Baby Blues

Thursday

5:30pm

“Do you ever think he’ll notice me?” I stared at my friend in disbelief; it was clear on my face. Anna had been crushing on Jesse for far too long, it had to stop. I know, she’s my best friend but I love her and that’s why I want her to stay clear of Jesse. I pulled on my jeans, securing the button at the top. I glanced over at Anna who was distracted by her own thoughts. She just didn’t see through that boy like I did. Side note; that “boy” was my brother. Now you see every little problem I have with her “obsession”, it’s disgusting.

“I just think you shouldn’t waste your time”, I sighed, opening my wardrobe.

“But he’s gorgeous”, Anna giggled, falling back on my bed. Jesse was so far from that.

“That’s my brother”, I threw a bra towards Anna; I really need to organize my wardrobe. Sure, it wouldn’t bother me if Anna did date my brother but she is my best friend, it doesn’t sit right with me. So yes, it does bother me. I put on my work t-shirt and sat back down besides Anna.

“Are we going to go to work?” I picked up my satchel from the floor, resting it on my lap.

“Why are you so grumpy?”

“If you were five months pregnant, you’d be pissed off too”, I laughed, glancing down at my stomach. I remember that night like it was yesterday. Why did I have to sleep with Darren Prait? Sure, he is good looking and funny but he is also my science partner. He is also the weirdest kid in my school and I am oddly attracted to him. Not to mention, I am having his child. Not even Anna knows who the father is and I prefer to keep her wondering. I tell that girl everything, but I know she would never accept this. She hates Darren…with a passion. We all knew each other back in grade five, and he had embarrassed her. Thinking back now, it was just childish and in reality, Anna should forgive him, but I don’t think she could ever do that. Her pride is too big.Darren had run off with her school bag, pulling out tampons, and panty liners. Anna’s mother just wanted to prepare her daughter, but it had scarred Anna for life. I grimaced as I thought back at that day; I couldn’t help but chuckle in the back of my head.

“How is your mother dealing with that?” Anna smirked, stepping up from my bed.

“Five months in, and she still thinks it will pass”, I laughed. My mother treated my pregnancy like the common cold; she thought it would “pass”. I suppose, no one wants their sixteen year old daughter to have a child at such an age. I was barely ready for this child, but I couldn’t bear the thought of having an abortion. I guess that just seems “wrong” in my head? I stood at the door as Anna put on her shoes. Anna and I worked at the local dairy with her father, a family business. Who was I to complain? I needed the money. My mother wasn’t going to help me raise this child; I had to do it by myself. I kind of wished that she stopped being a mole about it, and accept the fact that she cannot change the situation. But it is my mother, and control is what she loves.

“Hello Anna”, my brother smirked at Anna, as I glared at him from behind her.

“Hey Jesse, you wanna’ come to the dairy?”

“Anna-”

“I would love to”, Jesse smiled at the both us, he had won.

“We have to get to work”, I squeezed past the pair of them and walked into the kitchen. My mother didn’t even attempt to make eye contact with me.

“Those potatoes must be interesting”, I smirked, opening the fridge.

“I don’t want you working”, she sighed.

“I don’t want to work either”, I laughed. “But I need the money for bub and I”.

My mother’s eyes wandered towards my stomach, she grimaced.

“Exactly”, she assured. “I don’t want you getting hurt”.

“How else will we live?” I spat. “I’ve had enough of you; you tell me to do one thing, but it means the exact opposite”, I noticed Jesse and Anna standing at the arch way of the kitchen. “What do you want me from me?”

“I want that baby gone! I don’t care if it’s too late, just fuck off!” my mother walked out the backyard door, leaving me feeling absolutely terrible. How dare she say those things? I just didn’t understand that woman, I honestly didn’t. I knew one thing though, I wasn’t hurting my child, ever. I leaned towards the kitchen bench and sighed, I just wish that things weren’t so hard right now.

“Mum’s got depression”, Jesse spoke, and he actually did seemed concerned. “Dad said she will be sent away soon, she can’t cope”. I didn’t know what to say, I just kept staring at the floor. If that was the case, she never attempted to tell me. My mother is like that though. Her whole world can be falling apart around her, and she will act like everything is normal. I kind of hated it to be honest, because I never knew how to act around her. I never knew if she would throw one of her tantrums and walk out.

“She needs to get herself together”, I walked into the living room and out the front door.

“You alright?” I felt Anna’s hand on my arm.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, I forced out a smile. “Let’s go”.

“Wait for me!” Jesse exclaimed, I glanced at the figure running towards us, shaking my head.

7:00pm

“Here is your pay for the week”, Anna’s father handed me the yellow envelope. “How is everything at home?”Oh how I hated that question. Not only was I living with my deranged mother, my father was nowhere to be seen. In fact, he only spoke to Jesse. I didn’t understand what I had done to my father to persuade him to hate me. On second thought, I also wish I understood my mother. Maybe I ask too much?

“Yeah, it’s alright”, Jeffrey stared at me, he knew I was lying.

