Scream Aim Fire
A Funeral For A Friend, Secrets Come to Life
Two weeks later I stood in a black dress, my hair pulled away from my face little make up, and pearls. For some reason pearls just scream ‘proper funeral attire’ my reflection in the mirror starred back at me with sad eyes and a bleak expression, today we bury a friend, a brother, a uncle/god father.
“Addison are you ready?” Dad poked his head in my door, his eyes crinkled a little when he smiled at me looking me over
“Do I look ok? Is it too much?” I asked more worried about my appearance I didn’t want to accept the fact that today was ‘goodbye’ my voice was rising and my chest tightened a little.
“You look great sweetie” He said hands on my shoulders looking me over.
I hadn’t really discussed Jimmy much since I got home, I thought back to last week when we went to Brian and Michelle’s for a BBQ his pictures hung around house, pictures from tour, from high school and others. Charlotte looked around and eventually asked where Uncle Jimmy was I had to have a moment away from everyone to explain that Uncle Jimmy is an angel watching over her she was confused but made tried to understand.
“I guess we should get going” I whispered grabbing my purse off the bed walking past my dad and down the hall way to the living room.
Charlotte was sitting next to McKenna showing her new aunt how to tie her shoes. I smiled remembering that it took me 3 days and then some to teach her she can’t wear Velcro strapped shoes for her entire life.
“You two ready?” I asked slipping my heels on looking over Charlotte making sure she looked ok she was in a black skirt with a black sweater her hair in a loose braid
“Mommy you look pretty, doesn’t she look pretty aunt Kenna?” she said tugging on McKenna’s dress McKenna pulled her earbud out of her ear and smiled up at me
“You look nice Addi” McKenna said with a sad smile.
I nodded and followed the girls out of the house taking a deep breath closing the door.
I stood next to Brian and Michelle, my dad was holding Charlotte on his hip she wanted to see, I hung my head low as the pastor talked. Tears welled up around my eyes I felt like I wanted to scream, I sniffled a little looking up at the sea of people some familiar faces others faces I have never seen before. In the front was Jimmy’s family the row behind them where the guys myself and my parents then the further back you went faces slowly mixed together. I felt a hand on my shoulder I looked up to see that Brian was pulling me in to him along with Michelle we were both starting to break down slowly our strong exterior was fading quickly.
As the funeral came to a slow end we all went up taking turns laying roses on his casket, Charlotte and I walked up hand in hand she was quiet and looked confused and scared.
“It’s ok baby here” I lifted her up “ Put your flower down like this then if you want you can say a prayer and kiss him good bye” I said laying my flower down she copied me and waited.
“Love you uncle Jimmy” She whispered kissing the edge of the casket.
I sat at the edge of the pool looking over the horizon, after the funeral my dad, Suzy and McKenna took Charlotte to Applebee’s and then home so I can come and see Valary and the other girls,
“So stranger how was Arkansas?” Matt said standing behind me lowering himself down sitting next to me
“It was Mississippi, and it was...a life I guess. No one asked if I was related to the magical Synster Gates, or if I knew the Guitar guy I was just Addison Haner they girl who moved to the south to go to school and got a degree in Business Management had my daughter raised her up right life was good Matt then this happened, my world shattered practically” I said looking him over, for a big muscled guy he may look super intimidating but he was the biggest sweetheart.
“Is she Zack’s?” He asked taking a swig of his beer. I bit my lip and looked over to the BBQ area where Zack was sitting talking with Brian Valary and Johnny
“Yeah” I whispered pulling my feet out of the water
“Jimmy knew?” Matt asked helping me stand up
“Jimmy knew everything Matt, where do you think he went when you guys were in the area? He came to see how I was if I needed anything he tried so hard to give me money but I wouldn’t take it, I struggled but I swore to myself I would make it on my own without the help of my family” I choked back the urge to break down and just pour my heart out on my sleeve. Matt wrapped his giant arms around me and hugged me rubbing my back and quietly sushing me.
“Its ok Addison I understand, Brian understands, listen he’s just happy your home” Matt said I nodded taking deep breaths.
“Excuse me” I pushed past Matt and went inside looking for the bathroom., I needed to collect myself and hold some resolve. I went and sat on the couch in Brian’s living room holding my head in my hands, Charlotte was Zack’s daughter hell everyone knew it but no one could actually SAY it out loud.
“Are you ok?” I lifted my head up looking around to see Zack leaning against the wall next to me nursing a beer looking me over. I sniffled running my hands through my hair and stood.
“Yeah yeah I’m fine” I said offering up a small smile crossing my arms over my chest looking around the large room. Pictures leaned against the mantel one caught my eye. It was a picture of Brent, Brian McKenna and I on New Year’s Eve, we were all dressed up smiles on our face. I remember two days later Brian and I fought I took off and didn’t look back until now.
Zack cleared his throat
“How..how are you doing?” I asked looking at him then back at the pictures.
“Addison why didn’t you tell me?” I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and bit back my anger.
“You had tours and groupies and lets face it our ‘relationship’ wasn’t exactly a favorite among others” I said sitting on the arm of the couch
“Groupies? Is that what you think I was busy fucking groupies?! No I was laying in my bunk writing and going insane wondering what the fuck happened” Zack said taking a step closer to me
“She’s yours do you want a DNA test or will you take my word for it? Hell want my entire life story since I left? I dated one guy when Charlotte was 2 and it didn’t work out haven’t been with anyone since yeah Jimmy knew about her so did my dad and Suzy I was destroyed after I left Zack that’s my fucking life” I pushed past him walking back outside nearly running in to Brian.
