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Scars Don't Heal When You Keep Cutting
Chapter Thirty Five
<><><>okay time skip to monday morning<><><>
All of my friends are standing outside of the school when I get there, and I furrow my eyebrows curiously.
"What's going on, guys?" I ask when I approach the group.
"Ben told us that you were planning on beating DJ's ass harder than you've ever beat anyone's ass and we want front row seats," Ariel says.
"Alright. You guys let me know when you see him," I say as we start heading towards the school doors.
"Guys, guess what?" Cam mutters out of nowhere, gaining everyone's attention.
"What?"
"Saggy titties," Cam strains before letting out a snicker, Ben and Ariel snickering along, leaving everyone else confused (I was a little to riled up and prepared to fight to laugh with them).
“Sacks of- powder-” Ben mocks Ariel’s exact words, making them snicker even more.
“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Raeven snaps, sick of feeling left out of the joke. Ben explains to her what we were talking about on Saturday, and everyone else joins in on their giggling.
"Wait, there he is," Sam says, pointing in the direction of the school parking lot.
<><><>
I beat the shit out of DJ just like I had promised, but someone ran and got security when he started blacking out.
So as the high school security pulled me off of him, I couldn't help but smirk at how pathetic he looked, all beaten and afraid. I could get suspended or maybe even expelled since I've done this so much, but honestly, it's worth it. And plus, maybe this asshole will definitely fuck off after I held back for nothing this time.
Security pulled me off to the principal's office as some other staff helped DJ off the floor and to the nurse, my friends being told to follow me for cheering me on, which is honestly fucking ridiculous if you ask me.
<><><>
I didn’t get expelled, thankfully, but I’m suspended for fucking ten days while my friends have in school suspension for today.
Surprisingly, my parents weren’t that pissed at me for getting suspended, most likely because I lied and said that it was self defense (the stupid principal didn’t believe me, obviously. I got fucking suspended).
When we got to the house, I went right up to my room to take a nap. I didn’t really have anything better to do, and it’s still kinda early, anyways.
<><><>
My mom calls me down for dinner, so I head downstairs and into the kitchen. I see the two of them have already started eating, and my plate was already waiting for me on the table. I sit down and thank them before eating.
I wasn’t a thousand percent sure what the hell it was, some kind of weird chicken, I think, with mashed potatoes and green beans on the side. I mix the potatoes and green beans together so I don’t taste the green beans as much, before moving on to the meat.
But before I can even touch the meat, my mom speaks up.
“Danny, I think we should talk.”
I raise my eyebrows at her, feeling a little anxious at how serious she looked. I didn’t think they were too upset about me getting suspended, but I guess I was wrong.
“Yeah, what’s up?” I ask, even though I already know what this is about.
“We found this,” she says sternly as she sets a black composition book on the table between us, and my jaw and stomach both drop.
They found Ben’s book.
This is exactly what Ben and I were dreading, and by the looks of this situation, they didn’t have the good sense to not read it, and I’m sure they didn’t like what they found written at all.
If I was having this conversation with anyone else, I’d snap at them, but these are my parents who’ve never done anything wrong to me, and have done nothing to deserve it. So, I keep my cool for the sake of my parents.
“Yeah, what about it?”
“We don’t think he’s a good influence on you, Daniel,” my dad speaks for my mother, who put his utensils down to completely engage in this conversation. I gawk at him as he speaks, dread starting to overwhelm me as I know where this is going. “He drinks, he smokes, he starves himself, he even mutilates himself! It’s sick and we don’t want you getting involved in that spiral.”
“And on top of all of that, he has a crush on you! We’re afraid he’ll try to make a move on you. We don’t want you hanging out with him anymore,” my mom adds.
And there it is, my reason to snap.
“Well, that’s tough shit!”
“Excuse me?!”
“You heard me! You can’t stop me from hanging out with Ben!” I yell, trembling from the adrenaline brought by this argument. Mom’s face starts contorting in anger, and something deep down is screaming at me to just drop it, but once I’m riled up I have a hard time stopping.
“I. Don’t. Want. You. Hanging. Out. With. Ben.”