“Dad, can Katey stay the night?” Anna appeared from the back room. I smiled as Anna suggested this, her father looked defeated. Anna giggled as she hugged me, fuck I loved that girl. We had been best friends since fourth grade and inseparable ever since. Her home had always been an escape for me, even from a young age. I was always the odd one out of my family, I just never fit in. My mother never knew about me until she had me, Jesse was her baby. He was three when mum had me, and all my basic needs were left astray. My father walked out on my mother because of me, he just wasn’t ready for another child. I sighed as I stared into the night sky, it was peaceful.

“Just help me clean up, we’ll shut early”, Anna’s father called out from the kitchen. We both looked at each other and sighed; it had been a long day. I slumped back into the kitchen, and picked up a mop from the back corner.

“Just clean the waiting area”, Jeffrey smiled. “And you miss, you can clean these bench tops”, he smiled, handing a dish cloth to Anna. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket; I took it out, watching for the eyes of Mr. Daniels. I glanced at the unknown number; I didn’t know who it was.

hey, is this katey

this is she

I stared at the message till it sent. I continued mopping the floor until my phone went off again. I sighed as I took it out from my back pocket.

its just Darren, can we work on the project tomorrow after school?

I had to make time for him, I smiled as I replied.

sure, meet me after school.

“I have a date with Darren”, I joked, making Anna look up from her own phone.

“He is so gross”, Anna scrunched up her nose,
“Now you know how I feel about you liking my brother”, I laughed as she waltzed over to me.

“So you like Darren?” Anna teased.

“No”, I blurted out, looking down at my phone. I knew that woman wasn’t convinced, and I knew I hadn’t heard the last of it. At that second, I knew I had to eventually tell Anna the truth about my child, but it was too hard. I just didn’t know how she would react. I sighed as Jeffrey came out from the back room.

“All done”, he smiled.

“Thank fuck”, I whispered, Anna smiled.

Jeffrey scrunched up his face, as he picked up his keys off the kitchen counter.

“You girls have to be in bed early”, he spoke, ushering us outside.

“You’re so boring”, Anna huffed, as we followed her father to his truck.

Jeffrey ignored this comment, I bit my lip as I waited for a reply, nothing… Anna’s parents were wonderful people, but they were boring. I’m just being honest. Their lives revolved around work, and early nights. Although, whenever I am in their household, I found comfort. In a lot of ways, Anna doesn’t realize how lucky she is just to have two parents who care. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, this was becoming a habit. Anna stared at me as I pulled my phone out.

“Is it ya’ boyfriend?” Anna shoved me, giggling like a school girl; her father furrowed his eyebrows.

“Once you girls start focusing on school, and less on boys”, Jeffrey glanced over at us from the driver’s seat. “You’re lives will be worry free, and you will have security”.

“I get B’s, isn’t that enough?” Anna smirked at me, as her father sighed.

where are you

“It’s just Jesse”, I concluded, Anna’s face turned into a hopeful smile.

I shook my head and stared back down at my phone.

just staying the night at annas

I rested my phone on my lap, and stared out into the blank night sky. I glanced back down at my stomach, and wrapped my arms around myself. This child was starting to consume my life. It felt weird being in love with someone I had never even met before. Tomorrow was going to be interesting; I haven’t seen Darren in a while. I may have been his lab partner, but he was barely there. I think he knew the truth about my child, and he was just too stubborn to say anything. Maybe tomorrow, I should tell him the truth but I would have to tell Anna first. I hate hiding things from her, I really did. I noticed we had stopped at the curb of her drive way. I stepped out, and followed Anna up the front steps.

“I have to show you Cooper, he is so cute!” I cocked my head to the side; I didn’t have a single clue who that was.

8:30

I stared at Anna as she held the tiny puppy in her hands, he was adorable.

“Is something wrong?” Anna looked up at me, I must have been silent. “You can tell me anything, you know that”.

“Well, yeah”, I forced a smile, and swallowed the lump in my throat. “It’s Darrens”, I blurted out.

“The baby?” Anna put Cooper on the floor, and sat down beside me.

I nodded my head, biting my lip to force back the tears.

“It doesn’t matter”, Anna assured. “I love you, and he’s a dick but now I’ll have to be nice”, she chuckled. I smiled through my hair which had gathered on my face. “I think you’d make good looking babies”.

“Why would you say that?”

“You’re both smart”, Anna smiled. “And complete weirdos… but the good looks would come from your side”, I slapped Anna on the shoulder, and she pretended to act hurt.

“You’re so mean”, I forced a smile, as Anna hugged me.

“Oh is that why you’ve been friends with me since fourth grade?” I nodded my head, as I fell back onto Anna’s bed. After all this, I needed a sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about my mother either, and I didn’t understand why. I just hoped she was alright, because in my own special way, I loved her. She was my mother, and there is nothing I can do about that so I’m stuck with her. I dozed off with so many thoughts piled in my head, how did I ever sleep?