Don't Trust Everything You See

I woke up to find the blinds pulled back. Sun was pouring into the room. Someone must've came in while I was asleep and opened them. I sat up and stretched. Well, time to go back home and take care of the dogs.

"Matt! Stop it!" I jumped up out of the bed, nearly falling as I did so.
What were they doing? More importantly, why was Krista screaming at Matt?
I pulled on my jeans from the day before and quickly went down to where they were. Relief and confusion flooded through me as I saw them standing by the sink. They were both soaked, Bella sitting by there feet patiently.
"What's going on?" I asked nervously. They both glanced at me and laughed, I must've not been in on the joke.
"Matt here thought it'd be funny to throw me into the pool" Krista was glaring at Matt, although there was an underlay of playfulness to it.
"Hey you pushed me in after anyway" Matt huffed as he crossed his arms.
"I'm still amazed I could do that, you giant hunk of muscle" I shook my head and walked over to the fridge.
I'd eat here and then go back home.
I couldn't help but look at them as they both stood together in the kitchen, arms wrapped tightly around one another, as if the other would float away.
"Ahem, are you two finished yet?" I asked teasing.
Matt smiled and held her face gently, I couldn't tell if he was kissing her or not, it was so light.
I looked away feeling my heart throb painfully. No matter how hard I tried to forget, he'd worm his way back in and break my heart even more. Or at least what was left of it.
"I didn't know Brian was cheating" Matt mumbled, I was afraid I'd misheard him.
"What're you talking about?" I asked quietly, my brain couldn't accept what everyone was saying.
"He's been cheating on Michelle, Johnny just texted me" Matt said as he shook his head.
"Well he's a great liar then, because he seemed really happy during the interview" I wanted to cheer and dance because that bitch now knew how I felt.
On the other hand I was more angry with Brian, he would never stop lying.
"Michelle caught him trying to drive to your place last night drunk off his ass" Matt said looking over at me.
"Why my house? I haven't spoken to him since we broke up" Six months ago.
"Johnny didn't go into too much detail, just said he yelled at her saying he needed to "go see his boyfriend", he didn't say your name" Matt said as he set his phone down.
What the hell was Brian doing? He was the one who broke up with me, I wasn't going to hold him back if he wanted to be with her.
"That doesn't make sense, he's been with her for two years" I could feel myself choke up towards the end.
"So, he cheated on you then?" Matt asked quietly.
"Yeah, when he'd come home to me he'd have her all around him" The very thought of him angered me now.
I gave that man everything and he just used me, it was always the same excuses. "You can't tell the guys yet, they won't understand, they'll judge us, I haven't come out yet." I ground my teeth and clenched my hands into fists. I just wanted to know all of his teeth out, or maybe beat him to a bloody pulp. I heard the front door open and slam as someone walked towards us.
"Hey, Matt I need to talk to you" Brian's voice cut off at the end as he stood in the doorway.
What was he even here for? To tell Matt how he'd basically come out to his girlfriend?
"Let's go out back" Matt said as he walked onto his porch leaving Brian, Krista, and I in the kitchen.
"Zack" Brian's voice sounded broken, it reopened the wounds I tried desperately to fix myself.
"Matt's waiting for you Brian, go talk to him" Krista's voice was soft as she led Brian out onto the deck.
I could feel my heart shattering in my chest again. Was he just trying to inflict pain on me all the time? Did he get off on it or something?
"Zack, come on" Krista was holding my arm gently. I couldn't even find the energy to pull my arm away.
I let my head hang as Krista lead me to the guest room I slept in the night before. He was probably telling Matt a bullshit excuse so he could come up and talk to me. I wasn't going to deal with it anymore, I'd been hurt one too many times by him. I hadn't realized we were sitting on my bed until my head was on Krista's lap, her delicate fingers running through my hair. It was quite soothing if i was honest, helped keep the tears at bay.

"I won't say you're stronger without him, and i won't say that you're better off without him, but i will say this. You're an amazing person Zack, and any man, or woman, would be absolutely lucky to have you by there side" Krista said, a small sigh escaping her lips as her hand moved to the back of my neck, massaging lightly.
"I just want to know why he hurt me so bad, what did i ever do to deserve this?" I couldn't help the tears that rolled down my cheeks and nose.

I had been crying over Brian for months, it was as if when my heart felt like it was going to heal, he would rip it apart all over again. I had given him space and time so we could move past it and just be normal bandmates, but he held a grudge against me. I should've been the one holding a grudge, not him. Not the asshole who cheated on me like i was nothing more than a one night stand. I sniffled and buried my face into her shirt, i just wanted to be swallowed whole so i would be able to escape the pain.

"Zack?" Brian's voice cut into my skin like knives. It brought back so many painful memories that refused to be buried.
"Go away" I said angrily, gripping onto Krista's side roughly. Don't lose your temper Zack.
"Can i please talk to you? Just for a minute?" Brian asked, stepping further into the room.
"Get out Brian, i don't want to talk to you" My voice didn't sound like mine, it sounded deeper and acidic. Who was i becoming?
"Zack, please" Brian pleaded walking over to us.
"I said get out! I don't want to ever fucking speak to you!" I yelled sitting up on the bed. I glared daggers at him as he stared back in shock.

I was done putting up with his shit, done with the pain and hurt he would throw at me. I was going to stand up against him, no matter how hard it would be. Brian stared back at me, it seemed that he was trying to figure out what to say so he wouldn't upset me further.

"Are you fucking deaf? I said get out Brian, i hate you" The words rolled off my tongue without effort.

I hadn't noticed before, Brian's eyes were dull and empty. Why should he feel like i do though? He had a girlfriend who did everything for him at the drop of a hat. I had booze and pills, shit that was going to kill me. I shook my head and sighed, i wasn't going to pity him, he didn't deserve anything from me.

