Fight for Silence

Shit, here is too many people. The fight was over and I was trying to get to the door. There wasn't really anything to see here anymore. I felt like suffocating when I pushed thru the group. When I finally got to the wall I realized that this was wrong wall. I was too short to see where I was going. Damn. I didn't know where Mike was. I think he dumped me here like the last time. Maybe he found some fight bunny. Mike was quite good looking guy. I knew from experience that he could find a lady to keep him company, if that was what he wanted. We were not like that. In this short time we knew each others; he realized that I didn't want him like that. And that was the reason he liked to keep company to me. One time he was totally wasted and I was trying to get him to sleep, he said that I was like fresh air. I pushed his face into a pillow and hoped that he would pass out. Mike just laughed at me and passed out. He was good guy. And I liked him because he brought me here. This was second fight I got to see. It really wasn't my thing but I loved the atmosphere, all the excitement. I haven't felt it anywhere else so alive like I felt in here. This month has been too long. I wanted to go another fight so bad but it really wasn't up to me. Mike was running around again and I didn't find him anywhere. My thoughts have escaped time of two to think that fighter last time. I had tried not to think of him. What's the use anyway? It's not like we will meet again. He was just one of the few I will think when I go to sleep and it'll help me little bit. I really didn't see the actual fight this time. I just couldn't get myself through the group fast enough. And now it was over and I really should get out of here. Before I could move, somebody slammed into me from behind with crushing force. My head slammed on the wall. I couldn't move away from the wall. I was pinned in place and my oxygen was running low.
''Hey, watch it'', somebody yelled. The man whose back kept me on the wall was gone. My lungs filled with air. I took a hold of the wall and opened my eyes. Before my eyes was something red. I touched my head were it hurt. My finger came back to my view and realized that I was bleeding.
''Shit'', I heard somebody say. Before I could do anything I was swept from my feet and carried somewhere. The ride was so fast that my head started to spin. The room where I found myself was dark and smelled sweat and some other bodily odors. I was put on the bench to sit.
''Doll, we have to stop meeting like this'', said familiar gruff voice and smile crept on my face. Fighter crunched before me. He pushed my hood down slowly and I lowered my eyes automatically. Fighter lifted my head and turned it that he could see the cut better. Man took a shirt from the bag near us and cleaned my cut. When he was done, he stayed before me.
''Ya okay?'', he asked.
No. I nodded to him. He lifted my chin and lowered his gaze to my eyes.
''Don't lie'', he said quietly, ''Does it hurt?''
Yes of course it hurts but not as much as everything else. He lifted three fingers in front of my face.
''How many fingers I'm holding up?'', he asked. I pushed the hand down. He lifted three from the left hand and two from the right.
''How many?'', he asked and I pushed them down with little smile on my face.
''Still as quiet as the last time, I see'', he said. The smile vanished from my face.
''Hey'', he said and took a hold of my chin. He searched my face why I turned so serious. He didn't know. Hopefully never got to know too.
''You stay away from her'', I heard yet another familiar voice. My sister came behind the man. She dragged me up and I pulled myself from her grip. I could feel the man standing behind me.
''Neve, I had enough of this. I'm not doing this again'', she yelled to my face. I watched her with angry face. I balled my fists. She looked so perfect; manicured nails and smooth hair. Her perfect soft voice taunting me, how unperfected I was.
''And you are?'', man asked and laid hands on my shoulders. My sister watched from me to the man and back. She was livid, I could tell.
''Not your fucking business'', my sister yelled to the man.
''Liam'', man said and extended a hand. My sister slapped it away.
''I'm so done with you. And so is everybody else'', my sister yelled to me and took a hold of my arms. She started to pull me away to the door. I tried to fight her but she was stronger that me.
''Okay, that's enough'', Liam said with stern voice. He pried me away from my sisters hold.
''She doesn't seem to want to go with you'', Liam said and got standing between us. She pointed Liam with shaky finger.
''This is non of your business, so stay out of it'', she said.
''I'm in the middle of this, so it kind of is my business'', he answered to her. Nyla took a step back and cruel smile came to her face. I knew I was going to suffer. She was going to make sure of it.
''So, who she is? How old is she? She told you her name?'', Nyla said to Liam, ''Did you sister?'' She looked me. Liam peeked behind him at me with furrowed brows.
''Yeah, she didn't tell. And why is that? Tell him why you didn’t tell even your name. Tell Sister'', she said with venomous voice. It felt like bunch on the face. I turned around and stared the door. Tears were threatened to fall. I pulled my hood back up to protect me. There was long silence. I knew Liam was waiting me to say something.
''Yeah, you can't'', she said silently.
''What the fuck do you mean?'', Liam said and there was sharp tone into it. I felt like there was too little air in the room.
''She can't speak'', Nyla said, ''She was in surgery and the doctor made a mistake. She can't talk ever again''. How dare she tell it? Before either of them could react I ran. I ran out of the room, out of the building, out of the conversation.

