I'll Make You See It Was All Real

Cristiano’s Pov

“What” I say sitting up in the bed. “Cris” the voice says. “Hello” I say. “It’s me Elena” she says through tears. “Elena what’s the matter. Is Lucy ok?” I ask dreading the answer. “No she’s not” she cries.

“Elena what has happened?” I beg. “Tina is dead” she cries. “What” I shout in shock. “Lucy found her tonight. She’s dead” she cries. “Oh my God” I say pulling the covers back. “I don’t know what to do” Elena says. “Where are you?” I ask.

“At Lucy’s. Cris. I’m worried” she says. “I’m on my way” I say shoving my legs in a pair of jeans. “I can’t believe she’s dead” she cries. “Have you told Jack?” I ask. “No. He’s in Paris on work. I don’t want to interrupt him” she says.

“I’m on my way” I say grabbing a pair of shoes. “You don’t have to” she says. “I’ll be there soon” I say hanging up the phone. I rush down the stairs and grab my car keys.

“Jack” I say holding my phone with my chin. “What the fuck Ronaldo. Do you know what time it is?” he shouts. “Shut up Jack and listen. Tina is dead” I say still not believing the words that come out of my mouth. “She’s dead” he says. “Yes Elena just phoned to tell me. She doesn’t want to disturb you but she needs you” I say. “Where are you?” he asks. “On my way to see Lucy and Elena” I say shutting my front door after me.

“Hi” Elena softly says as she lets me into the apartment. “Come here” I say and she wraps her arms around my waist. “I’m so sorry” I say not knowing what else to say. “How can she be dead?” Elena says packing away from me as she wipes her eyes. “What happened?” I ask as I follow her down the hall. “Lucy found her and Mike. They had taken drugs. But Tina took too much” Elena says. I look around the room. “She’s in Tina’s room” Elena says.

“I know it’s a stupid question but-

“She’s in shock” Elena cuts in. “Everyone is” I say. “No Cris. She’s different. She hasn’t shown a single ounce of emotion. She just held Josh. She hasn’t cried or said anything” Elena says. “I’ll go see her. Try and get some rest. You’ve had a long night and it will be a long week” I say. “Cris” Elena says. “Ya” I say. “I’m really worried about Lucy” she says. “We’ll be there for her” I say and she nods. I walk past Lucy’s bedroom door and top outside Tina’s door that is slightly opened.

I open it further and see Lucy sitting in a huddle on the floor leaning against the bed. She’s staring straight ahead.

My poor poor girl I think. How can this be happening?

“Lucy” I say but she doesn’t move. I walk towards her. “Lucy I’m so sorry” I say and take a seat next to her on the floor. “Lucy” I whisper and she turns her head. She’s pale and her eyes look so sad.

“I’m so sorry” I say and she takes a breath. And tears flow down her cheeks. She pulls her knees up and cries into her arms.

“Oh Lucy” I say placing my hand on her back and she lets out a roar as the tears flow. I pull her onto my lap. “It’s ok. I’m here” I say wrapping my arms around her. “Ssh” I say rubbing her arms. She rests her head on my chest and I rest my chin on her head. She cries and cries as I gently rock her.

How could this have happened? Lucy has experienced so much pain.

I hold her in my arms and I just wish I could take away her pain. She’s shaking and I realize how cold she is. Elena was right. She is in shock. I pull the duvet off the bed and wrap into around us. “Ssh” I say kissing the top of her head. “Just let it out” I whisper.

“I’m so sorry” I whisper as she cries. I kiss the top of her head as I rock her. She cries and cries. My poor Lucy I think.

I feel something on my cheek and I open my eyes to see Lucy staring at me. She lifts her finger from my face. I move my neck from side to side. We must have fallen asleep I think.

“Morning” I whisper. “Mana” she says and I stroke her cheek. I don’t know what to say. Nothing seems right. She rests her head back onto my shoulder and sighs. We sit there together for a few minutes. In silence. I can hear her soft breaths as she stares blankly at the wall.

