Scars Don't Heal When You Keep Cutting

The class is taking notes as they all grade each other’s worksheets from last class, but am I doing that? Fuck no. I’ve been staring at Ben instead, who’d risk a glance back at me every once in a while. Whenever Ms. King catches me off guard, I quickly start writing ‘notes’, which is really just writing a bunch of small lyrics I randomly think of. Trenton also passes me a couple of notes, telling me to sit with him at lunch.

As long as I’m with Ben, I don’t fucking care where I sit.

“Mr. Worsnop!” Ms. King shouts, making me jump a bit and pulling me out of the imaginary world I made up for my own pleasure: Benworld.

“Yes, ma’am?” I reply to her. The class giggles (I don’t know why, it wasn’t even funny).

“Number twenty-eight,” I hear Ben’s voice whisper quietly. I smile, thankful for having him here right now while I’m in need of a helping hand.

But I’m always glad to have Ben anyways.

I scan down my paper to number twenty-eight, and give Ms. King the answer. She moves on to the next problem as I glance back to Ben, who was, indeed, staring back at me. I smile and mouth a thanks, he nods in reply and turns back around.

<><><>

“Thanks for that, Ben. I could’ve gotten in trouble,” I thank Ben as we walk into the cafeteria.

“Yeah, it’s no problem, really,” Ben shrugs. “Oh, do we have to sit at that table again?”

He must really hate that table, huh? I feel pretty bad about making him sit there, but I already promised Trenton I’d sit with him. I mean, yeah, I love Ben way more than I’ll ever love Trenton, but I don’t wanna say I’ll do something then not do it. That’d make me a dick (even though I just said I love one of my friends more than I’d ever love the other but okay then).

“Where did you go during lunch before I came around?” I ask him out of curiosity. He shrugs.

“I wandered through the building.”

“Well, let’s go sit down, unless you’re getting in line for lunch,” I say as I start to walk towards the table. Ben shakes his head and follows me to the table where Trenton said he’d be sitting at. The only thing about this table I’m not too satisfied with is the fact that DJ sits here too.

Let’s just say I haven’t completely gotten over what DJ had said to me yesterday.

‘That kid, Ben, you really shouldn't hang out with him, he's a freak.’

Hold on, wait. I just realized something.

Remembering what DJ said to me yesterday and what Ben said as well and piecing it together…

Yeah, it all makes fucking sense now.

DJ's picking on Ben, isn’t he?! I can't believe I was too dumb to see this yesterday!

I glare at nothing in particular as I angrily drop myself to the seat and violently take one of my chocolate bars out of my pocket. It's mushy. Fucking body heat. Looks like I'm licking wrappers then.

This just isn’t my fucking day anymore, huh?

"Danny, you okay?" Ben asks as he sits to the left of me in his corner.

"No."

That came out harsher than I intended.

"What's wrong?" he asks after flinching at my tone. I glance at him from the corner of my eye, opening the wrapper to my chocolate. Or, I should call it fudge. I decide to ignore him this time, just so I don't scare him in case I snap.

We'll talk about this later.

Then to make everything better, DJ comes over with Trenton.

"Hey, Danny!" Trenton chirps as he sits to my right. DJ sits next to him.

"Hey, Trenton," I greet as I scrape the chocolate off the wrapper with my teeth.

"You feeling okay?" Trenton asks as he raises an eyebrow.

"Fucking loving life," I snap a bit, finishing off the rest of my chocolate. I'll eat the other two bars when it isn't so soupy.

"You sure you're okay?" Ben whispers next to me. "You were fine just a second ago."

"I'll talk to you later about it.” I'm so pissed off at the moment, I wanna beat the shit out of someone (DJ, specifically). But I don’t wanna get into any trouble on my second day of school, I got in trouble a lot for that at my old school.

At the news I tell Ben, I can see him freak out a bit from the corner of my eye. He must know that it’s bad, and that he’s not gonna enjoy the conversation too much.

I’m doing this because I care too much about him to see him hurt.

“So, Danny!” the energetic Trenton chirps, I turn my attention to him.

“What’s up?”

“I’m having a party! This weekend! I wanna invite you! And DJ! So you can meet some of my other friends!”

I ignore the mentioning of DJ and think about the party. It sounds fun. I’ll try to get Ben in the action.

“Can Ben come with me?” I ask him, trying to calm myself down so I can have a normal conversation. I can see Ben furiously shake his head from the corner of my eye. Trenton nods, and smirks slightly.

“Yeah, I guess he could come, too! It’s this Friday, around 5:30!”

“But Danny, I don’t wanna go,” Ben leans closer to my ear and whispers, causing the butterflies in my stomach to flutter around. I turn slightly in my seat to face Ben better.

“You can just hang with me if you’d like, but I still want you to try and make more friends,” I whisper back to him.

“But I have you! You’re all I need!”

His words make me blush. I randomly get an idea.

“You don’t have to go to the party,” his face lightens up, “If,” that killed his vibe, “You let me see your beautiful little smile real quick.”

“Looks like I’m going to that party,” he mutters, looking down again as his face drops. Why does he have to be so fucking stubborn? I just wanna see him smile, why’s that so fucking hard?!

“Please! I wanna see your smile!” I plead.

“I can’t show you,” he whispers, shaking his head to prove his point.

“Why not?” I ask desperately.

Then DJ’s cunt self had to butt in like the butt he is.

“Ain’t he a freak?” he whispers quietly to me.

And with one swift movement, I stretch my arm out behind Trenton and backhand that motherfucker DJ in the face.