Lose Your Fight

Lisa came back a few days later.
"Alexander," she slurred, stumbling through the door and waking Jack up from where he was napping on the couch. Said man was sitting next to him, playing with his best friend's hair, but he shot up immediately when she stepped in.
"Y-You're back," he observed stupidly. She reeked of booze, and the simple smell had Alex almost shaking. He knew what happened when she was drunk and angry, a hellish combination. And he really didn't want Jack to find out.
"Baby, I'm back," she paused to hiccup, "what the hell is he doing here?" She questioned, curling her lip up as if trying to intimidate him. Jack would've laughed, but he was actually a bit startled. He'd never seen Alex's fiancé like this.
"He's my guest," Alex muttered through clenched teeth. She seemed to not hear that, or chose to completely ignore it as she approached the elder.
"Did ya miss me?" She asked with a sly smile, curling her fingers around. When Alex whispered a quiet "barely," she spun around to face Jack. "What did you do to him?!"
"N-Nothing, I-"
"Lisa, it's not his fault. We're gonna go to bed, okay?" He said softly, running a hand through her hair and kissing her forehead.
"But I wanna-" she protested, but the singer again cut her off, pressing his lips to hers as a plead for silence. Alex thought he heard Jack whimper.
Lisa kissed him back eagerly, her anger fading rapidly into lust, but Alex was quick. He swept her off her feet bridal style and carried her down the hallway to their bed. Jack collapsed back onto the couch, relieved that the awkward encounter was over.
It was definitely one of the stranger occurrences in his life, especially because he was SURE Lisa was going to hit Alex. He couldn't have imagined the look of horror on his face when she entered, or the fear in his eyes when she approached him, or how he flinched when she touched him.
And though Jack knew Alex had to calm her down and go to bed with her, a large part of him wished that Alex was still sitting beside him and playing with his hair so he could sleep soundly.
Despite it all, he drifted off into a restless sleep.
_______
Jack woke quickly from his dream, sweating profusely and cussing under his breath.
He'd dreamt that he caused all his friends to leave, and he ended up completely alone and helpless.
But when he opened his eyes, Alex was knelt beside him, worry painting his features. Jack looked down to see him holding his hand and shaking his shoulder to wake him. Alex seemed to realize he was awake when he gasped for breath, sitting up quickly.
"Dear God, Jack, what happened? Are you okay?" The elder questioned, pleading for a response.
"I...dream-ugh," he stuttered as restless sleep continued to grip him tightly. His best friend sighed in relief, letting his head fall onto Jack's chest and lay there. The taller could feel Alex's heart beating with rapid fear, slipping into rhythm with his own.
Jack really couldn't help fretting that he was bringing the singer down with him and only causing him to worry and lose sleep consoling him. He felt selfish, rude and shallow.
"You're really scaring me, Jay."
"Why?" The man asked, though he knew perfectly well why. Alex had stayed up with him the past few nights, making sure he was doing okay and nothing stupid.
The elder knew that thoughts destroyed; he wasn't oblivious.
"You know why, you've never acted like this," Alex explained, burying his face further into Jack's neck for comfort, just to feel his pulse, to know he wasn't dying.
The sad truth was that Jack wished he was.
Then, remembering the promise he made, he regrettably decided he couldn't. If he didn't make it through the year, neither would Alex because he'd be 'right there next to you within an hour.'
And it felt good. It felt nice to know that someone cared, that someone was there for him.
Maybe it wasn't the love that Jack had grown up dreaming about, but it was pretty damn close and fully sufficient.
______
The next few days were a blur to Jack, who spent them sleeping.
Lisa was back to herself, sweet and kind, yet reserved and a tad inhospitable to Jack. But the second she went out, whether to the grocery store or gas station, Alex was all over him with apologies and things to make him feel good.
And on Friday, Lisa had the bachelorette party, and the elder was behaving no different.
"C'mon, let's do something," Alex suggested, bouncing on his feet. "Let's go to a bar, let's get you laid. How long has it been since you last slept with someone?"
Jack paused to count the months since the engagement, when Jack had started to fall apart.
"Four months," he confirmed. Alex looked at him like he had three heads. Then again, it was rare for Jack to go that long.
"Yeah, we're leaving in twenty minutes."
"I don't want to," he pouted, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting. Alex raised an exasperated eyebrow that told him he wasn't winning this.
"Well, then... then we're gonna have sex," the brunette teased, biting his lip as the other man thought back to 2012's Warped Tour, when they had slept together on multiple occasions. Jack really just hoped Alex was kidding. He was getting married for god sakes.
But half of him was already on board.
"Alex? No."
"Please, Jay. I need you to feel again," he whispered, tears surfacing. Then, Jack was giving in because he just couldn't handle it when his best friend cried. "You... you're not yourself. You're not the same. I need you to feel."
Jack walked over to the shorter and pressed their lips together.
Yes.
One word and they were both unanimously deciding that this was so wrong, but it just felt so right. And then it all clicked for Jack.
He loved Alex, and he had loved him since the first time they kissed in that hot sweaty bus.
And really, it explained a lot. It was the reason Jack felt so hopeless, how he felt when Lisa and Alex kissed. It explained why he felt miserable when the elder got engaged. Like the sting of rejection when Alex took home another, the flash of hurt when he hugged her, the singe of insecurity when he would never get to call Alex his, the wave of pity when Alex sang about his brother, the prick of disappointment when Alex talked down on himself, the stab of sadness when Alex cried in his arms, the anger when someone insulted him because he knew that Alex took every comment to heart. Jack was crazy for Alex.