I sit in silence. Now days I always sit in silence. Cling of the silverware was the only sound. Nobody knew what to say. Easy for me, I couldn't say anything. This was our first meal together. Somebody coughed and then it started, nonstop questioning. Neve, how are you feeling? Neve, does it hurt? Neve, want to go with us to the shop? Are you gonna be alright? Can I brush your hair? You know you have to come out of there sometime? You know we love you no matter what? I should've just stayed in my room. But I couldn't. They were suffocating me with their sickly sweet smiles. I tried to stay away from the home that tried to make me better. They didn't get it. They just wanted me to act like nothing happened. Like everything was like it should be. I knew Nyla was only one who would say anything to me about my running around. She was the one mom told to get me, to find me, to comfort me. She was sick of it. Mom didn't know what to do with me. I heard her crying at nights. Dad worked even later that he used to. Some days we got home at the same time, when everybody else was sleeping. He didn't say anything to me. Always that weird look on his face, He had no idea what to say to me anymore. My little brothers didn't mind me staying away. They had their friends to keep company. And my friends? I didn't want to see them. All the pity in their faces. No thank you. I found new friends who didn't know about my condition. They wouldn't care about my condition. They showed me new side of this city.
''Shit Doll, you can run fast'', Liam said somewhere behind me. He brought me back to this moment. I kicked the ground under the swing I was sitting on. I didn't lift my head to look at him.
''Your sister is quite feisty, is she?'', he sat swing next to me.
Yes, she is.
''She told me about you'', Liam said.
Of course she did. I let big breath. This was never going to stop. They'll ruin everything I try to build with people who don't know about me.
''Come on Doll, let go'', Liam said and got up. I looked up to him. He extended his hand for me to take. I shook my head to decline. I wasn't going back home. Liam stepped in front of me. He stopped the little swinging I was doing.
''You can walk or I can carry you. Your choice'', he said to me. I looked up to him and lifted my brow to him.
''Too long'', he said and swiftly throw me over his shoulder. I banged his back with my hands.
''You can scream, shout, hit, kick or bite but ya're gonna come with me'', he said laughter in his voice. He was the first person in three months who talked about me using my voice. I began to trash on his shoulder. I swiftly as I got there, I was back down. Liam took a hold of my shoulders and pushed me arms length. He looked me straight in the eyes.
''I'm not taking you home if you think that. Did you think that?'', he asked. I nodded to him. He got serious.
''I'm not taking you anywhere you don't want to go. Get me?'', he said lowly and it made his voice sound even gruffer. I searched his face and then nodded to agreement.
''Good. Lets go'', he said and put hand on my shoulders.

It was beautiful. The lighting and angled mirrors. Bright and colorful graffiti under the mirrors. Mirrors were just right spots. Somebody had some serious work to place them on right spots. I walked around the place to see all the angles I could see from the mirrors.
''I take that that you like it'', he said. He was leaning on the bar table and watching me.
Yes, I frigging loved this place. I nodded my head furiously. He smiled at me.
''Hungry'', he asked. I shook my head.
''Doll, when was the last time you ate anything?'', he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and turned back to the room. I heard his sight. I think Nyla told too much about me to Liam. I ate as much as I needed to eat. Now that I think, it might be two days ago when I last ate. But why would I eat if I wasn't hungry? Liam walked past me to larger than life couch. He has post-it papers and pen in hand. He crooked his finger to invite me to join him. I walked slowly to him and sat next to him. He grinned to me. He put the papers and pen between us.
''I wanna hear your side of the story'', he said and looked me in the eyes. I blinked my eyes to him.
''It wouldn’t be fair to just hear your sisters side. Now you have a chance to tell me with your own words'', Liam said. I took the post-it and pen in my hands. My side of the story.
''If you don't want to, just shake your head. I'm not gonna pressure you to do this'', he said.
No, i will do it. I wrote in the post-it paper. What do you wanna know? I gave the post-it paper to him. He smiled at it. Liam gave the paper back to me.
''You have beautiful hand writing. Why did you have to go to surgery?'', he asked.
I had a tumor in my throat. It should've been easy surgery but the doctor made a mistake and accidentally cut through my vocal cords. I gave the paper to him. He read in silence. Liam put the paper down and hugged me. He kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes.
''I'm sorry Doll'', he said lips touching still my skin. He sat back to his place. I looked at him and thought to see the pity in his eyes but I didn't find it. I cocked my head in surprise.
''So, why is your sister so mad at you?'', Liam asks. I looked at the sealing. I took the post-it and shook my head.
Because she is the only one who has to take care of me. She's the one who has to find me at nights and brings me home. Our father works all the time now because of me. He doesn't know how to talk about my condition, as my folks likes to put it. Our mother... well she just doesn't know what to do about me. She cries about me all the time. And our little brothers are teens. They have their own problems. Liam read what I had written and then nodded. It felt weird. So easy to write him all that. I have been months keeping it all to myself and now I was telling it to a man who I just met. It felt little crazy.
''I take it that you're not much home?'', he asked. I shook my head to him.
''Where do you go? What do you do?''
Nowhere. Everywhere. I bump into people and they show me places. Liam read the paper and looked me under his brows.
''So, you're making new friends? What do they get from it?'', the tone he asked made me think. Did he think I.. No.
Nothing. Are you asking if I'm whoring?
''Well, are you?'', he asked. I couldn't believe my ears. I got up from the couch. Liam stood up too. I was furious. I turned to leave when he took a hold of my arm and pulled me back to sit. I crossed my hands.
''Sorry. I'm sorry. I think I got little jealous. And it just sounds so odd'', Liam said.
It is odd. Now days everything is odd to me. I noticed that my writing has turned little pit spiky. It happens when I get mad. I throw the paper to him and cross my arms again. Liam is silent for a long time. I lean my head on the sofa and watch the lights play in the mirrors.
''Why did you?'', he asked. I turned my head to look at him. I had no idea what he was talking about. I lifted my brows to him.
''Why did you come to me a month ago?'', he asked. Good question.
I don't know. It felt like right place to be. I can't really explain it. He took the paper and stared it a long time. Liam let out a big breath.
''Okay Doll, this is enough'', he said. He put some movie to play. I noticed that he was in deep thoughts until he fell asleep. I didn't watch the movie either. I stared the lights. Every passing car cast lights to dance in the mirrors. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes from them. Time seem to slow down. There was grunting sounds coming from Liam. It made me smile. I looked at him and noticed that he was looking back at me.
''Doll, are you still awake?'', he asked silently. He looked tired. Liam got up and pulled me next to him. He caged me between him and the couch. Liam rested his head against my head.
''Doll, try to get some sleep'', he said silently. Yeah, Nyla told too much. I didn't sleep much. I got a weird feeling. His heartbeat felt under my head. He was warm and all around me. My tense muscles started to relax. I blinked my eyes. I felt fuzzy and I yawned. I tried to fight the sleepiness but in the end, I lost the fight and fell asleep.