“I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck,” I spit back with equal venom, and she slams her hands onto the table as she abruptly stands.
“I’m not playing, Daniel! No more Ben! We don’t need his gay and emo bullshit rubbing off on you!” she screams at me now.
“It’s not bullshit, mom! It’s serious!” I scream, tears starting to spill now as I stand too, and it’s like Dad wasn’t even in here at all. “And you can’t take Ben away from me!”
“And what makes you think that?!”
“Because I love him, damn it!” I scream back at her in the heat of the moment, freezing when I realize what I’ve just said.
“W-what?”
I take a deep breath, collecting myself a bit.
“We’ve been dating for a couple weeks now,” I confess to them, feeling as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. “He’s my everything, you can’t take My Benji away from me.”
And now it’s out, my sexuality, and my relationship with Ben-- just like that.
Mom doesn’t say anything else for a moment, just gapes at me in shock. I glance at Dad, who had the same reaction.
“You’re… You’re gay?”
“Yes, Mom. I’m gay, I’ve known for a few years now. If you can’t accept me for who I am, then just let me know. I’ll be out the door, out of your lives. There’s no point in staying if you can’t accept me.”
The two don’t say anything for a moment, and my heart sinks into my stomach.
“Just...Just get out for a while, get your mind straight. You’re not making any sense right now. You can’t be gay, you just...can’t be...” my mom finally mutters, looking lost and dejected and ashamed.
I do my best to hold back a sob as I stare at my mother, who was supposed to be one of my best friends. I didn’t actually expect her to kick me out, and what made me feel worse was the fact that my dad didn’t even say anything.
“Alright, I’m gone!” I croak out. “But I can’t believe this is worth losing your fucking son over.”
I grab Ben’s book and walk away, neither of them saying anything as I go. I pack a few things and leave the house, slamming the door so hard it rattles the windows. I take a moment to text Raeven, asking her if I can crash at hers since Ben is there. She replies almost immediately, letting me know that I was welcome any time.
So I start walking over, the cold biting at my exposed skin and stained cheeks since I was too distraught to even think about grabbing a jacket, the argument looping and plaguing my mind.
All of my friends are standing outside of the school when I get there, and I furrow my eyebrows curiously.
"What's going on, guys?" I ask when I approach the group.
"Ben told us that you were planning on beating DJ's ass harder than you've ever beat anyone's ass and we want front row seats," Ariel says.
"Alright. You guys let me know when you see him," I say as we start heading towards the school doors.
"Guys, guess what?" Cam mutters out of nowhere, gaining everyone's attention.
"What?"
"Saggy titties," Cam strains before letting out a snicker, Ben and Ariel snickering along, leaving everyone else confused (I was a little to riled up and prepared to fight to laugh with them).
“Sacks of- powder-” Ben mocks Ariel’s exact words, making them snicker even more.
“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Raeven snaps, sick of feeling left out of the joke. Ben explains to her what we were talking about on Saturday, and everyone else joins in on their giggling.
"Wait, there he is," Sam says, pointing in the direction of the school parking lot.
<><><>
I beat the shit out of DJ just like I had promised, but someone ran and got security when he started blacking out.
So as the high school security pulled me off of him, I couldn't help but smirk at how pathetic he looked, all beaten and afraid. I could get suspended or maybe even expelled since I've done this so much, but honestly, it's worth it. And plus, maybe this asshole will definitely fuck off after I held back for nothing this time.
Security pulled me off to the principal's office as some other staff helped DJ off the floor and to the nurse, my friends being told to follow me for cheering me on, which is honestly fucking ridiculous if you ask me.
<><><>
I didn’t get expelled, thankfully, but I’m suspended for fucking ten days while my friends have in school suspension for today.
Surprisingly, my parents weren’t that pissed at me for getting suspended, most likely because I lied and said that it was self defense (the stupid principal didn’t believe me, obviously. I got fucking suspended).
When we got to the house, I went right up to my room to take a nap. I didn’t really have anything better to do, and it’s still kinda early, anyways.
<><><>
My mom calls me down for dinner, so I head downstairs and into the kitchen. I see the two of them have already started eating, and my plate was already waiting for me on the table. I sit down and thank them before eating.