And it all made sense.
So as Jack kissed Alex, he put in more raw passion, more meaning. The simple caresses of his cheek and brushes of hands had Alex humming happily, because no one was ever this gentle with him but Jack. He was definitely one of a kind.
Most people just rushed. A quick fuck here and there seemed to fit many lifestyles, but even Alex and Jack found time to take it slow.
It'd been three years since they last fooled around, so both boys were sure to savor every moment.
______
By the time they were fully undressed, both boys were almost crying.
Why?
Well, it'd been awful to see how Jack had been neglecting to care for himself, eating patterns all screwed up. Then the elder felt so horrible for letting Jack go unnoticed and become so miserable. Jack was tearing up simply because Alex was.
It definitely would've looked strange to see two fully grown men exposed and emotional, the shorter on top of the taller, kissing like there was no tomorrow. Hands roamed all over, soft touches and sweet strokes. Alex treated Jack like a porcelain doll, beautiful and fragile as ever. And he really was.
"Jay, I need you to feel," the brunette begged, wiping the other's tears with his thumbs. But he just continue to let tears fall down his own face. "God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"Don't," Jack interrupted, it wasn't his fault, and he needn't apologize. "Don't-"
"But I let you down, and I deserve to feel it. You don't understand, just... tell me it's okay. Tell me you're okay."
"I'm okay," Jack whined, arching his back into the touch. Alex leaned down, brushing their lips gently, but not kissing. His breath was hot and relaxing on Jack's mouth.
It felt like Alex was breathing life into him again, like the bible story. It felt like the elder was reviving him; he hadn't felt this alive in years. He hadn't felt this special since the last time they hooked up. Three years was a damn long time to be numb.
Really, the guitarist just felt wanted. Whenever, he'd hook up with some band slut, it was a quickie. No one ever stayed, no one ever made Jack feel beautiful, like he was the only person in the world. But the way his best friend was looking at him just set his stomach into knots.
Although it was amazing, what if this broke their friendship? What if they hurt each other?
And half of him was begging to say no, that he shouldn't be doing this, but the other half was convinced otherwise, that this was Alex, and he'd never hurt Jack.
Jack couldn't help but stare in awe at his best friend. Really, he was hot. Alex was a masterpiece, an unpainted portrait of flaws and insecurities, but he was everything in the other boy's eyes. Alex was a work of unappreciated art.
"Are you ready?" The elder asked softly, running his hands through Jack's hair. The guitarist nodded and moaned. Nothing felt better than the tugs in his hair combined with the feather-light kisses being pressed up his neck.
Jack's mind filled with regret, and even a little pity for Lisa, whose husband was cheating on her with a guy. But it didn't faze him after long, due to pure ecstasy completely pulling him under. Alex knew just what to do to obliterate the pain and drown it in content.
By the time both men were teetering over the edge, the tears hadn't ceased to fall. Nothing but raw emotion was present in their whirling minds. Alex still felt awfully about the neglect, and Jack was so sick and tired of not having anything or anyone to be with.
The singer made him feel wanted, needed, as he whispered sweet nothings in his ear and pressed little kisses all over him. The touches gave Jack shivers and goosebumps.
When Alex let go, he murmured something that sounded suspiciously like 'I love you', and that was when Jack released, tension spilling away together.
It all just melted away, all the worry, the nerves, the sadness. Gone.
And in that moment, Jack could forget.
________
"WHAT IS THIS?!"
Both men woke with a start to see Lisa standing above where they had collapsed into bed, curled into each other and cuddling. Thank god they had the decency to put on underwear, but even then, the pair was in deep crap.
Jack was lying flat on his back, while Alex was half on top of him, arms draped around each other tightly.
The elder quickly scrambled up, shooting a look that the other man couldn't quite decipher.
"Get out of my house. Alexander," she paused, purposefully calling him that because everyone knew it bothered him, "Out. I don't ever want to see you again. Take your ring, fag," she spat. Shoving Jack off the bed, she stormed away, calling that their stuff would be on the curb by the next morning.
"Lisa, please," he begged, following her into the kitchen. "Can we at least talk?!" The man pleaded, and Jack continued to listen to them fight in the other room.
"Why-What's there to talk about. You ch-cheated on me," she yelled back, and the tallest could tell she was crying by the way her voice broke, sending pity through Jack.
Sure, he wanted Alex to himself, but it wasn't fair to do that to someone.
"But it didn't mean anything! We just had sex! It's pretty clear I love you more, we're getting married."
That really stung.
Jack's eyes watered and he felt his stomach fall and his heart pounding. He was right, even after last night, no one cared. They never did.
And they never would.
______
Alex, insistent on proving to Lisa he didn't want Jack (which only served to worsen the situation), booked them separate hotel rooms.
The younger could hear the elder groaning and slamming things in the room adjacent to his, but Jack was completely still. He was lying on his bed, trying to ignore the sinking in his gut and to hold back tears.
He felt worthless and pathetic for thinking that his best friend actually did reciprocate the feelings. He could've sworn Alex had said he loved him. It was obvious, the way he mumbled it when they let go. There was no way Jack could've imagined it.
Either way though, it didn't matter, because now Alex was angry at him for losing his fiance and they were homeless.
What had they done?
________