Hot blanket covered me. I tried to move it but it was heavy. I grunted and tried to move again.
''Sshhh, quit it Doll'', I heard familiar gruff voice. I opened my eyes. Liam slept almost fully on top of me. My breath caught in my throat. Liam moved little bit to better position. He put his forehead against mine. I stared his closed eyelids. He was so close. We were breathing the same air. My heart slammed on my ribcage with crushing force. And he had no idea. I tried to calm myself. My body just woke up without my permission. I could feel every part he was touching me. I was way too aware of him. And then he opened his eyes. From this close I could see how his pupils shrink from the light and then dilated a pit. He searched my eyes. I could feel his muscles twitch under my touch. I blinked to him and that snapped out of whatever trance he fell into. Tiny smirk came to his face. He ruffled my hair and got up. I was left paralyzed on the couch. I think I was in shock or something ‘cause I didn't know what I would've said. That was so weird.
''Coffee?'', Liam hollered. I got up from the sofa and walked to kitchen. He poured me coffee and place the mug in front of me. He took milk and placed them on the table. I poured milk in my mug. Liam leaned on the counter.
''I have to go to work'', he said and watched the clock on his phone and then back at me. He looked like he was considering something.
''You can stay here, ya know'', Liam said, ''I don't know what time I'll be coming back. There is key under the third tile.''
You trust me that much. I was surprised. He drank the rest of the coffee and took his keys. He came to me and looked down to me.
''Stay out of trouble, okay Doll?'', he said seriously. I nodded to him. He watched me for while and brushed lock of hair from my eyes. His fingers lingered behind my ear.
''Good'', he said gruffly. And then he was gone. I heard the door slam shut. My mind was a mess when I continued to drink my coffee. There was something changing inside of me. Liam made me feel things. Odd, fuzzy, warm things. I lifted my mug to my lips in deep thought. It was weird how I felt. We met two times, only two times but he made me feel protected and sheltered. Finally I felt peace. Liam didn't push me or avoid the subject that I didn't speak. He acted like I was normal. My mind jumped back to last night. I smiled to myself from my stupidity. I tried to shake the silly feeling I was having. I cleaned the counter and wash our mugs.

''Where the fuck were you last night?'', Nyla yelled at me. This was like non stopping loop of Dejá vus. I turned to look at her. She had clingy gold dress that showed too much skin for my taste. I lifted my brows to her.
''Answer to me dammit'', she yelled. Mom has been bugging her again, I could tell.
You got the memo that I can't speak, right? I rolled my eyes. I knew her patients was running low.
Out! I wrote on paper.
''With that fighter?'', Nyla asked and sat on my unused bed, ''You don't even know him. What are you doing Neve?'' She seemed so sick and tired of this. I sat next to her and took her hand. I have been so long running from her.
''I miss you. I miss how all things were'', she said quietly and leaned her head on my shoulder.
I miss it too. Nothing is the same anymore. I love you sis. You have to let me go and live your own life. You can't carry on this. It's not your job. I wrote on paper.
''I know'', Nyla said silently.
Give me time. She hugged me hard.
''Okay'', she answered. She leaned away and I noticed that she was fighting tears.
Going somewhere? She laughed.
''I have a date'', Nyla got up and brushed the tears, ''See you around Neve''. Then she walk out of my room. Well, that was easy. I felt like weight has lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe freely. How could I do this with the rest of the family?