Status: in progress
The Moment I Said It
Now Or Never
"I’ll never let you go. Never again.”
I remembered.
It seemed as if it had been only yesterday when he had told me for the first time…
***
Sixteen years before, around summer…
“Abigail, I swear! If you have planned another surprise party for me, I must kill you!”
“Just shut up and follow me.” I giggled as I dragged him right behind me up the hill.
Tom was muttering something I’d rather not mention here, but I could understand him – he had just turned eighteen and his mother as well as his friends had had him drown in one party after another.
He was tired of celebrating.
“I’d rather have something to eat now, and a cold beer.” He whined, but when I turned around and pressed my forefinger against his chest, he stilled.
“Would you stop whining, Hiddleston? You’re no child anymore, damn it! And besides, I’ve really put my heart into this.”
“Okay, okay. Show me the oh so full of your heart surprise.”
Ugh!
Why won’t you see how much I love you that I put all my heart and soul into it?
“We’re there.” I stated, numb.
I expected him to say something. Whether something positive, or negative – I didn’t even care.
When he still didn’t say a word, I turned my head to look at him, asking if he was alright. Before I could ask him though, I realized that I didn’t need to ask.
You have tears in your eyes.
Tom was crying. He was standing there, next to me – strong and tall Thomas William Hiddleston, age 18 – and crying.
I didn’t know what to do besides taking his hand into mine and holding it gently. He was so perplexed that he jumped a little when my fingers touched his skin, and when I looked up at him and whispered “Happy Birthday” he squeezed my hand lightly.
My knees were like his favourite food – pudding. I feared that they would give out any moment, but eventually they managed to still stand upright. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks and I could already sense how it coloured them in a nice shade of pink – I must have looked ludicrous.
We didn’t speak a single word for a while; we just stood there, at the top of the hill, with the sea below. The waves crashed softly against stone, seagulls were flying around and no one else was to be seen.
It was only him and me and the secret bay.
I didn’t know how Tom felt right at that moment, but I was feeling more than only a tingle in my belly.
Is this what true love feels like?
Okay, we were only eighteen – well, he was. I was nineteen and a half, already.
But what I wanted to say is that deep down, I had always felt more for Tom. I just hadn’t known how strong my feelings could yet develop…
***
Somehow, my mind seemed to work again, because I was so shocked that I must have looked as if I had seen a ghost when I saw Tom’s forehead crinkle in worry.
“Did I—have I said something wrong?”
Everything around me seemed to waver – my vision became blurry, not from tears but from dizziness.
“Darling—“
“N—No, you didn’t.”
“Then—then what is it my dear?” He asked ever so softly.
I swallowed a hard lump down my throat and looked down sadly. “I—I just can’t get all of into my head, Tom. This is too much right now. It’s been ten years! Once, you had told me you wouldn’t love me, then you did. We don’t see each other for a lifetime and all of a sudden everything rushes back. All the—the feelings are still there, but I—“
This time, he shushed me with one of his fingers.
“You—you still feel the same about me?” He whispered, his pupils widening noticeably. I knew he was thinking – I could read it in his eyes – but I couldn’t have guessed what he asked me next.
“After Chris—chrrrm, after the young man, have you—have you ever had someone else in your life, Abigail?”
It kind of hit me hard in the gut.
How was I supposed to tell him?
There was only ever you.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t even look at him.
“Forgive me such rudeness. I shouldn’t have asked—“
“Tom, no!”
“No?”
No? God, why was this so difficult?
“I—I mean, it wasn’t rude of you to ask. We used to talk about everything.”
“So, what you’re saying is—“
“I—I could’ve had some… but I never—I always—“
There. I couldn’t even manage talking in full sentences. How could I ever tell him what I really felt?
How do I tell you that I love you?
“Tom, I—what I want to say is that—that—I never felt something for anyone but y—you.”
I remembered.
It seemed as if it had been only yesterday when he had told me for the first time…
***
Sixteen years before, around summer…
“Abigail, I swear! If you have planned another surprise party for me, I must kill you!”
