Like I Would
21
I knew immediately I’d said the wrong thing to her, and it was all I could do to try and keep from sinking further into the grave I was digging myself.
“Marc, Marc you shouldn’t break things off with her because of me,”
“Carly I’m not! They’re two completely unrelated events, I just—”
“You need to talk to her,” she would continue to cut me off until it was futile to talk to her. I knew how she reacted, and I think we both forgot that we had known each other better than ourselves at one point. I knew I’d brought it up the wrong way, but now it seemed like there was no way to correct it.
Once again she was pushing me away; away from the two of us having a relationship. Once again, I wasn’t going to be what she wanted.
“I’m… I’m gonna go upstairs, okay? Can we talk, in the morning? I mean, I’m gonna have to call Angie and see if we can settle a few things, but,” I looked over, seeing a shrug was the only answer I’d get.
Then it hit me. She might have grown out of her gangly-awkwardness, but maybe the beautiful supermodel sitting beside me hadn’t grown out of the insecurities that high school had given her. She’d been teased by some people – a girl as tall and as uncoordinated as she could sometimes be obviously drew attention, and sometimes it wasn’t the kind a girl wanted. I’d done everything I could to keep people from hurting her, but after some douchebag in his senior year when we were in the tenth grade had all but destroyed her self-confidence, that had kind of been it for her. Anything could devastate her, and while I knew she’d grown a thick skin from then on, obviously things were still aching beneath the surface that I hadn’t known about.
“Please Carly? I can’t lose my best friend again,” I pleaded, hoping that referring to her as my best friend would help ease her worries about me wanting more. Finally she nodded, before I kissed the top of her head and left the guest room. I ignored the gazes of my parents and younger brother who were still in the living room, trying to act as if they weren’t waiting for me to come and explain everything to them. I couldn’t right now, not when everything was such a mess, and not when I felt like I was going to fall apart at the seams.
We knew each other inside and out, we got along with the simplest of ease, and yet without even really having to think about it she turned me down again. I just didn’t get it… why she didn’t even want to give us the tiniest of chances. To let me get everything sorted out and even just take her to dinner, anything. Instead I was climbing into bed at my parents’ house, staring at the ceiling and wondering what was so wrong with me that she couldn’t stand the thought of being with me. My mind was all but racing as I tossed and turned and adjusted and tried to find a comfortable position.
Tonight was going to be a long night.
“Marc, Marc you shouldn’t break things off with her because of me,”
“Carly I’m not! They’re two completely unrelated events, I just—”
“You need to talk to her,” she would continue to cut me off until it was futile to talk to her. I knew how she reacted, and I think we both forgot that we had known each other better than ourselves at one point. I knew I’d brought it up the wrong way, but now it seemed like there was no way to correct it.
Once again she was pushing me away; away from the two of us having a relationship. Once again, I wasn’t going to be what she wanted.
“I’m… I’m gonna go upstairs, okay? Can we talk, in the morning? I mean, I’m gonna have to call Angie and see if we can settle a few things, but,” I looked over, seeing a shrug was the only answer I’d get.
Then it hit me. She might have grown out of her gangly-awkwardness, but maybe the beautiful supermodel sitting beside me hadn’t grown out of the insecurities that high school had given her. She’d been teased by some people – a girl as tall and as uncoordinated as she could sometimes be obviously drew attention, and sometimes it wasn’t the kind a girl wanted. I’d done everything I could to keep people from hurting her, but after some douchebag in his senior year when we were in the tenth grade had all but destroyed her self-confidence, that had kind of been it for her. Anything could devastate her, and while I knew she’d grown a thick skin from then on, obviously things were still aching beneath the surface that I hadn’t known about.
“Please Carly? I can’t lose my best friend again,” I pleaded, hoping that referring to her as my best friend would help ease her worries about me wanting more. Finally she nodded, before I kissed the top of her head and left the guest room. I ignored the gazes of my parents and younger brother who were still in the living room, trying to act as if they weren’t waiting for me to come and explain everything to them. I couldn’t right now, not when everything was such a mess, and not when I felt like I was going to fall apart at the seams.
We knew each other inside and out, we got along with the simplest of ease, and yet without even really having to think about it she turned me down again. I just didn’t get it… why she didn’t even want to give us the tiniest of chances. To let me get everything sorted out and even just take her to dinner, anything. Instead I was climbing into bed at my parents’ house, staring at the ceiling and wondering what was so wrong with me that she couldn’t stand the thought of being with me. My mind was all but racing as I tossed and turned and adjusted and tried to find a comfortable position.
Tonight was going to be a long night.