I'll Make You See It Was All Real

Lucy’s Pov

I open my eyes and pray it was all a dream. I pray that Tina isn’t dead. But it wasn’t a dream. My eyes feel raw from all my tears. My body feels numb. I just want her. When I heard Cristiano’s voice I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I saw sorrow in his eyes and I just cried and cried.

I hear his soft sleepy breaths and his grip is still strong around me as I sit in his lap. It feels so safe. It feels like how things used to be. But everything is different now. I’m all alone. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps. I run my finger along his face. The face I used to love waking up to. He moves his head and his eyes slowly open. “Moring” he says. “Mana” I whisper and he stoked my cheek.

I can’t do this I think and I go to move from his lap. “Where are you going?” he asks. “I need to…” I stutter. “You don’t need to do anything” he says. “I’m so sorry about Tina” he says. “Don’t” I shout.
I don’t want to hear it.

“Why?” I say looking at him after I picked up a photo frame with a picture of Tina and I in it. “Why?” I say throwing the frame onto the bed. “I don’t know” he says. “I’m never going to see her again” I whisper. “I’m so sorry” he says.

“I need to go to work” I say and walk to the bathroom. “Get out Cristiano” I say feeling his presence behind me. “Lucy look at me” he says tugging at my arm. “I need to go to work” I say. “No you don’t. You need to rest. You need to…” he says. “I need to grieve” I say. No one knows what I need.
He tries to comfort me but been this close to him. It’s too much. “You should go to training” I say. “What?” he says. “You’ll be late. Just go Cristiano” I say. “I’m staying here” he says. And part of me wants him to stay.

He finally agrees to leave and I hop into the shower. My mind races with things I have to do. With pictures of Tina. How she looked when I found her. Oh God I think rubbing my arms.

“Hi” Elena says as I walk into the living room. “Hi” I say back. I can’t think of anything else to say. “Luke phoned” she says. “How is everyone?” I ask. “Still in shock” she says. “Join the club” I mumble. “I can’t believe it” she says and there’s a knock on the door. “I’ll get it” I say. I don’t want to think.

“Lucy” Jack says sounding surprised to see me. “Hi Jack” I say and he follows me back to Elena. “What are you doing here?” Elena asks rushing to him. “Cristiano phoned me last night. I’m so sorry about Tina” he says. I feel sick everytime I hear the words I’m so sorry.

“I can’t believe you came back” Elena says. “I got the first flight I could which was to London so I had to get the train. I wanted to call you but I wanted to hold you” he says. “I’m glad you’re here. And I’m glad Cristiano phoned you” Elena says. “Me too. You should have though. Work doesn’t matter” he says and she nods.

“Where is Cris? He said he was coming here last night” Jack says. “He’s gone to training” I say. “He didn’t want to argue with Lucy” Elena says to Jack and I sigh. “I had to call him Lucy. I didn’t know what else to do” she says. “It’s fine” I say picking up my bag. “Where are you going?” Elena asks. “Work. I need to tell everyone. Cancel Josh’s meetings and other stuff” I ramble. “Lucy someone else can do that” she says. “I need to” I say. “Lucy you’ve just suffered a huge loss. We all have” she says.

“I know. But I can’t sit around here and do nothing” I say. “Will we meet you at Josh’s?” she asks. Last night was horrible when we went back to his place after leaving the hospital. His Dad talked about Tina when she was a child. His Mom just sat in the corner chair and Josh just sat next to me holding my hand.

“Ya. I’ll see you there” I say and leave the two of them.

Word had managed to spread about Tina’s death judging by the look of sympathies I got. “Lucy you don’t have to be here” Matt says appearing at my office door. I look up from the page I’d had been staring at for the last few minutes. “We need to arrange meetings and sort out Josh’s schedule. He’ll need time off” I say. “And so do you. I’m sorry about Tina” he says walking around my desk. I stand and he hugs me. I feel nothing. I actually feel if I jumped out the window right now it wouldn’t hurt.

“That bastard” I hear Josh hell as I walk through into his lounge. “What’s going on?” I ask his Dad as Josh rambles and shouts whilst walking up and down the room. “Tina’s boyfriend” he says with spite. “He came around” I ask. “If he does I’ll kill him” Josh shouts and Luke pulls me into the kitchen.

“What the hell is going on?” I ask. “Tina never stopped taking drugs” Luke says” What. She went to rehab. She was passing her drug tests” I say. “Mike was swapping the sample. He paid someone. She was just careful about taking stuff when she was around us I guess” he says. “How? This can’t be true” I say. “It is. Apparently he got fired from his job and that’s why he came to Manchester. They were planning on moving to Spain” he says.

“Spain” I gasp. “You know how she had tried to persuade you to go to London for that club opening next week” he said. “Ya she suggested it the other night after I was so pissed at Cristiano for turning up at my office” I say. “She was going to leave then” he says. “No. She wouldn’t” I say. “She was. She lied to us all” he says. “How? How do you know all of this?” I ask.

“Mike’s wife” Luke says. “His wife” I shout. “He’s married with two kids. It’s a complete mess” he says. “She phoned” I say. “The hospital phoned her last night when he got admitted. He was lying to her that he had a better job up here. He would spend time here and then go back to London. She comforted him this morning. I guess he told her everything” he says. “He’s married. She was still taking drugs” I whisper.

“I’ll get that” Jack says when the doorbell rings. She was going to leave I think as I wipe the kitchen counter. I hear voices grow nearer.

“Lucy” Dolores says and I fight the urge to cry. “Oh sweetheart” she says rushing over to me and holds me tightly. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since Cristiano and I broke up. “Come sit down” she says taking the cloth out of my hand and ushers me to the couch.

“It’s been so long since I have seen you. I wish it was under different circumstances” she says. “Me too” I whisper. “You must be in shock. I’m very sorry about your friend. Have you slept? Have you eaten? You’ve lost weight” she says. “Maé” Cristiano says and even though I knew he had to be with his mother, the sound of his voice still surprises me.

“I was just asking” Dolores replies. “Can I get you something to drink or eat?” I say attempting to stand. I hate all this pity.

“No.No.No.” she says shaking her head. “I’ll get you something. You need to keep your strength up. You all do” she smiles at Elena. “I’ll help you” Elena says and they walk to the kitchen.

“Sorry about Maé” Cristiano says taking a seat next to me. “It’s fine. And can you please stop saying the word sorry. I’ve heard it a million times today” I say. “And each time you wanted to punch something. Ya I know the feeling” he says and I look at him. I know he’s thinking about his Dad. “This whole thing is a mess” I whisper holding my hands to my head.

“Jack said Josh’s didn’t go too well” he says. “If I tell you what happened I’ll throw something and I don’t think your mother would like it” I say. “Depends if your throwing as improved” he jokes and I smile a little.

“I thought she wasn’t speaking to you” I say as I look around to see Dolores handing an amused looking Elena a pan. “She wasn’t. She isn’t really. But..” he stutters. “But what?” I ask. “You need her and she cares about you. We all do” he says and I sigh. “I told her not to fuss but she says it’s her job” he says. “I feel like I’m having a nightmare” I say.

“I wish I could change things” he says and I rest my head on his shoulder. Me too I think. “Lucy” I hear someone say and I lift my head. “Dad” I say and run into his arms.

“Oh sweetheart” he says as tears fall down my face.