You're My Mission

Despite Steve’s protests to get me to stay and give Bucky a chance to calm down, I packed my belongings and left the beach house without another word to Bucky. It wasn’t as though I resented him for rejecting me or making a decision to benefit himself. I told myself that I wasn’t offended or disappointed, just following orders. If he thought it was best that I left, then I was going to do that. I wanted what was best for him too.

I had found refuge at Sam’s house, the man who had sprouted wings and helped Steve stop Hydra’s plans for the helicarriers. Maria had convinced him to allow me to temporarily board until she found something more suitable, as well as a new job for me to have. I desperately needed something to occupy my time with. After having been undercover for so many years, I had always been on guard and constantly projecting my fake persona. Now that I didn’t have that, or Bucky to protect, I felt lost as well as bored.

Sam and I had pushed the couches in his lounge against the wall to provide an area for us to practice hand to hand combat, since Maria had banned me from leaving the house for my own safety, and now we were standing awkwardly in the middle of the room sipping at juice and watching the news. The world had seemingly calmed down about Hydra and SHIELD, but it wasn’t as though hearing about disasters and shootings was any better than the pieces they aired on SHIELD’s intel.

I couldn’t believe how twisted the press had made the release of SHIELD’s deepest secrets. Although they hadn’t been a perfect organisation, every action taken was for the overall benefit of mankind. It was clear for me to see, but the reporters had a tendency to warp Fury’s intentions into something evil. There were even a couple of stories that had declared Hydra as a saviour for bringing SHIELD down. It made me sick to my stomach that people were actually believing that crap. After keeping myself low-key for so long as a spy, I suddenly desired to publicly lead a force against Hydra and take them down once and for all.

A knock on the door broke our attention from the TV and Sam went to answer it.

“Hi,” Sam addressed the person, and when they failed to respond I stepped backwards to catch a glimpse of who it was.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Bucky. Steve was behind him, down the steps and waiting patiently. Blue eyes locked onto mine beneath a dark fringe and I wondered why Bucky was here, and frozen at the door. Steve stepped up and nudged him, bringing Bucky out of his trance.

“Hi, Sam. I was hoping I could talk to Jennifer,” Bucky said, a hint of monotonous repetition in his tone and I wondered how many times he had prepared himself to say that. Sam glanced at me, then at Steve who nodded and gestured for Sam to come outside with him.

“Sure thing, man,” Sam replied, stepping aside to let Bucky in. He walked past and Sam joined Steve outside, closing the door behind him to give us some privacy.

I couldn’t help but tense as Bucky approached me. I had no idea what he wanted, and we hadn’t exactly parted on the best of terms. Not taking my eyes off him, I shifted towards the table and set down my glass.

“How are you, Bucky?” I asked. I then focused on not wincing at how I had voiced his name. Did he still use that name? Or had he changed and refused to accept that part of him?

“Better. How have you been?” he replied and I shrugged to avoid answering. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted at the beach. It was improper.”

“It’s fine. I understood.”

“You did?”

“Well, yeah. I crossed a line and you needed to clear your mind. I wasn’t going to hinder your recovery,” I explained, trying my best to sum up all of the justifications I had thought of since I had left.

“I just couldn’t piece together why you could love me if I didn’t even know who I was,” Bucky replied and it sunk in why he had been so sharp.

Now I really couldn’t blame him for wanting me to leave. I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around what he must have been feeling.

“But I appreciate you taking a step back,” Bucky continued with a small smile. “I realised that I needed to improve myself, and accept who I am. If I hadn’t done that, if I couldn’t love myself, then I couldn’t love someone else.”

I found myself smiling as his words sunk in. Over the past few weeks without me he had become levelheaded and I wanted to congratulate him on making such progress, but I also wanted to question his use of the word ‘love’.

Before I could part my lips to speak, I was shocked into silence as Bucky confidently took a step forwards. His stunning blue eyes that had mesmerised me from the first time I saw them were now locked onto my eyes and his lips were curled upwards into a charming grin. Proving that he had left behind the quiet, insecure man he used to be, Bucky swiftly snaked his hand to the back of my neck, giving himself leverage to guide me into a kiss. I wanted to remain in his soft touch forever, being smothered with sweetness and finally having my desire for him satiated, but Bucky pulled away before I had a chance to add more passion to the mix.

“I want you to know who I am,” Bucky said softly. I grinned as he took my hand in his.

“I would like that.”