I wasn’t a thousand percent sure what the hell it was, some kind of weird chicken, I think, with mashed potatoes and green beans on the side. I mix the potatoes and green beans together so I don’t taste the green beans as much, before moving on to the meat.
But before I can even touch the meat, my mom speaks up.
“Danny, I think we should talk.”
I raise my eyebrows at her, feeling a little anxious at how serious she looked. I didn’t think they were too upset about me getting suspended, but I guess I was wrong.
“Yeah, what’s up?” I ask, even though I already know what this is about.
“We found this,” she says sternly as she sets a black composition book on the table between us, and my jaw and stomach both drop.
They found Ben’s book.
This is exactly what Ben and I were dreading, and by the looks of this situation, they didn’t have the good sense to not read it, and I’m sure they didn’t like what they found written at all.
If I was having this conversation with anyone else, I’d snap at them, but these are my parents who’ve never done anything wrong to me, and have done nothing to deserve it. So, I keep my cool for the sake of my parents.
“Yeah, what about it?”
“We don’t think he’s a good influence on you, Daniel,” my dad speaks for my mother, who put his utensils down to completely engage in this conversation. I gawk at him as he speaks, dread starting to overwhelm me as I know where this is going. “He drinks, he smokes, he starves himself, he even mutilates himself! It’s sick and we don’t want you getting involved in that spiral.”
“And on top of all of that, he has a crush on you! We’re afraid he’ll try to make a move on you. We don’t want you hanging out with him anymore,” my mom adds.
And there it is, my reason to snap.
“Well, that’s tough shit!”
“Excuse me?!”
“You heard me! You can’t stop me from hanging out with Ben!” I yell, trembling from the adrenaline brought by this argument. Mom’s face starts contorting in anger, and something deep down is screaming at me to just drop it, but once I’m riled up I have a hard time stopping.
“I. Don’t. Want. You. Hanging. Out. With. Ben.”
“I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck,” I spit back with equal venom, and she slams her hands onto the table as she abruptly stands.
“I’m not playing, Daniel! No more Ben! We don’t need his gay and emo bullshit rubbing off on you!” she screams at me now.
“It’s not bullshit, mom! It’s serious!” I scream, tears starting to spill now as I stand too, and it’s like Dad wasn’t even in here at all. “And you can’t take Ben away from me!”
“And what makes you think that?!”
“Because I love him, damn it!” I scream back at her in the heat of the moment, freezing when I realize what I’ve just said.
“W-what?”
I take a deep breath, collecting myself a bit.
“We’ve been dating for a couple weeks now,” I confess to them, feeling as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. “He’s my everything, you can’t take My Benji away from me.”
And now it’s out, my sexuality, and my relationship with Ben-- just like that.
Mom doesn’t say anything else for a moment, just gapes at me in shock. I glance at Dad, who had the same reaction.
“You’re… You’re gay?”
“Yes, Mom. I’m gay, I’ve known for a few years now. If you can’t accept me for who I am, then just let me know. I’ll be out the door, out of your lives. There’s no point in staying if you can’t accept me.”
The two don’t say anything for a moment, and my heart sinks into my stomach.
“Just...Just get out for a while, get your mind straight. You’re not making any sense right now. You can’t be gay, you just...can’t be...” my mom finally mutters, looking lost and dejected and ashamed.
I do my best to hold back a sob as I stare at my mother, who was supposed to be one of my best friends. I didn’t actually expect her to kick me out, and what made me feel worse was the fact that my dad didn’t even say anything.
“Alright, I’m gone!” I croak out. “But I can’t believe this is worth losing your fucking son over.”
I grab Ben’s book and walk away, neither of them saying anything as I go. I pack a few things and leave the house, slamming the door so hard it rattles the windows. I take a moment to text Raeven, asking her if I can crash at hers since Ben is there. She replies almost immediately, letting me know that I was welcome any time.
So I start walking over, the cold biting at my exposed skin and stained cheeks since I was too distraught to even think about grabbing a jacket, the argument looping and plaguing my mind.