She stirs in my lap and pulls the duvet off her. “Where are you going?” I ask as I stop her from leaving my lap. “I need to…” she stutters. “You don’t need to do anything” I say and she shakes her head. “I’m so sorry about Tina” I say. “Don’t” she shouts.

“Don’t please” she says and grabs my hand off her legs and shifts of my lap. “Lucy” I say. “I need to ….” she says holding her arms around her body. I stand on my feet and stare at her. She’s white as a ghost and shaking.

“I……” she mutters looking around Tina’s room. “You’ve had a shock. Please just sit down” I say as she moves to the bedside table. She picks up a photo frame and wipes tears from her eyes.

“Why?” she says looking at me. “Why?” she says throwing the frame onto the bed. “I don’t know” I say.

I’ve never seen her like this before. She looks so fragile.

She moves her hand to her neck. “I’m never going to see her again” she whispers. “I’m so sorry” I say moving closer to her. “I can’t breathe” she says tugging at her dress. “I can’t breathe. It’s too tight. It’s too tight” she shouts tugging harder at the dress. “I need to get out of this dress” she shouts.

“I’ve got it. I’ve got it” I say rushing to her. I turn her around quickly and unzip her blue dress. “Oh God” she says breathing heavily.

I turn her to face me and she shakes her head. “I need to go to work” she says and pushes past me. “Lucy” I shout in shock and follow her to the bathroom. “Get out Cristiano” she says running the tap.

“Lucy look at me” I say tugging at her arm. “I need to go to work” she says. “No you don’t. You need to rest. You need to…” I stop. “I need to grieve” she says sharply.

“Lucy” I say. “Why? Why did she have to die?” she cries. I move my hands around her waist but she pushes them away. “No. Don’t touch me” she says and turns to face the mirror.
“Someone needs to tell everyone at work. Someone needs…Josh is a mess” she says. “It won’t be easy for him. For any of you” I say turning her to face me and she rests her back against the counter.

“Drugs. She was still on drugs. How could she?” she asks. “She was ill” I say. “Why? Why did she have to die?” she cries and I try to hold her. “Don’t. Don’t try to comfort me” she says pushing me away. “Lucy” I say.

“Everyone leaves me. Everyone lies” she whispers. “I’m so sorry” I say. “Why?” Why?” she shouts hitting my chest. I hold her tight to me as she cries.

I won’t leave you I think.

I hear a faint ring of a phone and she moves in my arms and I loosen my grip on her. “I need to see Josh. To…” she says mostly to herself as she turns to face the mirror. “You should go to training” she says. “What?” I say in shock. “You’ll be late. Just go Cristiano” she says. “I’m staying here” I say. The last thing I want to do is leave her.

“Please just go. I want to have a shower. I have to see..I have a lot to do” she says. “Ok” I say. “Good” she says.

“I’ll be back later” I say. I’m half expecting her to say no but she just nods. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but it will get easier” I say placing a light kiss on her cheek.

“Hi” Elena says as I come into the living room. “Hi” I say. She looks like she got as much sleep as Lucy and I did. “She cried. I wasn’t listening I just” she says. “It’s ok Elena. I’m worried about her too. She’s not taking it well” I say. “No one is. Luke phoned. Josh is a wreck” she says. “I still can’t believe it” I say. “We all thought she as clean” she says. “Will you be ok to watch Lucy?” I ask. “You’re leaving?” she asks.

“Lucy told me to go to training. I don’t want to go but it’s not the time for arguing with her about it” I say. “I’ll keep an eye on” she says. “Thanks. She’s holding things back I know” I say. “Lucy doesn’t normally show much emotion at the best of times. I was so glad she cried with you last night” she says. “We’ll help her” I say.

I sit in my car and stare up at Lucy’s apartment. I really don’t want to leave her. I pull out my phone and dial.

“Maé” I say and I take a deep breath. “I know you don’t want to speak to me right now. But I need to you” I plead on her voicemail.