“Shit sorry” I said moving aside slipping out past him towards my car.
“Addison are you ready?” Dad poked his head in my door, his eyes crinkled a little when he smiled at me looking me over
“Do I look ok? Is it too much?” I asked more worried about my appearance I didn’t want to accept the fact that today was ‘goodbye’ my voice was rising and my chest tightened a little.
“You look great sweetie” He said hands on my shoulders looking me over.
I hadn’t really discussed Jimmy much since I got home, I thought back to last week when we went to Brian and Michelle’s for a BBQ his pictures hung around house, pictures from tour, from high school and others. Charlotte looked around and eventually asked where Uncle Jimmy was I had to have a moment away from everyone to explain that Uncle Jimmy is an angel watching over her she was confused but made tried to understand.
“I guess we should get going” I whispered grabbing my purse off the bed walking past my dad and down the hall way to the living room.
Charlotte was sitting next to McKenna showing her new aunt how to tie her shoes. I smiled remembering that it took me 3 days and then some to teach her she can’t wear Velcro strapped shoes for her entire life.
“You two ready?” I asked slipping my heels on looking over Charlotte making sure she looked ok she was in a black skirt with a black sweater her hair in a loose braid
“Mommy you look pretty, doesn’t she look pretty aunt Kenna?” she said tugging on McKenna’s dress McKenna pulled her earbud out of her ear and smiled up at me
“You look nice Addi” McKenna said with a sad smile.
I nodded and followed the girls out of the house taking a deep breath closing the door.
I stood next to Brian and Michelle, my dad was holding Charlotte on his hip she wanted to see, I hung my head low as the pastor talked. Tears welled up around my eyes I felt like I wanted to scream, I sniffled a little looking up at the sea of people some familiar faces others faces I have never seen before. In the front was Jimmy’s family the row behind them where the guys myself and my parents then the further back you went faces slowly mixed together. I felt a hand on my shoulder I looked up to see that Brian was pulling me in to him along with Michelle we were both starting to break down slowly our strong exterior was fading quickly.
As the funeral came to a slow end we all went up taking turns laying roses on his casket, Charlotte and I walked up hand in hand she was quiet and looked confused and scared.
“It’s ok baby here” I lifted her up “ Put your flower down like this then if you want you can say a prayer and kiss him good bye” I said laying my flower down she copied me and waited.
“Love you uncle Jimmy” She whispered kissing the edge of the casket.
I sat at the edge of the pool looking over the horizon, after the funeral my dad, Suzy and McKenna took Charlotte to Applebee’s and then home so I can come and see Valary and the other girls,
“So stranger how was Arkansas?” Matt said standing behind me lowering himself down sitting next to me
“It was Mississippi, and it was...a life I guess. No one asked if I was related to the magical Synster Gates, or if I knew the Guitar guy I was just Addison Haner they girl who moved to the south to go to school and got a degree in Business Management had my daughter raised her up right life was good Matt then this happened, my world shattered practically” I said looking him over, for a big muscled guy he may look super intimidating but he was the biggest sweetheart.
“Is she Zack’s?” He asked taking a swig of his beer. I bit my lip and looked over to the BBQ area where Zack was sitting talking with Brian Valary and Johnny
“Yeah” I whispered pulling my feet out of the water
“Jimmy knew?” Matt asked helping me stand up
“Jimmy knew everything Matt, where do you think he went when you guys were in the area? He came to see how I was if I needed anything he tried so hard to give me money but I wouldn’t take it, I struggled but I swore to myself I would make it on my own without the help of my family” I choked back the urge to break down and just pour my heart out on my sleeve. Matt wrapped his giant arms around me and hugged me rubbing my back and quietly sushing me.
“Its ok Addison I understand, Brian understands, listen he’s just happy your home” Matt said I nodded taking deep breaths.
“Excuse me” I pushed past Matt and went inside looking for the bathroom., I needed to collect myself and hold some resolve. I went and sat on the couch in Brian’s living room holding my head in my hands, Charlotte was Zack’s daughter hell everyone knew it but no one could actually SAY it out loud.
“Are you ok?” I lifted my head up looking around to see Zack leaning against the wall next to me nursing a beer looking me over. I sniffled running my hands through my hair and stood.
“Yeah yeah I’m fine” I said offering up a small smile crossing my arms over my chest looking around the large room. Pictures leaned against the mantel one caught my eye. It was a picture of Brent, Brian McKenna and I on New Year’s Eve, we were all dressed up smiles on our face. I remember two days later Brian and I fought I took off and didn’t look back until now.
Zack cleared his throat
“How..how are you doing?” I asked looking at him then back at the pictures.
“Addison why didn’t you tell me?” I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and bit back my anger.
“You had tours and groupies and lets face it our ‘relationship’ wasn’t exactly a favorite among others” I said sitting on the arm of the couch
“Groupies? Is that what you think I was busy fucking groupies?! No I was laying in my bunk writing and going insane wondering what the fuck happened” Zack said taking a step closer to me
“She’s yours do you want a DNA test or will you take my word for it? Hell want my entire life story since I left? I dated one guy when Charlotte was 2 and it didn’t work out haven’t been with anyone since yeah Jimmy knew about her so did my dad and Suzy I was destroyed after I left Zack that’s my fucking life” I pushed past him walking back outside nearly running in to Brian.
“Shit sorry” I said moving aside slipping out past him towards my car.