. Soon, Rick came back outside and he and Daryl walked into the woods together. She was sad to see him leaving, but knew what he was doing. He was confused and needed to think about things. She had stuff to think about too. She thought about the kiss, his touch, his voice. She was so lost in thought she didn’t hear Lori and Carol calling her name. “Melissa, honey, are you okay? Got something on your mind?” Carol asked sweetly.
“A lot actually, but I wouldn’t know where to start.” She replied and took a seat on the ground as the women were organizing laundry. None of them said a word at first, the older women waiting to see if the younger would trust them with her worries. “How long has your group been together?”
“Since this whole thing started,” Lori began. “Carl and I was with Shane, Rick’s partner, when everything went to hell. He got us out of town and on the highway to Atlanta. That’s where we met Carol and her family.” Just saying his name made her breath hitch. “From there we found an abandoned rock quarry and set up camp. Our group was bigger then, but we still have Glenn and Daryl.”
“We met Herschel, Beth, and Maggie on their farm when Carl was injured and taken there,” Carol added. “We were safe until a massive herd came through. We lost a lot of people that night.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that. I’ve been alone since this whole thing started. I don’t really know what it’s like to lose people to those things. I don’t know if being alone was any better than that though.”
Changing the subject, Lori spoke up. “How did the run go? We know about the herd, but other than that, what happened Melissa? I know something did.” She said as she gathered the clothes from one of the piles. “Come with us. Help us wash the clothes and we can talk. Whatever happened, we’ll try to help.”
Carol and Melissa each took a pile in their arms and went inside to get baskets. As they walked toward the brook, Melissa told them about the time she spent with Daryl while on the run. “We spent a lot of time alone once we found that house. We did perimeter checks together and had watch together. We . . . fell asleep together. Maggie and Glenn caught us. I think I scared him, but it felt nice. I’ve never been close to anyone and I’m not sure how to talk to him. We’re doing okay, getting along. He seems like a good man. He cares about all ya’ll. He keeps telling me that ya’ll are good people and that when it’s time to move on I should go with ya. He said he wants me to go with ya, and I want that too. We talked a lot and . . . I don’t know. He said some things, I said some things.”
“What things honey? Did he say something bad? Did he yell at you?” Carol asked.
“No, he didn’t yell. He told me something and I still don’t know how I feel about it.” She wasn’t sure if she should reveal his confession to these women. They knew him better than she did, but she needed to know more about him and his motives. “When we were on watch, he told me that he’d seen me bathing at the brook that day we went hunting with Carl. He saved my life then. If he hadn’t been paying attention, I’d be dead. He told me that I was pretty. He saw my body, he watched me from behind the bushes on the other side of the brook. He said he didn’t tell me ‘cause I’d think he was a pervert or something. I don’t know what to think. Why would he have done that?”
Lori and Carol just looked at one another. They didn’t know what to say to her. Carol cleared her throat and said, “I don’t know honey. I know he’d never hurt you or take advantage of you. He’s not that kind of man. Daryl has honor, he has a code he lives by. None of us knows anything about him from before, the things he did, but his brother was a bad influence. We do know that. Since Merle’s been gone, I think he’s starting to realize he can be whoever he wants to be and he’s trying to be the kind of man that can be trusted and relied on. I don’t think he set out to spy on you or watch you. I don’t think he’s had a lot of experience with women and seeing you like that may have scared him a little.”
Lori continued that thought. “He is a good man. He’s been taking better care of me than my own husband has. Daryl makes sure the baby and me get enough food and stay warm. I don’t think he’s ever had the chance to take care of anybody or had people care about him. Think he had a hard time growing up and feels the need to prove himself all the time. He carries a weight on his shoulders and probably feels that he has to do all these things to keep from being thrown out of the group. We would never do that, he means too much to us. We’ve never known Daryl to lie or be manipulative. He wouldn’t know how to do those things. Whatever he said to you, I’d believe it to be true.”
“He doesn’t give himself enough credit,” Melissa said. “He thinks he’s this horrible human being that doesn’t deserve anything nice. I’ve always thought of myself that way, but I don’t know anymore. I’ve never been kissed before and I don’t want to think it’s more than it is. I don’t want to think it meant something when it didn’t.”
“Daryl kissed you?” Lori asked. “Daryl Dixon? Squirrel hunting, crossbow carrying Daryl Dixon kissed you?”
“Yes,” Melissa said shyly, now embarrassed.
“If Daryl kissed you, he meant it,” Carol said and Lori agreed. “That man doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to. He’s stubborn and pig-headed, but he has compassion and love in his heart. He almost died looking for my little girl when she got lost in the woods. He was the only one who went out every day. He was the only one who never lost hope that we’d find her and she’d be alive. He’s been a comfort to me since I lost her, and he’s stayed and taken care of all of us when he could’ve left to be on his own. I know he would be more comfortable on his own, but he stayed because he didn’t want to be alone any more. He needed to have people, and he got us.”
“I think he sees a lot of himself in you. He knows what it is to be on the outside and want to be let in,” Lori said. “His brother kept him down, kept him separated from people. He’s finally been accepted and wants to pay it forward. He wants to help people and I think he’s found a perfect subject in you. If he kissed you, it meant something to him. Don’t expect too much though. He’s still Daryl Dixon, and he will run and hide from things he doesn’t understand. Give him time to work through this. It’s a big thing that happened and I’m sure he’s freaking out a little. That’s why he went hunting with Rick. It gives him time to think and clear his mind. Don’t let it bother you and don’t think he doesn’t care. He’s just not good with feelings, most men aren’t. Daryl’s a little more ‘emotionally retarded’ than most men though.”
“I don’t know how I feel about it either. It was great. I’ve never been kissed before, and I didn’t expect it. I just don’t want to expect too much. I don’t know why he did it, but I’m not gonna do anything about it. I’m not gonna bring it up. If he ever wants to talk about it, that’s fine. But I’m not ready for that either.” She tried to convince herself that everything she said was true, but she knew it wasn’t. She desperately wanted to see him, talk to him, and kiss him. She knew she was fucked. Thoughts of him would never leave her mind. None of the women said another word on the subject, just washed their clothes in silence. Melissa noticed that most of the clothes in her pile belonged to Daryl.