D.O.A (And Then Some)

The feeling in my chest was equivalent to a lioness pouncing on a wildebeest and tearing it to pieces. If that wasn’t bad enough, I could feel the loose bone in my leg, every drip of my IV was a gong hit, I had a cotton field growing in my mouth, and my heart monitor was the worst at keeping time. (It was a quarter-second too early with every beep.)

My mother was sitting beside my head, worry set into her features. Her head was low and she kept sniffling.

“Mom?” I coughed.

Her head snapped up. “Sahara! Oh thank God!” She moved closer and pushed my hair back from my face.

I blinked at the feeling of her cold fingertips against my forehead. Even in my stated the only thing I could think to say was, “How’s Darwin?”

Her eyebrows drew together and she played with my hair more urgently. “Sweetie…” With the swallow that followed from her, my entire world shattered.

My throat dried with her silence, my eyes pricking with tears that couldn’t decide if they wanted to be shed. I looked away, my gaze focusing on a really interesting spot on the wall that I hadn’t seen yet. I cleared my throat. “H-have his parents visited, by chance?”

She drew her lip between her teeth. “They’re in the waiting room.”

I breathed in, the pain in my chest rippling through me. “Can I be alone for a little bit?”

“Are you sure, baby?”

“Yeah, I just need a moment.”

She pursed her lips, but nodded nonetheless and stood up. She traced my jaw with the pad of her finger. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She nodded again, then scurried out of the room.

I couldn’t cry, even though I wanted to. Something was stopping me. So instead, I stared up at the ceiling, thinking, but not really.

I wasn’t alone two minutes before Darwin’s mother made her presence at the door. I locked gazes with her, an immediate rush of guilt hitting me. I motioned for her to come in. She tiptoed her way over and sat down.

Her blue eyes were red-rimmed and she was sniffling lightly.

“Mary, I’m so sorry.”

She laughed sadly. “I know it’s not your fault, Sahara. Darwin was doomed eventually.”

“I just feel so bad,” I told the necklace around her neck. “I wish I could have done something.”

“I know sweetheart. It’s not your fault.”

We fell into a lull. Until:

“I don’t know if losing one of you is easier than the possibility of losing both of you,” she whispered, staring at her shaking hands. “Sure, it’s not easy knowing that my son died. But if both of you had, well…”

“It’s not fair,” I whined.

She laughed. “I know. But, as sad as it is, I’m relieved you’re okay. As is Steve. Losing both of you would have been worse.” She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Steve and I have talked about this; we will take care of the funeral. We want you to worry about getting better, okay?”

I nodded numbly, yawning against my will.

“Why don’t you get some sleep, sweetie?”

My breath hiccupped as my exhaustion shifted into overdrive. Taking a nap sounded like the best thing in the world right now.