Fog

This wasn’t supposed to happen, right?
He just proposed to me earlier this month, right?

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but there is no exact diagnosis for his condition. The closest that we could conclude is an early onset and complex form of Dementia.”

My chest grew tight with the doctor’s statement.

It just started with a couple of headaches.
He was just supposed to take a couple of painkillers and everything would’ve been fine, right?

They weren’t supposed to become more frequent or painful as the month passed, right?

“Dementia…?”
“Not exactly, but yes.”

I raised an eyebrow towards her.

“The most common cases of Dementia deal with the core brain functions becoming impaired as time passes. However, his case is a different story. He’ll deal with more than short term memory loss or a decrease in the ability to focus with a loss of judgment or reasoning. His headaches will come more frequently and each one will be more painful than the next, but that will pass eventually. His emotions will become erratic and irregular. Almost bipolar, if you will. He will lose some, maybe even most, of his memories – short term and long term. Eventually, his mind will be in a fog that he can’t come out of.”

He wasn’t supposed to be diagnosed with an unknown illness, right?

My hands started to shake as my breathing became uneven.

“Is there any way to cure it?! Any way to help him?!”
She shook her head.

“Sadly, all that we can do is prescribe some medication for the pain.”
Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but I held them back for now.

“How long…?”
“Including this month, two to three months is the best estimate.”

I leaned against the wall, my hands entangled in my hair as the tears now fell.
The doctor placed her hand on my shoulder with a sympathetic look on her face.

“Take him home and get some rest. We’ll call you if we find out anything new.”

This wasn’t supposed to happen…right?

“…Thank you.”

The doctor walked away as I stepped inside the room.
He was sitting on the bed, gently massaging his temples.

“Hey, Michael…You ready to go home?”
His response was delayed, but soon he looked up at me and nodded.

He slowly stood up and followed me out of the room.
I thanked the doctor again and picked up Michael’s painkillers before we made it to the car.

“What did the doctor say?”
I bit down on my lip as I tried to hold back the tears again.

“…She doesn’t really know what’s wrong with you…but she said it’s nothing to worry about for now. She prescribed some painkillers for your headaches though.”

Why did I lie?

“…Okay.”

The ride was silent for a while.

“How are you feeling…?”
I finally spoke up.

“What do you think?”
A slightly irritated response.

And it hurt to know that I was just making things worse.

So I shut up and kept my focus on the road.
Well, until I felt a hand placed on top of mine.

“I-I’m sorry, Tyler…I didn’t mean to—”
He stopped speaking, massaging his temple with his free hand.

“It’s okay.”
I faked a small smile.

But it’s not, isn’t it?
From here on out, it’s not going to be okay, is it?

| . | . | . |

November continued to pass.
The air grew colder as Michael’s headaches and irritability grew worse.

And today, they were at their worst.

“…As you can see here, the temperature has dropped into the thirties this morning. It is safe to say an early winter is approaching us this year. However, even with the cold temperatures, there will be periods of hazy air, so proceed with caution if you are driving today…”

Glass shattering sounded over the weather report on the TV, followed by a familiar voice cursing in anger.
I made my way into the kitchen – Michael was bent over the countertop, holding his head in his hands.

A broken plate rested on the floor.

“Micah…?”
No response.

I carefully moved past the broken pieces and walked towards him.

“Michael?”
“Don’t come near me!”

I shrunk a little at his outburst, but I ignored his request.

“Tyler…! Don’t…!”
I stood behind him and gently placed a hand onto his back to rub it.

He didn’t hesitate to move away from me as he massaged his temples with a groan.

“Where are the fuckin’ pills…?!”
“You’ve already taken them this morning. You’ll have to wait a couple of hours until you can take them again.”

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?!”
He was facing me now, visibly angry as his hands shook.

I shrunk into myself some more.

“How am I supposed to deal with these damn headaches, Tyler?!”
“M-Maybe it’ll help if you just calm down—”

“I don’t need to calm down! Don’t tell me to calm down!”

He slammed his fist down onto the countertop.

I could only stare at him with tears in my eyes.
His anger seemed to fade quickly as he looked at me.

“Shit…Tyler. Baby, please don’t cry. I-I’m so sorry…! I don’t know what’s wrong with me…! I…”
He stuttered over his words, trying to explain himself and apologize.

He paused and moved his hands to massage his temples again, but then he continued to stutter out another apology.

He knows that I hate being yelled at, but that’s not why I’m upset.

“I…I…Did I tell you how much I love you today?” – Yes. Ten times. – “Because I really do. A-And I’m sorry that you have to put up with me being a shitty fiancé. I’ll clean up the mess, I promise…And I love you so much…”

He just doesn’t know how much I hate seeing him like this.

“It’s okay, Michael. Really. I love you too.”

But this is only the beginning, isn’t it?

| . | . | . |

“Hey, we should go for a walk.”
Michael was awake early in the morning, and that means that I would be awake as well.

It’s been a week since his last episode, and his headaches stopped getting worse.
But now, he can’t sleep much at night, and I would be awake by his side to make sure he would be okay.

But each night I’m awake only reminds me of the time together that we’re losing.

November is coming to a close. He only has two months left.
He doesn’t know exactly what is happening to him, and it’s my fault for not telling him the truth.

He forgets that he asked though.

“Maybe some fresh air will help clear my head. What do you say?”
He had a tired but hopeful smile on his face.

“Yeah. That sounds nice.”
I faked a smile before pressing my lips against his for a short kiss.

Ten minutes have passed, and he stared at the ceiling the whole time without moving a muscle.

“Michael?”
I frowned as I said his name.

No response.

“Michael.”
Still no response.

My heart started to race.

“Come on, Micah…!”
I shook his shoulder slightly, which was enough to jolt him back to reality.

“S-Sorry…I guess I zoned out a bit.”
I bit down on my lip.

“Promise me that you won’t do that again.”
He gave me a confused look.

“Just promise me! Please…”
“Tyler…Don’t cry. I promise, okay? I promise.”

He wiped away a tear that I didn’t realize was falling.

“You’ve been acting strange lately. Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head before burying my face into my pillow.

“I love you.”
I felt a pair of lips on my neck before he moved off of the bed.

The tears fell nonstop.

Why am I hiding this from him?
It’s his body! He should know exactly what’s happening to him!

But he’s so happy about us getting married. Who am I to ruin that by telling him that he has two months until he's stuck in a fog forever?

Maybe, I just want to ignore the fact that all of this is happening.

How could I begin to lose him just after we agreed to spend the rest of our lives together?!
What did I do to deserve him being slowly taken away from me?!

I was now sobbing into the pillow.

“Tyler…?”

I can’t lose him…!
Not so quick!

Not like this…!

“Tyler? Are you coming?”
I stopped sobbing so he wouldn’t hear me.

“Yeah, just wait in the living room. I’ll be ready in a minute.”

A moment of silence.

“Did I tell you that I loved you today?”
“Yeah…You did.”

“Well, I’ll say it again. I love you, Tyler.”

My heart skipped a beat at that.

“…I love you too, Michael.”

But the ache was stronger.

This is only the beginning.