"I love you Zack" Brian whispered placing his hands onto my cheeks gently.

My breath hitched in my chest, what the hell was he going to do? Whatever it was, i definitely wasn't ready for it. And yet, i couldn't find it in me to push him away like i had always told myself. I wanted to pull him close and kiss him with everything i had in me, but the underlying anger inside me refused. I couldn't just forget about all the hurt and the pain, all the lies.

"I love you too" The words slipped out before i realized what i had said.

Brian's hands slipped to the back of my neck as he pulled me in, his lips crashing with mine. I gripped his shirt and kissed back, my mind was screaming at me to push him away, but my body wanted to pull him in closer. I could faintly hear the door shut as Krista left, at least we were getting some privacy. Our lips moved together perfectly, i could taste his favorite brand of cigarettes in every kiss. I wanted to feel every inch of his skin, brand him as my own.
I pulled away from the kiss and slid my hands under his shirt, quickly pulling it off. Brian smiled and slipped mine off my body quickly, kissing my neck once my torso was exposed. I bit back a moan and gripped his hair roughly, this man knew how to get me hot and bothered way to quickly. I felt my knees hit the bed as he pushed me down and crawled on top of me. My body was heating up too quickly for my comfort, butterflies swarming my stomach as Brian kissed down my chest. I sighed quietly and laid my head back, i'd always hated how much attention he gave to my stomach. I swear he just loved to torture me. I felt my breath catch as Brian kissed along the line of my boxers. Fuck, don't get hard Zack, don't get hard. I began to count backwards from one hundred to distract myself, Brian had other plans though as his hand slipped under my boxers, stroking me softly. I bit my lip hard, muffling the loud moan that was escaping my throat. We had been together for five years, he wasn't going to forget what got me off that quickly.

"Brian" I breathed, gripping the sheet so that i wouldn't rip out his hair.
"How bad do you want it baby?" Brian whispered, pulling off my shorts and boxers with his free hand.
"So bad, i need you" I half whispered, half moaned as Brian began to roughly but oh so pleasurably jerk me off.

I was hard in an instant, the pleasure coursing through my body as brian kicked off his jeans and boxers. God that man was more beautiful naked than he was clothed. I could see his hard on as he crawled over me again, kissing me roughly while he still had my manhood in his hand.

"Brian, wait" I sat up panting slightly and held my hands on his chest, i hadn't been with anyone in a long time and i was afraid it would be a lot more painful.
"What's wrong?" Brian's eyebrows furrowed as he watched my face, waiting for my response.
"I haven't done this in a long time, just be gentle okay?" I could feel my face heat up as he smiled, i know he'd never hurt me intentionally(knock on wood)but i still loved him with all my heart.
"I'll be gentle, don't worry" Brian said as he reached over into the nightstand that was right next to the bed.

I felt my jaw drop slightly as Brian pulled out a small bottle of lube, when the hell had that been put in there? Actually, i didn't want to know. Matt probably liked to fuck in every room and had to have lube for his fun. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought, i that was true i'd be amazed.

"Are you sure about this? I don't want to hurt you" Brian asked as he opened the small bottle and squeezed some into his hand.
"I'm sure, just be very slow" I said laying back onto the pillows, i felt like a virgin all over again.

Brian kissed along my jaw slowly and slipped between my legs, i could feel him press against me before he slowly, and painfully pushed in. The pain was horrible, it felt like my body was being split in two, but the moment he pushed in all the way the pain began to ebb. I squeezed his shoulders panting, if he moved i was sure i'd pass out, whether from pain, or from pleasure i wasn't sure. Of course it was as if he was reading my mind, his hips began to slowly rock back and forth. I bit my lip and rocked my hips with his, the pain all but non existent now. Brian must've noticed because his hands gripped my hips roughly and he began to slam into me. I couldn't hold back the screams and moans that left my lips, the pleasure escalating immensely.

"Fuck, Zack. You're so gorgeous babe" Brian groaned as he leaned down and kissed me roughly, his cock hitting my prostate with every thrust.

I was seeing stars when i came, barely able to catch my breath as Brian's hips stilled inside me, i could feel the warmth as he finished inside me. The hurt hit me like a tidal wave as he laid on top of me, panting deeply. I let him come back like he hadn't treated me like i was garbage for years, all the excuses, the beatings. I squeezed my eyes shut and sat up as Brian rolled onto the bed, his breathing evened out.

"You lied to me" I said, resting my elbows on me knees, my face in my hands.
"What?" Brian sounded confused as he sat up to look at me.
"You treated me like i was your everything, but the moment a prettier, better person came along you dropped me like i was nothing" I pulled on my boxers and clenched my fists together.
"You would always make excuses when i asked if we could tell the guys, i would wait for you every night, and the moment it became too real that i was in love you, you left, left me broken because you're a fucking coward" I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks, it was a painful reminder of everything.
"Zack, i know there's nothing i could ever say to make up for the horrible shit i had done, but his death was more than i could handle. I was dealing with his death, keeping you happy, and getting my fix at the same time. I wasn't even myself at one point, i was an empty shell of the man i was before, and the moment i realized i fucked up i knew i had lost you for good" Brian's eyes were pleading, it just sounded too false.
"I'm sorry Brian, i can't just overlook everything you did, i could see how much happier you were with her. And i don't want to get in between that" I said swallowing the lump in my throat.

Brian dropped his hands to his sides still looking at me, i knew he cared about me, but i knew that his girlfriend meant a lot more to him than i ever did. He grabbed my face and kissed me softly, wiping away the tears that slid down my cheeks. I didn't want to let go of him, but i would never take away his happiness. Even if it meant watching him be happy everyday with someone that wasn't me. I love you Brian.