“Just shut up and follow me.” I giggled as I dragged him right behind me up the hill.
Tom was muttering something I’d rather not mention here, but I could understand him – he had just turned eighteen and his mother as well as his friends had had him drown in one party after another.
He was tired of celebrating.
“I’d rather have something to eat now, and a cold beer.” He whined, but when I turned around and pressed my forefinger against his chest, he stilled.
“Would you stop whining, Hiddleston? You’re no child anymore, damn it! And besides, I’ve really put my heart into this.”
“Okay, okay. Show me the oh so full of your heart surprise.”
Ugh!
Why won’t you see how much I love you that I put all my heart and soul into it?
“We’re there.” I stated, numb.
I expected him to say something. Whether something positive, or negative – I didn’t even care.
When he still didn’t say a word, I turned my head to look at him, asking if he was alright. Before I could ask him though, I realized that I didn’t need to ask.
You have tears in your eyes.
Tom was crying. He was standing there, next to me – strong and tall Thomas William Hiddleston, age 18 – and crying.
I didn’t know what to do besides taking his hand into mine and holding it gently. He was so perplexed that he jumped a little when my fingers touched his skin, and when I looked up at him and whispered “Happy Birthday” he squeezed my hand lightly.
My knees were like his favourite food – pudding. I feared that they would give out any moment, but eventually they managed to still stand upright. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks and I could already sense how it coloured them in a nice shade of pink – I must have looked ludicrous.
We didn’t speak a single word for a while; we just stood there, at the top of the hill, with the sea below. The waves crashed softly against stone, seagulls were flying around and no one else was to be seen.
It was only him and me and the secret bay.
I didn’t know how Tom felt right at that moment, but I was feeling more than only a tingle in my belly.
Is this what true love feels like?
Okay, we were only eighteen – well, he was. I was nineteen and a half, already.
But what I wanted to say is that deep down, I had always felt more for Tom. I just hadn’t known how strong my feelings could yet develop…
***
Somehow, my mind seemed to work again, because I was so shocked that I must have looked as if I had seen a ghost when I saw Tom’s forehead crinkle in worry.
“Did I—have I said something wrong?”
Everything around me seemed to waver – my vision became blurry, not from tears but from dizziness.
“Darling—“
“N—No, you didn’t.”
“Then—then what is it my dear?” He asked ever so softly.
I swallowed a hard lump down my throat and looked down sadly. “I—I just can’t get all of into my head, Tom. This is too much right now. It’s been ten years! Once, you had told me you wouldn’t love me, then you did. We don’t see each other for a lifetime and all of a sudden everything rushes back. All the—the feelings are still there, but I—“
This time, he shushed me with one of his fingers.
“You—you still feel the same about me?” He whispered, his pupils widening noticeably. I knew he was thinking – I could read it in his eyes – but I couldn’t have guessed what he asked me next.
“After Chris—chrrrm, after the young man, have you—have you ever had someone else in your life, Abigail?”
It kind of hit me hard in the gut.
How was I supposed to tell him?
There was only ever you.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t even look at him.
“Forgive me such rudeness. I shouldn’t have asked—“
“Tom, no!”
“No?”
No? God, why was this so difficult?
“I—I mean, it wasn’t rude of you to ask. We used to talk about everything.”
“So, what you’re saying is—“
“I—I could’ve had some… but I never—I always—“
There. I couldn’t even manage talking in full sentences. How could I ever tell him what I really felt?
How do I tell you that I love you?
“Tom, I—what I want to say is that—that—I never felt something for anyone but y—you.”
♠ ♠ ♠
The Moment I Said It has been updated for the fifth and last time.I want it to be that way, at least for the very moment.
Don’t worry, sooner or later, there will be a prologue and/or epilogue.
Right now, I want to thank everyone of you for reading my story. As always, every single one of you that reads my writing means something to me!
I hope the ending isn't too cheesy. And it's not gonna be a final ending... as I said, there will be a prologue and/ or epilogue.
I also hope everyone who read it liked it so far.
